Frozen in Time - A Different Type of Tundra

My son Reuben spent the better part of his four years in the United States Army in the greater frontier of Alaska; Fairbanks to be specific. There he must have had a million emotions. I remember him calling me on his 21st birthday telling me how badly it sucked and how he wished to God he had never joined the Army. I'm sure he was upset mostly because of the duty station choices made for him right out of basic. He asked me once what he did to piss the commanding officers off to the point that they gave him that particular duty station. "Why Alaska?", he kept asking, but after a bit longer, and a few more pouting nights, he figured it out. He may not have loved it then, not right there and then, but today he'd give anything to go back. Seems the boy left something up there worth the time it would take to chip ice cycles off his nose again.

We see pictures of the great Northwest and we saw AWWW and OOOOH when we are shown photos of the Northern Lights, their green and pink hues swimming across the sky at night, or maybe what is actually during the day since half the year is spent virtually in the dark that far away. We see the moose, the hills, the mountains, the streams, the first snow, and we think to ourselves how great it would be to travel just once to the area. Maybe we'd take a boat from one little island inlet to the next, see a whale or two jumping out of the dark and ominous abyss. Maybe we could see ourselves as passengers on the little planes with landing gear designed to float on water; maybe we just want to get away from the hassle and hustle of the cities we live in now, and a trip that far away somehow makes sense.

Reuben decided over a year ago that he was unable to fill up the wants and the desires that leave holes in his heart concerning Alaska. Give him the snow, the ice, the cold, the wind. He'll even weather this winter, one of the worst that area has ever seen - - he'll do it BAREFOOT for the chance to find that missing piece, that mishap-shaped hole he created, the one that fits perfectly into the center of his wounded yet beating heart. Reuben left more than a few skivies in the washing machine at Ft. Wainwright, he left the love of his soul. That piece of history cannot be repeated, and it can never be recovered unless it is recovered for good. I miss my old Reuben, I really do. I miss the one that laughed, and cut up, the one that put the JOY in my day. He's somewhere inside that man's body, I can see it every once in a while when he smiles, but then suddenly it disappears again - and it is gone.

I asked him what he dreamed about; just something to pass the time, maybe get him talking again. He told me he dreamed of holding her again, of kissing her. He didn't have to say her name. I knew it. She knows it. He's sorry he left...and I am too. I would give my own son away today if it would do him good to go. I would give him to her and pray for their lives together. Until then, he is a frozen tundra I suppose, suspended in a time much longer to live than most. A time where every minute is an hour and seconds don't even exist. He's just waiting on the Spring to thaw him into something resembling the man he was before he went the first time; but time doesn't work that way son, it never does.

I love you Reuben.

To Fire or Not to Fire

I'm on the fence right now over the new Kindle Fire. I'm SURE an Apple iPad would do everything I wanted it to do, and probably a million things I had no idea it could do, but I don't want to pay out over $600 for it. I'm waiting on them to go down in price - - and they do. Kindle Fire offers more or less what I need such as reading, viewing, browsing, and watching TV/movies, but the iPad does more of the other things I want, namely e-mailing and editing of documents. Both have a wi-fi dependability that doesn't make me happy. I'd like to have the capability to use the iPad and/or tablet as a passenger in a car without worrying about signal going in and out. There's that. There's also the fact that the Kindle is smaller and easier to put into my purse! AAAGGGGHHHH!! I'm sure something will come along to help me make up my mind.

I was even playing around with the thought of just going without a tablet, but I could use one. I'm forever mistyping on my iPhone because my fingers are just too big, and I can't and won't carry my big laptop with me. It was smaller when I bought it, but now it's a giant compared to the technologies available. It's not that I have to be connected but I like to be. Actually with my job I don't have to be connected whatsoever, I can teach and go home and live in a cave and no one would care unless I didn't show up for work. Next year will be a different matter. I'm going to be teaching online courses and having the tablet will be so much easier than carrying the laptop into Starbucks and setting up shop. I do that, I go to Barnes & Noble, Starbucks, maybe even outside if the weather is nice, and I tell the students where I'll be in case they want to come by and have coffee with me. It will be very necessary next semester to have either the iPad or something like it; so I was hoping that the Kindle Fire would answer these questions for me.

In a few reviews I've found the Kindle Fire is NOT meeting up with the expectations of the purchasers. In one report the owner actually said she would throw the Kindle Fire into her fire if it acted up again. I don't know what she was or wasn't able to achieve with it, but I am NOT a geek - I am a dork. If I have to do more than turn it on and type there could be a problem. The Kindle Fire I'm told, is more for uploading and downloading, or as they say "pulling from the cloud" to give me the tv/movies and books or magazines I want to view. Well, I want to do more than view. I want to interact, design, create, move things around, e-mail, maybe even use it as a camera if it has that capability....how funny would that be, it would mean the return of the larger camera again.

So, it's the iPad for me I guess. Better start putting the pennies away now. Maybe Acer or HP can make something as good. I say this as I remember I have already thrown out a number of LG and Samsung phones with Android capabilities that were suppose to rival my old 3G iPhone. I'm keeping it. Fat fingers or not, it beats the heck out of the touch pads I've been playing with. I guess I answered my own questions. See how rewarding blogging can be? Just imagine if I could do this on the move...and I can, but just not today.

You Just Can't Please Them All

Laura and I have been the fodder for a young girl's rants online lately, and there really isn't anything we can do about it. She (the girl, we'll call Kate) has a bit of a mental illness and I asked Laura politely once to be kind to her because of it. This would be kinder gesture on my part led to Kate's feelings being hurt and suddenly I'm the "bad guy" online. I've been told by friends and people I don't know that I've been marked and/or targeted by her banter but to be honest I'm not that worried about it. If I had done what she claims I have done some one of authority would have already have stopped me right? Maybe not, maybe I'm that clever...anyway, my point is that I just can't please everyone and so I won't really try that hard to do so. If my gesture was taken as pity it wasn't intended that way.

I'm reminded of the time I drove about 150 miles out of my way to deliver a dog to a woman who, after I had arrived, informed me that I needed to take the dog to the vet for a check up. Then I was asked if it would be too much of a bother to pay for the check up because the lady hadn't actually AGREED to take the dog until she knew it was OK. I smiled. I opened the gate to her yard, let the dog out and waved. For that I received a blasting online about how I abandoned animals. Me, the one person who I know goes all out of whack to be sure I accommodate the fuzzies ones...but it is what it is. I'm sure we have all been there, or have stories about how our good intentions or good deeds backfired.

Today Laura and I went to the barn where she boards her horse and I told my oldest daughter that if Kate were there I wasn't going to be mean or nasty, I wasn't going to ignore her as Laura had suggested, I was just going to be as nice and sweet as I possibly could be so that speaking poorly of me again may be harder on the kid. Who knows, maybe she just didn't want to be treated nicely. Maybe that was my bad, and I should have just let the chips fall. There was (and I am thankful) absolutely no drama! Lots of mud though. We were slinging it, but it was the real mud we were mucking through and not the type you throw with innuendo! Viva la Good Deeds, I say. I believe we should continue to be nice, continue to be sweet, continue to be the great people we were made to be, and if the nay-sayers don't like it, well they can eat a worm...no wait, let's make that a gummi worm. I don't need anyone writing how I was belligerent to the needs and caregiving of our slimy friends in ponds and creeks.

Back to the Chalkboard - Or More Appropriately, the Whiteboard

So, I'm happy! I woke up happy, and I'll probably stay that way! I am about to start a new semester of teaching Ethics, Philosophy and English! YES! I'm one of THOSE instructors who just loves to get out of bed and teach someone something. It makes my day to see just ONE light bulb pop over a student's head. When the eyes open up, and the mouth drops just a tad - and then, wait for it....the SMILE! They get it! YEA!!! There aren't many teachers and/or professors out there working for the money alone. We wouldn't be doing what we do if we did. Nope, we'd be at the Financial Planning offices downtown, uptown, or on the streets peddling futures. Instead, I'm in the classroom training for the future. Hey, I'm selfish! What can I say? If I can get these guys to open up their minds and take real responsibility I'm that much better off considering they are my future. "Learn them well" as my old Philosophy prof used to say! "Learn them well".

This semester I'm teaching 5 classes: 2 English Comp., 2 Ethics, and 1 Intro to Philosophy. The Philly class is on Saturday mornings from 8-12 so we'll be up and at it before everyone else, just laughing and carrying on. One of the requirements is to bring your breakfast and pour my coffee for me when I get too busy and let it go cold. I'm all about team work. Socrates is one of my favorites to discuss. He and Teddy Roosevelt do as much as they can to teach my students what it is to be both intelligent and responsible with intelligence. If it weren't for Socrates I'd probably be one of those people thinking I knew too much, and perhaps I'd become arrogant as well. Socrates reminds me daily that I probably don't know anything at all really, and to delve too deeply into a subject may reveal to my brain that I was correct in assuming how very little I truly know. Then again, the fact that I want to delve is good - right? I think it is.

Teaching English is much more of a classic instructor's role for me. I'm required by the rules of the college to have the students meet criteria necessary to progress. We prod and trudge through academia on a much more traditional path; no one is asked even once in my English class to stand up and role play their favorite blabbermouth or explorer. We write, read, create, and revise. I like teaching English very much, it brings me back to reality. Reality is a good place to hang out from time to time, but my home is somewhere back in the mind. I'd rather think, dream, believe, and create than be, dare I say, civilized. At least I'm the Fun English Instructor. At least I have the same goals of seeing the students smile and laugh their way through the drudgery of developing outlines or determining how many adjectives should properly be applied to one paragraph. (For the record I require 15 adjectives per paragraph, and 8 sentences minimum)

Today is not a teaching day however. I must go back upstairs and put things away both in my room and in the closets. We've recently moved and though all of the boxes are now properly placed into the correct rooms I am finding that my room is so very hard to move around in. Boxes, bags of clothing, books, shelves, and shoes clutter my way. I put the 12 full boxes of CDs in a hall closet; my iPod holds their content. There will be a day when these plastic pieces will be valuable...like vinyl was. Remember LPs? No? Well, they were awesome. Go forth and learn something today! It will make you feel fantastic.

Green - a Poem

Green the grass rolls yonder
Setting fragrance free
Breezes flower, blooming
Bursting at their seams

Honeysuckle, Daffodils
Roses, creep like Myrtles
Draping. Swing. Mad Willow
Bend and show the world

Bend and show to everyone
The Oak is not so strong
She holds her ground,
But breaks to Wind's harsh song

Sing your songs sweet Sparrow
Counter speak the Doves
Listen Willow, feel them
Hiding in your gloves

Green your leaves drape covering
Busily sweep the air
Not for me to question
Not for me to care

Creep the Myrtles purple
Bloom and give to green
Willows kiss the future
Winter hands off to Spring

-- Jude Stringfellow
2010

Zen Baby, Zen!

It's so funny! These babies, they think they can get one over on me. No way. Please, I've been zenning babies since 1986. I have it down to a science. Within a minute or so after I pick a screaming squealing kid that simply won't shut up I can have him or her flat on their backs resting in their cribs and either sound asleep or in that hazy-lazy spot of zen-perfection. Easy stuff. All I have to do is put my little ipod on New Age music, maybe something Celtic, maybe something Oriental with dings and pings and little tinkling bells....that's it. Happy, cool, calm, collected baby. I set the leathery soft over-the-ear headsets on large so they don't fit tightly, but snug enough they can hear it all. I can hear it too, so I turn it down just a notch as not to hurt the tiny eardrums, and before I can say "Highland's March" the baby is out!

I asked Caity to assist me with this project of course before Copeland was even born. When she was 3 or 4 months along I asked her to put the headsets over her belly bump so he could feel the vibrations. I wanted to spend the extra money and get her some wireless headsets but never got around to it. I do watch the cords when I set him down to be sure he's not tangling himself in them. He's gone - - out. I can hear him every now and then cooing something or making a very satisfied sound such as to say "Don't bother me Granny, I'm listening to David Arkenstone at the moment and can't be disturbed." He even moves his arms around like he's conducting. He wants to have his music played for him, he cries for it..literally. If I had to guess I'd say his favorite are the Celtic Christmas tunes or the band 2002, which is more New Age zenny and he likes the harp. That much I know.

So, go on you old-fashioned grannies out there rocking, carrying, pushing, strolling, and driving your grand babies around to shut them up, not me..we zen. We zen, and we zen, and we zen. As soon as he's old enough we'll meditate and I'll take him to a rock store so he can pick out pretty rocks for presents instead of guns and knives. That's just the way it is - - until Reuben brings him something else. Of course I'll get him a football to suck on, as soon as he can hold one.

Happy Daddy's Day

I have a father of course, and I want to take a minute and acknowledge him today as it is HIS day. It is Father's Day and he is a wonderful father. He and I didn't (and don't) usually agree on anything whatsoever, but I still consider him to be wise and wonderful. He's fantastic in so many ways. Happy Father's Day Dad!!

I have another father I want to think about today and congratulate. Brandon! My grand baby's father. Brandon is just a young man, a very young man in fact, but he's a daddy, and today is his very first Father's Day. Today he was served his breakfast in bed (thank you Caity) and he was allowed to lay around, not do much, and watch anything he wants to on television - - it's HIS day!! He's choosing to spend his day of course with Caity and Copeland. They're going to go on a walk later on I imagine. It's too wet here in Indy to go to the Zoo, but he'll make up for that soon. He's going to be watching movies with them, playing, and hanging out. I told them about a new trail that Laura and I found, so I'll watch Copeland while he and Caity explore that. It's concrete and doesn't have all the slippery slopes that the nature trails have, so the rain outside shouldn't be too much of a factor. He's not made out of sugar, he won't melt.

So, Happy FIRST Father's Day to Brandon - - he's been a great daddy to Copeland since before he was born and I think he'll be a winner for a very long time. I have to really stand tall on my tippy-toes to hug him, he's about 6'4" but I did manage to get it done!!

Apparently I am Jeff Saturday!

It must have something to do with the fact that my son loves Jeff Saturday's beard, or because Saturday wears number #63 on his Indianapolis Colts jersey. Whatever the reason is, it is only known to Reuben, but he has donned me to be "Jeff Saturday". Whenever I need to make a point to Reuben I do so by using football analogy. If I can't use a comparison to something dealing with football I try to use the next best thing; war. Somehow football and war are close enough that no matter what my point is, I can usually make it by finding something to relate it to using either of these two subjects. Well, today I was telling my son that I need to be more of a team player, more blended and less noticed. I recently lost another job because I was curious and asked too many questions about how the operations ran -- and in some cases you just can't do that and keep yourself employed. It wasn't as if I was being nosey, I was simply asking why the school I taught at (Brown Mackie College) was allowing students into the school who didn't have the mental capacity to complete the given curriculum ...it's a valid question.

Reuben looked at me from the driver's seat of the car and said "You know Mom, I'm getting a little tired of picking you up early and finding out that you lost your job because you think something isn't legal, or you think something could be done another way. You need to be more ... you need to be more like Jeff Saturday and less like Peyton Manning. Peyton has a right to know what's going on down the field, he's the leader, he's the quarterback, he's the one with the win or lose on his head. YOU, and Jeff Saturday, need to keep your head down, one hand on the ball, one hand on the ready to guard, and listen to full count before making your move. You never know, the QB may just call an audible at the last second." And with that I realized my son was actually being more like me....and I understood everything he was saying to me.

It wasn't that I wanted to cause trouble by asking the administration why they were allowing students into the college who were unable to pay back loans, or the fact that they were letting students into the college who had not even graduated from high school -- I just wanted clarification; and understanding of the situation. What I got was an ejection from the field for being up in the Head Coach's face during a play when I should have been on the field minding my own business. I get it.

Reuben explained that Saturday, as the Center, is in the middle of it. He's strong, quiet, paying attention, forceful but controlled, and he's the one the ball belongs to until he gives it away. I'm suppose to give my knowledge, training, and experience to the students not fuss with the coaches or the managers about the rules of the game. I get it. Besides, Saturday is a Pro-Bowler and he's cute too. I can be cute. I'm not gonna rock a beard like his anytime soon, but I can do this. I can be Jeff Saturday...even if I am Bears fan. I can do this. So....when do I get to be put back in the game?

What an Absolutely Wonderful Day

I have to tell you, I woke up this morning from an amazing dream about having found new friends and old friends. We were all sitting at a table and talking. It was as if nothing had ever happened between us that was bad - - only good. Steve Carroll was there, don't ask me why, we've never met.

When I'm given the opportunity I try so very hard to make things as positive as they can me. Some of you know I run an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) workshop when called upon to do so. You can find the site easily at: www.positivepower.weebly.com where I'm asked all the time if EFT really works. Well, this morning I woke up feeling great and I had about a 12 minutes EFT session last night with the dogs before going to bed. Oh, you didn't know? Yes, doing EFT, yoga, anything with dogs can help your meditation -- and theirs. They get petted, you get the stress out of your life. It's a win-win.

So, there I was meditating, candles going, soft Celtic music in my headsets(Not blasting Van Halen when I meditate) and five of the six dogs all around me just breathing and making those "gotta go to bed soon" sounds that dogs make. It just occurred to me that lately I've been sleeping with five of the six dogs and that's not fair. I don't even get the standard 14-inches of my full sized bed now. What is this? Reuben should take his Molly back, and Caity and Brandon should at least call one of their dogs to their room - - wait, I have too many kids living with me too! No wonder I'm using EFT and meditating!! LOL I love my family, I really do. Soon it will happen, and all the kids will go their ways again. It's been great to have them under the same roof this past year. Most families fight about that sort of thing, but thankfully my kids get along, love and help each other. Having Reuben home from the war is absolutely fantastic...can't say enough about that. He'll leave again in October, but it's been great to have him as the man of the house again.

Caity and Brandon of course have their new baby Copeland and within a few months they'll move out. I'm not sure Laura will ever leave me, but she always sleeps with her own dog! LOL...there's that.

So, yes, I woke up, I felt good, I prayed, made coffee, took the kid (Laura) to work, and sat down to write. My book "FAITH WALKS" is finished, and it's now time to get 200 of my blogs together to make another book - - the Blog Book. Appropriately titled "Jude's Almost Daily Blog Book - Volume 1". Should be out by Christmas, should make you laugh...and if not I don't know what I'll do; work a little harder maybe? Gotta run, but let me leave you with this - - the day is what you make it. The hour is what you demand, the minute is what you accept of it, and this second is not to be wasted. Love someone.

Copeland Elijah Wayne Stringfellow

Caity woke up April 26 with a bit of a pain in her back, but thought she would be sent home if she went up to the hospital to be checked. She had been checked a couple of days beforehand, and was sent home. The nurses told her that Copeland wasn't going to be coming for at least a week, but Caity felt that she was already a week overdue. She was trying to get the nurses to understand that she had made a mistake in her previous calculations - - she felt that the baby was now overdue. (She was right!)

Baby Copeland Elijah Wayne Stringfellow came into the world at exactly 3:26 p.m. weighing just under 9 pounds. He was 8 pounds, 15.6 ounces and he was 21 inches long. He wasn't all that happy about being out of the warm belly either. He has a sort of serious minded expression most of the time. I'm not sure he's still really happy with us, but we sure are happy he's here! We currently all reside together until the kids get their feet on the ground; this gives everyone a chance to bond with Cope and give him the secure family feeling he needs. He has been a blessing from the beginning and we thank God for his health, his safe entrance, Caity's health, and all the stuff that goes with being a new member to the family.

Reuben wanted to be at the birth, but had to finish working. I can't even explain the look on Laura's face as Copeland was being born -- she was hiding at the top of the bed behind Caity. Oh, and Caity was something else too - - let me tell you. When the midwife came into the room and checked her, asking her if she needed pain meds or the epidural Caity wasn't sure she wanted anything. I spoke up and told them yes. She was dialated and ready to start getting serious; when I was in that position I was begging for help. NOT CAITY...if you know the brat you'd know she doesn't cry much, and even has a tattoo on the inside of her lip! She just doesn't feel pain like the rest of us...like normal people.

Copeland was born, we all relaxed, and Caity has been just the best mommy. She's a natural. For his part, Copeland is a good baby, a bit fussy, but he's a Taurus. We get that..just like his Aunty Laura and my dad. Can we survive another one? As long as nothing changes we should be fine huh?

Copeland's daddy's name is Brandon Wayne, so that's where the Wayne comes in. My dad is also Reuben Wayne. They came up with Copeland on their own; I think it's the name of a band they both like. We call the boy "Cope" or "Copey" and of course he's perfect....of course.