Thursday, January 31, 2008

Almost Back

I'm only writing to tell you that I am physically home, but not blogging for a couple of days. I was in the hospital having my gall bladder removed, and of course there were complications. It wouldn't be MY life if there weren't complications.

Now I have 4 holes in my belly/chest - one 4" long and what feels like 4" deep, but I doubt it. Sorry if you missed me, I missed me too. I did actually see all of you in my dreams....you're pretty!

Be back Friday.

Friday, January 25, 2008

That's Oklahoma!

(my photo)

Today it is 37 degrees outside and the geese have half of the lake to walk on and half of it to stand on. Later it will all be wet, and the temperature will be around 60. We do that here, we experience winter and spring in the same day. Likewise, closer to summer we experience winter and summer, and closer to autumn, we experience winter and fall. Note the pattern? Oklahoma is just in the middle of the mix I guess.

Something else about our state, about our people: I am having surgery on Monday, I'm private pay, so that means I get the calls from the doctors and the anaesthesiologist telling me they expect full pay before the surgery. When I mentioned that I would NOT be paying it up front I got the response I rather expected, but you're always a little shocked to hear it coming from the mouth of a professional. The woman on the other end of the phone said "Oh, OK, well I'll pack the tequila in his bag when he comes to the hospital, you can pay for that right?" I just laughed at her. I told her I fully expected her to drink to my recovery - but that the doctor had to wait until after my surgery to do so! She agreed. (It's tough being poor, but all of us are in that boat from time to time.) Humor is the heart's medicine.

This week I saw a commercial that really represents the spirit of our great state in a way that NO ONE has been able to fully capture before. As the camera pans the church on the day of their wedding, the bride is standing at the alter with her groom, in her left ear she wears a white ear bud with the OU Sooners football game playing quietly just before she takes her vows. As the Sooners make a touchdown she smiles and nods her head yes.....now, if you don't understand that, well you don't understand Oklahoma.

Boomer Sooner!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Leona G. is Forcing me to Blog About My Surgery (LOL)

(Not my stones or my photo)

Apparently I have a gall bladder stone. I only have one, but it is obviously pretty big because the doctors at Deaconess Hospital (OKC) decided that I was a perfect candidate for the removal of the "unnecessary organ". Why does God do that? I'm only asking because to me it doesn't make sense that He would make this gall bladder thing if He knew it would become useless or even damaging in our OLDER (46) years? Oh well, the fact is, I have one, it sent me to the E.R. the day of the Van Halen concert, and kept me from dancing the night away...again.

Leona G. is one of my good MySpace friends and I called her on the phone to tell her all the gory details surrounding the terrible event, when she asked me if I had blogged about it. I blog about everything else in the world, and actually I had blogged about the stone but on my Dwindling Author site, not this one. I keep a running journal about my diet, so the fact that I would be way-laid for a while was something important enough to mention online. I think the surgery will be performed Monday morning, I'll be home by 3:00 p.m. sleeping the afternoon, evening, night, and next morning away, but hopefully by Tuesday 3:00 p.m. I should be able to answer e-mails and/or post really cool stitches pictures! Just kidding. I won't do that to you.

Actually, Leona wanted me to write about my surgery to see if someone I love and care about really actually gave a rat's behind that I would be under the knife. She's right you know, what if I died on the table. This poor man would have no idea that his stalker was dead. I don't believe I would be given leave in Heaven to come back to him to let him know I had entered ahead of him. I love the fact that he's a Christian, we'll be stalking each other eternally I suppose. So, Gary darling, just in case you're in the caring mood, feeling the need to contact me, please do so, it may be a real uplifting booster for me. Faith is coming to the hospital to give me an official visit. I think that's nice of her - she's a healer you know.

Besides being in level 10 pain for several hours on the 22nd, I was placed on morphine for a while to calm the pain. At one point Dr. Blackwell even gave me Nitro for my heart's irregular actions...scary, but because of the morphine I didn't really remember the Nitro until I was showering this very afternoon, two days later. I called my mom to see if she remembered it. She had, and I was shocked to find out that I wasn't dreaming - so now maybe I should also feel a bit embarrassed about the things I THINK is may have said...no need to blush, I'm sure I held myself in check for the most part.

Gall bladders can be such nasty friends can't they? On one hand they work to help us digest foods, and on the other (did you know gall bladders had hands?) they work against us if we eat the wrong food - the very food they are designed to destroy. Well, that only tells me that in the beginning Adam and Eve were not eating fatty and fried foods. Truth is, I don't either! I think I'm the only person in the world eating perfectly correct that has a stone! This fact upsets me. I should ask for my money back - except I didn't pay anyone for the gall bladder, it was a gift from my parents in 1961.

I've decided to make a list for Dr. Jay Cannon. He'll be performing the surgery on Monday. I'll ask him to not only remove the ONE stone, the gall bladder itself really, but to also take another few extra pounds of flab, fat, or otherwise unnecessary weight just hanging around the abdominal area. He can keep it for science purposes. He can also, if he has time, reduce the breasts, lift them, remove the spider veins, maybe a varicose vein or two, and oh...yes, the moles, he should find a few minding their own business on the chest area, pluck them please Sir, thank you.

No? Well, a girl can ask. Write me and tell me you love me. I know I love you! Kiss kiss.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Animal Wellness Magazine - Headlines Faith



Faith Healer! What a title. I love it. Thanks Animal Wellness. I have to say this is one of those fantastic interview/investigative articles that really makes a difference in the lives of both our family and those who have seen Faith in hospitals and/or military bases. Faith is truly an amazing dog.

We wanted to take this positive opportunity to thank Animal Wellness for their vision and their insight to not only ask us to be in their magazine, but also to put Faith, a two-legged dog, on their cover! You guys are really special to us. This is Faith's FIRST cover for an international magazine, and we're hoping it isn't her last. What a great inspiration to everyone to see a dog with disabilities on the front cover of anything - let alone a great magazine like Animal Wellness, a magazine that focuses on some of the special needs and characteristics of all animals. We couldn't be more proud of both Faith and the publishers. Thank you!

I also want to personally thank Randy Poff of Oklahoma City, one of the great personal photographers who has shot for us in the past. He was responsible for the Montel video footage that is seen throughout the world on YouTube. Poff is actually a photojournalist. I called him in a little panic one Sunday and asked if he could take a few shots for Animal Wellness. He didn't charge me, he didn't let me buy him and his wife dinner, nothing! His beautiful daughter Ferrin is my son's good friend, and to be honest, I think we'd both (sets of parents) be happy to see the two become closer....maybe....or is that me, dreaming again? Hey, thanks Randy!

So, when you're out and about, and you pass by the magazine with the happy little yellow dog on the cover, please buy a couple of copies. Get one for yourself, and one to give away. She's bound to make you smile. You can't help yourself. I can't tell you what all is covered in the interview, but I will say this: Faith comes out looking really good! She deserves the best! You can pick up the issue at PetCo, PetSmart, and/or online at www.animalwellnessmagazine.com

The Black Knight Resides in Fairbanks, Alaska



"It's ONLY a flesh wound!" Do you remember the Black Knight of Monty Python and the Holy Grail saying that? OK, well there's bravery and there is sheer lunacy, and the silly Black Knight and my son Reuben have something in common now. No, he (Reuben) didn't get his arms chopped off, but he did stab himself in the hand with his own knife! If I were a betting woman (lottery twice a week) I would say he's trying his hardest NOT to go to war, but then again, I know my son...he's bored from NOT going to war, so he's playing too hard and doing some really stupid things up there in the land of the midnight sun! "I can close my knife faster than you can SGT!" (The beginning of the end.)

I got the call. It was something like 2:00 a.m. Los Angeles time because that's where I was when I got the call. The Call is code for "Hey Mom, I'm in the hospital again." This time he wasn't laughing quite as much as he was when he broke his ankle in December, but he wasn't crying much either...like I would be. I'd have freaked probably after I realized my hand was gashed through and through. I declined to upload the photo that Reuben sent me, it was pre-op and I didn't think you wanted to see a grown man with a 4 inch blade sticking out of his left hand. (His right hand giving me the thumbs up.) When he arrived at the hospital he called me to let me know he was being admitted to the E.R. He asked if he should remove the blade. NOOOOOOO! I screamed into the phone. That's when he started laughing.

"Mom, I'm not stupid. I was kidding. I'm at the freakin' hospital, the nurse already told me to stop playing with it. I've washed it out on the sides and everything, they even stopped the bleeding for the most part, damn Mom, you're high-strung." I wanted to kill him. YOU THINK! YOU THINK I'm high strung? I'm over here thinking to myself the Army is going to call me and ask me to come pick him up! They couldn't possibly use a kid that damages himself this much. I was wrong. The next day I got a call from the SGT that was with Ruby at the time of the accident. He told me that anyone that could stab himself with a knife and drive himself to the hospital with it sticking out of his hand and dripping on his pants so it didn't get the car seat messy has a place in a real man's Army. His words, not mine.

I asked Reuben if they could bust him in rank or dock his pay since he keeps hurting himself. He paused for a second and he said "Well, they said they were going to make me a Texan if I do it again. I guess that's bad." (Please Uncle Sam, anything but that!)

OK...he's not the brightest bulb in the basket, but he's mine. He's the most wonderful, giving, caring, upstanding, uplifting, courageous, and protective man I have ever known; perhaps he'll stick around the military long enough to figure out when it's appropriate to stab someone and that the someone shouldn't be himself. Then again, I've always got the option of putting him in English classic film. He's got the part memorized.

Funny story: I was in L.A. filming for a Japanese TV show with my dog this weekend. A First Sgt in the Army came up to me in Starbucks off Ventura Blvd and Alcove, just across the street from the famous Sportsmen's Lodge where we stayed. The First Sgt came right up to me and said "Hey, is that Faith?" (pointing to my dog) I said yes, yes, it is. He then asked "How's Reuben?" Seems he and his wife drink their morning coffee and read my blog as well as a few others every day. How's Reuben? Awesome! "Have a seat First Sgt, this is gonna take a while!"

Monday, January 14, 2008

Too Much Fun Tuning Into Someone's Mind Today

I'm doing this, and it can't possibly be legal. I mean, it can't be illegal, as there are no real set rules for metaphysical right? You can't govern what the head, mind, heart, soul, or psyche actually do...just the things you do with your body. You can't run naked down the street, but you can if you're only thinking about running naked down the street. Do you get what I'm saying? Reading may very well be fundamental, but it was fun as well as mental today. I read someone else's thoughts for a while - and I did it intentionally.

When I was small I remember thinking I could tell what my parents were thinking. Naturally I had seen them, been around them, heard them, and therefore caught all the delicate nuances that they exchanged over the course of my life while I lived with them. At times I believed I felt my mother praying for me, or my father thinking about me when I was living in L.A. working as a stand up comedian, but there are times I flat out KNEW I was being tapped into. That information got to me. Somehow, somewhere, someone was using a sort of power to think about what I was thinking and it sort of scared me. I'm not going to lie to you. The good news is that this new information has led me to live the way I live now, with my yes being yes and my no being no. I don't want to mislead anyone - not even those willing to step over normal boundaries to find out what I'm thinking. The guy's name was Clark and he was a good friend for a short time, I can't forget him. He'd make me call him, make me e-mail him, and then he'd laugh and say "Say it, I know you want to say it", and I would. I would ask him how he did it, but he didn't know.

I decided to be Clark today. I sat in a very small area, I drew myself in, I relaxed. I concentrated on a picture, a photo, a person that I would love to think about - - to get to know, and I put my zoning tuning powers to work. It took a little while to get past the electrical things you see in your head when you think that hard about one thing - little light flashes, little path like connecting cables twisting and burning, but moving forward to their intended target. I say intended, it was very very calculated. This one man, this time, his thoughts, and my reaction to being able to do it....and it worked.

For about 3 or 4 seconds of the day I saw, heard, felt, understood, and fully became a part of the thought process of another person. Yes, it is a form of telepathy, legal, scientific, untraceable, doubted by some, feared by them probably, but to be honest, it became intoxicating. I have to say it out loud, I have an idea of what I will be doing for a little while. The key is this: not to do this with malice, not to do this with fear or negative intentions; no, quite the opposite, it must be so very full of positive and positive desire that the person being infiltrated, for lack of a better word, will feel love not fright. There should be nothing confusing about it....knocking on someones mind is not only tricky, it can be alarming at first to them. Well, and to me. I got a smile out him though, he wasn't surprised to see me there.

Makes me wonder if what I was thinking about him wasn't generated by him at some point, like I said, he wasn't the least bit surprised that I showed up. Our minds are just now being explored. Imagine the ocean's floor 100 years ago, what it must have done to lure the divers - - calling to them, singing to them, and they went. Our God is an awesome God. His creation of our brain is just one example of the depths He can reveal. This is a good thing, not a bad thing. I can't wait to think again .... really soon. (Let me know if you felt it OK?)

Knock knock!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Three Way Calling


(My three on the phone)

I didn't actually have a photo of Reuben on his phone up in Alaska, but when I saw this guy hanging out in a bag of dusty brown and green men I knew I had to have him. Look at this; he's on the phone while he's shooting someone! That is SOOOOO my son. He's on the phone talking to his sisters, telling them to stop fighting but he's about to kill someone - - this is NOT our father's Army.

I have been so bad in the past year or so calling Reuben up just because he has a phone and I can get a hold of him. He'll be in formation, on a mission, at bivouac or just climbing over a wall when his phone rings. Everyone in the unit just laughs at him...."STRINGFELLOW, you're phone's ringing!" Bet it's him mom, they say under their breath. They used to say it out loud hoping to get rise out of him, but it was me, and they'd get all upset because their moms never called. I call just to see if he's taking his vitamins, if he's remembering to turn off his coffee pot before he goes out to the field for the day, or just to make him burp for me. He's really one of the best damn belchers in the universe, and it makes me happy to hear him. I know he's OK if I can get a burp from my son. (Worked 21 years ago, and I just haven't stopped listening for it. I don't bounce that much with him anymore though.)

The girls were actually both talking to him in this picture. One on my home line, the other on her cell, and he'd have to switch back and forth on his cell to listen to the other sister bitching after he'd had enough of the first one. I couldn't stop laughing. I was in the kitchen making something and heard every word. Finally, when one of them hung up I got a call from Reuben telling me that he had to go park his Stryker, it was going to require both hands, but he couldn't get his sister off the phone because she was crying. He's needed.

Sometimes I think he went to the Army to get away, and sometimes I think he went to the Army to protect them. (Us) He'll call me at 11:45 his time to be sure the doors are locked, the dogs are in, the girls are in bed, and all the candles are blown out. The only problem with his 11:45 (2345 military time) calls is that it's 2:45 a.m. (0245 MT) my time. If the doors weren't locked by that time, I'm probably in some sort of trouble, but at least he's still the man of the house - more than 2000 miles away, but he's got it covered. HOOAH!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

No Tequila was Injured During This Blog

Something had to give. I was flooded with invitations today, asked to show up everywhere and with only a few hours of daylight I knew that accepting any real invitations to play would be AFTER the sun went down. In other words, NOW. A girl can only do so much. I'm telling you, you post a blog about needing attention and the world comes out to greet you - - I'll have to remember to do that again next week too.

Let's go work out! OK...I'm there. I'm usually there, so when my friend asked me to go with her, albeit a different gym by the same franchise, I was all over it. I don't mind showing off my bike-riding, treadmill rocking skills. I don't care where I am as long as my MP3 is working and I can close my eyes, dream of the man in my mind and pump the best out of the Bose headsets; the best possible - total escape. When I told the lady at the front desk that I wanted to tan - I was pumped myself. She was all over that too. She, like the lady at my gym, reminded me that the bulbs were new and I remembered to tell her to lower my time from 15 minutes to 10 and I was sure I remembered to remind her. So, why was I second doubting myself when I was completely undressed and about to slip under the heavy door...I was sure of it.

Imagine my fear when I realized I was just about to turn the door knob and walk into the foyer to re-remind the counter lady about the timers....oops, you might need some clothes on to do that girl, just might...probably, yeah. I put the headsets back on and just counted 2 and 1/2 songs! 10 minutes - brown backside.

Let's go the casino tonight for dinner! Let's make pizza! Let's go shopping for soap at that place! Let's call up spirits from the mirror! NOOOOO, there is a limit, I do draw lines. Get those people out of my house. But I was up for the pizza thing, so Caity and I went to the store and checked out every veggie available to make it the fattest, most veggie topped extravaganza on the planet! We ate 1/2 of one piece each and just died....we'll be eating old stale veggie cheese and yeast less crust pizza for a week.

Someone, probably someone with a really sick sense of humor, bought me a book on Yoga from the internet. Stretch Mommy! Do this Mommy! Can you bend this far Mommy? SCREW YOU and your 17 year old body - I have pictures. I remember being able to put my legs behind my neck and I have your brother in the Army to prove it! Oh wait, that didn't really need to be out there. Little gymnastic humor....OK, scratch that.

So, yeah, there comes a time that after you've worked out, tanned, burned, showered with oatmeal and vinegar, stretched and made a mega mountain of munchies that you (me) deserve to cut up a couple of limes (OK three). I can do that and feel no pain, I mean...no guilt. No guilt. Bring on tomorrow! I have NO plans to answer the phone.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Journals

The only thing I really had to worry about today was when and how I was going to go to the store and buy a new journal. My last one only lasted 2 weeks because my cable tv and internet was out for a few days when the tree trimmers cut a line. In times of extreme nothingness I write. Actually, I write all the time, and journals only usually last about 16 days, but this one was certainly running out of room and I had only had it maybe 11.

When I die I have it in my will (if you can call a bound book a will) that my daughter Laura will get my journals. I know she'll want to keep most of my work, my dreams, my thoughts, my energies a big fat secret but only because for the most part they are as mundane and idle as this particular blog. I mean, when I write in my journal (I say journal as if it's one book. I think I have over 250 now and that's for the past few years only. 11 entire years of journals were destroyed by my former whatever you want to call him. 11 years of writing - I probably averaged a book a month then.)

Laura won't make a movie out of my journals unless she decides to spice them up and say all sorts of things that aren't true; or if she just focused on the dream segments that could be both entertaining and interesting at the same time. I think I'll write a book covering the dreams I have had in just the past year or two because I really do write them out in my journal and try to make up meanings for them - it could amuse someone. Now, if I gave the journal to Caity...please, she'd burn them and say they went to good use. Reuben would probably pour over every word and try to make sense of my life. That would ultimately prove to be fruitless and unnecessary - the only meaning to my life is that it's MY life....I live it.

Journals have been used to determine history. Most of Blackbeard's (Edward Teach the pirate)life was determined by his writings. What we know of marinetime navigation came from journals - wait a minute. Maybe I could start writing about being something really cool and end up being in the history books like Teach himself! He died on my birthday, or rather I was born on his deathday. John F. Kennedy died on that day too. Come to think of it...journals aren't such a bad way to keep track of life now because I'm sure with all the technology we have now no one would bother to even check what I write about myself...but accept it as golden truth! No one takes the time to write these days, obviously if they did they must be telling the truth. YES, this is it. I will become...oh, I don't know, a writer, an author, I could be a teacher, no....wait, a professor! I could be a professor!

That's it, it's settled. I'm writing more about it tomorrow in my journal and when I die, and the movies come out about me...you'll see that I taught English somewhere, that I had wild and passionate dreams that could rock the tartar off of the teeth of a killer whale! (Oh, I like that...that was good. I'll use that in my book too!) Maybe I'll write something about being a mother, a good mother, a kind hearted, nature-loving, crocheting type that drinks coffee all day and probably too late into the night....and she (I mean I) blog too! That's it, I blog!

Good thing I got the journal. I need to find a pen now, I'm out of ink.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My Baby Is Taller Than Me!






I turned around and it happened....my little girl grew up. She got all tall and long legged on me. I took these (and a thousand other) pictures of her in her baby doll outfits for the Japanese TV crew that is coming to Los Angeles just to see her, or rather to see and hear her. She'll be singing a very beautiful song in both Japanese and English, and their idea is to mix the English for her background vocal background. It really should be sort of cool. I know it will eventually make its way to America. It would be sort of strange to have an internationally known singer in the family - - but I would like to see America step up too. It's so hard to break into the business in this country. Everyone and their dogs .... oops, that would be me, wants to be in the spotlight! Laura deserves it. She's awwwwwesommmme.

When I think back to all the times I screamed at her to turn off the television after midnight so I could sleep, it makes me wonder if I was actually being listened to. I don't think I was. She speaks Japanese - she was training herself in the middle of the night when she watched the anime shows televised in Japanese. She'd wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon and say something to me that sounded like "Ka-Nichi-Wa" and now I know...it was hello, or how are you? Sort of like Aloha!

When Laura was four years old she would stand on top of my bed and say "I'm taller than you Mommy." I would sit on the bed and bounce her down to me and tickle her and say "But if you're taller than me I can't do this", and I would grab her and roll her around, tickle the stuffings out of her and kiss her belly button. We don't do much of that anymore, but I did kiss Caity's bare butt the other day so she could get a little extra cash on a bet! I love my girs. I don't call them girls because again, when Laura was little she couldn't say girl correctly. They are my girs.

My little one. My baby...I still have that one. Caity will forever be shorter than me....but damnit, she'll forever be thin and gorgeous too! Oh, I don't mind, I just sit back and look at her. Both my angels are incredibly talented and beyond words for describing their beauty.......gag me already, I sound like a schmooze! LOL
But Laura is pretty and she is talented, and at 5'8", she could be a model....but she one thing for sure, she's taller than me. (and her feet are bigger too...hahahaha) Good luck with the song baby gir.....Godspeed.

Some Days You Wake Up Orange!


Rolling out of bed never really hurt so badly as it did last Saturday morning when all the gravity behind the words "We have new bulbs" hit me like the red brick sunburn I had. But I wasn't just red, no that would have been acceptable. I was orange! Well, if you can call the color you turn after you apply four coats of self tanner lotion for medium to dark skinned people orange - I don't know if God made the color I was to be honest with you. However, I do have an excuse. I always have an excuse.

I tan at the gym beginning about now, around the first of the year and I get that lovely all-year tan going, you know the one. That "sure-I've-just-been-laying-out-on-the-beach" tan that says I'm fully capable of paying a little extra for the tanning beds at my gym. This year I got a bonus! I renewed my membership, the one I somewhat ignored forever, and they threw in the tanning for nothing! Yes, that's right, free! I'm able to cook myself to a frazzle now and it won't cost a thing....well, except the price of the bottle of that vinegar you see at the top of this blog, because vinegar (Thank you Gil Grissom) takes the tan-sting out! Mix it with a little aloe vera juice (not gel) and lay yourself in the tub for a little splashing - you have one recipe for thanking God for natural healers....screw the lotion!

I couldn't walk a few hours after I tanned and I was even smart enough to ask the lady behind the counter to turn the timer down to about 10-12 minutes because her last words to me before I cooked myself were "Oh, we have new bulbs". FLAG, RED FLAG, literally......emphasis on red. So I was baked. I was completely dead but walking - you remember. As I rummaged through the house around midnight I found lotions I found gels, I found everything with fragrance, and even I know you can't use anything with a scent on a raw sunburn. I may only have a Ph.D. in Education baby, but I know that much from the streets!

It was bright gold, the lotion that I grabbed. It was promoting the words and works of natural aloe vera and vitamin E. It said so right there on the tube. Vitamin E and Aloe Vera - I think I saw the words "sooths extra dry skin", which is exactly what I was about to have....scaly dry, beaten with a stupid stick dry, that's what I was about to have. I took the tube of magic and smothered myself in in. Well,I say that, I couldn't exactly reach some of the hot spots, my muscles and my skin screamed at me, it wasn't going to happen. I put 3 or 4 coats where I could and I dressed myself in the softest baby soft cotton t-shirt I have, and those ultra soft sweats we buy ourselves and wear until they literally fall apart. The lotion was seeping out of the fabric it was so thin....but nothing else could come close to touching my rawness...nothing. Please God, nothing touch me!

In the morning...orange hands turned off the alarm clock, and that's when it hit me. The gold on the tube - should have been a clue. My daughters buy it, I don't because I use the tanning beds...my gosh, I was a fruit wedge. I was one of those sugar coated orange pieces that you suck all the sugar off and spit at the wall to see if it sticks....I hurt badly.

I didn't have to wait for too long. I think it was Gil Grissom, he came into my head for some reason, and he was talking about bee-stings I think. He said vinegar would draw it out - I remember the episode from back back back in the day. It had to be better than the Vitamin E boasting. I was feeling a little easier, I could move a little, but my body was just wrecked. I opened the frig to get my morning soy for the cereal and saw the aloe vera juice. Not hard to miss, I have a gallon of it in the frig at all times. Aloe Vera...100%. Great. This has to work, I'm dying. I put the two together. I mixed the aloe and the vinegar (a product of Italy. Anything from Italy has to be sexy, right? I'm thinking Sinise.)

I took myself, laughing, giggling and getting completely naked on the way to the bathroom, to the tub. Laying down or rather sitting sort of, I began pouring the mix over me. I used a little cup to scoop it up at the drain and repeat, repeat, repeat, until I was both screaming from the sting-cold, and sighing from the literal heatwave melting from me to the mix. By the 10th time I poured it over me, the mix was hotter than I was....amazing. It was working. Two hours later I was showering with real water, and able to move a lot more. This works. I think I'll patent it...oh wait, I've already let the cat out of the bag - whatever...I found it, I used it, I feel......great.

Tanning again will have to wait a few days, I'm not giving my poor cells that sort of a jolt again, but at least I can ride the bike, walk the treadmill and lift the weights without fear of death. Can we really be this stupid about ourselves? I guess so. Oh, and the vinegar works even better in salads. Raspberry!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Pyrex Explosion - Expresses Sooners Defeat


And just like that, an explosion came out of nowhere. If I had been standing in the bedroom I would have thought it was a car coming through the wall, but it came from the back of the apartment. Maybe it was the spirit of OU descending at the same moment that West Virginia, yes the clear cut underdog, barked their way into a Tostitos Fiesta Bowl winners circle! CRRASSSHHH and then there was a smell of something really hot burning, just burning. I went outside thinking the trees that had been affected by the ice storm had broken in half. It was that loud.

Turns out the dishwasher got a little hot and the Pyrex square pan I purchased for myself to bake with at Christmas just shattered! Pyrex isn't suppose to shatter! It's suppose to be good from hot to cold. I hadn't even cooked in it for hours. It was cold, sitting outside on the cabinet 10-15 minutes before it busted...but the dishwasher; whoa! It may need to be investigated. If it's getting that hot, hot enough to splinter a well constructed tempered glass pan, it's probably hot enough to cause a fire! So, we'll just turn it off for now. You can see my DAWN liquid gel thing in the machine still - so maybe the water isn't coming out, but the heat is heating up....BAM! (Maybe the dishwasher, like the Oklahoma Sooners, is missing three very important players!)

I can't believe our guy Grainger is out shoplifting in Arizona, and got sent back! Well, of course I can believe he was sent back, but I mean, I can't believe a kid would play a fantastic season or two with the Oklahoma Sooners, a team that really stands for greatness, and then he throws it all away - for what? A coat? $100? Maybe! I can't see it....stupid is as stupid does, and well, you can't say we're not all guilty of being a little tip-headed at times, but to give up a chance at the National Championship next year, and to be a part of the greatest college tradition in the world - yes, I know we lost, but we're still the Sooners, by God, and we'll be there again, and again, and again. West Virginia is good, but it's been 19 years since they played in a bowl of that magnitude. I better not hear ONE Longhorn or ONE OSU Cowboy fan say a word about Sam and the boys - NOT ONE WORD. Our record stands! (Unfortunately, so do the flags and penalties from tonight's mishap!)

When the explosion happened I ran outside. I was looking, and looking, I didn't see anything. I thought it was a crash, boom, bang, and I couldn't see any evidence! Follow the evidence, always follow the evidence...where did I hear it? I was at the computer. Which direction did it come from? Behind me. What am I smelling? Beef? Burning beef? I don't really cook or eat much beef......OH WAIT...the girls cooked a couple of steaks, and I put their pan, the square one in the dishwasher, but didn't rinse it thoroughly because the phone rang. I was counting on the DAWN soap pad to get the grime.....BAMMMMM! You can see what it looks like! I'm just drop-jawed at the mess. I'll clean it tomorrow, but want to show it off to my 2 maintenance men. They love a great challenge, and nothing says challenge like a grimy broken jigsaw puzzle! They'll be happy - I'll bake cookies, and we'll be set with a new dishwasher.

Next week...the tub breaks! YES!...well, I can dream.

If you're wondering what I did about the fact that the Fiesta Bowl played during CSI-NY...worry not. I have two televisions. I know I could have foregone the show, but I actually love that episode (Suicide Girls). Caity wants to be one. Hope she's tall enough.

GOOOOOOO SOOONERRRRS!! (Kick them a couple of times for me Bob, and then hug them twice)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Aries is as Aries Does! (Reuben)









ARIES: (Translation) Someone who meets life head-on, ramming their way through every aspect of their life, enjoying everything to the very very end. Someone who, without reason, switches gears, drives like a maniac just for shock value, and who, because he can, climbs up onto the roof at the age of 2, wrestles with danger, and usually ends up thrilling, and scaring the living hell out of everyone who loves them. THAT is a proper description of my son. Look how cute he was at 6 days and even at 6 years, he had that smile...look! He had that smile back then!!

Jeanie and I went to the Oklahoma City Zoo and we took this picture of the Elk playing with a large branch. At first we thought he was entangled, but as he maneuvered his way with it, around it, under and over it, we realized he was playing with something he could easily control. You have to think of this in perspective to what I have witnessed for many many years. My son Reuben (You may know him as Baby Boy) will (still) play like the Elk, in front of God and everyone, in the backyard - with toys. He has a certain area that he plays in at my parents farm. It can't be mowed down, he'll call from Alaska to be sure that Pop leaves his field of glory the way it was meant to be; overgrown and full of weeds. Pop indulges the boy.

He'll get out there with air weapons and just play. He's the ultimate fighter, he's the hero, he always saves the day. This is a man almost 22 years of age, and when I say he doesn't care if anyone watches, I mean, he doesn't give a rat's butt. He's out there for hours yelling, playing, laughing, digging in, climbing rocks, over ledges, under hedges, he's the quintessential warrior. It's always been that way. Before the Army the boy played football hero. He entertained neighbors for years! I'm sure there were time that people wanted to jump the fence to play with him, and you know what...he would have let them!

When you walked out into the yard you became his prey! You were NOW involved. You didn't leave until you were captured, tortured for information, forced to make a winning play, or escorted to the hull of a massive ship, but you were in his control. This was my son then, and this is my son now. I am told that when he goes to pick up his tank/Stryker on base that he can be heard talking to himself as he walks the 2 miles to where they are kept. He's pretending. He's plotting, he's about to become the lead character in the play that will involve real machinery...I knew there was an ulterior motive for this man to have joined the Army! He's in fantasy 24/7 at this game....he's IN IT. It's better than owning a Wii, he's the player and the subject, it is Second Life in real time!

Knowing what I knew about Reuben I had no inclination to jump the fence to assist the poor Elk who from the point of view of most tourists was in real straits....it only took a few minutes staring at him huffing, puffing, foot stomping, and listening to him blowing out his nostrils air of frustration so loudly he intentionally called an audience to his fence....he's pulling a Reuben! Every last Aries is exactly the same.....show offs. I wasn't about to help him, I just blew the animal a kiss and told him to kill the damn branch, get it, get it, YOU WON! YES!

Within a few minutes the massive mammal released his victim branch and smiled at everyone who had fallen for his antics...he knew. They all know.