Bay Sorrel Ranch (56% Done) More than Half Way Through.

     It is at this point in every book I write, that I realize I'm on the other side of the woods, and rather than running into it, I'm running out of it. I have only 46% more of the story to tell. I'm more than halfway through it.  I have the meat to go. I'm about to start it. I've introduced the main characters, and I've added a conflict or two. I've brought some light to a few matters, and developed a few characters, and now there needs to be a telling of tales; something to wrap the book around.

    The murder in the book is solid. It happened, but his isn't a murder book. This isn't a mystery, a whodunit or anything like that. I'll flat name the killer later in the book, and all the others can talk about it, give their opinions, and discuss their thoughts openly about it as if they had reason to do so. The book is about a group of individuals who come together and have something in common. 

    Each person at the barn has a reason to be there. Much like if you're driving down any particular road there are others also traveling down it; be it in cars, trucks, buses, bikes, maybe some are walking. Each person has a reason to be there, and each person has a story as to why they are there. Some of those reasons or stories could be interesting, but many are not. It's just the way it is. Nothing is exciting all the time.

    So the author herself and her new engaged boyfriend lover and bestie are in Edinburgh for the launch of her 7th Highland Romance book during this part of the book. They enjoy themselves in Auld Reekie, and even take in a concert of a particular Christian music artist. He tells his testimony, sings and explains life, and the pair are more than happy to download a few of his songs when they return home to Oklahoma.  Jule, the author and owner of the barn will make dinner soon, again, winning the heart of her lover, and she'll contemplate spending a week or two up in the Tulsa area soon to help her other daughter out when she undergoes an emergency surgery. 

    Not everything in the book is about the barn. The barn is the place where they gather, it's a place where they hub. The stories coming out of the barn are reflective of what can happen or take place at a boarding facility, but it's not the end all, and can't be. Life is too complicated for that to happen. I hope you'll enjoy reading the book. I'm having a great time writing it. I'm steering off a bit from what I first thought it would be, but I didn't want to become too bored with the whole mean girl thing; there's more to life than dealing with bullies. At least I think so.

Photo Credit: Unknown (Princes Street, Edinburgh, Scotland)

    

Bay Sorrel Ranch (47% Done) Woot!

     I didn't write anything yesterday, but I did today. In fact, I don't think I wrote anything for two days. I do that. I didn't decide I would write three chapters today, but what happens is, I'll sit down and start writing, and then my characters start talking and they fill out the chapter! I haven't said what I thought I would say, and suddenly there are 2300 words being passed around like nothing before it. So, the only thing I can do is put in a page break, and start the next chapter.

    That's what I did today. I had to deal with the murder at the ranch, but since the book isn't really about the murder, I didn't want to go all 48-Hours or Dateline on it, just sort of mention this or that about the autopsy, and how the girl was pregnant, and before I know, the characters started in on what they thought happened. I didn't want to stop them, they were really getting into it. So that's how I write, and now you know. I start a conversation and I listen to the various voices in my head -- yes, various, but they're not crazy most of the time. They don't ever tell me to kill anyone, we're only killing fictional people, I promise.

    I'm in the middle of buying a few horses now and having them trained. They're all Mustangs. The ranch is a Mustang ranch that doubles as a boarding facility. The boarders keep the lights on basically, no extra money is made off of them. If you don't know anything about horse boarding facilities that may sound odd, but you really don't make any money off of them. If you have to pay managers and feeders, grounds people, and such, you don't have anything left over. You have feed, you have equipment, you have water, gas, and electric bills, you really really don't make anything off of boarding, but you can keep your lights on.

    My main character (Jule) is an author, and she's in Scotland right now launching her seventh Highland Romance novel. She's really having a great time and I'll pay a bit of attention to that as well, but the ranch is her new thing. She's opened it to boarding, she's working it, she's loving the country living, but then she's very much falling for her old flame who hasn't even ridden a horse in over thirty years; she'll be his trainer too. It's going to be a really good ride - - and read. I hope you like drama, love, fun, and even a bit of nonsense. This book has it all.

Photo Credit: Me.  (a brown baby horse)

Bay Sorrel Ranch (Twelve Chapters In) 36% Done

     If I'm sticking with my goal of 86,000 words, then at 31,000 I am about 35-36% done with the new novel. It's not what I thought it was going to be. It's so funny to see and hear myself say things like that. After all, I am the one writing the book, shouldn't I get a say in what it is or how it turns out? You would think that, but you would be wrong.

    I cannot speak for anyone else other than myself, but I can say that my characters start out as real people, not as fast-swimming sperm vying for life. No, they are already grown in most cases, and they have their own views, opinions, mannerisms, and behaviors. Some of them, as you know, are killers! Some of course, because I'm that way, are law enforcers who go over the top and beyond their own strengths to catch those other types. I have lovers, bankers, horse people, dog owners, and even postal workers. I have doctors, gluten-free vegan types, and you know, I do love my musicians. At least one pops up in every book. 

    Come to think of it, I've just written Chapter 12 of the new Bay Sorrel Ranch book and no one has picked up a guitar yet. How is that even possible? It's a book about horse people and no one has taken a trail ride, or gone into a competition yet. I've really gotta get in touch with myself and make these things happen. I'm rather boring I think.  I have murdered a teenager. I did get that accomplished. No one knows why just yet, I mean, I think I do. I think I know why, but as I progress in this thing even that can change.

    Right now the new owner of the barns and property is just getting her feet planted and she's committing herself to the ranch life, but trying to juggle her writing career as well. The murder is actually almost hampering her new launch for what she thinks she can do with the ranch, but it's not really polite to move forward with the investigation still underway. Hey, but they did bring in the dogs!! That's always a good sign. The dogs know what they're doing...they get their man...woman, whoever. They do the work of 10 men easily. 

    The next adventure, because believe it or not, the murder isn't what the book is about, is the start of rodeo season. It's a year-round thing, but the closer you get to the summer there are outdoor shows, the more money is spent, and the more likelihood that the ranch will be seen for what the owner wants it to be known for; not the breeding grounds for illegal activities, which it has been for decades until various mismanaged ownership and such. It's a new beginning for the owner as well as the land itself. It's going to take more than a few coats of paint to cover all of the sins that took place at the BSO. (That's the former name of the place)

    I'm not going to lie, it's pretty exciting to be able to sit down and key out what I want to say, what I think should happen, and what I remember happening to us at other barns when we had horses. I'm drawing from real-life experiences in most cases, notwithstanding the murder. One barn we boarded at had three ex-convicts working at it; one was out on good behavior after being a part of a murder case in the late '90s. I think he was there, I think he was young, but I don't think he's telling the truth about it. I left the barn pretty quickly when I realized that they were selling drugs after hours. If you can't access your horse around the clock, there's a problem.

    There were so many bad barns in our lives. So many bad barn owners. We have one woman who we cherish, and she alone stands out as being a good barn owner, but even she knew how to push my buttons at times. I love her, and she knows I do, but she did try to tell me how to ride, and that just isn't going to happen.  I didn't mind if she wanted to instruct my daughter, but she got a bop on her head with my lightly closed fist (not hard, I promise) when she persisted with instructing me. 

    I don't know if I'll include her in the book, but I probably will, as I'll have the main character call her to let her know she's now a barn owner and trying to be as fair and open-minded as the one we love has always been.  For now, I'm having fun etching out the do's and don'ts of the next few chapters. I'll get them all outlined tomorrow and/or the next day. I don't have to rush because I don't have a subscription to Canva to do the new cover. When I do, I have an idea of what it will look like. What do you want to bet there's going to be a horse on the front of the book!

    

Photo Credit: Equine Helper

Putting the Writing on Hold for Now.

     I'm going to put my writing on hold for a month or so, this will allow me to get caught up on a few more things that mean a lot to me. I need to exercise more, and get out there and walk. I've been neglecting that. I think I thought I had to get those books out before starting my new job, and I did what I set my mind to do. I achieved my goal. I don't have to get the next one out right now. I can wait. I'm not really feeling that one like I did the Posh thrillers. Even "Edinburgh" was pressing me, but this book, "Bay Sorrel Ranch" is not really all that pressing. It's just sort of there.

    I will start my new job on 12/11 and that does give me enough time to write the book if I choose to, and I will probably be really relaxed about it. I may do a chapter here and there, maybe do a few tweaks on the plots and twists. I need to be sure I have all of it lined out the way I want it.  Because I'm not working yet I don't have all the subscriptions to the places I need to have them with so I can get the book formatted once I write it, and draw up a pretty (and free) book cover. I know it's only a matter of a few dollars, but why spend it if I'm just going to relax anyway. I'll get them back once I get a little more serious about the book being finished. 

    My new job is so funny, it's insurance, but it's more service than sales. It's from home, and there are three really good reasons I'm taking it; it's not the money. I'm actually taking a cut in pay, but it will be worth it in the end.  One reason I'm taking the job is that it is so relaxed. Because they are not expecting us to work hard, or to work overtime, I'll have time to think through my books during my work time as well. I don't have to be "on" the entire time, just available. 

    Another reason I took it is because the hours are literally what I wanted them to be.  You can't find that all the time. I work from 8:00 - 4:30 and Monday through Friday. The thing is, we're not really doing anything the first 30 to 40 minutes each day, just catching up from the day before, going over notes, and having a Teams meeting while we drink our coffee, and eat our breakfasts....all of us in our PJs. I love the stuffing out of that.

    Another...aforementioned reason, I wear my jammies to work. I don't get up, take a shower, get dressed, put on professional clothes, put my makeup on, and drive through poopy dreadful traffic to get to a place where others have experienced the same thing. By the time you arrive, you're upset. It starts the day off on the wrong foot most of the time. I don't have to listen to office drama, office politics, office lies, or office whatever. I am the only person in my office, and I'm in my jammies without makeup and without drama - - unless the dog needs to pee or something.

    During the seven weeks of training, we'll work  8-4:30, and then afterward it will be much closer to 9:00-4:15 p.m. as we're supposed to stop about 15 minutes before the close of the day to again go back over the plans, or what happened during the day so we'll be ready for it the next day. FREAKING LOVE IT.  Yes, it pays about $600 less or so each month, but for peace of mind, peace of peace, and whatever else, it's worth it. 

    During the training time, I'm going to be training in the evenings too. I'm learning Xactimate from the standpoint of taking my certifications.  I know Xactimate in theory, but I'll learn it to the point I can take the tests and be certified in both Level 1 and Level 2 of the program so that I can be that much more of an asset to the team I'm assigned to, or the next team. Once I have the skills I'll work them two or three months before asking for a new assignment. You can do that once you have a certification of Level 1 or 2 in Xactimate. You can ask for more money, you can ask for better hours too.

    The thing about knowing Xactimate is that if your current employer isn't working with you, the next one will.  Every contractor, and every insurance carrier needs and wants people who can do Xactimate from their home, and if you have a Level 2 certification, you can almost write your own ticket. The average salary in the States right now for a Level 2 is around $72,000.  Google that. Go look it up. It's a real thing. It depends on your assignment, and your employer, but an independent makes even more. So, this job is awesome. I can do it, relax, love it, stay, learn Xactimate, and I can move forward. 

    I love a win-win. It feels really good to just relax and know everything will be OK. God is just too too good. LOVE Him.

Photo Credit: Google Play (Xactimate)

Photo Credit: Glassdoor.com

Yuuki - Our Chiweenie - Our Sweet Old Boy.

     After just over the threshold of sixteen years, it has become apparent that our sweet little once-solid-black Chiweenie dog Yuuki be taken to the vet to be escorted over the Rainbow Bridge in just a few days. We decided to wait the weekend so we could spoil him, have a few more good days with him, and let him know that we truly appreciate him. He realizes too, that it's been a good and long life on this planet, and that it's time now, to step into his newness and the gifts that Jesus can give him.

    Laura, my daughter, had just come off of her one-off tour with Ozzfest 2007 when she decided to get herself a little dog. She had just moved out of my place and was on her own (well, with her little sister) and she thought it would be great to have a little dog to spoil. We're rescuers, so buying a dog never enters our mind; however, that being said, there was a woman in our city claiming to have full-blood Chihuahuas for just $150 and though they didn't have papers, she knew who both parents were...yada yada...you know where this is going, right?

    I told Laura she was about to pay her hard-earned money for a mutt, but if she wanted to do it, that was her choice. As it turns out we actually did rescue Yuuki. The conditions of the place he was in were dismal at best. Though we knew the second we looked at him that he wasn't a purebred dog, we didn't care. He needed to be out of that place, and we were on our way to the nearest law enforcement facility! The puppy mill that woman was running was nasty to say the very least.

    We still have no idea what the police or the city council did for the puppy mill or its owner, but we felt pretty good about bringing at least one sweet face home with us to be loved and cared for until his last breath. That was literally 16 years ago. Since the day we brought him home with us, Yuuki has seen three or four of our other animals face the same situation he's facing now. Why animals can't outlive all of us is beyond me. They give so much, love so much, maybe that's it. Maybe they burn both sides of the candle of life trying to be the best they can be. Just sitting there and smiling is really all they have to do. They were made perfect.

    Yuuki went with Laura while she sang, while she performed on stage, and while she worked he sat beside her, while she did anything, he was her dog. He held that position until right at one year ago when he began distancing himself from her and becoming less and less interested in being picked up, cuddled, or nuzzled. He wanted to be in the room maybe, but not held. Over the course of this past year, his health has really declined. He was hard of hearing about two or three years ago, but it's nearly complete now. He can still see and smell quite well, and he still likes to bark at what he perceives to be strangers.

    This past month has been the hardest for him. We can tell he's not in good spirits most of the time, and he has finally begun to lose control of his bowels. He has never been this way, so we know it's something that he can't reverse. The doctor (such a very very sweet man)  has told us that it's time, and we suspected it before we took him in to see him.  We decided not to do it today. We decided to take him back on Monday so we could spend a little time with him at the pond, a place he truly enjoyed as a young puppy, and of course whenever we can take him.  We lived in the same complex when we got him, moved out, moved back, and he remembers it.

    He'll be cremated at the clinic, and the doctor told us his ashes will be scattered over the flowerbeds and tree bases outside the office; the ones that are so pretty, and so lushly wonderful. They have greeted patients and clients for years. The thought that he'll be part of that family of friends means a great deal to me, but the most important thing is that he'll not be in pain, he'll not be depressed. He'll be happy and healthy, and whole again, and he'll find our other pets (and millions of others) who will likely show him the ropes until Laura can come to Heaven to claim him all over again. 

    Please pray for us, but think a second or two longer in your prayers for Laura. She was only 18 when she picked him up that brisk September afternoon.  Our lucky boy was literally born on  07-07-07.  We brought him home on September 14, 2007. He's been both a nuisance and a miracle for us all. Aren't they all? Where we know that death is a part of the whole cycle of life, it's still chilling and hard to let it happen. We'll mourn, and we'll cry, but I'll also laugh when I walk over to OUR chair and he's not there to chase away from it. It's been a morning ritual for well over four years now. Sweet boy. Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.  (If you're wondering why I have to chase him from my chair it's because he refuses to share it with me...stinker.)

Yuuki today.

Yuuki on September 14, 2007.

Being Ghosted! It's Not Fun!

     I have a license as a Claims Adjuster and I'm licensed in 10 separate states.  I haven't had the opportunity yet to use those licenses, but that's not what my plans included when I was out there studying for the test, buying the other licenses, and doing all I could to take as many online courses as I could in order to be both auto certified and properly certified. If you want to get a good gig after you get your licenses you have to do a few things; you have to get more licenses, you have to study both sides of the game (auto/property) and you have to know people! You just can't waltz onto the scene thinking it's all going to be OK and everyone is going to want to hire you.

    First, if you're into becoming an independent Claims Adjuster, you need to know that you're probably (probably) not going to be hired right out of the chute; nope, it takes either a catastrophic event, or you have to know someone high enough in the ranks of a good company that will take a chance on you. EVERYONE wants their hires to have a minimum of two years of experience. How do you get two years if no one will hire you? It doesn't make sense; it's the biggest Catch-22 out there. You have to have experience, but you can't get the needed experience. Over and over and over you're told to wait, just wait, as soon as a good enough hurricane comes through, you'll be picked up. Not necessarily. Those with experience will be picked up, and if it's really big you may get a few weeks experience before they cut you for not knowing your job!

    From April to August of this year, I spent the entire end of spring and summer with my head in the online studies for all things auto thinking that was the way to go. I was going to be a desk adjuster. I was going to work from home. I was going to be hired, and I was going to make $100K in my first year. That's what they were telling me. That's the spiel they give you when they think you'll spend money to take their online courses. Luckily for me, I didn't have a lot of money to spend, so I didn't waste money learning. I took free courses. One course I took through Pilot would have cost $400 but they take it out of your first paycheck if they ever hire you. They never hired me.

    Not only did Pilot not hire me, no one hired me. I remained unemployed, which didn't really bother me, as I was writing books, and I'm still technically unemployed because I haven't started my new role yet. The role I've accepted isn't even in claims. It's in insurance, but not on the side I wanted to be on. So, what does all this have to do with being ghosted? EVERYTHING. Through the summer as I was applying for many different roles, I interviewed with more than twenty independent companies, and six of them literally never got back to me after the interviewing and the assessment phase. I did the whole hour-long interview at their convenience, and I did their thirty-five to forty-minute assessment; sometimes I was required to do video interviews as well. Six company hiring managers never bothered to reach out and tell me that they weren't hiring me; the others did.

    Not being contacted after you make the effort to not only interview but to do an assessment or project is so very rude! It's not only rude, it's unprofessional. It's unethical and it's immoral in my opinion. It's as if they think (and they do think) that we (the candidate) have nothing better to do than to sit around waiting for them to call us, and invite us into their "family"...we do have other things to do. If you're not going to hire us, let us know. Tell us, we're adults, we can take it. Rejection is normal, it's part of the game, but to not be spoken to is tantamount to being ignored; purposely ignored. It's genuinely unacceptable from a social or civil standpoint, and it's flat rude!

    I thought perhaps these and other companies had gotten wind of what one of my ex-employers had to say about me, and maybe that's why they never called me back. It's true you know, ex-employers have rights we don't have. They can add false statements to your HR file and you may or may not even realize they've done it. I was lucky! One of the companies that did get back to me told me what he found on ADP regarding my former role, and I had to call the company and demand that they remove the false statement. It took another four weeks to force it, and I had to call their corporate office, threaten them with a lawsuit, and call the Department of Labor in my state. If you don't know why someone hasn't called you back, you may not even think to look in your old files; but there it was...absolute lies. 

    The truth is, I had turned the employer in for stealing from the federal government to pay state funding; I proved it. I was terminated and they tried to say it was because I didn't know my job in the role I was working at the time. To this day, I have to believe that anyone who checked from 2023 back to 2016 when it the note was placed in my file (with the state job I held) that the person investigating my background just thought I wasn't worthy. I was! My employer was a liar and a cad! These HR firms don't allow US (the candidates) to add to our own performance reviews, but they certainly allow carte blanche to the employers to do so! It's wrong.

    This week I decided to write to the most recent man (I won't say his name or his company) and let him know that I don't appreciate him not getting back to me in a timely manner. I applied for the role in August. I had an interview in early September. I was pushed to the next level. I waited four days to have the next interview, it lasted over an hour. I was pushed to the next level, and they asked me to do an assignment to prove I knew my stuff. They got around to sending it to me two days later. I did it immediately and I sent it back. They got around to grading it three days later. They emailed me to say I needed to speak to the hiring manager, but he was going to have to call me toward the end of the next week. I waited. 

    When we talked he had another man on the Zoom, and the three of us talked for over an hour again. They were most impressed with my abilities and thought I would be a wonderful fit, but they wanted me to speak to their director. She wasn't going to be in for another week or two, as she was getting married. I waited. It's October 30th by this time. Seriously...I waited. I did everything they asked, and I was available each time they needed me to be.  She finally called, and we talked for another forty minutes. She loved me. She then stated that she hadn't made the decision and that I'd need to get back in touch with the first guy I had spoken with. I sent him an email just in case she did not. NOTHING...CRICKETS!!

    I waited a week. I was then told that he had taken his family on a vacation and would return the following Tuesday. I waited. Thursday rolled around, then Friday. NOTHING.  This week hit, and I decided to write to him again, I asked him for the position explaining that I had been patient, that his director had recommended me, and that I had done all that I was expected to do. No answer. My thoughts were that perhaps he died on vacation. Surely, if he had died, someone would have contacted his director, so I called her. She told me she did in fact recommend me, that the man had been in touch with her as recently as the day before, but that she thought he may have offered the job to his...wait for it...NEPHEW on his wife's side of the family. 

    This is the sort of thing that will send shockwaves right through any of us! We don't have the time, the energy, the withal, or the desire to be used by those who have the authority to hire us but choose to abuse their status only to ghost and ignore people who have the talent they sought in the first place. It is not right. It is not fair. It is not ethical. It is not moral. It is not professional, and it should be reported to HR or his director, their Operations staff, and even as high as the CEO of the company because it's giving the company itself a black eye, not to mention that it shows an extreme lack of character on the part of someone they trusted with the role of supervisor. If he thinks he can supervise me with those flaws, he's got another think coming. I appreciate myself too much to be so blatantly abused.

    Either way, God is great. God is always great. I found another role, and in fact will start it soon. It's a role from home, as the other was, but it's in service not in claims. I'll continue to do the best job I can, and I'll be humbled in that role. I believe we are served when we serve. I believe we are blessed when we bless. I believe the way we treat others clearly outshines our status, our power, or prestige, or our position. No one will remember how many Gucci bags you owned on Earth, but they will remember how you treated others; it's that important. 

    

Photo Credit: Business Insider

Bay Sorrel Ranch (Chapter 5 Done)

     I have an entirely different feel about this book than I did with the others. This one is really close to my heart, but in some ways, it is so vastly different from what I actually experienced. I'm taking huge liberties with it, and throwing in a lot of innuendo, as well as unstated truths and half-truths. It's OK because it's a fiction book. I can lie all the way through it if I want to. There is nothing stopping me from making every last word a work of tale, but there are a great many realisms to be had in it as well.

    I'm going further to explain personalities in this one; at least I have been doing so, and I may continue. I'm giving the main character many of my own traits intentionally, but I'm giving her many freedoms I never had. She'll be a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the money I didn't get to enjoy when I was raising my kids. I've been writing conversations between the main character's children, and I have intentionally added many of the quaint and not-so-quaint things my own three did with and to each other. I'm adding means and methods that have nothing to do with my own ways of upbringing and/or theirs. It's truly a mix, and it's fun to pour out the words and see where they go.

    It's funny because the title of this blog basically says I've written up to and through Chapter 5, but I'm thinking I'll write another chapter or two tonight. I'm not saying this book will be written quickly. I don't know. I took two weeks off already because I was focusing on my need to work; which is a great need. It may be that I am forced to write this one in between job searching and maybe at night when the job boards are being reloaded. If I could just somehow make people see that buying my books is a great thing, I could be a successful author and not just a prolific one.

    My ex-sister-in-law and I went to the Full Circle Bookstore yesterday. It's one of the best old-fashioned bookstores I've been privileged to frequent. She and I went over the books, reading their titles, and seeing the names of the authors, and when I intentionally moved her over to the shelf that had about three of my own books on it, she took a double-take. She had no idea I had actually written ten books; all of which are on Amazon, but yeah, I've ordered a few to be shelved in my favorite bookstore. If they sell they sell, right? She laughed and said she gets them for Christmas, and I had to sign them all as well. OK...deal.  I got her in the divorce decree. She's mine.

    The Bay Sorrel Ranch is a fictional ranch of course, but it is based loosely on about ten different boarding facilities my daughter and I have been associated with. We have boarded at some of the best and some of the worst places this side of the Pecos! I'm not kidding you. The rules, the antics, and some of the tricks, and shenanigans pulled by the owners would stun anyone!! I say it all the time, the best thing about horse-people is their dogs! Some horse-people are not worth spitting on even if they were on fire. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish bad on anyone, but I really shake my head at times when I think about the crap we've been put through over the years.

    One or two of the horses I go on about in my new book will be actual horses I've owned, but for the most part, they will also be fictional. One of the best things about being an author is that I can write whatever I want, go as deeply, and as directly at someone with both barrels loaded with words - - and I can shoot how many times I damn well please to shoot. The pen is so much stronger, swifter, and mightier than the sword ever could be. In my case, the keyboard - - gotta keep up with the times.

    Chapter 5 is in the can! But by this time tomorrow, I'll have written two or three more chapters. I may not blog about it until I have several more written. You never know. Today was all about introducing my younger daughter and my son, as they won't be focused on much in the book - - just mentioned. They prefer it that way actually. I can't leave them out, they are crystal-clear and so very radiant in my life. I give them fake names, addresses, and even characteristics, but I also give them enough of their own so they know I love them and want them close to my heart at all times. 

    Today's chapters wrapped up the purchase of the barn, the closing, and the inventory, and started the progress of what will take place now that it's a real working ranch again. It had been left to any and everyone to do with it as they saw fit - - all that changes, and for some, that's not something they particularly like.  That's too damn bad for them, but it could be a bit of a challenge for my main characters as well. You'll see.  Saddle up. It's gonna be a ride.

Photo Credit: Me. This is Laura about 11-12 years ago -- she won that race!

    

Dodged That Bullet!! Thank you, Jesus.

     A very very former friend decided to hurt me. She picked up the phone and called my would-be employer to say I lied on my application. She even lied about what she said I lied about; this is the thing that really gets me. The company didn't call me to ask about it, they called me to rescind the job offer. They never once asked if what she said was true. They didn't let on that she was a she or that she had called, but once I pressed the issue that I had a legal right to defend or explain, they did tell me it was an anonymous call and that the person stated we had been friends "at one time". What she failed to say was that less than one hour beforehand, I had told her we couldn't be friends because of her unethical and negative mannerisms. I blocked her on Facebook and BAM...I lost my job!

    The thing is, I didn't really lose my job. I was going to call that company (place) the next day to withdraw my application because I've accepted another position. The former friend didn't "win" or "hurt" me the way she had intended. The thing I got out of it was that the company would rather listen to a deceiver rather than take a moment to ask me if (a) it was true, and/or (b) if I could either defend the statement or explain it. No, they just chose to take her word; the word of a disgruntled ex-friend who has a long long history of sabotaging herself and everyone (and everything) around her. (That's not me being mean either, I've gone way way way out of my way for twenty-five years to pull her out of her own muck. I just decided to stop doing so.)

    I thought about it, and she may have actually done me a great favor when you (I) think about it. If the company, agency, department, place, recruiter, or hiring manager would be apt to take a call, an anonymous call, and then trust or believe what some random person said about a candidate who had not only been vetted but offered a position, well then what does that say about them? They either didn't do their job when they vetted if the caller was telling the truth, or they have about as much character and integrity as she does! I don't need that. Thank you, Jesus, that I don't have to put up with either of them now. I really should take a minute and thank her, but I won't. I'm never going to communicate with her again.

    It would be so different for me if the woman in question had been a non-believer, a non-Christian, but she claims to have accepted Christ. Certainly, her actions over the past two decades don't exactly show that love, but she claims it, I can't judge her. Her life fruit seems as sour as an unripe Granny Smith, but at the same time, I can't say she is or isn't sealed by the Spirit. If she is, I would ask that the Spirit reach her and teach her the true way(s) to treat others; she's been alienating people for literally decades. For this stunt to be her first would be very unlikely. I can only imagine that over the past several years she has pulled it either on me, to harm me, or to harm others she deems undeserving. 

    Here's the kicker - - and it is worthy of note. She took the interview for the same job. They offered it to her. She turned it down. I interviewed for it, and they offered it to me, I accepted. She then felt that she was wronged I guess, I don't know, she acted as if she was OK with me taking the position. I lost it, but she didn't know I was planning to withdraw. I doubt, and I mean doubt big time, that they would have extended the offer to her again. If they do, I wish her the best. I'm not going to call them up and say anything bad about her; why would I put myself on her lower-than-scum-water level? Nope, I'll just never know, and I don't care to know. I have this thing about moving forward - - I do it.

    So, there you have it. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer - - they are the ones stabbing you in the back. The loser here would be her. She lost one of the most faithful, loving, kind, sweet-natured, and giving souls to ever walk the face of the Earth. The times I defended her and picked her up after yet another of her breakdowns or pity parties seems endless to me. I never have to do that again. I never have to think about her again - - that's the beauty of her betrayal, it was crystal clear to me that she didn't need to be a part of my light.

Photo Credit: Asktheheadhunter.com

Dance - - Dance - - Dane-cccc

The good news is I don't care if I sweat, stink, or make other noises when I'm dancing because it is just me, my CD player, my dog Ginger, and sometimes my cat Bilbo. I say sometimes Bilbo because he's not always to be counted on; he leaves when he gets bored which is usually after the 3rd or 4th song. Ginger, on the other hand, is waiting for me to drop down into the doggie-downward stance so she can feel as if she's doing the same thing I am doing. She loves doga!! 

    When I dance, as opposed to when I walk, box, or stretch, I throw it all to the wind. I move. I have zero inhabitions and I let my mind race back to my senior year in high school when I was something like 120 pounds at my current height of nearly 5'7" and I was flat as a 12-year-old boy! Damn, I miss that girl! If I could, I would sell these big boobies and donate any extra fat a good licensed surgeon could use for his/her next patient. I'm ready...I'll trade it in a heartbeat.

    Speaking of heartbeats..I need to get one of those gizmos to tell me what my heart rate is while I'm dancing. I tend to slow it down when I think it's too high, but you just never know. I may have to get something to remind me; maybe something with a buzzer on it that screams at me when it gets to the thrashing point. I could do that, or I could stop playing Head East and Boston, and put something a bit more tame on the CD player - - maybe Steph Macleod. (Talk about heart racing! LOL Maybe I shouldn't do that.) Maybe I should think about my 17-year-old self with a bit of precaution - - but damn...damn...she was fun.

    From 1980-1984 (off and on) I worked for a music production company as well as being an indie writer in Hollywood. The company "Concerts West"  through Quicksilver and 96X radio, worked hand-in-hand with over 200 venues to bring or produce great names. My role was that of a gopher really - - go here, go there, do this do that. I drove, I cooked, I found food, found this, found that, and worked security during the shows. I met and hung with some of the greatest names in music - - and the reason(s) I was allowed to stay on was because I didn't take photos, I didn't get starry-eyed, I didn't date them (except Alex Van Halen) and I managed to keep a steady-mind and an even keel when they threw their (very often) tantrums; as you can imagine many of them did...David Lee Roth, Steve Perry, and The Pointer Sisters come to mind. Talk about dancing!! Talk about constant movement. 

    In 1979 we weren't really headbangers as much as we were just spinners, and twisters. We did a lot of dropping and popping, and we did a lot of shoulder movements. I remember that. There's another thing I do in my wee little space that I've cut out for myself in my bedroom for the particular excitement. I do cheerleading moves - - think 1979 again, nothing like they do now. I couldn't compete even if my 17-year-old self was standing in front of me. Nope, the girls today blow me, and memories clear out of the water!! I see Simone Biles and I just lose my breath! Such an inspiration! (I know, she's not a cheerleader, don't email me.)

    I'm about forty pounds over what I want to be. I'll never ever get back to 120, and to be honest, I don't want to be. I don't mind my hips. I like my hips..they're cool. I can see myself at about 140-145 and I'll be happy. It can happen. If I don't force it by exercising, I know I can pay for it to happen, but let's see how close I can get with this regiment. I don't mind putting myself through it. I know my discipline. I can set my goals and meet them - - by myself, I don't need anyone else kicking or nudging me. 

    I may move my boxing apparatus into the bedroom and store it in the corner so I can pull it out nightly and pound away for two songs; that's a good 7 minutes, maybe 8. I can do that. I can continue to walk 3 miles a day, dance, box, stretch, and think really fun exciting thoughts. Believe me when I say my exercising is not just a physical experience. NOOOOOO, I go places. I do things. I'm flying, I'm swimming the Firth of Forth. I'm chasing men in kilts up the moors - - sometimes I catch one! (Music lulls, I take a few breaths...and start over again.)

    This will be a good program - - I have a doctor helping me this time. She's only known me for a few weeks. She'll be pretty excited when I see her this week and let her know what's up; she may even provide me a gizmo to keep up with my heart rate.  We're going to both be pretty excited when I see the pounds drop because I know that my higher (not that high) cholesterol was connected to the extra weight. I can set a number and try to go for it, but I've not ever had a higher-than-normal number, so I don't know the needed metrics to get it below what it is supposed to be.  I can't remember the exact numbers, I have a blog out there about it. But that was a month ago - - I'm sure it's lower.

    OK, I think I'll call it a day for today so I'm not overdoing it, but when I was 18 - - of majority age, I would dance literally 4 or 5 nights a week at the Quicksilver club here in OKC from about 7:30 to about 10:00. I never drank. I was the designated driver. I got my orange juice or water for free - - good times. Maybe I'll find a few more 80's CDs and pretend...oh, pretend....yes...VanHalen....Journey...Kansas...Foreigner....Boston...Head East..Tom Petty...Billy Joel...and no, we won't forget the Bee Gees! I will never ever ever forget my Bee Gees. (or the Bay City Rollers, but that was 14-15! Damn...I'm old) I may be old, I admit it, but I move - - and I thank God for that.

Been there, done that - - hundreds of times. (This one is not mine but I was there. I worked it.)

Fluffen-Fluffy-Fluff and Fluff!! Be Gone!

     Here I go again!! I hate that I even have to admit this, but admitting it makes me that much more aware of it, and that much more willing to do something about it. I have let my body go over the past year because I was working and lost my job a the end of December. Because I was given a small severance and knew I could live on it, I didn't do much in the way of exercising. I let the cold weather be yet another excuse, and I just didn't work out. I didn't eat that well either, and here we are today!! Right back to where I was about this time three years ago, but at least at that time, I had already lost about 20 of the 60 pounds I wanted to lose.

    It's OK...I'm resilient, and I'm also determined. I'm one of those idiots who gets on her high horse and forces it to go in the direction she wants it to, and then I stop and rest for too long.  NOT THIS TIME. If I have to post photo after photo of my fat (sorry, fluffy) body, then that is what I'll need to do. I know that in 2023, we're not supposed to fat-shame or make fun of, ridicule, or otherwise bad-mouth people with certain body shapes, but this is MY body, and I'm not happy with its shape. I'm going to push myself until it is changed, and if I can't force it, I'll damn well pay for it to be put into the shape I think it should be. 

    I think I can officially say I started my program two days ago, but we'll say today since it's Veteran's Day, and the date is 11-11-23; last year was more fun at 11-11-22, but OK whatever. I didn't do what I needed to do then, but I'm doing it now! I am exercising again, and doing more yoga. I'm eating better again, and cutting out as much sugar as possible. I'm drinking 100 ounces of lemon or lime water a day, and I'm changing the ways I exercise so I include weight lifting, boxing, walking, stretching, and other forms of movement. It's important to mix it up; it helps with the overall change process. Your body can adapt to one type of exercise and become immune to change. Challenge yourself to add strength training with cardio.

    Anyway, today's lunch is a smoothie made with hemp protein powder, two avocados, blueberries, skim milk, flaxseed, and chia seeds. Good stuff. If you don't like the taste of dirt use another protein powder. The dirt taste from the hemp has never been a problem for me, but just about everyone I know hates it. If you ever go to McDonald's and get their unsweetened tea it also tastes like hay or dirt. I love it. But that's just me, and yes, I'm weird, so you have to know that before really understanding much of what I say. Someone has to be the weirdo and I don't mind doing the task.

    Hope you have a brilliant and bright day, and I hope you move. I hope you get up off your butt and do a lot of cardio, breathing, stretching, moving, and proper eating so that I'm not the only one!! We may all need this...if you do, I hope you'll join me at least in spirit. 

Photo Credit: Walmart.com

Jealousy vs. Envy. (There is a difference)

     As an English professor, student, and user of the English language, I do wish people would get the connotations correct when it comes to the two words "jealousy" (or being jealous) and "envious".  They are clearly different words, and where they could be seen in our society as being the same, or somewhat interchangeable, they should not be. Jealousy is so much deeper than envy. It just is.

    The Bible tells us that God is a jealous God. It has been translated of course from Greek and Hebrew, but in both cases, it means something far different from that of coveting or wanting. Envy is when you want something that belongs to someone else. Jealousy, in its true form, is when something is already yours, and you won't give it up for any reason. It is YOURS, no one else can claim it. You fight for it because it is yours. You refuse to release it because it belongs to you. 

    When the Bible speaks of God being jealous, it is clearly communicating to us that God has set His name, His seal, and His promise on us; those of us who have accepted Him, and He will not release us. He doesn't want Satan or his minions to bother us, and when they do, God reminds us and Satan who we actually belong to. Now, let's talk about the word "belong".  We often say that our dogs or cats belong to us, that we own them. This is not the same use of those words when it comes to God's relationship with us; we are not owned. We are covered. We are purchased, yet, we are adopted, graphed, and blended into God, but we are not owned.  I hope you see the difference.

    Jealousy in and of itself, is not a bad thing. We are stating blatantly that what we have is ours. For instance, if I own a car or a house, or my daughter is my daughter, not someone else's daughter, then I will fight to the last breath for what is rightfully mine. The good news is, that God will never have a last breath, and He will also fight for you. He doesn't have to pick up a gun, a sword, or anything to do that; He breathes, He speaks, and it is done. The universe and all that it holds belong to God. It will obey Him when He gives an order. 

    Can you imagine the arrogance of Satan, that great deceiver, who not only tested God and attacked His throne so many years back, and that he still continues to do so? He hasn't learned his lesson. He must still believe that he will someday overtake our Lord. What an idiot. If we remind ourselves this fallible being is nothing more than a sore spot for now, we'll be so much better off. When Satan reminds you of your past, and he will; don't be hesitant to remind him of his future. He knows it to be true, he just hasn't accepted it. Such foolery is too deep for me to understand. I've been "spanked" by God and I don't want that to ever happen again! I learned fairly early to trust and obey. 

    I sometimes wonder if Satan wasn't the one who tried to confuse us with the two words "jealous" and "envy", to make us think they were the same. I don't know when it started, but I do know that in the 17th Century, they weren't used interchangeably. There have been many essays and articles about the two words in more modern times; this makes me think that between 1800-1900 the words were confused and though I haven't done any study on it, I may do so in order to find out when it was that the old deceiver decided to be so ... deceptive. He wanted us to think that God was envious...as if someone or something else had our hearts and souls, and God wanted them. 

    Don't get me wrong, God does want each of our souls, and He wants each of our hearts, but He won't beg for it. Let's look at what the Bible also said about God's eternal love.  The verse we all know, John 3:16 is recorded as "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever shall believe on Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."  The same chapter goes on to say that we as men/women have condemned ourselves if we don't believe, He is God. It is apparent. It is obvious, but if we choose to not believe, we are condemned. God is very jealous of every last soul that He holds, but He wants (not envies) all of us to make the eternal choice to be with Him.

    So the next time someone says "Oh, she's just jealous." Stop and think to yourself, does that person mean to say the person is envious, maybe she wants to be like someone, maybe she wants to have what someone has...this isn't jealousy.  Maybe, if we all decided to use the correct words to say the correct things, we wouldn't be so lured and fooled. We wouldn't begin to doubt that God has the grip that He has; because according to several verses in the Bible, what is God's will always be God's, and no man, no Satan, no scheme, no war, no doubt, nothing that can ever happen can take that from God. Jesus said it, and if JESUS says it, that absolutely settles the matter. 

    

Photo Credit: Biblitodo

    

    

Why Do I Choose to Obey God?

I've mentioned it before, but there are several different (very different) words for the word "love" in the Hebrew as well as the Greek languages. Standard Western modern English speakers choose to use and overuse the word; it really is unfortunate. I want to say it, I want to apply it, but often times when I do, I know I'm either overstating it or understating it in some cases. I just want to say what I so very badly want to say. "I love you", but I want to say it with genuine trust, feeling, and the appropriate level of what it really is. Oftentimes, when we say "I love you", the other person goes straight to the top of the spectrum thinking we're either off our rockers and have no right to say such words, or they think we want a different type of relationship than we do - - which again, finds us wanting for more words to say what we really do mean.

    Let me explain. About four years ago, well, longer than that, but we'll say four, God and I were talking and He led me to a particular person to think about. It was rather strange really how it all began, but then again, we serve a very mysterious and often strange God. He pushed me to want to listen to gospel music, but I was really thinking I wanted to listen to something more folksy, more...Celtic. As God is, He put a thought in my head to do both. I do what everyone does...I Googled it. I literally put in the words "Celtic Worship Music" and there it was... a Scottish band calling themselves "Celtic Worship"...Yeah, OK, thanks God. I had to laugh.

    As I listened, (and I mean from the first note) I had an immediate prick to my heart. It wasn't LOVE like some like to tease me and try to make me admit to. It was LOVE in the way that God directs me, shows me, and creates in me a strong and direct connection. What word do we have in English that compares? What word can I use? The only one I can come up with is "obedience" because the deep and penetrating movement inside my soul was another command, not a suggestion, it was a direct command to begin praying for the lead singer; the man I was listening to. I didn't even know his name. I thought it was Steve McCord for a while - - some would tease again and say that for a while there was a man by that name being prayed over instead of Steph Maclead (the real name of the singer) but that's simply not true. I may be an idiot, but my God is not. He knew (knows) who it was that He gave to me to pray over, and it was Steph Macleod who received those prayers.

    Over time, (because I'm an idiot, did I mention that?) I somehow managed to upset Steph, and I regret every second of that moment because he didn't deserve it, and though he may or may not realize or appreciate it, I am still bound by my obedience to God (not him) to continue to pray for the one person God laid on my soul to pray for.  You may remember that God is eternal. He's not on the five-year plan, or the "until you think you can stop" plan; believe me, after a few rude comments and arguments that I probably (most probably) instigated, I wanted (I begged) to be free from the command. Needless to say, I was not released. I will never be released...but this admittance is not me saying I love the man in the way that others will try and create - - because we don't have the words we need in our language. I love the man because he is the one God asked me to love; through prayer.

    Today, like other days, I was driven into the closet to pray for a moment, a feeling, a hurt, a pain, something that wasn't settling right -- it had nothing to do with Steph, nothing whatsoever, and I found myself in deep deep prayer for myself and for the trickery surrounding me through friends who turned evil toward me. Right in the middle of it, right in the intensity of my burden, I heard a voice; it wasn't God. It was Steph. He was singing "Blessed Assurance", the cover from Celtic Worship's 2nd Album "Morning Tide".  Jesus gave that thought me to say "Settle down for a minute and listen. This is the man I sent you. He has what you need today. He has the words you need...listen."  This is another form of love, but again, not the love people like to attach to two people - - it's so much more encompassing than that; it's love that Jesus brings between Believers. 

    In the darkness of the small quiet room, in my mind, in my soul, I was settled. I listened, and I continued to pray but my words were changed; I wasn't praying for myself anymore. All I needed to know was that I was in the midst of unconditional love, limitless, endless, eternal - - I didn't need to cry over it, it was settled. I was directed to do what I was told to do; to pray for Steph. There is a truth in the statement that we are served when we serve. We are blessed when we bless. We are prayed for and prayed over when we pray for and over others. If God gave me 50 people I would pray for all 50, but He didn't do that. He didn't give me 50 two-legged dogs to travel the world with either - - just one. I will do what I am commanded to do; and I will do it until He tells me to stop - - what do you want to be that will be seconds after the Rapture.

    Why do I choose to obey God? Because I am one very very selfish woman. I know that if I do what He has told me to do, I will be blessed. If I do what He has given me to do, I will be blessed. My blessings will manifest - - every last one of them. All I have to do is delight myself in the Lord and HE will give me the desire of my heart; that's my claim. Psalms 37:4 is still in the Book, and so is the next verse, Psalms 37:5...it tells me that if I commit myself to Him, He will bring it to pass. HE will bring me what my heart desires. Contrastly, if I do not do what He has asked, I will NOT receive my blessings or my heart's desire. I want my blessings...Steph will simply have to put up with me praying over him and for him. I think he'll be OK. He may puff out his cheeks in frustration and confusion over it, but hey, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do - - this one will anyway. I obey. If I don't do anything else right in this world, I obey God.

    Do I love Steph? Oh, that's easy...yes. I love him from now until eternity, and as you may have guessed, eternity is a very very long time. I'm not in love with him. That's another word altogether. I think we all know that, but it needed to be mentioned. Am I confused, or what some would say obsessed? No.  I am obedient, and I am only subjected to One. When Jesus laughed so very loudly up in Heaven on January 12, 2003, and sent my son Reuben to bring home a little two-legged dog that had less than a true chance of survival, He (Jesus) knew I would do exactly what it took to see that the little dog not only survived but that her story would be told from one end of the world to the other - - for yes, eternity. Faith is up in Heaven now, and if you think about it -- she could have had something to do with this new assignment. Faith loves music too, and she knows my doggedness. I won't stop, not if I have a job to do. https://tinyurl.com/FaiththedogWiki

    Thank you, Jesus...you very precious God. I truly do LOVE you, and that word could be all-encompassing, all-encircling, all-ambient, all-inclusive. I love love love love You, God. Let my obedience be protective, and let your everlasting peace fall and be on Steph for this day, for the next, and for yes, eternity. Thank you for the gift and opportunity given. Heal any and all warrants between us; if not in this life, in the next.  

    "Seek ye first, the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 

It's a real promise. He can't lie. He said it, I believe it, and that settles it. 

Photo Credit: 119 Ministries

    

Going Green...ish.

     I still drive my car, and I use electricity, gas, water, all the things I'm probably not supposed to use if I'm truly saying that I'm going green, but here's the thing, I'm washing dishes by hand now. That has to count for something.

    For years (and years) I lived in apartments and houses that came with a built-in dishwasher, so why not use it right? Well, I did, and without fail, literally every single place I ever lived that had a dishwasher in it, had a bad dishwasher in it. I've never once been in a place where the dishwasher did its job and I didn't have to literally rinse and scrub the dishes before I put them into the machine. Why do that?

    This past month or so we had the ultimate happen to us, our dishwasher literally stopped and refused to go further. It had had enough. We've been in the unit for nearly eight years, but the machine was clearly older; it had a few missing prongs if you know what I mean. You had to dial the start thing to a certain point slowly if you expected it to work at all, and if you went over that tiny point, it wouldn't start. You had to try again, and again until you somehow made it happen. 

    When maintenance finally made it to our apartment their first line of action was to Jimmie-rig it until it clicked...didn't work. They tried to rewire something, didn't work. They finally decided to replace it. Several days later the man came back and he had a brand new in-the-box machine that was going to do the trick...until it didn't. He had to again rig it; the wires weren't the same. He tried to explain it to me, but my dad was an electrician and I wouldn't let the man try and fool me. I demanded that a licensed plumber come out and do the deed.  Maintenance said I could do that but I would have to pay for it. I challenged, I won. 

    When the plumber came out and set it up he did so professionally, but the machine was the wrong size and he wasn't going to be able to fit it correctly. Maintenance thought they could just stuff foam in between the wall and the dishwasher, and I refused to allow that as well. What people think they can get away with amazes me. Most folks won't stand up for themselves I guess. Nevertheless, his next move was to try and bolt the machine using brackets that would stick out and I could hurt myself when I wiped down the top of the cabinet. Again, no.

    They managed to get the machine to fit with some "blinders" or thin-looking material that would match the cabinets, but the machine wouldn't actually clean once we tried it. It spewed water and managed to melt the Cascade pellet, but the dishes were not clean. Not only were they not clean, they were drenching wet, as the new machine didn't have a means to dry the dishes, you had to open the door up and let them air dry....overnight. I called bull chips on all of it and just shut the door on the thing.

    We managed to do our own dishes while we waited for the new machine to show up, so we just decided to empty it, never again use it, and do our own dishes. It takes less than 4-5 minutes a day, and I can know 100% that they are actually clean. I can stack them next to the sink and dry them or let them dry, but it's my choice. I can't stand it when people try to wrangle me or make me do what they think I should do. I don't need to spend an hour of my day listening to the dishwasher, which probably charges my electric bill (I don't pay for water, that's in the rent) and I can save a few bucks each month.  Winner!

    It may only be a bit, but it is a bit. I find that because I use the same dishes over and over again now, I could probably go through my cabinets and get rid of cups, tumblers, dishes, plates, and even cutlery. I only use the ones I end up stacking by the sink! I think I do that because I put them away I'll just pick them back up again. I am going to move in the spring, and I will no doubt take very few things with me. I will probably end up with 4 dishes, 4 cups, 2 tumblers, and 2 sets of cutlery. Why have more than you can use? If someone comes over they can have the other set. I don't mind washing two dishes since I'm probably always going to just wash my own now anyway...Gramma was right; she said the dishwasher was a stupid invention for a family since dish time can be family time too.

Booyah! 

Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

Rumination!

     Ha! There's a word for it. The word "rumination" refers to the act of constantly thinking negative thoughts to the point of not being able to focus on a solution to whatever it was that had the person thinking negatively in the first place. The act of ruminating, over and over again actually causes and/or leads directly to depression and anxiety in some people. There are a number of articles on the matter, I only brought the subject up because I don't actually tend to ruminate, but I guessed correctly, that if someone did spend an inordinate amount of their time thinking negatively, there must be either a diagnosis for it, and at least a name for the action. 

    A person who overeats all the time is a glutton. A person who won't stop blaming others for things they themselves do is transferring. I love words, so I said to myself, I think there has to be a name for this particular action. If there is a name for it, there must also be a cure for it; something to counter the very action(s) that cause a person to be so damned harmful to themselves.

    I've just never been a depressed person. I've never been an anxious person. I don't ruminate on a usual or daily basis. I don't tend to transfer my thoughts of what I'm actually doing onto someone else so I can then blame that person for my own downfall; no, I tend to raise my own hand and own my own mistakes.  Have I ever been sad or depressed? Sure I have. I have been scared and anxious, but I am not going to stay that way. It's dangerous and I know it is.

     The reason I'm able to say I'm not really ever depressed or anxious should be quite obvious to anyone who knows me. I am a born-again Christian, and from a very very early age, I learned two facts: (1) Jesus loves me and (2) He can't lie.  If He loves me, and He does, He keeps me.  He protects me. He lets me make mistakes, but that's where the second fact comes into play. He promised me that He would show me a way to get out of whatever it is I have found myself in; or involved with.

    Jesus is a Way Maker. That's what and who He is. We don't have to worry about anything, literally anything at all. He will find someone to help and He will do so because He promised He would do so. If His Word commands us to leave every one of our burdens at His feet - - then it's every burden, not 68% of them. We can leave the big things of course, but we can leave the smaller things as well.

    To constantly say you're doomed, or nothing ever goes your way, is just pathetic and it's actually a sin if you're a Christian. No, people don't want to hear that. They don't want to hear that being immoral, unethical, or overly dramatic is a sin, but it is. When we don't wait on God, when we don't pray to Him for guidance, and then we (for some dumb reason) think things will work out, we're losing the very power He instilled in us from the day we accepted His power and salvation.

     It's a sin to keep things from Him. It's a sin to think we can do it all on our own without His help. It's literally a sin when we worry because He promised us that nothing was impossible for us through Him, but we do have to ASK. We can't expect Him to give us anything if we don't at least have the withal to ask for it. We have NOT because we ask NOT, but if we ask, He is faithful to give according to His will. Don't go around thinking it's OK to ask for the winning lottery tickets; use your brain.

    Ruminating starts for whatever reason, but we can stop it. Ruminating destroys. Why would someone knowingly and voluntarily do it? Because it's become their second nature; even their first nature. It's controlled them. They've allowed it to control them. They can't trust themselves enough to trust God; if they are a Christian. If they aren't Christians, they're ruminating through the maker of all things negative, and that's Satan. Find Jesus. Who in their right mind wouldn't want peace? To say it's a no-brainer is easy for me; maybe because I've never gotten into the habit of allowing trash to ruin my spirit. No, I'm not LUCKY....I'm blessed.

    When someone says "Good luck" to me, I know they mean well, but it's not luck. Luck is strictly driven by chance, and that's hapless; it's not solid, it's not reality. Don't wish me anything; pray for me. Ask God to protect me, ask Him to protect yourself. Ask Him to show you the way, the truth, and the path that is best to take to get out from under the weight that you've created for yourself. If you've only experienced bad things in your life, stop all the things you're doing that cause that. If that means getting away from the very people who oppress you, get out from under them. MOVE...and be with Jesus; He will never oppress you. He will never tell you that you are worthless. He will never undermine you. He will only lift you. 

    Again, it's a no-brainer, but those who are swimming in the molasses can't understand that the One who walks on water and calms the seas is the same One who created all the stars and He knows each by their name. Never does a single sparrow fall that He is not made aware of it; He knows me. He loves me. He will always provide for me. I can't be sad. I can't be anxious. I can't be bitter, and I will not give the deceiver a foot-hold in my life; not if I can help it. 

    When God uses me to help others I thank Him because He's gonna turn around and use them to help someone else in ways I can't.  He's gonna use someone else to bless me in ways I can't help them maybe, but it sparks something in me to help others in ways that I can. Don't be bitter if He calls on you to help; raise your head, your hands, and your heart and thank Him for being able to serve! He asked you for your help!! The God of the entire universe asked you to assist!! Can you imagine? I hope to be so blessed over and over again. 

    When you think about ruminating -- and I hope you never do; refocus your thoughts on these two facts: (1) Jesus loves you enough to die for you and (2) He cannot lie. He promised eternal life to anyone (anyone) who will ASK for it. 

Photo Credit: Rogers Behavior Health