Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Things My Son Does to Scare Me - Do Actually Scare Me

Cute huh? We had long hair together, and now we have shorter hair together - but he's still taller, and probably weighs less than I do at this point now that he's spent the last few weeks in Death Valley, CA in the summer heat, in a tank!

My son gets the last laugh - if it kills him, he has to have the last one. He'll plan something for months and months, just to pull it off perfectly, and then just roll over laughing. He doesn't even care if you douse him with a fully charged fire extinguisher afterwards - which is what I did to him when he got me last time. I was so mad! I don't even remember what that time was, but let me tell you what he did on September 12, 2001. Remember 9/11? Surely you remember that day right? I was staring out the window thinking I can't go to work again, I work on the 28th floor. What if a plane comes through Oklahoma City, what if they do it here too? I was just a bit on the nervous side, and I did not...did NOT need my son screwing with me like he does from time to time. I grounded the boy when he was younger and he climbed out the window and went to the store to buy me a chocolate bar. I thought he had run away and called the police. They found him and brought him back - he was happy he didn't have to walk the mile home...sweet kid. Right.

On the morning of September 12, 2001 - just after the bombings, just after the mayhem, I couldn't find my son. I was scared to death! It was too early for him to have gone to school, it was only 6:00 a.m. We lived in a mid-rise on the 10th floor, and the locks were locked from the inside. The locks on the front door were locked from the inside. You can't get out his window, it only opened 6" or so - a safety thing since we lived above the 2nd floor. He wasn't in his room. He wasn't in my room. He wasn't in the bathroom, and the little living room and kitchen were open. The closets were jammed with boxes, and I was just standing there crying - bawling my eyes out. Reuben! I began to cry out. REUBEN! Oh my God, my baby! Baby! I was really upset and decided I would go out on the balcony, but he couldn't have gotten out and then relocked the doors. I was literally thinking he was abducted by this time....but couldn't get it through my brain because I didn't (and don't) believe in little green men, but I do believe in transporting if God wants to do it!

I sat on the couch and rocked back and forth screaming into a little brown pillow my mother had made for him to sleep with. I was just unnerved....then he came out of the bathroom - a little scared of what might happen. HOW IN THE HELL could I have missed him? I looked! I was in the shower, I was in the tiny bathroom a dozen times. That's just it. When I was in the bathroom he was hiding behind my door. When I went to his room he went to the bathroom. When I went to my room he went back to his room and hid behind the door. This went on for several minutes, and somehow he was able to hold in the gut and not laugh at me.....until I began sobbing so uncontrollably that even Reuben had to stop laughing. "Mommy, I'm sorry" he began, and I just pounded and pounded and pounded on him. He was 15...he could take it.

He decided to cancel school that morning and just hang out with me. I called into work and my boss understood. No one above the 4th floor wanted to go to work anyway downtown. I just sat and rocked on the couch crying and hitting my son, until he had the great idea to go out and get pizza for breakfast. Hot pizza for breakfast? OK, usually it's cold...so that's what we did. Damn kid!

Reuben has been used at least a half dozen times now in the Army role playing as the enemy. He's stealth, he's scary stealth, and he's really very good at masterminding these sorts of scare-tactics....spooky scary, and it just kills me. At least I know he's not going to do that one again to me. He pinky-promised and he and I both know you go to HELL if you break one pinky promise! LOL

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