Thursday, March 29, 2007

Pipe Bombs vs. Cannoli Forms

WHO KNEW .... that when you get an idea such as I had about cutting down UL mechanical steel pipe to make cannoli forms that the manager at Home Depot would drill me and make me sign something saying I wasn't making pipe bombs?
I think he took my address and phone number so he could come over later and sample the good stuff - hey, I'm talking about the cannolis! Please! I found an online site about a week ago, ordered a set of four tin forms for just under $10 and that even included shipping. They didn't arrive and I called the store - no answer. Lost my money, so I thought to myself I would just run to Home Depot and have 12 forms cut from stainless steel that they have in stock - but they didn't have stainless steel in stock. They had an alloy of metals that included stainless steel - it had tin, and maybe even aluminum. I must have been a pain in the rear because I asked what the exact composition of the metals was - that's when I freaked out the clerk.
Over the little cell phone that each employee has I could hear the man mumbling something about my inept knowledge about the pipes themselves. He even told the manager that I was asking all sorts of questions about the cost and methods used to cut the ends - could I get them rounded for instance. My face must have looked odd to him when he told me no - I was grimmacing because I thought I might cut myself sometime down the road when I was baking. He was thinking I wanted a smooth edge for the blasting cap! You don't use blasting caps to make cannolis!
Anyway, the manager comes over to me. He's got a pen and a pad of paper out. He's asking me to step over to the side. He wanted my i.d., he wanted my name, my address, my phone number, and he wanted me to stay there in the store for a minute or two until he could check out my vehicle - OH MY GOSH - of course I said yes. I'm one of those idiots that thinks surveilence cameras in the cities are a good thing - I want the cops to find me if I get kidnapped. So, there I am waiting on the police - they never showed up, but I did give the manager permission to check my purse and my car - he did not find any ricotta cheese - and he did not find anything resembling a make-shift bomb factory either.
He questioned me about the baking - I answered him. Then I turned to him and asked him a question -- Why can't you get rebar cut into 36" pieces? I mean, they come in 12", 24" and 48", but what about 36" is there something superstitious about 3-feet pieces of rusted steel? There was silence - he told me he couldn't (and wouldn't) help me with my cannoli forms - and I left the store under my own power without an escort. This event called for a glass of wine....and I partook!

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