Friday, September 14, 2007

Land of Soy and Honey, Honey!

I was caught off guard today when my little white-haired brat child grabbed my cup of Starbucks and threatened to pitch it in the sink if I admitted that the white liquid mixed with the pumpkin spice and coffee was (how dare I) milk. It wasn't, it was soy. She and I have been drinking soy-milk for quite some time now, but she was all up in arms about me straying from the pact we made. She just KNEW I was cheating. I wasn't. I know where my milk belongs - in the cow, thank you. Laura, on the other hand snoffed at us both and drank from the cardboard carton which is now 100% hers to enjoy - Caity and I do the other, let satisfying, less damning liquid that actually stays preserved 10x longer than milk - have you noticed that?

So, what about this soy stuff anyway? I was all but floored when I was told by the Akins grocery bums that most Asian women don't suffer the problems, pains, and tortures of pre, post, or regular menopause because of their soy intake. We Americans get most of our protein from animals and well, the rest of the world seems to get a better health score now, don't they? Come to think of it, now that I've given up on hamburgers (damn it) and milk (damn it again) I do actually feel better. I move better, I'm not as fat, I'm able to breath deeper, and HEY.... that's not fair! I was hoping to be like my grandparents and live to age 90 something with the benefits of having eaten all the beef, potatoes, gravy, and bacon that I wanted to. What happened? Who took my sugar away and gave me honey? Oh yeah, the hippy I live with.

Honey, it turns out is good for more than just dressing up peanut butter. The English have always used it in their tea, but that's actually not the best way to a better more healthier you. I'm told by the EXPERTS (grocers again, people who stand around all day helping unsuspecting health-dummies like me) that honey on the spoon or by the bulk is great for raising antioxidant, lowering blood sugar, and all sorts of things, but they're quick to add that a baby under the age of 2 could die if they eat it - gag reflex or something. Please...that's freaking scary! I actually used honey in an entirely different way actually - used to heat it up with whiskey and lemon for the heck of it and tell everyone I had a sore throat - I guess I watched a bit too much TV as a kid and got to the point that I related to Granny of the Beverly Hillbillies; she lived for her "medicine". I just did it every now and then when I could get away with hiding lemons in my house. My kids hate whiskey.

Before long everything in my house will still have a little dirt on it from being plucked out of the ground. I don't have to tell you that we routinely wash our eggs before using them, but I make Caity break them for fear that a little undeveloped chick may be inside of one. She's not into store bought eggs either anymore. I swear, I should never have lent her my fringed coat and Steppenwolf LPs. She takes this flower power thing to the hilt at times...then again, I do feel better. I sleep better, I eat all day long and never gain weight - not eating actual calories will do that to you. The juice in my house is from the fruit(s). The oats are raw, the peanuts too, and if you look really hard you can spot the real sugar - but Laura slaps my hand when I reach for it...gatekeeper.

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