I must have something inside of me telling me that it's my turn to wait for life! I have something else inside of me screaming that it's MY TURN to have what I think is best, what I think is success. It's MY TURN. I have been working on this for too long to be in line waiting - especially if the people I'm waiting behind are idiots. Did I actually say that? OK, I did, but it's because I'm just too fired up about the fact that NO ONE has called me to produce the movie about my dog Faith after oh, I don't know, a dozen have said they would. I know you hear it all the time; you go to Hollywood, you meet with the right people, and they promise you the moon while you're there and then nothing. OK...I get that, they're liars, they care only for themselves, I get that - someone from OUTSIDE of Tinsel Town - CALL ME.
Back to the dream I had, it was reflective of this feeling that's going on in my head about people making me promises. You see, and maybe it's just me, but I keep every last promise I make. What it is - is, I don't make the promise unless I mean it. If I have to break one - it almost kills me. OK..back to the dream.
I'm going to a picnic, I have already paid the park's admission which for whatever reason admitted me to the lines that I had to stand in to get the free food. Upon looking at the food I thought "No, I don't want this" and I began looking for different food. I noticed that I had a paper plate - this means something is going to be temporary. I had my family with me. The food I was more interested in was healthy and homemade, not KFC and/or bucket food. It wasn't that I thought I was better than anyone else, but I just couldn't put that trash into my body. I wanted more for myself. Here's the funny part - I had to go to the bathroom, but had to SKIP to get there. If you didn't SKIP you didn't get in. I skipped.
When I got into the bathroom there was a line there too, not as long of a line, but a line, and my stall's door didn't close. Oh, and there was a really strange woman in the stall next to mine standing up, trying to look over at me, and she was saying things like "I don't know why I'm here. I should be singing". GO SING - get out of the bathroom! While I was trying to hold the door several people kept trying to get in. Now, in the real world NO ONE comes into the stall you're sitting in if the door is open, some nice people even volunteer to help you hold the door if it's further from your reach. Maybe not so much in the men's rooms, but ladies do this for each other. Not in my dream. Not only did people try to come in, men and women tried to come to my stall. Men were carrying on conversations with themselves and women in the women's bathroom. No matter how often I complained about it no one cared. It was as if I didn't have the right to tell them to leave a Ladies restroom.
Naturally I went back to where I was eating after I washed my hands in purple jello, and I noticed that no one was at the tables, the food had been put on cafeteria trays and placed in bins at the end of another long line. We were just there, no organization, no structure, just a bunch of people in the park - which of course if you think about it, a park provides that service - but this was my dream so it had to mean that we were just willie-nillie, and nothing was happening really I feel stuck and I feel abandoned - no, worse than abandoned, I feel violated, infringed on, and to some degree I feel misled - I didn't HAVE to skip!
Looking up the dream online and talking to friends who analyze dreams I wasn't the least bit surprised. I have been waiting I have been working, I have been in conversations with actors, directors, producers, agents, and everyone in the industry who have been promising me results, but if I ran my company (or any foundation) the way they run their lives and lies - I would be out of business. I'd be sued. I'd be held accountable. I am obviously feeling hurt and inside I feel that what Faith (my dog) has to offer is so much more important than what some of these people have the insight or creative mind to see - - it hurts to think that they merely pulled me out to Hollywood to see my dog. Did that really happen? Was she a puppet to them? Were we just a toy, an interest for a moment's entertainment?
If you're out there - if you REALLY ARE out there and you have the insight, the real drive, the ambitious nature, and the (she's going to say it) balls to do a project about my dog's life, adapting my books, and making a real effort to tell this story, a story that has been featured on Oprah, Montel, Maury, Ripley's, and in over 500 newspapers and magazines - a story of survival and inspiration, if you really have what it takes to produce it - call me. I'm not standing in line any more.
In fact. I think I'll just produce it myself, at least that way I know I won't be lied to, compromised, or shelved. I think the dream taught me something. I don't have to beg - not when I have what I need.