IF you have the privilege to know my comprehensibly rude and overtly inappropriate family, you would know that my three children will at times have competitions that involve poop -- yes, you heard me, human waste. They will, independently, collectively, competitively contact each other through text, messenger or through a game on the headset, and they'll talk about their last poop. They'll make it a joke of course, but they're very serious about making it a one-up situation; forcing the other one (or two, depending on how many of them are on the call) to either lie about their last poop, or to admit they were inferior in their production of said waste, unless of course; and this is huge (no pun intended) they are telling the truth, and they can prove it - - yes, I said prove it. They are (and never have been) above sharing graphic photos to each other. THANK YOU, children, for not sharing with the rest of the world! I did at least get that part right when I tried my dangedest to raise you - - I did something (if only one thing) right!
We have always been a family of poopers, I can tell you that. With the vast amounts of protein being blended in shakes, cooked on the stove, and just eaten out of cardboard cans, my family will out fart any family I know; and I'm not above admitting to being a part of that statistic. Reuben wins, we all agree, there is no one in this family arrogant enough, willing, or able to challenge the man, he's the King, and we give him that crown. I have written in another book that it's sad (to a degree) that as a mom I can literally walk into a fart and know which kid produced it - - KNOWING that I was about to walk through the door or hallway; it's a thing, and they all get the biggest kick out it - - sometimes I literally sit in my overstuffed chair just thanking God for their individual homes while I breathe in the clean fresh conditioned air of my home...and say a little prayer of gratitude for the years I raised them too. How many moms can undisputedly claim that all of her children continue to communicate on a daily basis at least two to three times, and even if it's just to compare waste, it's sharing love. TRUE love.
One of the ways I personally stay in the game is to eat raw fiber and protein vs. protein shakes, but I do drink those if I work out. EVERY day I pop in a few natural poopy pills (as I call them), somewhere between five or six dates, four to six figs, and a handful of raisins throughout the day. I can be seen putting cranberries in my oatmeal; I have trail mix which incorporates nuts, seeds, and either raisins or cranberries, and I try to drink about 100 ounces of water a day. I think that's about 3L, let me go check that out for my UK friends. Yes, Siri just told me that 100 ounces equal 2.96 liters. There you go! I am so close to being prepared to go to Scotland! (I'm laughing) I also prefer to say I am 167cm tall than five feet and seven inches. My weight in kilograms looks so so so much better than it does in pounds, believe me.
When I was a kid, my mom and my grandmother used to pop prunes like candy so I did too. I just never got over it I guess. I love prunes to this day, but do prefer figs and dates when given a choice. I'm flat out amazed at how many of my friends (all but one) don't like fresh fruit at all and will never even consider eating a prune, date, or fig. They'll eat a Fig Newton cookie! They'll even talk about how healthy it is because it's made of figs. They forget about the sugar, the processing, and yeah, the cookie part. They eat two of them and think they've mastered the corner on healthy snacking. I smile. I tend to smile because it feels so much better now that I've stopped banging my head against the walls trying to get my friends to understand that what goes in must come out and if it doesn't come out the way it should, you really maybe might kinda wanna start thinking about not eating it! PUT THE PROCESSED FOOD DOWN! A good rule of thumb really is if it comes in a box in the frozen section of the store, it's not good for you.
A good detox is good for the body of course, and it is good for the mind as well. There is truth to the fact that our psyche is attached to our bodies and when we feel stopped up inside it's no surprise that we aren't thinking happy thoughts, doing happy things, or making happy choices. Most of the time you see and hear depressed people say they eat more than they should when they feel down and out - - it's time for Ben and Jerry's or it's another afternoon with their "therapist" who just happened to be a big bag of Oreos and a bunch of Diet Coke. For some reason people still feel that drinking diet colas with snacks will somehow even the score - - it does not folks. It makes it so much worse. Try prunes instead - - you get sad, pop a prune. You get pissed off? Find a fig! You can't see straight from the stress of the world, your spouse, your kids, your job, EVERYTHING seems to be crashing all around you? That's when you hit the closet and pray, but when you get out of it, you pick up a pear, an apple, something with fiber, and you get that poop right out of you. No drugs needed...just fresh, vibrant, living fruit, and maybe another 30 ounces of water, because you have to be honest with yourself, you probably didn't drink enough clear water today did you? (C'mon, you know you didn't)
Well, that's my rant today - - more fiber! More fiber equals more poop. More poop equals more smiles and more smiles equal one happy person. If you multiply that happy person by a few thousand you have a happy community. If you multiply it by a few hundred thousand, you have a happy city. Try multiplying that by millions - - billions! We can do this. We have enough fruit out there. We have enough water too, but do we have enough toilet paper? That's the real question. That's an entirely different blog!
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