How many of you (go ahead and raise your hand if you knew this) KNEW that most homes in Scotland, and for that matter I'm told all of Europe, don't have electric dryers in the home? How many of you are now staring at the screen absolutely dumbstruck with a head shake saying "What? What do you mean there's no dryer? That's...that's..crazy, right?" It is crazy - - for Americans anyway. When I first found this to be true, late last year, I literally asked my Scottish friend if people in Scotland were incredibly poor and couldn't afford an electric dryer - - in which case I could start a Go Fund Me for an entire nation of deprived people, or was it something else entirely? Could it be that (GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY) the citizens of Scotland (and most of Europe) feel there is no need (shaking my head twice, but you can't see it) for anyone to own their own electric dryer. I keep saying electric dryer, but it could just as easily be a gas-heated dryer, they simply don't own dryers in the land of the Scots. They hang their dampish wet clothes on "green lines" outside instead -- you know, like Great Grandmas used to do back in the ancient times. Wait? Doesn't it RAIN in Scotland like....you know, all the time?
My friend, a very sweet, upper middle classed man (married, no kids, but has a mortgage, car and full time employment) went on to tell me that women there don't really consider it a chore or out of the question to hand hang the clothes on green lines, or even on these really (I gave a shriek when I saw it) handy-dandy dangling-from-a-cord lattice looking things that resemble a do-it-yourself 4-plank flat shelf that suspends by a cord like a blind suspends from a window. You see this is some homes, and when you do they are in the kitchen area usually where the washing machine is (Yes, I did say that the washing machines are in the kitchen, I know, you're still giggling over the green line, but stay with me, their washing machines are in the kitchen). Sometimes these laundry blinds (we can call them that) are in the hallways or in a utility room perhaps.
For no reason whatsoever, my friend decided to challenge me to a Scottish laundry dual. He said OK, my wife and I will do a load of laundry now, hand hang the clothes outside on the green line, you do your thing and we'll see what the difference is. Couldn't he have just bet me a $100 and be done with it? I don't mind taking his money, really, I don't. I accepted the challenge. We set our clocks at 12:00 noon for the following day because his 12:00 noon and my 12:00 noon are 6 hours separate, but we wanted to be sure to have the same type of timing and he wanted the most optimal weather he could muster for his cause, I suppose. I wasn't the least bit worried regarding the outcome - - my dryer works 24/7 and in all sorts of weather. I would be lying if I said it stopped working during a tornado. The only time it would NOT work is during a power outage. We set our watches, said good night, and waited for the next day to arrive.
Noon arrived in Oklahoma City six full hours after it had arrived in Edinburgh, Scotland of course. By now my friend's laundry had been washed and hanging outside for around 5.5 hours, I'm certain. I started my load, pushed the button, pulled my clothes out 36 minutes later and stuck them in that magically wonderful heating apparatus we Americans take for granted 99% of the time. Today, I thanked my dryer just for being a dryer. Less than 44 minutes later I retrieved my warm clothes, laid them on the bed, let the dogs lay all over them, and made the call to my Old Town music instructor who by the way, was just finishing his dinner dishes without a dishwasher because YOU GUESSED IT, they don't have one in their kitchen! I asked him if he had retrieved his clothes to which he said "most of them were dry" he had to leave a couple of towels out a bit longer, but they were in fact mostly dry.
WHAT is the point of this story? He's a nutter and I'm apparently spoiled to the core according to him, his wife, his sister, his sister's kids, and the lady next door who just happened to speak to him over the fence line while he checked on the two towels. I'm the SPOILED AMERICAN, that's who I am. I want things given to me too; that's what I am perceived as anyway. I can't take a little hardship. I can't be a little inconvenienced. I am rotten, rotten, rotten - - OR AM I? Maybe I'm just smarter than the average bear, and I want my dogs to enjoy the cozy warmth of fresh linens from the dryer. It could also be that I'm conditioned to being smarter than the average bear, and I like seeing my furniture and not draping wet underwear over the corners of chairs. I'm told his wife actually hangs up their underwear to dry so it's not seen - - OK, that's one point in their favor.
How can we be so different in this matter? It makes me wonder if when I do move to Scotland if I give into their ways or bring my own and educate the youth of Mid Lothian so that soon their will be this uprising of children wanting American conveniences. I don't want to be fully responsible for that, so I'll likely just buy a dryer and keep it hidden in the closet. I may leave the green line outside instead of pulling it out the ground so as not to give away my position to the neighbors. I may even put the random load on the line just to seem as if I'm assimilating into their culture - - my dogs will know the truth, and with them my secret will be sacred.
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