Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Deep Dark Secrets - DDS

OK, why is that the initials for our Deepest Darkest Secrets is also the same initials for our Doctor of Dental Sciences? Could there be a similarity? I'm going to think about that for a second before I call Dr. A. and see if he really wants to work on my mouth next week...I may cancel.

I have one. No silly, not a dentist - we all have dentists, or at least we should. Funny - I don't really have a primary care physician (PCP), oops! I don't have a PCP - this is good - but I do have a DDS - a really really deep-seated secret that could ruin me! Oh, OK, I'll share it, no biggie.

I covet! I have decided to give that up of course, not only because it made the TOP 10 laws of the Old Testiment, but also because it's just plain wrong to go about wanting what doesn't belong to you, and what probably never will. Niki gets it - she'll back me on this one. It wasn't easy to give it up either - Hell, it was dang hard to say NO MORE and just walk away - it had to be done - there wasn't much I could do about it....but pout. I'm good at pouting, so I did that for a while. I even did the extremely mature and logical thing and consulted the MP3 in order to see what the real answer to my problems were - my upgraded version of the Magic 8 Ball.

I held the little silver sliver in my hands - turned it on - waited for it to load and then asked the BURNING question "MP3 will I be able to give up what I'm coveting?" The answer came back to me in the form of a Kelly Clarkson song which was of course downloaded into my RCA....the answer "The Trouble with Love Is"....damn, I knew that! I asked a simple question - will I be able to give it up? I forgot that I didn't really have any "Yes" or "No" songs recorded and downloaded...obviously I would have to actually analyze whatever the ready-made answer would be when I left my life's fate to the wanton flipping of my thumb on the circular fortune teller! "Will I be able to give up what I'm coveting?" I asked again - this time the answer "Turn to Stone"....AAAAGGGHHH - not that! OK, I gave it up! Easy! There you go! Done! I took the answer to mean that if I didn't I might actually be turned to stone - but you know what - I would be. Not the stone you see on the ground, but my heart could be in danger of hardening - and I don't want that.

I had to let it go. Passion is a very hard to thing to release - but, as I found out, when you do it with love - it's not as hard as I thought it would be. After making the decision to let it (him) go - I did the little dance, slowly at first, but completely after about an hour. I need to be free of any strings, anything that holds me back, anything that may be wrong - nothing wrong can be attached to me, not if I want the truth. I can't ask God to bless me and then turn around and do something as stupid as desire someone else's love. What is mine is mine - what is not, is not.

No more secrets - I could run for President! Hahahhaha

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