Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hey Lady, Will You Sell Me Your Dog?

Basically, this sort of thing shouldn't happen. I mean, you buy a puppy when they are being sold on the corner, at the pet store, perhaps out of the paper, from a friend; but you don't approach someone whose had a dog as a member of her family for nearly 5 years and just because she's cool - offer to pay her for the dog. AS IF.

OK...before I go into all the reasons this guy was nuts, tell me something - what does this guy plan to do with my dog? Market her? Just exactly HOW would he do that without getting her to cooperate with him on his every whim? Would she cooperate? She doesn't do what I ask her to do most of the time. I just let her go, and watch! She walks where she wants to walk, noses what she wishes, and when she decides to go under the bed or under the table if we're in public, she goes! Faith has her own agenda. Does this man really think he can pay me for my kid? (Don't answer that...I might sell Caity. I would laugh my self silly, roll over in fact, and call 9-1-1 just to help the man out, but I could conceive of selling THAT child before I could conceive of selling Faith.) Caity and I have a deal. If I can sell her and make a decent profit I have to split it with her. She doesn't believe anyone would actually pay money, but she's at least willing to consider the possibilities. That is, until the person made a demand of the girl - that's when it would get fun. Talk about a show; sit back and take odds. Put your money on the monster. I really do love this kid, I do. I love her endlessly, unconditionally, sometimes at a far distance, and sometimes really up close and personal...but I wouldn't pay a nickel for another one just like her.

Buy my dog! The Hell they say! The second I did something like that I would become the most hated person on earth. Keith Olbermann would mark me as the Worst of the Worst People on the Planet. Karl Rove would get a better poll score than me. I could just see the headlines "Two-Legged Bitch isn't a Canine", or maybe "Faith Be Gone,Owner Sells for $1M" Besides, what would I do with a Million Dollars that I can't do with the pennies I make now? I couldn't' hide. I couldn't buy another puppy and start over hoping it would respect me...which it probably would because dogs do that. They love no matter what. I would be the most evil of evils...not to mention the fact that my baby-girl would cry and not understand for a second why I left her with a stranger.

Please, do me a favor. If you see me in public with my dog, ask me how old she is, what her favorite game is, what she eats (Petlane Pure Woof - Get it from Lenny Slape in San Fran.) but never ask me if you can buy my dog, never ask me how much I'd take. The answer to that question is this: I would take a bullet for her, but she's not for sale. If you want the truth, I wouldn't really sell my little girl either; she's a mess and a pain in my backside most of the time, but that Gremlin is my baby doll, and even though I'll fight her to the end of days, she is forever in my soul, in my blood.

You may not get to pick your family, but you certainly don't go around selling them. Geez!

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