Thursday, September 27, 2007

Our 5' 11" Army

We may not have the absolute biggest men (I don't know the score on the women yet) in our United States Army, but we "Sure as Shootin'" have the most consistant Army out there, with all of our men showing up on paper as being 5'11" tall and weighing 200 pounds.

Yes, this is one of those military phenonemons I'm afraid - I have done my research folks, and it seems to be overwhelmingly true that nearly every man in the Army that I've interviewed has some sort of an I.D. card, registration, form, or record indicating that he stands 5'11" and that he weighs 200 pounds. The gig was up when I read my own son's paperwork the other day. I was surprised that my 6'3" son could be shortened with just over one year in the service, but it's true. He stands 5'11" according to his official documents. I began blogging and talking about this fact and to my great surprise I found that hundreds of men were willing to write to me and state that they too are 5'11" tall, some of which are shorter than I am at 5'7". I found this to be hilarious. I don't know about you, but I thought this was funny.

I arrived at the University of Central Oklahoma's Chambers Library. I was standing on the 4th floor when a soldier who appeared to be about my height came up to me and asked if I was the lady with "the dog". I explained to him that most people own dogs. He smiled and said "OK, do you own Sgt. Faith?" I answered him in the affirmative with a smile of my own. He took a step forward and whispered in my ear "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but I'm not really 5'11" and I don't weigh 200 pounds." I asked him if he had read my blog, because it was a strange thing to just come out and admit to someone. He said he had, and that his own mother had been bragging to everyone she knew that her son had grown several inches and that her homecooking wasn't good enough to pack on his pounds, but the Army's slop was. He then stated that the slop was actually rather good in his unit. My son concurs with the food he receives in Alaska, but we've always said that with Reuben it wasn't the quality of the food, but the quanity.

So, there you have it folks! Your United States Army, because jobs require certain heights to perform, have altered and manipulated our boys - but I don't mind. It would be rather humorous though to find out whether or not every women in the Army is 5'5" or not because Spc. Laura Bigenho could use the extra inches on her part, and her lover Levering could use the downgrade from his 6'4" frame to 5'11" so as not to make such a spectacle of themselves when they kiss in public (in uniform no doubt, in front of GOD and everyone!) We have the most talented, skilled, trained, and now consistantly heighted men in the world in our Army.....we are unstopable! Well, then again, if I think about it, on the gridiron there are times when a quarterback from West Pointe could stand to be a little taller, and the offensive lineman a bit heavier...well, I guess it all looks good on paper!

Hooah!

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