Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Acai - Thanks to Students

The Acai berry and of course, a beautiful bronze butt.

I have some of the best students - seriously. I go away, I don't teach them and what do they do, they follow my career, they call me and give me advice. Some of them even ask me for my autograph -which is funny because the guy I'm talking about has my autograph when I signed him out from jail in the 9th grade. He got a copy of the paper! OK, so now one of my "babies" as I call them all, has an idea on how to get his old fat teacher skinny and pretty. He said he's going to make me look like his sister's friend's mom. I think I followed that line correctly, maybe it was his mother's sister's friend - I don't know...she's suppose to be skinny and pretty - but if she has a perfectly shaped bronze butt you can count me out. I don't tan that well.

I looked up from sitting in my car and there he was - my ex student Victor. I won't give out last names - he may want to remain anonymous for helping me. He was standing at my door with a box in his hand. The box had Acai Berry pills in it and he had 6 bottles. He looked like he was going door to door selling the bottles and I asked him if they were sealed. He told me they were, and then as if he had read my mind he stated he hadn't stolen anything - his sister's friend works for the drug store and they overstocked so he got them at 1/2 price. He gave me the name of the store and manager too. So, after calling and verifying his story I bought a couple of bottles from the kid and paid 25% off retail so he could have a little profit. He just wanted to see if they worked and I was the first fat person he could think of. I love these kids - their honesty.

To be perfectly honest, and I love this, he was a bit disappointed that I had already lost 45 pounds since I last taught English in the "hood" and he was saying he's going to take the credit for it when he comes back and takes my "after" pictures for his sales port folio - we had our picture taken 3 years ago and yes, he'll have a GREAT before picture let me tell you. I used to cringe at the sight of myself being just at 200 pounds, but now I don't. I see it as a long and hard journey that I went on, found it to be unpleasant at times, difficult at times, certainly informative but I didn't like myself or my body much - and I wanted a new me. If the ads are correct about this pill, this fruit, this Brazilian wonder - then I should be dancing in the sands around New Years, but don't count on the bright thong being wrapped around my bare cheeks - my son would kill me ESPECIALLY if I could pull it off - imagine what he'd do to me if I couldn't! NOPE, once a mom always a mom, and once an English teacher - - well, I go to church with MY 8th grade English teacher and I still call her Mrs. Williams. I just can't bring myself to say "Helen" in her presence! I think I've given up the notion that she lives at the school now...she lives at the church.

I hope this stuff does something cool - even if it just turns my colon purple, I don't care - something has to make these last 20 go away - forever!! I'm pretty sure the back of the bottles say to take 2 a day but I bet they mean pills and not bottles of pills....we'll see. I know I'm counting down the days but I don't want to be pushing daisies either for overdosing on SUPER FOODS.....I should make the bottles tiny little capes for Halloween - but I'd be the only one laughing. Nevermind.

Victor - I'll call you. (and.....read something!)

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