You know there's that joke about how was the Grand Canyon formed? If you haven't heard it, the answer is that a Scotsman dropped a penny down a hole. I bet an Englishman started that rumor! I mean, I guess that could happen, but I don't know why he would have continued his pursuit, say maybe after the first 3 miles; it makes no sense whatsoever! I guess there's just a wee truth to the fact that Scottish people tend to be a bit frugal. I'm American born, and of Scottish/English heritage, you'll never hear someone, a Scotsman, say a lie about...well, yeah, you will, never mind. I do it too, not gonna lie, I make fun of the stiff collared British friends I have. Prim and proper most of them; I prefer Simon Parkes to any of them really. WHAT is the FREAKING point I'm trying to make? No worries, I'll get there, it's just me, I can't say hello in the first few paragraphs, it takes me a minute.
My family, and mostly because of me I suppose, has always been a bit frugal as well. We're not as cheap or chintzy as some, no, we're not going to cut the corners and lose quality, but we will try to find a way to make things that are just as glorious at one price find it's way to being just as wonderful without the bite of paying full price; that's all I'm saying, so when it came to dental hygiene I decided to wing it and buy my own set of stainless steel (real live) dental picks and scrapers - - it even has a handy dandy mirror on a stick - - but I typically use my 10x handheld round mirror to see those really hard to reach places. No, I'm actually serious, I scrape my own teeth and I do it a lot more than every six months, thank you. I have good strong healthy teeth now. It wasn't always that way, but it is now! This isn't even the point of my blog - - only partly, to show you the backstory as to why it is that Laura decided to borrow my dental tools to see if she could be brave enough (like her lioness mother) to dig in a little deeper, and chip away at the nasty ugly plaque that has been building up since she missed her last six month appointment. It's rather like losing weight before you go to the gym - - anyone else do that?
So Laura Cakes (her nickname since birth) stops me as I'm about to pay a bill online and asks where my dental tools are - - and can she borrow them? I mean sure, but yeah, you may want to (I don't know) clean them really well before you stick them into your mouth - - her thoughts and mine were close enough, she was already standing there with 70% Isopropyl Alcohol and swabs in hand. She was ready to do this! I took the tools out from where I keep them, and handed her the little black case they come in. I did not buy the cheap stuff, no, I went all out friend. These are the same ones used by my own personal dentist who assured me that I would be just fine if I watched a YouTube video, but he was not going to let me tell anyone he said that, so just ignore what I just said if you know who my dentist is, OK?
Laura took the tools, washed them two or three times, dosed them in alcohol, and for good measure, soaked the tips in distilled water before beginning her first attempt at self cleaning - preservation at it's best, folks. This is the beginning of growing old; when you realize you don't want to spend $30 at the dentist office for the co-pay because you missed your appointment and you have to reschedule for six months out or pay the skip-fee; she is such a Stringfellow, that one. Viva la Laura! Give it up for the one true Scot in my family besides myself - - Caity is so English, and Reuben is a hopeless Irishman at heart; nothing I can do to stop it, it is what it is. Thank you Jesus for my daughters. Thank you.
I wanted to video the event. She almost closed the bathroom door to shut me out, but I begged and started dancing and stomping around, throwing a major tissy so she let me watch. No phones, but she let me watch. I of course, gave her instructions even after she watched the YouTube videos, moms do that, we know so much more about our own daughter's lower teeth structure and all the gick and ick that concretes itself around each little tiny sweet baby toofy that we mommies made! Those are our wee baby's teefies and I wanted to watch! I also wasn't sure if she would realize just how sharp these professional grade instruments are, and I didn't want her poking out her eye while she's digging -- the tools are dual headed with different types of curves and spikes on their tips. She was a natural tooth scraper, let me tell you - - pull, push, pluck, poke and dig, she managed to pop so much of that crud off within minutes, and she only screamed twice when she saw the blood pouring out of her gums; EVEN THOUGH both the YouTube and her mother told her it would happen. It happens. There will be blood.
After she poked and pulled a bit, it was hilarious to watch her grab the mouthwash bottle without the cap, and just swig the blue mix into her mouth like a boss! Get it! Get it Laura, you rinse that nasty ugly bleeding mouth of yours and spit! You spit right into that open drain girl! You've got this!! I felt so proud - - I wanted to call her brother up right then and there and say, "See, you don't have to worry about Laura when I move to Scotland, she's a trooper, she's all about self preservation and conservation, if you only knew!" He'd be so proud too, but I didn't want him thinking he could come over and borrow my tools -- Nope, I'll no doubt order another set and leave this one with the kid when I move. She'll need them and I don't need her nasty blood soaked tips in my mouth anyway -- is that mean of me? Nah, it's not. I'm normal. That's normal, right?
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