Friday, September 14, 2007

Who Knew That Garlic Could Do THAT?

I am always (and I mean always) amazed at what the natural remedy warriors tell me when I seek their advice at a natural foods store. I'm one of those people who for whatever reason just never listened to the holistic points of view - I always shopped for my pharmaceuticals in the store's pharmacy section. This diet that I'm working through (not ON, but actually doing) is amazingly simple and I am constantly stuffing my face. I eat more now than I ever did, but what I'm eating is healing me inside rather than hurting me both internally and therefore externally. I'm losing weight of course, shaping up, and getting the body to do what the soul and spirit have been doing for months - to work as a team.

I recently went to Akins and asked the gurus in the grocery section what to do for a toothache. I didn't have one, but a friend did, and she ONLY used home remedies. My friend had mistakenly told me to pick up fresh garlic for her - I thought maybe she wanted to ward off the evil spirits of pain or men, but she was serious about it being able to help heal the nerves under the gum line. She was right! The gurus confirmed her story! Not only that, but get this - it helps the libido too. Can I say libido without laughing? No. It helps you want to have sex. It actually stimulates your brain with hormone releasing enzymes that say "Hey, wake up down there, get it going, breath, let the blood flow hot and heavy and let's get laid tonight!" That wasn't me talking, mind you, that was the effect that garlic has on one's brain. I don't think you have to have a toothache to take the stuff either - some people cook with it! Oh, that makes sense - there's a lot of little Italians running around aren't there? Wait, Chinese food is packed with GARLIC! Oh, this is actually making a lot more sense as I dig a bit deeper into it, huh?

Countries that use garlic tend to have children in abundance! Wow, who knew? Well, I don't want more children, that's for darn sure, but I wouldn't mind a little loving from time to time - when I'm in love - when and if that happens - now all I have to do is find a natural herb or vegetable to flatten my belly, reduce the size of my breasts, remove the hair in strange places, take off a few moles, lessen the appearance of wrinkles and crow's feet - and maybe a juice or fruit to take care of a spider vein here and there....maybe if I just rub garlic all over my body. It destroys bad breath you know...maybe it can take off the cellulite, restore my youth, and give me a reason to take up Flamenco dancing!

I guess I couldn't date a vampire, but Italians are OK, right?

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