Tuesday, July 24, 2007
As I reached with my forefinger to get a grip from inside the top of the first can, hoping I wouldn't cut my finger tip, I realized that the cans had turned to bottles, shorter than regular beer bottles, and they weren't light anymore. It was out and out real 100% loaded beer. I don't drink beer - so naturally I thought it was odd. Not that housing bottles of any type isn't odd, when one is housing them inside their head - but beer was odd for me.
The dream backed up a bit and I saw myself feeling the front of my forehead, like it had a bump of something silver sticking out of it. It felt like a little rock, or a pebble. It turned out to be a ball or a pellet first, then it was 3 or 4, then that hole led to the discovery of the cans of beer that were the star attraction to my frightfully strange and inexplicable dream. When I got out of bed and stopped laughing at myself, I went to the computer, this very computer, and I looked up what I could under every site I could possibly find - and - nothing. Nothing about bottles in a person's head. My, why am I not really all that surprised?
The forehead thing was easy - intellect. I get that. I even get the pebbles and/or balls of steel coming out of it - I'm explaining something solid to myself, I'm allowing something to be exposed. BEER? I'm exposing beer? What could the cans mean? What could the bottles mean? What could the drink mean? Why am I asking you? You're probably still laughing anyway - I know I am. My boss drinks a lot of beer - he should be pulling bottles out of HIS head - and I should be pulling pens, paper, ink bottles maybe - but not beer. Maybe vinegar...I could have accepted that, I'm on a new vinegar and honey kick for health reasons.
So, I drift back to sleep after writing down NOTHING in my dream journal, and I dreamed again. This time I was in a car - driving myself, and I was going up a hill, a very high hill. The car was made of cardboard, as it often is in my dream. I stood up, picked up my boxy transport and walked the rest of the way. That one made so much more sense - I'm unpacking, and it's all uphill - I get it! Maybe tonight I can float past a sea of deviled eggs or use a piece of toast for a surfboard. I don't know - seems to me that the more I think about it the more my head itches. If I get to the bathroom and see a silver ball sticking out of my head - I'm done!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Jeff had white white blond hair, the husky blue eyes, that quintessential smile that a gorgeous boy who knows he's gorgeous always has, and he had a really nice personality too. Yes, he drove the hottest car on campus, but that didn't make him stuck up or anything; his body did that! He was adorable. We used to sit at the table with about a dozen other boys that either played ball, or maybe they wrestled - Eddie Z., Crazy Eddie was there, he ran track - Joe Shepherd, Court Diffee, Rick Thompson, Phil Wheeler, Phil Evans, Paul Sims, Kurt Huff, Sam B., can't forget Sam - and Jim Bell - I love Jim Bell. Come to think of it, not many girls sat with us. Oh well - more for me. I had a big fat silly grin on my face most of the time didn't I? I can tell you, it wasn't the pickle and mustard burgers I was cramming down my mouth that made me laugh - Jeff was, if nothing else, one of the best comedians at the school - but wait - Phil Evans may have taken first place now and then too.
I don't know where everyone else turned up: Rick became a preacher, Diffee shares a mega car lot with his equally good looking and good natured younger brother Laine, Sam became a surgeon - that was interesting news, and looks like Jeff became a sales agent. Jim's probably an engineer - he had that sort of made-for-numbers head come to think of it. Where do they all run off to, the boys of high school? Girls run too I suppose - but I never chased a single girl at the school that I can think of - hung out with Carol - anyone seen Ms. Moore lately? I'd love to hug her neck! Where do they go when they fly? College has such a way of scattering our hearts and making us grow up doesn't it? It often takes a reunion of many years down the road to find the time to get us all back together, and then you have to often sort through the lies, the divorces, the kids, the jobs, the promises to keep up, the drinking surprises - the people you thought you knew, and the big big big surprises of the ones you finally got to meet for the first time.
If you sat me down and you asked me what I was, who I was in high school I am sure my answer would differ from what the people I went to school with would say. After all, seeing a thinker and a brainiac sitting in the bleachers every day watching the boys, writing in a journal may make some people think me off a bit - I was probably the only girl who really smelt, saw, heard, and understood the team entirely. Emphasis on smelt. I would say I was the brainiac that liked boys, did gymnastics in the hall, ignored the A-listed girls, sat with their boyfriends and actually listened to their dreams, and I was the one that didn't give a rat's backside who cared about what I thought, or who thought about what I said - If I were a car I would have been a Volvo: Safe, dependable, just a bit out of reach, and hard to come by in 1979. If I were a bird: A hawk, a color: brown - no one really gets the color brown, but it's everywhere, sometimes the very base and soul of everything surrounding us. That was me in High School. I was not always liked, not always sought, but I was everywhere and into everything.
Seeing Jeff Straka's big grin Sunday just put me back at that school again - walking, or OK flipping down the halls - and stealing pickles from everyone at the table to stack on my burgers before shoving half the sandwich in my big mouth before they could grab them back. I miss growing pains - but somethings remain the same - thanks Jeff for your hand, your hug, that smile!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Now, I'm a pro at this - someone calls and I answer the phone. If they begin their conversation with "This is an attempt to collect a debt", I am usually the first to sigh, take a deep breath, and think really hard about what I'm going to say when I'm asked why I have let whatever bill it is get so far behind in payment - this happens SO often, that I'm really almost prepared for each event - I've almost gotten to the point that I can call the collector by his or her first name, talk about their student loans, and ask them what excuses they gave to their personal collectors. Sometimes I think these crazy antics just might work. Well, what happened to me Friday was incredibly different.
I answered the phone, I recognized the number - one of my favorite guys, a consolidator. He puts my loans in order, lets me off the hook for a while, then he calls me back to either offer me a deferment (again) based on a hardship, or he just out and out tells me where to sign the forbearance papers he's about to send me. This time, he said something that I will never forget! He said "Jude, I have to tell you this, it's the law, I'm forced to inform you about the status of your student loans." I answered "I know, but there's really nothing I can do right now, I'm working, but you know, I have bills....and .." he stopped me. "Jude, your loans, well, about 1/2 of them, were paid in full. Someone paid them off Jude." WHAT?
That is exactly what he told me. He said that during the process of locating all the loans, there are a great number of them, that he was going through each one's status and they kept popping up as being "paid in full", "paid in full". I wondered about it. I thought he was either off by a few digits and had someone else's account, or he was off by a lot, and had someone else's account - he was laughing. He was really happy for me. He said "Jude, they were paid off. This was an anonymous thing". He went on to add that someone, someone really really cool - said "to do so in Faith's honor!" WHAT? WHAT AGAIN? WHAT THREE TIMES? You're kidding me, you have got to be kidding me. But it was true. It was very true.
He said he didn't know who it was, and he didn't know if he could find out. He said he wouldn't be able to give me a name if they didn't want me to know - but he could get a thank you to them. Could he take a hug and a kiss to them too? Oh, I wanted to jump and dance, so I just stood up and danced, and I did a little squealing thing too. My boss stared at me, so I put the phone on speaker and had the guy repeat what he had just thrilled me with - he repeated it. My boss was shaking his head - NO WAY, he couldn't believe it either! No way!! But it was real. My point in telling you?
YOU COULD be the person I'm wanting to thank! So, if you are...thank you thank you! How do you really thank someone for such a wonderful gift? Faith opens so many doors, doesn't she? She's a wonderful dog in so many many ways - and she must have touched the heart of someone in a way like no other. Again, no really - I mean it!! THANK YOU! WOW!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
So, Harry marries Ginny. Snogging, lots of hand holding, some touching even - this book got sort of intimate, what is she 15? JK - is this appropriate behavior in the Weasley's own home? Krum must have wanted in the action too this time around, we see him - I want to be the old batty aunt Auntie Muriel in the 7th movie! I want to be her, or the professor that was found hanging upside down in the beginning - over the table of at the meeting of the Death Eaters. I could so do that part - and then I could even brag to everyone that I really was a professor at Hogwarts ... until I was eaten by a snake, which in itself is ironic since I own big snakes and keep any rats that I end up socializing with because I can't live-feed them if I know the rat personally! I'm just kind-hearted, I suppose.
Oh, and did you die when you read the names of the kids? Hermie and Ronny have two children, OK, Rose is not that bad - I have a student I love with that name, she is one of the best young poets out there - HUGO? I understand Harry and Ginny naming their children what they named their children, and I loved the way the older one really gave the younger brother hell this first year - but I will say this, I was baffled beyond compare to come to the realization that Neville Longbottom was a girl, and that he/she .....OK, I'm kidding, just teasing you to see if you had read the books or not - you have, I'm sorry - I love Neville. I actually wanted him to become the boy-wonder wizard and have it all be a mistake. I wanted Voldemort to accidentally reveal his identity as Dumbledore's son, I wanted Rita Skeeter to end up in the arms of Percy in a really good scandal for Luna to break in her dad's paper - that didn't happen...but it would have turned a few heads - don't you think?
While I was at the Barnes & Noble party (Memorial and May) I found a man sitting on the floor in front of the stack of my own books (With a Little Faith 2nd Ed.) and I asked him to either move so that people could see the books, or he had to hawk them. I was kidding. He knew I was kidding, but he was adorable! He said he read my blog every day and he knew exactly who I was. He was actually driving to Phoenix to see Ozzfest because he had relatives there and it was a reunion, and I gave him the numbers of the managers so he could get a couple of passes and see my daughter and Faith. By the end of the night the 12 books that B/N had on their shelves were all sold - I even autographed a couple when he led the buyers to me! I was face-painting a kid once and had to wash my hands first, but it was cool! Faith couldn't make it, it would have been her 3rd HP book party, but she had a great time where she was in San Bernadino!!
In the end JK pulled it off, but the epilogue could have been 14-16 pages longer, a bit more, just a bit more. We needed more - Oh, there's a sequel? Fine, I can do that. So, no more Harry Potter OK? I said ... No more Harry Potter, can you not hear me? Was your ear cursed off too? (hahaha, just a little inside joke) Great job JK...rest for a while.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Mike and Bryce are my managers. Apparently I need two. It would be great if I could pay either one of them and make everyone smile, but as it is these guys work their real jobs for real paying clients and then they find time (miraculously) to help me too, and I just wanted to shout out and give them both a little credit. I haven't physically seen or met Mike, but he was there for me last night when the creepy service guy wouldn't leave my apartment and wouldn't fix the technical problem he was hired to do in the first place. I resorted to calling Mike and asking him to pretend he was in my area, that we had a meeting at Starbucks, and he was great - more than willing to help. I called him after the guy left and we talked for a long time. He really said the right things to settle me down - told me about a woman that nearly attacked him in a hotel room! Thanks Mike! I slept well. hahaha
Mike works with athletes of every walk of sport. His email address, because I know you'll need an manager for your sporting celebrity friend, is: email@example.com You'll want to write to the man and make him rich, because I'm not doing such a great job at that. He's repping 128 great players from baseball, basketball, football, you name it - and Faith the dog! There has to be a connection somewhere. Mike, thanks!
Then there's Bryce. I have met Bryce. He's hot! He's really super duper cute, and if I were just (oh, I don't know, younger, thinner) able to make a move, sure - I'd do it. He's a real fun man to be around except those moments when the side show and entertainment personalities that he represents piss him off - then you want to be on the other side of the big white tent pretending to be working, or otherwise engrossed in something where you can't hear or see him frothing at the mouth! (I love you Bryce.)
To be honest, both Bryce and Mike have been so good at finding me work for Faith that I'm at home right now while she's working and Laura is having to travel, tour, sing, and dance without me. She's good at that sort of thing, so thanks to Bryce and his crew - Lukas and others, for watching over the girl and Faith for this Ozzfest thing. Mike is taking us to Spain when that's over then it's Bryce with the Santa Monica pier thing, and then it's Mike again in a couple or three expos, then it's Bryce again for another spring tour, then it's Mike again for an Australian event....wow....gotta love these men of mine! They're talented, working hard, and just getting it done for me. You'd think I'd be rich - well, I am, I just don't have any real money. I'm very very rich!
Bryce is the owner/operator/CEO of Brown Gravy Entertainment and can be reached at his e-mail address of: firstname.lastname@example.org I don't want to give out phone numbers at this point, but if you're in the entertainment world and need a manager - try this, maybe you'll be as surprised as I was last year when he called me to fill in for a couple of acts that cancelled on his at the last minute - circus thing - and make a friend. Or, if you're an athlete and need a manager, take Mike out for coffee after e-mailing him. But, be sure and tell these guys that I sent you so I can make them happy that way - maybe something good can come of it all.
Yes Lenny, I'll blog about you next time! I promise!! (kisses)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
When I attended high school in the late 1970's I was the last of the last to be allowed to graduate from the Putnam City School District a year early. One authoritarian was opposed to me doing so, and he would not recognize my Senior status, calling me a Junior graduate at the commencement, as if it made a world of difference to anyone - I was free! I got out by completing a summer course with enough credits my SENIOR year to become a true Senior at the end of the year, thus allowing me to graduate with everyone else wearing their caps and gowns right along beside me.
When I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts from Oklahoma City University, a private Methodist school in the center of our state - I was not allowed to consider my somewhat elite status of Cum Laud because the college I was processed through demanded a variance in credit hours, something that the state boards and national boards did not require, but nevertheless - it was left off my diploma and not announced with my name. Four years following my graduation I was still battling the school over it, and finally surrendered.
When I graduated with my Masters degree from the same school, this time in Writing - the boards and heads of the departments had problems with my contract/plan of completion and chose to call my degree a Masters Degree in General Education rather than in Writing even though the 18 requisite hours of Writing were met, as well as the requisite hours of supporting courses - something had to give, and I declined to attend the ceremony since they were not going to announce my membership with the Honors Society of Alpha Sigma Lambda, nor would they concede to printing my name with the degree I had first agreed to. I will simply not say I have a Masters degree in General Education when I have a Masters degree, 36 hours in fact in English and Writing - equally sharing the 36 hours with 18 a piece. (I'm stubborn that way)
Now that I'm 90 hours plus into my Ph.D., which is from Capella University, and is in Administration of Higher Education with a minor of sorts (18 hours) in Leadership, I am being put through it again - this time the contract has been amended to include a research course (4 credits) and more work than was originally planned. I don't have the access or the funds to continue at this time, my dissertation prepared, was submitted, accepted by one committee, turned down by another review panel, claiming this or that, and again - I am stuck in the middle. I am always stuck in the middle - but at least now I have the foremost education from one of our nation's greatest colleges - and can fully understand who and what is behind my sticking - money! I am, and I will remain for a little while - A.B.D. All But Dissertation. Except now I guess I'm A.B.D. and a little research kicker that has to be complete according to one panel of would be experts.
Just as soon as the college financial departments clear me of their boo-boo, claiming I owe something I don't believe I do, I will be able to continue my last course, get that paper, be the PhD. proper that I thought I was when I published my first book, and stop having to explain it to the freaking world. It's been a year now - I have a better grip on what I am, who I am, where I am, what I know, what I don't know, what I must figure out, and if it even makes a difference. All I know is I have had a glorious time in colleges that many students beg to enter and I can't be completely angry at any one person for this delay - considering rather to consider myself one very very lucky woman for having gone through this particular fire - it may provide the last exam thesis for my research course - I'll call it "How to Escape Higher Educational Facilities in America on Their Terms".
Saying I'm ABD just sounds like I have some irrevocable disease or something....I hope not. I hope I'm given the proper title of Dr. Educator soon enough! I have people to teach!
Today was no different. I was sitting at home, minding my business waiting on the service guy to show up. I had an evening appointment - it was kept. The guy shakes my hand, politely introduced himself, but I should have figured something was up by the rhythmic way he knocked on the door - over and over again until I answered it. Then he sang to me a little bit, then he came in and shook my hand before introducing himself. Oh, but it gets much stranger than that - he had a phone that buzzed and rang by itself and it wouldn't stop. He opened and closed it several times, banged it on my furniture and floor - discussed it with me in detail, but he didn't fix my technical problem. He didn't even address it. Rather than look at the problem, he sat on my couch and played with the phone. At one point he told me I didn't want to see his screen saver - it was a bunch of naked girls. Then he invited me to go ahead and look at it.
It was about this time that he noticed for the first time that I have a near life-size portrait of my dog Faith hanging on the wall. It was designed and painted by Karen Smith, a friend. He commented about THAT dog on Oprah, and how this painting sort of looked like her. I explained that it was Faith, and that she was my dog. He wanted to know why, if she was my dog, did I live in such a lowlife apartment? I stared at him. I like my place thank you. It's home.
For a while, after he openly discussed his divorce a couple years back, his kids, the man his wife was banging - his words, and the 16 year she favored over him, I finally thought it best to wait outside and let him either do his work or play with his phone. I also thought it best to e-mail my attorney, my agent, and my mother to let them all know he was in my house! I'm not kidding, I was actually e-mailing my attorney stating his name and service company number should I die! I was making out a pseudo will online! I asked my agent and my attorney to take care of my daughters and to let Reuben know where the insurance papers are - make sure I'm buried, I don't want to be cremated! This guy freaked me out. If I were to leave the house entirely he might catch on to my fear - so I stayed a little longer and made sure everyone knew who he was in case they needed to know.
I asked my agent and my mom to call me on my cell so I could pretend to have an appointment so I could safely leave my house. I could have ran for my life, but then he'd know where I lived for a later rendezvous with the death thing - didn't want that. Basically, my agent in Washington DC called me and I pretended he was at Starbucks, or he would be, in a minute or so. I explained to this guy that I had to go - asked him again if my problem would be dealt with - he explained to me that the problem was in the lines - I had insurance, it would be dealt with from the exterior of the home in a couple of days, and that I didn't need to be there. To top it off - he knew that 35 minutes before leaving my house! The minute he tested the line - within 1 minute of his entering my home. What I half way expected was for Ashton Kutcher to show up in the bushes by the pool! (Hence my smiling face, and my lack of true fear) Now that I know Ashton wasn't in Oklahoma tonight - I'm freaking out!
I did call the service company because my attorney and my agent asked me to. Mom thought it best to wait a few days since he'd probably figure it out and come after me. (She thinks like I do) But I called because he was just too quintessential - too bizarre to really be believed. He told me in passing that he suffered by Bipolar disorders. He also mentioned that he was an ex-Army soldier and was hurt in the conflict, IN THE HEAD - but didn't really do much to fix it - OH MY GOSH! Well, I'm OK. I decided to eat a 1/2 gallon of Rocky Road and guzzle a gallon of water, but I'm OK...even running around the track with Matrix a dozen times was scary - I thought he was watching me, but knew better - I just couldn't stop thinking that I could have been the next CSI case for the city morgue in the great capital of my state!
It's over. Well, I hope it is. If I don't blog again tomorrow, you've all been quite nice to have stayed with me this long. Dang, I don't want to die before I find out if Heromine bites it in the 7th book! I'm 26 hours away from that information! I can't die!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Heroes have always been out there - they've been sung about, praised, worshipped by some, and even made into legends - some good, some bad - my heroes are no exception. Somewhere else in this book I've probably mentioned that my son Reuben is my favorite hero, as he's taking an active stand to defend our nation and more intimately, he's committed to protecting me and my little girls. He is a United States Army soldier, and I could not be more proud of him. Other heroes of mine have included a Col. in the FIRST volunteer U.S. Army regiment - I married him in the third grade - President Theodore Roosevelt. Because I've already talked about him at length, I'll just say he was great and go on - but he does deserve the mention. Still another hero lived before TR. She is the embodiment of the greatest woman to ever live in my opinion. She wasn't the mother of Jesus, but she was a mother (of 5 I think). She wasn't a wealthy woman, oh, but she was RICH. When I say that she is the greatest woman to ever live, I do have to take my mother out of the arena in counting great women, but to me, Ms. Sojourner Truth is and will always be the most inspiring and proactive woman, and hero, I could ever name.
As Americans we grow up thinking of the stars, the movie stars, the athletes, and the people in our magazines as being special or worthy of our adoration - not so much when what you're reading about them often involves their arrests, drug rehabilitation, strange religious beliefs, and the way they step on others to gain fame and fortune for themselves. There are exceptions. There always are - but the exceptions aren't actually fully capable of making me turn around and take extreme notice - well, there is one. OK, you got me. I do find ONE movie star, one popular media personality to have what it takes to be a hero - he characterises himself as an ordinary man, he seems to be humble enough, and he often regards what he does for humanity as being just what he would do if he weren't in the news, on the set, on the big screen, and I believe him. He has taken trips using his own money to places we wouldn't want to go and he has seen the devastation of the war, the torn hearts of the children who (in foreign countries) want to learn, but don't have the finances - and then he financed their dreams, their desires. That move on his part, partly because he was financed for being a star, yes - and partly because I actually believe he would have held a car wash to get the money if he had to - puts Gary Alan Sinise in the category that I place my son, the 26th President, and the leader of leaders, he is one of my heroes too.
Then there's Laura Bigenho and her boyfriend Marcus Levering - both U.S. Army soldiers in Iraq, currently serving their time without complaint, without pay raises and office parties. I know, I know, there are over 1,000,000 men and women wearing digital green, dusty brown, and dress uniforms that qualify for herodoom - and they would all be named if I could name them all - Laura gets the mention for her winning reporting on what is actually taking place in the "sand box" as they call it there. She's not the type of reporter to write the negative, hard, and ugly stories - she is certain and sure to add the flavor, the fun, the curious, and even the unknown, but often thought about issues that go on while we sleep peaceably on this side of the world. Marcus? Well, the boy gets the ribbon for this and this only - Laura Bigenho loves him! Love creates heroes - so it is only natural that heroes should produce love. Mine do...and did...and still do probably - thanks from my heart to you all. I could not write the poem with words equalled to thank you - so I will pray again for your safety, and your wisdom.
I will never worship any of you, but have been honored to have known you, or known of you. (In Reuben's case - I was honored to have MADE you!) Big SMILE.
The woman who came to my office today to do the exam didn't have to wonder for very long who it was that was having the premed done - I had the sleeve rolled up on my shirt and that smirky little "don't-hurt-me" look on my face - God, I hate needles. Is it really worth a poke in the arm to insure that my kids actually go to college should I die? I probably won't die! I'll probably have to pay for their tuition through my nose rather than my death benefit - odds are, mortality tables are, everything is against me dying at my age being in the shape that I'm in. However, this morning ON MY WAY TO THE OFFICE, I was nearly ran over by a WERNER truck that decided to exit to the right rather than use the rest of the highway he was on - just about took me out before the policy was even written and paid for! So, I guess barring bad health, cancer, disease and/or war - I could be squashed in my car like anyone else in this guy's way. (I got his number, I've already filed an online complaint - I roll that way!)
So, there is good news - I have great veins. Yes...I've been flattered before by doctors, nurses, vampires - you name it, anyone wanting my red stuff has NO problem finding it. Must be living right or something. "Hey, look, that's a fat one!" Well, at least she was only talking about my vein. I would have had to deck her in the mouth if she was talking about my butt or something. I have taken painstaking months on end to get rid of my end! Oh, and that was one of the things I had to answer for on the exam too. "Have you lost more than 15 pounds over the last 12 months?" I guess they want to be sure you're not infested with a virus - I had to answer in the affirmative and then give a detailed essay type statement concerning my weight loss program, the results, and what prompted my decision - was it for health or vanity? Both! Who loses weight just because they're suppose to? Please.
Once the blood was drawn, and drawn, and drawn some more - I asked her if I would be receiving any of the results from the tests. My answer was no. I asked her if my agent would be able to review my results. The answer was yes. Ha! Got her on that one! I'll have to wait on the test results, but she was able to dip a little pH stick or something into one of the vials and tell me that my cholesterol was doing well otherwise it would have turned blue or darker green. I said a little thank you under my breath to the Quaker Oats guy. I've been eating those Raspberry Strudel breakfast bars buddy! I'm in the know on that one. She'll tell my agent (me) my results on exact numbers, and I'll do the little dance. Speaking of dancing. She had me waiting for over 30 minutes after drinking 30 ounces of water in order to get the right MIX for my urine sample. Seems she was unaware of the 3 cups of coffee and 16 ounces of orange juice I had drunken earlier in the morning - hell, she didn't get to my office until 10. I'm on the 2nd pot by then! I stop at Starbucks, load up, get to the office and make a fresh pot of House and you know - drink!
I did however have to admit to having broken all of the do-not-eat-before-the-test rules because I have hypoglycemia and I would have died, and being uninsured it would have been a bad risk for me to take as an agent - and a bad thing for me to do as the insured as well. I told her that I had my little breakfast bar, my 16 ounces of orange juice and I even told the truth about the coffee. I know that's why she made me wait - she could make me wait, so she did...these are cruel people we're dealing with. Vampires of the Lighted Hours as they like to call themselves - they have a union. So she marked me down on her paper as a rule breaker, and we continued the torture.
Because she's as vicious as a cat in a bathtub - she made me stand on a weight scale. I could have lied to her and said I was 150 pounds, what's the difference? (Well, about 9 pounds actually according to her damn scale!) I'm at least 5'7" according to her measuring tape and if she had let me keep my shoes on I could have explained the extra pound or two that I was planning on keeping a secret. I tried the "I'm wearing heavy clothes" trick, but she marked down 165 just to piss me off! Then she smiled, erased it and marked 159....and she laughed. We both laughed, it was a moment. I was able to look into her mouth, and couldn't find any pointy shaped K-9 fangs, so I gave up on the whole vampire thing - and I asked her name. She was sweet about it - Carolyn. She's married, has kids, a dog - and then she told me her deepest darkest secret - we weigh the exact same! Only her weight wasn't going on some God forsaken paper that would be filed for eternity marking her medical investigative bureau information sheet for life, and mine was!
Well, next year I'll just have to explain the next 15 to 30 pounds that I lose that's all - and this time I'll tell her straight up that it was for VANITY! That's right, I went there!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
I was a stand up comedian for years. Did I make fun, or poke fun at people? Heck yes! But in good fun, in good humor, in a way that made me just as vulnerable, and I invited the audience to go down that path of humility with me - not leaving it out in the open to burn, scar, hurt, mame, or otherwise just be ugly about someone - in this case, something. My dog Faith. Maniscalco's YouTube served one purpose - to make him look good. It DID NOT WORK. From the comments left you can see that he touched on something he should NOT have. He needs to apologize publicly and in a very very meaningful way - to do that he will need to go through my attorney at this point. I tried to reach him but to no avail. Seems he was too busy to talk to me, claiming his First Amendment rights were in tact...think again! You still can't slander someone, and he did - not Faith, ME.
So, yes, I am ordinarily easy to get along with, I'm the best friend to most, but baby - you step on my kid, or you step on my dog - and I will BITE YOU MYSELF - Hell hath no fury as a woman who has been scorned Mr. Maniscalco - The sad thing is, Faith would accept you Mr. Maniscalco for what and who you are. Funny, you have arms and you can't use them to hug, you have to point and be ugly about it. I pity you. I really do. I pity you.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Upon exiting the film I tried to listen to the whining and the cheering of the people; some really loving it, and others complaining - and it hit me that those who were doing the complaining were the devoted readers of the books. I heard a guy say to his girlfriend "I loved it and I didn't even read a single page of the stupid book, see, I liked it and you didn't." He was actually referring to the fact that the house elves weren't made a part of this movie like they are in the book- they don't come to the rescue, they don't tease the little girl house elf like they do in the book - and Hermie Grainer doesn't form a club to save them either. You see the one or two short and inadequate shots of the elf being a bit on the nasty side, nothing like the book, but it's OK...I understand. What the book had - that the movie did NOT have, was a descent Cho Chin. Sorry, I don't usually say things about young actresses, but this girl can NOT pull off even the simplest acts of the character whatsoever. She was not only weak - she was stiff, unforgivably boring, and a bit on the star-struck side to be considered a real girlfriend, and hey - wasn't he suppose to go to the kid's bar in the winter time, have a few butter beers and end up breaking up with Cho? I may have that mixed up with my imagination, but like I said, they couldn't add everything - and that means they had to nix the winter scenes as well - oh, wait - there's a 20 second scene where we do actually see, just see, the bar, the village - the familiar stages - but not for long.
What was interesting to me was another comment that was made - and that I agreed with - you didn't see much of anyone. Everyone, and I mean EVERY ONE of the characters are in the book - but you don't see ANY ONE of them for long at all. Just a few minutes each - except well, Harry, and Sirius - you see a good amount of Gary Oldham - he's great. You see bits and pieces of Lupin, Bellatrux, Lucius, Voldermort, Hagrid, Moody, Dumbledore, McGonagal, and a few good scenes with Snape - it was all about Delores this time around. She did a great job - NO, do you know who did the best? The BEST BEST performance - Luna Lovegood! Seriously, I don't even know the kid's name - she was the best. Bar none. She skipped her way into the best of show position - the rest was academic really - the story was told.
There you have it - a 3 star film at best for a 5 star book - but, then again, I heard complaint after complaint when the book came out too because of the overt mechanism of the writing, the staleness of the plot - fair enough - but you (like me) bought into it! No spoiler here - we all know Sirius bites the bullet - he did so, and he did so with class. Bravo Padfoot! Bravo!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Laura said that she and Kelly weren't able to talk too much, but that they were able to laugh a little at Ozzy and his reaction, I'm sure the girls will be spending a bit more time together as the tour progresses - Laura, being a singer, will no doubt want to exchange a few chords and words with Kelly and be happy to hear anything new that she's producing - Laura's second release comes out soon on www.showcaseyourmusic.com/Laura just in case you're wanting to hear more. She recorded "She Will Be Loved", originally recorded by the Maroon 5. Laura's version is not for sale, but for showcasing her gritty and sultry vocals - rather good actually...but I'm biased, I have to be, it's my job as the Mom.
So, the first date is almost over, the bands love my dog, the Master of the shows loves my dog, they think Laura's pretty cute too - and she is. I hope the future shows prove to be as rewarding for the millions who will be attending, they have been bringing out their cells to take pictures of Faith and Laura, signs are popping up on MySpace and YouTube about them - soon a few videos will proclaim that Faith has gone completely metal and you'll see CGI videos of my dog body surfing over the crowds - don't believe a second of it - Laura maybe, but Faith wouldn't allow such a thing - she's a bit shy in reality. Most people are surprised not only by her size (some say she's bigger, some say she's smaller than they thought) but everyone should know by now that she prefers girls - so, Sharon, Kelly - you're cool 24/7/365 - Poor Jack and Ozzy will have to be accepted each and every time I'm afraid - thanks for the invite guys, Laura is having the time of her life!
Props to you Ozzy, Sharon, Kelly and Jack.
See, all you need in your daily routine is a little digital green and brown to make the blues disappear! Bring on the troops Pat! Hey, tell every military station out there within ear and eye shot of where Ozzfest is going to be to send out their own troops to see Sgt. Faith at the Big Tent with the Brothers Grim Side Show - they'll love her, she'll love them - and all will be well with the world...or at least that part of it. Seeing troops makes Faith feel as if she's with her boy Reuben, and it certainly lifts the spirits of my daughter who needed a boost from the scare she had - just hugging a few soldiers and especially those who have been hospitalized after defending us - can make the biggest difference in my life, so I know it has to affect Laura as well. Faith doesn't know the difference really between a hurt soldier and a healthy soldier, to her they're all just GORGEOUS - and they all have the same potential to feed her a little something under the table! She doesn't discriminate!
So, attention all Armed Forces Personnel - in and around the 48 mainland states - pay close attention to where the Ozzfest buses pull in to greet the fine citizenry where you may be stationed...you too could be a guest of the most wonderful Sgt on the planet - Faith the Dog! Go by and let her nose you to say thank you, thank you, thank you, but I will warn you - you need to be wearing your ACUs or she won't like you much if you're a guy - she's funny like that - in the greens you're accepted 100% - out of them, well, you're on your own - she likes girls though - it must be a predator thing. Just put on the uniform my friends - and again, I can't say this enough...THANK YOU for your service to me, to my family, my country, and yours! Thank you! It is an HONOR of mine to be able to share my family and my beloved dog Faith with you.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Actually - did you know (rumor has it anyway) that JK has a team of readers and raiders pouring over every word in every line in every paragraph and page of every book she's written so as NOT to make the mistake she made in what was it, number 4, when she tripped over a fact or two? Harry fans beat her up over that one you know - couldn't go to the movies and really enjoy the plot for all of the whining in the audience - babies (fans) claiming this wasn't quite right, or that wasn't quite right - meaning, it wasn't EXACTLY as they had it in the book. I personally, don't care if the books and the movies don't match perfectly. It only makes me think that the creators of both were savvy enough to think we the readers and the watchers, are able to separate ourselves ever so slightly, and enjoy a diversion! Isn't that the point?
Well, ever since Birds and Animals Ltd. refused to allow Faith (my dog) to be in the 4th movie, Goblet of Fire, I couldn't really give a monkey's behind whether or not the boy wizard survives or gets his head torn completely off his shoulders in a vicious Quiddich game - oops, nearly spoiled another plot twist - he survives that one too. If you ask me, Harry's been a bit too lucky and he's been a bit too indulged - - but then again, look at the characters in CSI and ask yourself if they shouldn't have bit the dust a few more times too - Delco: gets shot in the head - back to work in what a week? Horatio Caine misses that silver bullet weekly - he's the guy I want to be standing with (except of course when the woman he married after knowing her 2 weeks was actually standing with him and got shot - Delco's sister, remember? Maybe I watch too much t.v. - as long as they leave Mac Taylor's happy butt alive and kicking, I'm OK. Peyton could bite the big one - I wouldn't care.)
So, no, Harry doesn't die - yes a Weasley does - and no Hagrid doesn't beat anyone up, not really - the kid that played Draco had the best idea - he got out when the getting was good. If he dies it won't be because he's a key player, but because in real life Tom's mom and dad took the money and got out of Dodge! At least he'll have a career when the 7th film is over and done with. Poor poor poor Dan Ratcliffe, the mark on his character's head - stained him for life as well I'm afraid - but at least his parents get to see him again - OOOOOOh, there I go again - spoiler, spoiler, spoiler! This book was just too predictable.
Question most asked: "What sign is most sexually compatible with Scorpio women?"
ANSWER: I searched, I looked, I thought it out - I did my homework. I even blogged about it a bit, but now I'm posting something from a separate site, another one - just to prove my point. I thought it would have been Capricorn - fun loving, sexually attractive, open, creative, and uninhibited...but it's not. He (my man) should be a .....drum roll please - a Pisces! Here's what the site said. You can google it if you like.
Perfect Sexuality and Love Match:
Scorpio Woman Dating Pisces Man This will be emotional intensity to the hilt! From before the first date there was a telepathic connection so strong between the Scorpio woman and Pisces man that it’s downright eerie. They may have dreamt of one another before actually meeting.
The Scorpio woman and Pisces man are a creative powerhouse and will soar to new levels of imagination together. The Scorpio woman helps her Pisces man embrace a sense of self while he helps her recognize she truly cannot control everything. Sexually, they are beyond this world for certain. They will put each other in a hypnotic trance during lovemaking and block out the rest of the world. Compatibility Rating: FOUR out of FOUR hearts. It just doesn't get any better than this - go for it - all day and all night.
That was verbatim. What can I say but this : Gary? Oh Gary? Are you anywhere near me tonight? Don't mind my eyes staying open, I do that! (You're too pretty to stop looking - giggle)
This time, Laura and Faith are traveling with the Ozzfest group on their way through the U.S. to entertain the masses - they're traveling on the biggest, most sleek looking tour bus I've ever seen - and the driver (a fantastic woman) has left my daughter and my dog at a Shell gas station in Donald, Washington. According to Mapquest they're 154 miles away from their destination of Seattle - where the Ozzfest will begin in earnest tomorrow at noon. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine being 18, needing to poo, getting off the bus when it stops to refuel, but not telling anyone that you left - and then getting left?
Laura called me this morning at 7:40 a.m. my time, 5:40 a.m. her time, to tell me she was stranded, and that she was wearing a Lolita skirt on top of everything else. She and her new friend Stitch, a performer, were showing off their clothes and wearing various outfits which showed off various body parts when they both fell asleep in the early hours - and then it stopped and Laura left the bus with Faith without telling anyone...she won't do that again.
"Mom, the bus left me!" Immediately I went into crisis mode - which means I remained calm and made the appropriate calls. Not that calling anyone helped, no one answered their cells, but I made the calls. I texted, I called again, I even mentioned I would be calling the police soon - you know, if they didn't pick her back up, or if I hadn't heard from her. I got on Mapquest and looked up the reverse phone number option for the phone number that came over my cell - but oddly enough, it was a 702 exchange, which is Las Vegas, and it stated it was a land line. That wasn't possible. They were suppose to be in Washington state - nevertheless, I called the Las Vegas police just in case the bus had taken the wrong turn in Oklahoma.
While talking with Candance of the Las Vegas police, I got a call from Lucas, the manager of the Ozzfest and hey, he had just realized that my daughter and my dog weren't on the bus. Did I mention that it was a HUGE bus? You could misplace an elephant and no one would know for a while. Lucas' voice was groggy, sleepy, a little confused - but he assured me that he would have the driver turn the bus around and pick up my kid and my doggy. What a great man. He went on to say that Laura needed to tell someone she was leaving every time, and of course I agreed with him. When she called me back from another land line it registered as being in Washington state with a 509 area code - much better. I called her back on that line, as my phone wasn't accepting credit calls, and she informed me that she was not only wearing a completely inappropriate skirt at a truck stop in southern Washington, but that she was silly enough not to have dressed Faith properly in her therapy vest - so she couldn't go into the building to wait - she had to wait by the phones outside. Apparently, no one in the Shell station recognized Faith. (Too many OTHER two-legged yellow dogs running around I suppose.)
Anyway - the end is here. She was picked up by the monster bus, and scolded properly not only by Lucas, but by Stitch, and every other performer who had to be inconvenienced by turning around and losing about an hour's time this morning - aaaahhh, the joys of being on the road and needing to poo, but being too shy to tell the bus driver - now the world knows. (Hey World, my daughter Laura poos from time to time. If she's on YOUR bus, you may want to know that before you pull out and go on to your eventual destination.) Look for her - she may be the one inappropriately dressed and dragging a two-legged K-9 behind her.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Scorpio + Pisces
When Scorpio and Pisces make a love match, theirs is a splendid union of much respect and understanding. These mates share the same Element -- Water -- and thus have keen insight into one another's minds and hearts. Scorpio is very profound and covert, often caught up in their own secret plans, while Pisces is idealistic and looks for the nuances of a situation. However, Pisces also has a tendency to withdraw into their own mind, and can forgive Scorpio for being mysterious or withdrawn at times.
Both Signs are intuitive and in touch with the subtleties of human interaction. Scorpio can help Pisces fulfill dreams and ambitions -- to turn ideas into reality. The Scorpion will provide a steadfast foundation for the relationship to revolve around, and the more ephemeral and intuitive Fish will become entangled in Scorpio's web. In return, Pisces offers gentleness, kindness, and sympathy, which Scorpio admires and appreciates. Scorpio is interested in certain material comforts and intense emotional dramas, and at times cannot understand the simplistic, charitable attitude of Pisces. Their long-term aspirations can be completely unalike. Once they can understand and overcome this difference, theirs will be a very rewarding relationship.
Mars and Pluto rule Scorpio, and Jupiter and Neptune rule Pisces. Mars is the ancient God of War, and Scorpio individuals are living proof of this aggressive, courageous, daring and sometimes-belligerent influence. When Pluto combines with Mars, Pluto comes to symbolize new beginnings. Scorpio can take it, but they can also most certainly give it. Jupiter's rule of Pisces represents philosophy, expansion and excesses. The Neptunian influence gives Pisces a dreamy aura and a love for popular culture and media. Pisces dreamy, ethereal energy softens their Scorpio love's rough edges. The composite power of these four planets creates a balanced relationship, one of drama and emotional intrigue; this is a true celestial bond. However, a Scorpio mate must let their beloved Fish swim about a bit; a sensitive Pisces will suffocate under too many demands.
Scorpio and Pisces are both Water Signs. They're so compatible because Water is a tangible, physical entity, and both Signs appreciate and use this characteristic to their advantage. The destiny of a Pisces is to bring people together, and when this energy meets Scorpio's intensity and tenacity, there is no stronger bond. Also, Scorpio has an absolutist view of life; everything is either golden or tarnished. A patient Pisces opens the world up to their Scorpio mate, allowing them to see the bigger picture rather than just all that minute detail. Scorpio could grow weary of Pisces's unsteadiness, and Pisces may see Scorpio as self-absorbed and insensitive to their emotional needs. Still, it's not beyond these partners to seek out and find a compromise.
Scorpio is a Fixed Sign, and Pisces is a Mutable Sign. Scorpio puts their energy into one thing at a time, but Pisces skips around to wherever their feelings take them. Pisces, as a Mutable Water Sign, then, molds easily into their Scorpio lover's life and pastimes. In turn, Scorpio needs to give Pisces the freedom to enjoy personal interests. A Pisces can show a Scorpio that flexibility can be fun and exciting, that compromise can be reached without a big fight or struggle. The energies of a Scorpio and a Pisces feed off of one another's energy well, making for a powerful and emotionally satisfying union.
What's the best thing about a Scorpio-Pisces love match? Their similarly intense emotional natures, their shared sensitivity to the undercurrents of life, to the more ethereal magic of love. This is a relationship of harmony and fulfillment. Scorpio and Pisces both live empathetically and seek true, profound commitments, and this connection will keep the ties strong and their love enduring.
Well, at least he's smiling, and he looks happy.
If you ask me the Army hasn't really done their best to convince my son that he's suppose to be serious, tough-faced, hard, and stern at all times. The day he graduated from Basic Training out of Ft. Knox, KY his Drill Sgt came up to me and squared his shoulders about 8 inches from my face. He lifted his chin and spoke almost as if he were speaking to the air above my head - and he said "Ma'am, your son has been disgracing my platoon for several weeks. He has been smiling when he should be swearing. He has not let up, and when I tried my hardest to beat him into place, he has retaliated with gleefulness - something I find both irritating as well as challenging from the point of view of an Army Drill Sgt. Is there anything I need to know about your son that wasn't in his file regarding his inability to stop all that happiness?" (Of course, I'm paraphrasing the good Sgt.) My answer was simply - you guessed it - to smile.
If smiling can be used as a means of defusing the situation then Reuben has been a master of it for years. He used to smile through the mud and the rain at football practice when the other guys were cussing and running for the bleachers to take cover. I remember standing out in the rain myself during one game because it has always been a rule that we won't take cover unless there is lightning present. If its just rain - we stand and we watch the game. My son was playing, I was in the stands....and as it turns out, I was the ONLY one left in the stands - as literally every other fan, family member, follower, or friend of the players was huddled under the patio, the overhangs, and anything else that could cover them. My son looked up from the middle of the field - wondering if his mom had broken her promise. I had not. I stood there, and I stretched out my arm to him after having used my fist to pound my heart. My finger making the "one" sign to Heaven...our little sign of "I love you". We both stood in the rain - smiling.
So, whether he's tackling quarterbacks, moose, or just doing push ups for the C.O. my baby is usually smiling - something I have to say can be unnerving at times - but immensely rewarding when you consider the alternative. Because my baby is an Aries, he tends to smile more often than most others - he's unaware of his surroundings actually - never really grasping the full reality or the severity of any given situation. To Reu everything is new, everything an adventure, every event monumental - something to be savored...what a way to look at life. Sometimes just looking at my son can bring me such joy - making me forget all about the war, the hate, the hurt, and even the fact that I still owe more than I make - just to know that there is always something worth smiling about - and/or someone. I love that kid.
Faith was knee deep in the water, chasing, grabbing, fishing if you will for the bobbing and "ducking" ducks - but the collar stayed clean. I mean, it had mud all over it, but when I took it off of her and washed it with just the water from the hose, it got clean again. I imagine you may have to occasionally break out the detergent or something, but the best thing is - the collar didn't smell like swamp water. I let my friend's two year old chew on another collar (without the buckle) for a few hours just to see if it would tear - WAIT, did you think I meant a kid? No, she has a pit-mix and he absolutely loved the new chew strip. I may have to buy another collar for Faith to chew on too. I don't think you can destroy these things. They'll be around with the cockroaches in the year 3030. We'll be gone - but science will have proven by then that dogs in the year 2007 used to walk upright! They'll find Faith's remains with a Dublin Dog collar around her neck, and they'll swear that all dogs walked upright -without the technology to run our DVDs and modern devices, children will begin to believe that all dogs were bi-pedal in the year 3030...and they'll celebrate nearly 1000 years of using the same collars for the dogs that were in their family tree - having had them passed down to them over the many generations!
OK, maybe I'm going too far with the credit I should be giving to Dublin Dog, but you should be so lucky as to own one! Oh, wait, that's their slogan - "You Should Be So Lucky" - you can find them online of course, just google, or go to www.dublindog.com and order (I don't know, 10) give them as Christmas gifts and your friends will love you. No one else makes or sells this type of collar - you'll be special!