Thursday, June 7, 2007

Men Should Love Me!

When I think about it, I'm the perfect woman. I really am. If I were a man I would want me. I'd think I was a bit chunky, but I'd be willing to go walking with me, to work it off - I would! I thought about it this morning, and yes, men should fall all over themselves to have me. If any man wanted to be my boyfriend (please don't apply, I'm not actually taking applications at this time) he would have the freedom to go fishing, hunting, golfing, whatever he wanted to do because I'm not into asking him where he's been, where he's going, what's he's doing, and forget about money - I have mine. He can keep his.

Football. Men like football right? Well, I LOVE FOOTBALL. My kids hate the fall because they never see me on the weekends. I'm either at the game, or on the couch staring at the set. I didn't go the distance and get the cable thing where I can see 147 games a week - that's a bit overkill, but I do insist on them leaving me the hell alone when OU takes the field on Saturday, or when Green Bay does on Sunday. OK...seeing that I'm moving to Chicago, I'll have to expand my horizons and love the Bears, but Reuben said I'd go to Hell if I admitted it out loud in Wisconsin. I'll stuff my face with cheese and mutter something incoherent - that makes men smile too!

I do drink a beer when I'm stuffing my face with cheese, and there had better be a few pillows to throw because I'm going to be throwing pillows when I watch a game. Men should love me because I rarely go shopping unless it's at the Home Depot, and then I can't be pulled out easily - sometimes offering me a Starbucks can get the job done. I'm the only one I know smelling the lumber to see how fresh it is. I went to the Home Depot yesterday to have a couple of planks cut and I don't even have a fence right now! I'm going to get one, and they were on sale, and I just hate the smell of a new car - when you can fill the air with pine, do it!

Oh, and men should love me because I cook - not completely naked, but somewhat. I mean, I'm usually wearing a big man's shirt and I dance around the kitchen a lot - do a little dance, wait on the water to boil, add the spaghetti, dance a little more - put on the Buble' (oh wait, men may not like Buble' - SCREW THEM!) That's the me I love - I love the me that says to the world "This is my spaghetti - if I want to put olives and pineapple in it I will" and I do. I rent adventure movies- crank the stereo loudly - and I actually know the difference between a forced out and an RBI - yeah, OK, I just admitted to watching baseball - it's what I do when I'm waiting on football to start - give me a break!

About that application thing - I'm not taking apps because I'm pretty sure I'm still too in love with myself to share me, I'll be over it someday - but it's been a good 8 years, why spoil a good thing?

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