I'm really angry right now. I think recognizing that is important. I'm not happy, and we don't always have to have that particular emotion to survive or even to thrive. I'm really angry. I have a right to be so, and it's OK if I am. Again, I believe having the withal to know this is good. I was employed from Feb. to Apr. of this year, and I won't add it to my resume because the man I worked for is unethical, he's a liar, a cad, and he doesn't deserve to even be able to say he was my employer. He's perhaps the worst, or at least one of the worst, employers I've ever had. We had a hearing today, a Tribunal Appeal really; he had failed to show up for the first hearing, and they gave him a 2nd opportunity. He used that opportunity to lie about me. I hate that.
After the hearing, I wanted to punch him so hard in the balls. I really did. I had to refocus, rethink, meditate, and get back on track. I was the one-off track at that point. I was the one who needed to be realigned. He doesn't belong to me. His spirit doesn't belong to me. I am responsible for myself, not that man. I have two choices at this point; I can let that man hurt me further, or I can pray and get back in with what I know to be right. I will pray not only for myself, but for my former employer, who calls himself a Christian, but obviously falls so far from the mark, he needs God's help. I won't limit God on how that happens anymore than I would tell God how to fix my problems. I let them go! I place them (and that former employer) at God's feet.
I didn't want to be kind. I didn't want to be nice. I didn't want to remotely seem cordial, but I am not my own. I was bought with a price; the blood of Christ. I am not in charge. I am not the one who decides. What I do matters; because others will see God in me or they won't. I want them to see God in me. I want them to come to Him because they trust what they saw in me. It's not how my human nature wants to respond; but thank you Jesus, I am not alone. I have the Holy Spirit in me literally restraining me from the evil I could do if left on my own.
When God says to trust Him with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, that is what He's talking about. We aren't to do what we want to do, what we think is best, what we could do that would cause as much damage; we are to let go of the hurt, the pain, and the damage that was done to us. Let God do His miracles without our interruptions. We really don't know what is best; we just want to do what we want to do. NO. We must not let that happen; it never turns out for the best. NEVER.
The rest of that verse says He will set the path straight. I need that. That's what I need. I need a good straight path right now. The good news is I'm not in charge; ice cream helps too. God made it; it's good. This is me....letting go.
Photo Credit: ThermoWorks.com
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