Another Use for Bacardi

You know what? I really don't drink that much. I can count the times I've been drunk on 3 fingers and 2 of those times I was set up - should've called the police type events, but because of where I was at the time it would have gotten very little attention. Let's just say I'm not a drinker. I love wine though. The times in my past that I have walked into the liquor store and picked up a small bottle of Bacardi have been for truly medicinal purposes. I remember at the age of 4 my son had head lice and was being kicked out of daycare - enter Mr. Bacardi. I simply poured the stuff on the kid and combed out every nit after just a few seconds. They can't hold their liquor.

Another time I bought the stuff I was suffering from a severe cold with a cough that would not stop and no amount of Robitussin was helping - besides, Robitussin was actually more expensive than a bottle of B, so there you have it. Today I'm thinking of going right back to Panchos Liquor Store and picking up another bottle of do-it-all medicine from the clear whiskey aisle. The staph is taking over my life and I'm about to throw something at my dog (he jumped up on the bed and touched my bum with his foot this morning, sending me screaming as I rolled off the bed, hitting the same spot, and screaming again.) I think I can do this.

I think I can get a bottle of Bacardi, go another block or two to the Academy Sports store and pick up a simple black mouth guard. I'm going to need something tough and strong to bite down on - if I can even get the angle I need to pour the hot 100 proof scalder where it needs to go....Doctors would probably discourage me. I can see the e-mails now "Don't tell children to use liquor on staph, tell them to take antibiotics prescribed by a doctor." OK...kids, go to the doctor! Don't pour liquor on your bum...but if you do, get something really tough and rubbery to bite on so you don't end up biting off you bottom lip or screaming so loud the neighbors call 9-1-1 thinking you're being killed.

I'll do a little research first. Google it: "100 Proof Staph", or maybe go to www.ask.com and type in "Does 100 proof whiskey kill staph?" I should try that first and see what happens...it'll come back with a disclaimer "Yes, but see your doctor if you develop a liking for the method of intake you're describing. You could have other issues to deal with."