Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Naked In the Midnight Sun

We all knew the good snowy cold weather in Alaska just couldn't last, and sooner or later (this case SOONER) there would be nakedness on base at Ft. Wainwright. And there's something inside of me that knew that the first reports of nakedness would be reported to me - involving my son.

It's true, the boy sleeps naked when he's in the tank, his Stryker. Something perhaps the United States Army doesn't want the entire world to know, but the inside of a real live Stryker vehicle gets hot enough in Fairbanks, Alaska to warrant men taking off all of their clothes. Mind you, most men I'm told only strip down to their underwear, but being the light-hearted, air-headed Aries that he is, my son goes the full monty whenever possible. He and Caity have that in common, something Laura and I have never understood - so I guess we do actually live in a house divided, and it has nothing to do with rival colleges now, does it?

To be the most obnoxious brats and com padres that they are, the other men inside the boy's Stryker were hangers on, they weren't crew members of Reuben's, but friends. They woke up a little earlier than the boy and decided to play a little trick on him. Finding his skivvies on the floor of the machine they promptly pulled on their own pants and flung my son's undergarments in plain sight up on top of the Stryker, and just over the gun-thing - or the radio antenna. My son was laughing too hard when he told me the story via cell phone out in the field - WHERE I MIGHT ADD, they ordered TACO BELL and an actual employee brought it out to the field to them! I think that was a completely separate issue from the underpants on the radio thing, but you may actually be getting the gist of this blog - Our Army has far too much fun!

There he was on the tank-like vehicle, bare-butted, I think he said he had socks on; and he was reaching up to get his panties off the radio thing when he was spotted by a few men who were (like my son) on field exercises. They nodded, laughed, and gave him a few words, but for the most part just thanked God they were born into families that actually finds that behavior to be absurd. My son just popped back into the Stryker and drove the boys home. When asked about the whereabouts of his uniform, his helmet, his shoes, and his weapons he told the C.O. "Oh, I have my weapons Sir, there's no way I'd let them take those. I have my weapons, that's for damn sure." You know my kid, he has his priorities.

Now, I ask you - where was CNN all this time? Somewhere in Texas filming the white chapel and overtly religious families. Thank you God, thank you for the timing. I can just see my Oklahoma Sooner son with his big mouth smile saying "Howdy" in his birth date suit to the all-seeing cameras of the Associated Press. (Boy, do me this: please tell me they were clean. That's all a mother can ask for.) Love ya.

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