Tuesday, April 3, 2007

There Was This Woman ---

OH, don't you know that EVERY time a man gets in trouble his reason, no, his excuse begins with "There was this woman". Adam used that same line on God in the Garden of Eden - it didn't work then, and it doesn't work now - own up!

I know your son doesn't call you at 2:00 in the morning to tell you he's bored and that he wishes he was in Iraq but mine does. He's training at his duty station (Army) in Fairbanks, Alaska and he's bored - too much snow. After complaining about not having enough to do, after complaining about the food, the trek to town just to get a beer, the fact that he and his unit had to stay several nights in a one-room bunker because someone lost a scope to a weapon -- he finally came clean as to why - for the past 3 nights - my son, my one and only boy, has been calling me nearly every other hour to talk. "Mom, there's this woman."

OK...he's in love. I get that. CALL HER!

When he drove the car through the house (not to it, through it) he was thinking about a girl he liked at school. When he broke the arm of his own team's quarterback - he was thinking about a girl he wanted to ask out. When he failed to stop at a stop sign clearly marked, and yes, it even came with blinking lights overhead --- THERE WAS THIS WOMAN was the beginning of the sentence that ended weakly, and probably really pathetically as well. She was in front of him, in a cute little car, and she smiled - he had to follow.

Tonight - I drove my two daughters to the mall so they could see a movie. I walked around the mammoth shell of the closed shops, dreaming, thinking, wishing, and looking at the clothes, the shoes, the tiny little pink, hi-cut panties with a matching hot laced bra in the window at Victoria Secret that I knew would actually never come off the rack and actually make it into my own bag - but I looked anyway - why? Well, there was ....this woman....I remember her. She was pretty hot. She had legs that went way way up to her short shorts and she walked, no she would glide, like a queen or - maybe like an angel - and she had an attitude on her, girl, she could tell anyone where to go, what to do, when to do it, and if they couldn't somehow tell from the shape of her lip, the stare of her eyes, and the way she tossed her head back almost immediately following a "look" - well, they certainly needed help.

There was this woman - they say being narcisistic is a bad thing, but you know - a little bit helps now and then. I miss her sometimes. I do.

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