Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Sexual Intercourse Can Cause Pregnancy - WHO KNEW?

It's true! I was reading on the internet today the causes of some of the more common ailments and there it was in plain English. According to the site I was reading if two persons of the opposite sex engage in physical sexual activity the result can be that the woman becomes impregnated. This bit of information was fascinating to me for two separate reasons. First, I have been in the store near a pregnant woman and some idiot will say out loud to her "You know what causes that don't ya?", and the second reason is because I flat out can not explain the miracle of how these absolutely tiny slimy elements can eventually get together under what would have to be near perfect conditions and then somehow - literally seemingly out of nowhere, make a kid! I just accept the fact that sex is the vehicle used to do it.

In my family we have a saying: "Reubens happen". It's a simple bit of wisdom really. If you have sex and you're not protected, a baby can pop out 9 months later! You don't have to be married for this to occur, so please, be careful. Not that Reubens are in any way bad - no, mine is fantastic, but he wasn't exactly expected. I was never really all that shy about talking to my kids about sex, but trying to explain the science behind the event of actually making the baby was something completely over my head. We just went over the general facts and left the pathology of it all to God. I think that may be one of the reasons I'm so damned fascinated with CSI and Forensic Files. I really don't get it - I want to get it, but then I start thinking about Quantum Physics and time travel - and I just have to stop thinking all together before my tiny little brain explodes. I was 4 when I told my mother that I was born in 1961, and if you turned 1961 upside down (and I showed her by writing it out and turning the crayola drawing upside down) it is still 1961. She looked at me and took away my green crayola! She told me to stop thinking, be a kid, and go get dirty. I obey very well.

My daughter Laura, who I may add I had sex to produce, is very similar to me in some ways. She thinks things out and wants to make sense of it. I was present once when she was mad and stared at a pencil on the table a bit too intensely. The pencil moved. We both screamed and I removed her from the room immediately. Perhaps that's the same reaction my own mother had when I was four, but I don't remember her screaming - - Laura still asks about that event, and she tries to reenact it as well. She knows she has a powerful brain, but harnessing it and forcing it to do something specific hasn't happened yet. I'm not doing a damn thing about distracting her from trying - it keeps most men at a safe distance and she won't end up pregnant if she's just staring at them. There may someday come along, a man that finds her abilities to mentally move objects interesting enough to stay - perhaps he'll be a Physicist!

Our family has always had a penchant for the unknown, being able to feel things, know things, see things - - some say it's because we're Celtic on both sides, some say it's because we have read just enough about the occult to get us into trouble, but I know you don't know things through reading about them. You know things because they are or because they happen and you were there to witness it. Like dreaming something will happen and it does and you think "I knew that would happen". I have a feeling, a knowing I call it. I know something about someone that will become reality someday and because there is peace surrounding it, and because there is absolute comfort about it I do not fear it. I personally can't wait for it to be true - - until it is I can say only that I have tried to send mental messages to allow it's coming. Is that right or wrong? I would have to say it's supernatural, but in the VERY same way that having sex facilitates a baby, thinking with deliberate intention creates the path for the future to be revealed in the exact way that you intend it. For the most part sex is deliberate - and thinking can be as well.

What do you think would happen if I sat on my bed every day and fully concentrated on this one event - if I put every effort of positive energy, positive thought, positive forecasting into it? How long would it take before the person I was trying to communicate with would suddenly jump from a slumber, or suddenly stop what he was doing and think "What the hell was that all about?" I may never know...but then again, I may know already. LOL (I won't say it's better than sex, but at least I'm not going to need to give the result a name and a diaper!)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Turn The Damn Music Down MOM!

It's true, I do listen to my music too loudly, but I've been doing it for years. My parents had to tell me all the time to turn it down or they'd turn it off. You never expect your own kids to come into your room, march over to the stereo, and pull the plug - - but that's happened to me on several occasions.

Now I listen too loudly on my ear buds and they stand there waving their hands or turning the light switch on and off to get my attention. You'd think they'd learn! What part of "leave me alone" confuses them? When you see me with my ear buds flying from side to side, and you can't get in front or behind me because I'm twisting, dancing, turning, and moving around - maybe that's a clue to bug off and let me be alone for awhile...a long while. I love my iPod.

What's really funny is that God decided to make my ears either upside down or backward, I'm not sure. I have to use ear buds to hear all the notes and nuances of the music. I buy the Sony ear buds because they have the little Left and Right L or R symbol on the actual ear bud. I have to put the L bud in my right ear, and the R bud in my left. The canals aren't built the way most people's ears are built. That, and the hole leading to my ear canal is too small to hold those round earplugs you see - most people I guess can pop them in and pull them down into place. They don't even fit in my tiny little ears. People pay great amounts of money to pin their ears back, and I'm having to hold my flaps forward to hear anyone speaking sitting a few feet away from me. That, and the tops of my ears look as if they've been nibbled on. It's a family thing - I got it from Dad and passed it onto Reuben. I've learned to live with my deformities.

When I saw that M&M set up a website so you could create what you would look like if you were an M&M I fell in love! I was so excited to see that they gave the little M&M a set of headphones. I haven't updated my M&M character, I bet they have earplugs now for them - but that's me...sassy smile, loud music, and that look on my face that says "I'll pay you if I get paid, if not, can you close the door when you leave? Thanks!" I need a sign for the door that reads "No, I'm not ignoring you I'm listening to Nickelback!"

Well, for whatever it's worth - my iPod has 80 gigs of which only 10 are being used right now, but that's still a lot of music. I have everything from Celtic dance music to Gospel, Latin, Soundtracks and new rock. Of course I have Steppenwolf, the Who, and the Bee Gees, but I also have My Chemical Romance, Sugarcult, and Aldo Nova! I think I have just under 4000 songs, so if I had to I could turn the thing to shuffle and be entertained for days - if the charge held. If you see me in public listening to it, I do try to maintain an even keel - I don't throw myself all over the street like I do in my house, but I do smile a lot and have been known to close my eyes and run into things. That's just part of it I guess - - loving music.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Let Bedlam Continue - Boomer Sooner!!


Here in Oklahoma we don't have Bedlam Weekend. We don't have Bedlam Week. We don't even have Bedlam, we have BEDLAM! You are either born into a Sooner household, or you are born into a Cowboy household, and often times you are born into a House Divided, and in that case you can still come out OK if you begin loving the color RED early on! Go ahead, cut yourself and see if you bleed Red or Orange. That's how you can tell if you're really a Sooner or not. Anyone NOT bleeding RED is NOT a Sooner. It's a simple test really.

We Okies don't take kindly to anyone asking how Bedlam Weekend is going to pan out? We don't even know where to start with that one. We wear our colors year round. We drive our cars with ragged-out flags waving during every season. We give each other jabs and nods all year long, and we throw things at each other in the grocery stores when no one is looking! We go around putting our Crimson and Cream t-shirts in front of the Orange t-shirts at the stores, and we put all the Cowboy memorabilia high up so the kids can't mistakenly pick it out and want to take it home! We go the extra mile during certain times of the year, this weekend being ONE of those times.

Here in Oklahoma we sometimes have to celebrate Bedlam Week often with both sides coming together at Thanksgiving, and we bring our frustrations, humblness, game stats, and new game t-shirts to Grandma's house. Those of us who can brag, boast, poke fun at, and otherwise jeer at those who have to sit in the OTHER room because they know their place - - at the back of the line! We laugh because the cranberry sauce is Crimson, but then again pumpkin pie is orange. We remind each other that we have 48 hours to be friendly, and THEY had better remember to bow when they need to. (We're usually Baptist so we don't really mean that literally.) LOL

Oklahoma has a tradition or two, and yes Bedlam is one of them...we have been known to say words we don't mean, throw a punch or two, or even break a good table over whether or not a play was really happens. Then someone reminds the offenders that we really do have 48 hours to be friendly and we go back to smiling, laughing, giggling a little and forcing the babies in the family to say things like "Go Pokes" or "Boomer Sooner"....weeding out the weak ones. I personally gave my son a red football to suck on instead of a binky, and it panned out. My sister dressed her little one up in Sooner red only to have her marry some guy from the other side and now she has to sneak Crimson kisses to her own grandchild, who by the way is wearing CRIMSON this year in her Christmas picture! That's right Peighty! BOOMER SOONER! (Say it three times to your daddy and Aunt Jude will probably pay your way to college!) LOL mean am I? there you have it - - OU BEAT TEXAS TECH 65-21 on MY BIRTHDAY yesterday, and we're on our way to visit the OSU Cowboys in their house on Saturday night. We will win this one, and we will take the BCS and we will take our 8th National Championship EVEN if we have to take it from TEXAS to do it. (Big Words...and yes, I'm hoping I don't have to eat them, at least I'm a vegetarian and they won't taste like crow if I do.) BOOMER SOONER BOB! BOOMER SOONER BOYS! Do it! You know, this is a good week to be in the GREAT State of Oklahoma if you're get to see it all - - stay long enough to appreciate the love, and leave before the final score gets posted...cause it's gonna GET LOUD!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy Veterans Day 2008

Baby Boy with tats on the gun.
Reuben and another in the snow
Ashley and her brother George - both Sgts (Army)
Marcus and Laura Levering (Army)

Baby Boy is active, but he'll be a Veteran some day. I will therefore celebrate not only those who are retired from the military, but those who are active and still making it happen for us!

I got these pictures of Reuben today and thought how very similar he is to my dad when he was in the Navy in the 50's. Pictures of my dad show him showing off his muscles, being all big and strong for the ladies, and just laughing and having a great time. You've all seen the photos of the men and women in the armed forces with their faces are serious, trying to look tough enough to eat sand and bullets if they had to. Well, this is a new generation - shouldn't we be a little more real about it? These kids are kids! They know their place, they know their duties. They know they have to be hardened in the field, watchful and ever-ready to do battle. They also know they have plenty of time to throw food at each other, go chase down a donkey near the Iranian border and ride it back to camp! (Who would do that?) LOL

Our soldiers are artful - some writing poems, music, songs, and stories about their adventures. Remember all the great music you heard in Forrest Gump? Remember Robin Williams in "Good Morning Viet Nam?" You can't be all serious - you can't be all buttoned up and squared away all the time. Let's take a minute to celebrate the love, the hearts, the smiles, the bravado, the craziness, and the camaraderie that these guys/girls bring to the uniform too. Let's take a minute and say thank you to anyone willing to wear that uniform and just be there to protect us so we can sleep or go to the bank without fear. Let's also take a minute to pray a prayer of gratitude for the levity, the fun, the humor, and the strength that these soldiers have inside of them. Strength enough to share and not to worry too much when they get caught both with their pants down, silly hats on their heads, sleeping with their friends, or goofing off with tanks!

Viva la Soldiers!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Mr. Mayor - is That Really Appropriate?

It is NOT official - no one in the city of Arcadia, OK needs to worry JUST YET - but in 2010, or perhaps just before that, Reuben Stringfellow (currently Spc. Reuben Stringfellow, proudly serving in Iraq through the U.S. Army) will be making his official announcement. First we have to find out all the specs on exactly how to run for public office in the state of Oklahoma. Reuben's very excited about his possibilities. Should I warn the great people of Arcadia now? I mean, he'll be known as the foul-mouthed Mayor, or the burping Mayor. Maybe he'll change a bit before it's time to actually run. (Actually he'll be known world-wide through LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, and Oprah! He'll be the SMILING Mayor of Aradia, Oklahoma!)

There are currently 283 people living in the city limits. Of that about 200 or so are of voting age. We'll be asking them to register if they are not registered, and to vote of course for Reuben when the time comes. He has to finish his tour of duty in Iraq, then he has to return to Alaska for a couple of months. We can establish his residence easily enough - my father and mother have lived in Arcadia since Reuben's birth, and Reuben has legally lived with them on several occasions. His plan is to buy property as soon as he can, and to begin shaking as many hands as possible. Now, if that means sitting at the roadside Route 66 landmarks such as the Big Red Barn, Pops, and/or the Washington Irving monument to his camp site - drinking beer with the boys, kissing the girls, and just being an all-around Sooner bred Good-ol-boy, well, that's what it may take.

He's happy about his chances, he's wanting to do so much for the little blink-and-miss-it community, that to hear him and listen to his excitement, you'd think Arcadia was Edmond. (That statement really only works if you're a's like comparing a bass to a dolphin!) LOL So there you go - Reuben Stringfellow, Mayor of Arcadia! (Hopefully) We'll work on the campaign sign designs next week - get the commercial set up, decide where to shoot, when and where it runs, and maybe start a newsletter in the community so he'll have someplace to post his picture other than the post office. Hahahaha....Oh, sometimes I just make myself laugh. Love you Boy! (He'll have to clean up his MySpace now)
What's funny about all this is Reuben! He realizes that not many people will even be allowed to vote for him - maybe 150 will get around to it. He also realizes that the current mayor has been there for quite some time, and he doesn't want to upset anyone. Arcadia, I believe is the stepping stone for what may very well be the path that leads America to a Kingdom rather than a democracy if Reuben has anything to say about it. He's always spouting off "When's I'm President I'm going to change this!" Well, he thinks he can. He believes that holding the office makes one all-powerful - - and where that's commendable - it's also quite naive. We'll let him start with something manageable and see how he does - - maybe we'll all be spared the imperial attitudes of the would be leader of the free world. But how do we know it will remain a free country from now until the time he turns 35 and is legally qualified to run? That's a point to think about!

Arcadia is a little bedroom town of literally one quarter of a mile this way, and another quarter of a mile that way I think. Maybe land wise it's a full square mile - albeit it is quite uniquely situated! Arcadia happens to the Eastern boundary of the Run of the Unassigned Land which took place April 22, 1889. There's a marker to prove that. Washington Irving camped out there while traveling through - perhaps he had The Legend of Smokey Hollow in his mind or pen at that time. There are several Route 66 landmarks in that little area including the Big Red Barn, the newly built Pop's; a soda-food station to be challenged. It's awesome. There is also an annual rodeo, an actual post office, several little antique shops, and of course the school where Reuben went to Kindergarten, and parts of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades. We moved and came back quite a lot. Arcadia seems to pull the boy back to her arms.

We'll see how he does. He'll be a college student when he runs. He'll have had three years of military service, a four-year high school education and football career behind him - lots of taking orders, learning to be a leader, and being able to strategize when necessary. He'll be young yes, but he'll be physically, mentally, emotionally, and passionately involved - - he's a Stringfellow! We know no other way - must put 200% in if we want to be successful. Like I said, I won't start the campaign sign's design just yet, but I've been asked to take several photos of the area, topographic and otherwise, so that he can be studying "his" locations and "his" territory while he's in the tank thinking again about why he's in Iraq in the first place. At least Arcadia, Oklahoma would know they had a Mayor that put everything before the Lord and behind his tank! Boomer Sooner, Mr. Mayor!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I Sleep With a Blond Bitch - and a Brunette and Red Head Too!

It is true. I have a three-dog night nearly every single night. In fact, the only time I don't have three dogs in my bed would be the nights that I'm actually out of town and sleeping in a hotel with Faith - - no Matrix, and no Rupert. Faith of course if my blond bitch; by that I mean she's a female dog. Honestly, she's really very easy to sleep with. She lays right up against my back giving me support, and she rarely wakes me up. The only real complaint I have about Faith when she's sleeping with me is that she will eventually turn and begin kicking me off the side of the bed - - so I do have to stand my ground from time to time.

Matrix lays at the side of my legs before I actually fall asleep, then sometime in the middle of the night when he knows I'm at my most vulnerable moment, he crawls in between my knees. I'm usually on my stomach by this time; Faith on the upper side of my body, and now Matrix pinning me down with the length of his fat 28 pound Beagle/Dachshund body between the knees - his head over the left, his butt and hips resting on the back of my right leg completely cutting off my circulation. I suppose that could be a bad thing huh? Rupert is the wild card. He's either laying on top of my head so I can't turn my face to get away from his long haired body, or he's literally on top of my back - as if I was the highest point of the bed therefore he had to be the king of the hill at all costs.

I recently watched an infomercial that my mom suggested that I watch - she was joking of course, we've always slept with dogs. I was sleeping with my Beagle/Dachs Rover at the age of 1. My son Reuben was only 3 days old when he began sleeping with Angel, a full-blooded red-hairy Chow Chow: Talk about a watch dog! NO ONE came close to my kid! The infomercial suggested that sleep disorders were increased and even sometimes caused by allowing pets to be our bed mates. The highly qualified and well-meaning doctor suggested that we allow our pets to sleep in their own beds - - allowing us to sleep through the night without being disturbed by those needing to adjust themselves or to go to the bathroom. Something was mentioned about aggressive behavior in bed, and the fact that sometimes these animal bed mates can keep us up for hours but fall fast asleep the instant they close their own eyes - and it also brought up the sensitive fact that animals are flatulent - often.

Wow - I thought about that. Let's see: Don't sleep with animals because they make noises, roll over, scoot about, need to relieve themselves, could be aggressive or playful wanting your attention, and when they've successfully woken you up they can turn off the switch and go right back to a peaceful slumber without any regard whatsoever for your feelings....right...doesn't that...maybe .....describe most marriages? I'm just saying - - Dogs don't steal the covers, dogs love me no matter what I say, no matter what I do, and the simple fact is - we all fart! Bring on the dogs doctor - at least the herd in my bed are loyal, would fight to the death for me if required to do so (except perhaps during a thunderstorm) and they never, absolutely NEVER accuse me of sleeping with other dogs!