If you don't know me you won't know that I'm single and very much planning on staying that way. I last dated someone in 1999, and even then it was a bit sketchy! The internet dating sites were all the rage at that time, and believe it or not I dabbled in it long enough to learn three things: people lie about their appearance, they lie about their past, and the most certainly lie about their issues which may or may not be a game changer for most sane would be suiters. I can't tell you how many times I TOLD THE TRUTH about my age, my height, my weight, my body shape, the length of my hair, my likes and dislikes, my spiritual life (walk with Christ) and oh yes, I mentioned that I'd rather take a hike in the woods or up a mountain than on the sandy beaches; that's just me. I TOLD THE TRUTH -- I was the only one who did.
Time after time after time I would meet someone online, we'd talk, make arrangements to meet and do the whole "I'll-bring-a-friend-to-sit-in-the-corner-of-the-cafe-to-save-me-if-I-need-saving" thing, which worked in my favor more times than not. I'd show up EXACTLY how I said I would be, and either at the pre-discussed table or coming through the door would be this fat, bald, frumpy dump of a soul who either had just combed over his last remaining scrap of hair, or he'd be tucking in the remnants of a shirt tail that just couldn't stay tucked due to the mass of belly punching through - - does that sound mean of me? It's not. I told the truth. If a man didn't want to meet me after I told him my height, weight, bulk, etc., he had the choice, but GIVE ME THAT CHOICE TOO! I'm not perfect, but caring for yourself is important. Oh there was this one guy that came to the cafe wearing silver and purple striped pants, a bright red velvet jacket, and a top hat! No, I'm NOT kidding you - - I smiled politely, excused myself after having waved at my friend, who was already standing up and walking toward me with her hand reaching into her purse for her little pea-shooter of a .22, and I simply said "I hope you have a blessed day, sir", before shaking my head and swearing off the sites forever. It only took 6-10 times of liar after liar after liar for me to get it through my head that this just wasn't the way I wanted to meet a man. Eventually, I did it the old-fashioned way, my friend Nancy set me up with her co-worker Dennis. It lasted until it didn't, and that was the last of my dating days. March 31, 1999.
I decided at age 36 that I wasn't going to date again, I had kids to raise. I had an education to obtain, I had work. I simply didn't have time to devote to men; not that my last boyfriend wasn't the best of men, because he was. It just wasn't the time to be connected to anyone who wasn't immediate family. I made the right decision. He married and had kids, something I wasn't going to do for him. God blessed him, and I am forever thankful for that gift for him as well as for me; I can truly say I ended it on a great note, and we are still good friends in our hearts.
If a man like Dennis was to suddenly find himself divorced in 2021 with three kids ages 14, 10, and 8 in tow, he would have such a difficult time trying to find someone who would both love him and love his kids. He'd have to find one without kids if he expected to have time for his kids without having to blend families, put up with ex-spouses, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, church friends, work friends, anyone and everyone telling him that they saw her online with so-and-so, her social media may say she's in a solid relationship, but her tweets say otherwise, and boy oh boy, he'd have to run tests on her to be sure she wasn't one of the 18% of singles who are carriers of sexually transmitted diseases these days too! With the ever increasing means of hiding truths electronically these days, it's hard to know if someone really is working from home, if they're unemployed but saying they have a steady job, or if they are in debt up to their eyebrows just looking for someone to bail them out - - all the while trying to manage daycare, play-dates, shuffling custody situations, and that's IF they get along with their ex - - the list goes on and on and into an eternal horror show when you bring in step-mom, step-dad and those blended schedules that never seem to work out. NO THANK YOU -- I will stay single!
I can't even imagine being a single parent in 2021 - - maybe that's why so many miserable parents are staying married today - - you know, for the kids! That's BS too because the kids are the ones who suffer the most from that arrangement. You should NEVER stay in a soured relationship for the kids. You shouldn't stay for money either - - but that's another blog.
NOPE...looking back I know I made the right decision NEVER to date again. I had all the custody issues to deal with, but I didn't have to really bring in the chaos of another soul's life issues with his ex and his ex's ex...which happens more than you may think. If Dennis ever did find himself looking for a woman to love again, and if he asked me for advice I'd tell him to find an older woman who had kids, but doesn't have them now -- she would know how to care for him, for them, and would be more likely to understand the times...and boy howdy, these are indeed some crazy crazy times, aren't they? THANK YOU JESUS, for giving me the insight to ask for celibacy. It worked.
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