If you follow me, or if you can't stand me, but you read everything I write anyway, this blog may actually tickle your funny bone. (If the Brits don't have an equivalent to the funny bone, I can't help you, but I certainly wouldn't want to be accused of tickling anything cheeky; that would be so embarrassing. )
I am the biggest dork. I can't say I'm a geek because I don't know much about Science books. Don't much about the French I took either, but that's another melody. If you know, you know. I can't call myself a nerd because I absolutely don't know the differences between any anime characters and no, I don't know which characters are DC and which are Marvel. I just smile and nod my head when my kids talk about them. I buy things and I say "OK, is that the right one, honey?" Truth.
I am the dork of dorks. I call myself the Queen of Dorkville. I just make blunders, boo-boos, oopsies, and mistakes. I fall all over myself at times, and it's because of the bruises I tend to leave both physically where you can see them, and emotionally where you may not, I tend to try to be right most of the time. No, let me rephrase that a bit, I hate myself and all things around me if I'm wrong. I just can't stand it. I don't often throw massive fits or go into a rage (in public) but I have been known to destroy my couch pillows, while screaming at the top of my lungs into one of them for say, maybe a full ten minutes. I really, really, really, hate to be wrong.
It could be because I was born in the Year of the Ox. Ox, as you know are broadminded, stubborn, strong, forward moving, and now that I think about it, being born in the Year of the Ox may actually have something to do with why I trade on the open market now! Wow, I just now put that together. Bulls Rule!! I was not only born in the Year of the Ox; no. I was born a Scorpio. I wasn't just born any old typical run-of-the-mill daily type Scorpio, no, that would be quite silly. I was born on the last day, of the last hour almost of the Scorpios. It was on my actual birthday, at the time of my birth, I am told, (close to the hour) that the would-be people who follow these things, tell me that they adopted a new time frame and that those born on November 22 from that point forward are no longer Scorpio. WOW...that was close!
I was born on 11/22/1961 and for my British friends, that would be 22/11/1961. If you look at this date closely you'll see I have two double numbers in my birth, not one, and the year 1961 can be turned upside down and it remains 1961. Try that with the year of your birth. I'll wait. So, there (or here) I am, rocking an amazing date for being born, rocking an incredibly wonderful time as well, but still, I am so far from being perfect it is hilarious!! People tell me all the time how right I am, or they'll try and convince me that I'm a freak of nature because I know things. I am not. What I am is one of those people who screw up so often but I don't let others know I have. I cover it well. I make what I do seem as if it was intentional, that covers a multitude of my blunders for sure, and the rest I simply have to admit and move forward. I'm actually pretty good at raising my hand and admitting my folly. I'm not going to lie about that. I don't put blame on others. No. I know it was me!
I was not only born on an amazing day but I was born into the world of a family whose heritage was settled in the ancient days of the Celts. I have taken the DNA test, but before I had the nerve to put it down to knowledge, I felt that I was at least half Celt. Turns out I'm about 94% Celt. There are tests you can take, and I have, that tell you what percentage of national peoples you belong to. For that, I am both English and Scottish, with a dash of Italian and Iberian thrown in for good measure. The people of my past were Celts before they were Brits. I suppose before that they were Norse. Before that, they were from Japheth. (You can watch Charlie Garrett's sermon on that if you like, here's the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ju2yXBv-gWA&list=PL6Xj_bNWUPxcSDP-5PBJmO5bo7mItQ1kc&index=23
Today's big bad blunders would include the decision to make a "Fair Night" dinner for my daughter and me. I made sausage balls, cheese balls, fried corn cobs, and fried fritters. Don't do that to yourself people. Don't do it to yourself, don't do it to your residence, and don't do it to your neighbors. My neighbors literally knocked on my door to be sure we were OK. The house was full of smoke from the fryer and the oily stench is still in my apartment. We've had the back door open for hours and it's cold outside today. Let me just say that I won't be attempting anything so gut-wrenchingly horrible for another 60 years. I promise.
Another faux-paux for myself today and/or this week was buying about 11 books online through Amazon and when I saw that they were all really cheap I was thinking to myself that I was pretty clever for finding these deals!! Yep, without looking at any of them, I just ordered them. Books!! I LOVE BOOKS!! So, there I was, watching all of these really flat books come to my doorstep when they should have been anywhere from 250-600 pages. Well, with the invention of squeezing font down to the point that you can't read it, and stacking said fonted words on top of each other to the point of probable overlapping, one can have a thinner and cheaper book! Did you know that? Well, now I do too! I sent every book back to Amazon (Prime member) and I did the right thing. I bought myself a Kindle!
Even buying the Kindle was a boo-boo that needed to be redone! I didn't read all the fine print. I was so excited that there was one that was ready to be delivered and it could be here tomorrow! I saw the price, and I did remember that they were more expensive earlier, but I thought (and that's how it starts, I think) that because I had taken all the books back that I must have had credit and that's the reason the Kindle was cheaper. I hadn't been credited with the books at that point. It was too soon. What I bought was an older model, and yes, on top of it being an older model, it had been refurbished. When it arrived it had a tiny pin-hole in the screen, and it does bother me when I'm reading. Sorry, I'm sort of a princess like that. I can't stand a tiny cat litter pebble in my shoe either - - don't get me started on the ticking noise in my car!
I reordered a new Kindle today, and yes, due to my book credit I did only pay $48 for the thing instead of $99. Woot!! I can now download all of those 11 books when it comes in, and I'll be set to read my gloriously wonderful fantastical stories all written by authors who were born in and/or lived in Scotland for most of their lives. I'm talking about Sir Walter Scott, Robert Louis Stevenson, Sir Arthur Doyle, Kenneth Grahame, and others. I'll even throw in J.K. Rowling because she lived in Edinburgh for 21 years, and she put out a Harry Potter book written in what is called the Scottish Edition. It's written in Scots! Wow! I can't wait.
What typically happens to me is strictly a First World Issue. I get that. Nothing I do, nothing I screw up, nothing I ruin will end up costing anyone more than a few shillings. I'm not the demonstrative cyclone of all things female. I am just a woman who from time to time can't stop herself, and I trip myself down a flight of stairs, but try to remember to sit down immediately before spread-eagling down into the foyer. I move my arm just so, in order to avoid spilling my coffee, and there it goes, cascading the length of the kitchen cabinet, tumbling onto the floor, crashing into a million (few) pieces, and I end up saying bad words. I do that, and I won't apologize.
If you are anything like me, say a blessing! Thank God today for your woopsies, and your idiot ways. I feel it may keep me humble. Without my ineptness I would be prone, possibly, to believe that I am invincible and we all know where pride will end up, right there in the bin! Kiss the sky with open arms, and think happy and marvelous thoughts of what it is like to be human! Embrace your dork, take your geek to dinner, and by all means, don't let your nerd out of your sight! Be the imperfect and messed-up beauty that you are. While being so God-wonderful, take a minute to smell the roses, have another cup of tea (or coffee) and read the fine print before ordering anything online. Just a word.
Photo Credit: Me. (My two silly and obnoxious baby girs)
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