As I watch several YouTubers and giggle (often laugh so much my coffee is in danger of coming through my nose) I have to ask a few blunt questions. Firstly, if I didn't ask the questions bluntly, my British friends would think less of me, and if I danced around the question even the slightest bit, I would be accused of becoming "one of them", which simply cannot happen. I am an American with Scottish blood. I will never consider myself Scottish, if for no other reason, that I don't ever want to be considered British. We had our say about that a few years back -- we won.
My first question is: Why change the measurements now? You're on metric, right? Why change back to or go to Imperial measurements? No one really knows what they are, no one will use them for another 30-40 years, so is that the plan? It's hilarious that we Americans have zero clues as to what the actual weight of an apple, watermelon, or cantaloupe may be, but we can be assured that a "stone" is 14 pounds according to our British friends. I'm joking, so if you don't know what a stone is it won't be funny, but trust me when I say it was funny. Just laugh. We're good.
Second question: Can we all agree that Brits don't know what a biscuit is? They call a cookie a biscuit, but then again, they call a biscuit a scone. We call scones scones and we call biscuits biscuits. We damn well know what a cookie is, and there's that whole mess about not knowing what these things are: eggplant, zucchini, cilantro, and gravy. Don't send a Brit to the store with a list. Just smile when they return and agree to make whatever you can from whatever they bring back to cook. It's easier that way. If you want to do something right, you should just do it yourself.
My British friends stare at me when I suggest going for drive to either watch foliage change, or rather to see the changes in colors, or when I say something like "We can drive out a ways, away from the city, and see the stars better." They just don't want to do something that may take them to a remote place. They say they go camping (they don't use that word "camping") and they say they like to go fishing, but we Americans are apt to hike a few miles from civilization before pitching a tent, whereas my Brits are wondering where the Inn is, and if they'll be able to get Wi-Fi in the woods. No, by the way, there isn't a decent restaurant serving oysters where we're going - - get in the car and shut up! (big smile)
Don't clean your gun in front of one of your British colleagues either -- they tend to wonder if you're really all that upset to make a show of what it is you're about to do to them. They start looking for escape routes, and they back away rather quickly. It's considered impolite in their posh-posh culture I suppose, but you may need to mind your manners when you drink a glass of milk at dinner in England, Wales or Scotland, I don't know about Ireland. They may have more cows there. They may realize that the white liquid stuff comes from the cows; white liquid stuff good!
Americans put too much sugar in our food, I get that, but at least we serve portions that actually fill a person up for supper rather than handing over a half sandwich, a small cup of soup, perhaps a dozen grapes and charge an arm and a leg for it! I vowed never to eat out when I traveled to Scotland but there I was complaining every single time that the waitress couldn't be bothered to either sit us, return to see if we're doing OK, and when she brought us our meal we wanted to know why she split it between us. Did she think we didn't have appetites? At the "till" or the register she all but robbed us blind -- and since we are accustomed to tipping, we were actually rather bothered by the entire experience, like I said, swearing we'll not do it again - - until we did.
I'm absolutely certain that the words "tumble dryer" are swear words in the UK, no one uses those words in public or polite company. If you go about a house you won't usually find a dryer, either electric or gas, and you won't find large enough refrigerators to even stuff a turkey in to freeze for Thanksgiving. It's not going to happen, but damn it, every last kitchen will have an electric kettle for tea! There will be no ice cubes to be found. There will be no dishwashers. There will be no garbage disposals, they don't even say "garbage". I think they'd call them "food disposals" and they would be more correct if they were to use that term, as we don't put garbage down our drains, now, do we?
We say "trash" they say "bin". We say "hello" and "good morning" and they run the other way, or pull their children closer and walk off quickly. Was it something I said? Oh, that's it. I said something. We are just so used to other people asking questions or starting a conversation with us, but my Brits are NOT used to that, not accepting of it, and they are not the least bit interested in getting to know someone they don't already know, which begs the question of how would one get to know you if they don't speak to you, ask you questions, or start a conversation? I think they wait to be forced into it such as a working relationship, attending church together, or perhaps they meet on the tube (subway) and politely exchanges words when trying to out-nice each other. Could happen.
Well, let me just say, I'm so happy to be home when I get home. I can pop in my car, drive a few blocks to the local ice cream store, get what I want and head home. I don't have to walk to the bus stop, wait on the bus, get on and fight for a seat, make it to the nearest stop near the shop, walk to the shop, eat the ice cream there because you can't take it back on the bus, and expect it to be solid when you get home. You have to ride the bus back, walk back to your flat or hotel, whatever, and then by that time you could have had a party with a dozen friends and ended up playing darts! I don't know, I think my point is that we're rather spoiled in America. We like our conveniences. We like our routines. We like our toilets being in our bathrooms, not opening a random closet and finding one. This sort of thing triggers me and causes me to have nightmares about not being able to find a toilet when I need one.
Don't get me started on community gardens. They aren't gardens anyway. They are tiny backyards. I've never seen so many hedges being used as a fence line. Dogs can run in and out of that you know. When I'm abroad I am constantly reminded that I have an accent. Of course I have an accent, I'm from Oklahoma! We speak funny, but we at least say things like "Please", "Thank you", "Excuse me" and my all time favorite "Bless your heart". I end up saying that so much when I'm in the UK...if you know you know. One thing the Brits and Americans both do is put on the fake smile and pretend everything is OK. I find that it makes for an easier few minutes until I can make some excuse to leave whatever situation I found myself in that requires an excuse to leave. SMILE. (at least in Scotland you get eye contact!)
It's all good. I'll keep going overseas. I'll continue to find reasons to visit my beloved Scotland. I'll find reasons to hop a train and go to England. I'll make up some excuse to make the trips, but when I come home - - OH....I swear I won't do it again, until I do.
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