Friday, September 7, 2007

Let Me Explain the Word "Warrant" to YOU.

I went to the post office today to pick up all the fan mail for my dog. Believe it or not, I answer anywhere from 100 to 200 pieces of mail every week for the sweetheart. I usually answer by e-mail, unless someone has given me a self-addressed stamped envelope - so if you're thinking of mailing us something, please do - but remember, I do have to keep the response short. So, there I am at the post office, staring at the mounds of letters and little presents when I see a very plain and ordinary white size 10 envelope with the seal of the Great City of Oklahoma City blazing right on the front - top left. Seems someone from DOWNTOWN wants to talk to me. I doubted the fine officers of our city wanted to have tea or set up a time where we could go over the fall line up of new uniforms. I could almost guess that someone out there was unhappy with one of my children. Since Reuben is safely in the Army, that leaves Caity. (If you know me, and you know I have another daughter named Laura, then you know that Laura couldn't possibly have upset anyone. It must be Caity.) I was correct in my assumption.

The letter started out badly. "We have a warrant for the immediate arrest of Caitlyn Brook Stringfellow" (this can't be good) Apparently, back in November 2006 my darling was involved in a little .... well, the word is larceny. She was in the presence of another young girl who was picked up for stealing - was my daughter innocent? No. She was right there with her, and she admitted her guilt. However, she didn't quite give the full and correct information to the kind officer, and therefore, another $195.00 ticket for submitting false information to a law enforcement officer was attached. Sweet child of mine. Sweet, sweet, child of mine! I take 100% responsibility for the mishap - I gave birth.

In the past 10 months since this event my darling has actually completed her probational community service, she's cleaned the church for more than 80 hours. She's been available for impromptu speeches at schools and other community locations wherein she has to admit her guilt and explain to others what it means to be caught, and to do the time for the crime. What she wasn't clear on was that she, my sweet cherub spawn from hell, was that she had to pay the $390 for the two offenses! That caused the computer to spit out this letter, and now my little white haired pumpkin is hiding in the closet so that she won't be seen on the streets! I'm sure I'll be able to make arrangements with the city, but I'm not going to tell her. I think it's very healthy for her to hide out on the down-low where I know exactly where she is. This stops her from driving without her license. It stops her from dancing in public without her shoes or her shirt! (Did I mention she's a hippie?) She has been seen in the general populous looking like the free spirit that she is, but at least ONE thing is for certain - this particular free spirit PAYS for everything she wants - no more 5-finger discounts for her. She has learned her lesson. 80 hours of cleaning toilets, mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, putting hymnals in their places, and carrying out the trash in the youth area has taught her a few things! Good things!

So, when I called her today I asked her if she knew what WARRANT meant. Her brother, God bless and protect him, didn't. He couldn't spell it correctly either had I asked, but I didn't ask, I realize he's publicly educated. Reuben had a couple of warrants out for his immediate detention because he left the state with outstanding tickets - all speeding! Boy oh boy! It cost me $1508.00 to put that man in the Army and it took a letter from his commanding officer to get him OK'd to swear in. He just didn't know the meaning of WARRANT - he more or less thought it mean "pay in the future sometime". So, I say that to say this - teach your children well, the ones you love, the ones you live with. It could very well mean the difference between having your car for the weekend and letting your brat have full control again.

I'm going to milk this warrant thing for weeks. I know she won't read my blog to find out the truth, and she won't know that I've paid it in full - so she'll think she's indebted to me! I love being a mom.

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