Pyrate Nyte!

(Jack Rickam's Flag)

The conditions were right! Last week the water main was broken outside of our units. I live in a HOA of sorts, and the water is a shared source. Broken and only repairable for a few hours at a time by using a city by-pass, we were without water for most of the week - save an hour here, an hour there, and naturally the hours were set up to accommodate those who were working during the day. I was asked to be inconvenienced as I don't really have a job. Authors just play all day, you know that.

Next in line for the inconvenience mill was the air conditioner. It broke when I turned it on. First day of necessity, and I suppose it just wasn't up to its old self. Old being the optimal word - ancient is even a better description. The AC guy told me he's never replaced that particular part in the 12 years he's worked for TRANE, so there you go - he ended up ordering me a new unit. Thank you! Of course, it was on back order and the HOA had to approve it, and all that - so there you go, this was day 13 without AC. I'm OK, I was born a Sooner! I can handle the heat. I can handle the snow, the tornado, the wind, the rain - throw it at me. Just don't let people drive in it - we're not known for our maneuverability - not like Texas!

OK...third's the charm. The electricity man came by yesterday and cut me off. I asked him to stay for a second so I could bring out my receipt, it was paid for online, but he wasn't really interested. I missed him by a few seconds, he simply drove away. My phone is connected to my cable, which is powered by electricity, and my cell was about out of juice - again, powered by electicity - but I have the car! I ended up powering up my cell from the car battery, and driving myself to the store to get a few more candles after the electric company told me they hadn't downloaded their page where I had recently paid -something about being backlogged with work. Thank you. I was cut off - and it would be another 20 hours before I could see the light to day again...well, technically it was already the light of day, it was just before noon. I had light, but was told it was going away at around 8:30 that evening. I was also assured that it would return - at least God's light, and then we'd have to work on the other people.

With 12 new candles (thanks to Glade) I had to come up with a fresh idea of what to do without my tv, my internet, my cable, my phone, my stereo, my lights, and my food - anything in the frig would be taken to my girls' house so it wouldn't spoil, which means it would also be eaten by the various pack of boys that go in and out of those doors 24/7. I decided fast too, didn't take much of a twisting. Pyrate Nyte!

Call the girls over, not my girls, they're too young - the old ones. Call them all, get the tequila, get the wine, get the flag out. Yes, I do have a flag and I do fly it on these occasions...when it's Pyrate Nyte it's a no-penis night. Men need not attempt to break barriers - not without fear of being kidnapped, not without fear of being forced to do every bidding, every order, every chore - - imaginable. We don't wear much at these parties either, especially when the AC is off and it's too dark for the lookers on to really see much. Depending on how many older women could gather into one house - that man could be risking more than just his life should he dare to try to sneak past us for a taste of the brew so pleasingly placed on the table, waiting to be consumed.

When the cigars come out the gun powder tea is also rolled and smoked. I had forgotten about the pole in my backyard on the patio - one of my mates found it appealing, thought she'd try out a new step. She wanted to see if she could hang upside down from her thighs while smoking - she can. We're all practicing now and will be able to put forth a right good contest for the next event - probably not too far off, these things only need a little coaxing to be encouraged. Women actually find the company of women to be uplifting, in this case swingingly uplifting! When the dancing was over the stories began - she who lies best wins.

Before the close of the evening we were listening to Dwight Yokam a bit louder than the neighbors would have ordinarily approved, except the neighbors were in company as well. Dwight has a way about him - his manners please a few tipsy women holding limes in one hand and cigars in the other. We like Dwight... a lot. Our bellies full of cheese and crackers, beer, wine, tequila, and smoke - we agreed full heartedly that it was time to say our last lies, and bid the night sweet dreams. Some poor villains had to get up in just a few hours to plug in cables, pull wires, work on engines, and yes - because women are good at it, some of these poor wretches had to give orders to others and they wanted to be on their best behavior. Hard to do with the skull and crossbones staring back at you in your blurred memories...time to call the boys.

Men came to take their women away - never sail a ship with a smile plastered on your face. Let someone else do that. It's important to be in one piece so that the season's opening is not the last Nyte to be had....welcome good weather, welcome inconvenience - we know how to handle you! Hoist the colors. Grin and ... bare it.