You'll hear people say that you should cut out all the negative in your life, and that sounds like a great (the best) idea possible! If it were JUST that easy, everyone would do it, right? It's not that easy all the time. Now, sometimes it is that easy. There are things you can just say no to something, and be done with it. I'll see if I can give you an example from my life. I was using and ultimately ended up abusing a chemical called BHB which is a salt-type chemical that is used for weight loss. You can sprinkle it onto food, you can mix it in your drinks, and it's one of those really incredible substances that ACTUALLY does what it says it will do. The way that it does this can be harmful, and that's why there are clear warning signs on the package. The same warning signs I absolutely ignored. When it became a problem for me, a REAL issue, in that I was violently sick for over 12 hours without let up, I was pretty quick to give it up! Yep, there it goes! Out the door!
Some things in your life which prove to be negative, aren't as easy to just chunk and be done with. Friendships come to mind. Family relations also come to mind. Chocolate is definitely something that could never be bad for you, nor negative, but it would be impossible for me to part ways with it if it were such an issue. In fact, I found that giving up on family and friends was so much easier on my soul and mind than it would have been if I were forced to relinquish my chocolate. That may just be me, you may have varied results. I can't tell you what to do.
Studies can show, as studies often show, that whoever is paying for the study will get the results they are trying to achieve. This is my belief, and I'm not going to change my mind about it. That being said, there are many studies that show that giving up things in your life that are negative actually tends to make your breathing better, your thoughts clear, and you have a way of feeling more positively about who you are and what your purpose may be. It's the dang negative things that have held you back for so long. You didn't get rid of them for personal or professional reasons, and it may have caused you to stumble, it may have caused you to wait, it may have caused you to pass on the things your soul really really wanted, but there you were clinging to the negative because it was familiar, because it was safe because it was comfortable, or maybe you were married to the negative thing and divorce seemed a permanent solution...and it is. THANK GOD!
Many people have told me that I seem to be an advocate for divorce. I am not. I am an advocate for marrying the right person. If you didn't marry the right person, and if you are not the right person for the person you marry, then yes, I am an advocate for separating, divorcing with amicable relations when possible, and moving forward with the intention of thinking through it so you can find or be the right person in the marriage. Banging your head against the wall is no way to live, and trying without results is just nonsense. If we were made to be miserable, then hell, we can be miserable alone! We don't need to drag someone else into the problem. When I divorced it was absolute chaos for years, but the cutting off the negative did in fact begin, and over time as things tended to heal, the days were brighter, the nights without worry, and through prayer and meditation, and through the inner faith I had to muster through the Spirit, I am OK. It was NOT easy.
It's not always a spouse. It could be a friend. It could be several friends. It could be that you have allowed yourself to hang out with many different negative folks and you know better than to stay, but you're not sure where you'll spend your time if you let them go! I do understand. I really do. I think I took to blogging because it gave me a place to be with myself and with my audience. If my audience is 3 people, those are 3 people who may actually like what I have to say, and they aren't creating a negative ring around me that chokes all the positive from my lungs causing me to stop breathing! I'm not kidding, you know this, some people just suck the life right out of you when they can't come up with a single good thing to say about you, themselves, or anything in their world. LET THAT TRASH GO! It is rubbish and has no place for you. Harsh? Yes, it is.
Could it be you need to change your job? Your career? Your study? Your church? Do it. Just because you've been associated with something or someone for so long doesn't make it right. It reminds me of when people talk about the way they train their horse, they'll say "I've done this for 40 years" and I want to say "You've been screwing up that long? STOP already! You're killing your horses!" Speaking of horses, I had to give up them as well. It was quite negative in that my bank account was constantly hovering over a zero balance when I owned them. I LOVE THEM. I want them, but at this point in my life, it is not feasible. Talk about hurting!! I hurt for months afterward, but my bills were paid on time, and I ate better. I think it was a good decision, though it was incredibly hard to do.
What about that job? You say you need it for several reasons. Maybe you're working your way up the ladder and you can't just stop. Yes, you can. If it means you'll have a better heart rate, a better eating habit, you'll sleep better, treat others better, and be appreciated, then yeah, you can stop. If you have talent enough to climb one ladder there will be another one you can adopt. It may be that a cooperative approach rather than a dominating approach will work out for you, in that being cooperative with others forces you to be positive and learn as well as to teach and be frustrated. You'll find that you have mind muscles you never knew existed. They need to be exercised too.
Now, for the hard stuff. If you're watching things you know you shouldn't watch. If you're going online where you know you shouldn't go. If you're buying things you know you shouldn't buy - - stop. Acknowledge the problem. Know that it is a problem. Find the solution, and ask for help if you need to. You deserve a better you. Some people are addicted to drinking or drugs. Some people are addicted to being mean-spirited. Some are addicted, believe it or not, to online shopping. You know who you are. Go ahead and look, but you don't need to buy it. Take a photo of it, and post it on your Facebook to let people know you like it, but you may not need to spend money on it that could go to something you really need -- like rent.
Cleaning house is good. Cleaning the dishes is great. Cleaning your wardrobe, the closet, the pantry, you know what I mean, you get in there and dig out what you haven't used, and what you won't use. If you have a storage closet that you're paying for but you haven't seen the articles or things inside of it for years, CLEAR IT OUT. Sell the crap, give it away, and get that money back into your bank account. Let's say you have old clothes in storage. Someone may need them. Donate them. If you have old furniture that belonged to your parents, but you're not using it, sell it or give it away. Someone can use it. If your storage closet is full but your wallet is hungry, you have a real problem that needs to be addressed. ADDRESS IT.
"Oh Jude, you seem to have all the answers, don't you? You don't understand what this stuff means to me! You don't understand." Really? What's your excuse? Well, I certainly understand that yesterday is gone, tomorrow hasn't come yet, and living today is all we really can do. If you're holding on to memory through paying for it to be in storage that you never go through, you need to stop that and bring home a couple of things you can see and hold. Let the rest go! You'll be very pleasantly surprised how great you'll feel when you stop enslaving yourself to the what was and live for the what is. Is it hard? Yes! Is it necessary? UNQUESTIONABLY! It is most assuredly necessary for your well-being. DO IT.
That's about all I have for the subject today. I'm on my way to work out, eat a good lunch, and walk five miles. I can do one with the dog, and then the rest without her. She's not a quitter, she's just older and I don't want to put her through the terrain changes. For a 10-year-old dog Ginger is quite spry! She's one of those really really positive things I did for myself about 7 years ago. I knew I needed a friend for my dog George, and when I found Ginger at the shelter it was love at first sight for both of us. She has been smiling, cheering me on, and keeping me company ever since. If you can get yourself a good dog that may be the most rewarding thing you'll do for yourself! You'll never actually have to divorce a dog. Nor do you have to worry about the dog sleeping with your best friend, spending your money on things it shouldn't, booking vacations without you, or driving the car into a tree. I am here to tell you, dogs are God's way of saying "It will be OK, trust Me."
Footnote: I picked up using BHB again in a very positive way. I only use 1/2 of what is called for, and I'm being very disciplined with the chemical now that I know myself better.
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