Spring Fitness - Phase II (2022)

 So, Spring Fitness 2022 did get off to a great start earlier in March of this year, but then, like a big ol' dummy, I over did it with my power walking and (Bam!) I hurt my freaking right knee to the point that I really couldn't exercise at all for about two weeks. I was really upset about it too. I went another week just nursing it and maybe stretching before allowing myself to get back into the walking but I did have to rein it in a bit and skip the part where I try to out do my last time and distance. I have to really work on not being too competitive with myself. I'm really not that competitive with anyone except me. I can let anyone pass me or go faster, longer, harder, maybe climb higher or something, but if I slack off I get really upset about it. I need to think about how hard I am on myself. I'm worth loving, too.

    Here it is April 30, and it's only Day 4 of the new beginning. I have so much time to make up, and so many calories to burn because not only was I not working out, I was actually comforting myself with more chocolate, more cookies, more ice cream, and less grapes and veggies.  I knew it wasn't the best thing to do, but there I was being really not-so-good at being healthy. I also told myself that I deserved a break from all the healthy stuff because I was applying for a new job, and finally found a great one. I was then in training, and you know, I needed the extra boost of energy from all that sugar. Wrong! I lied to myself.

    It's OK though, all is good.  Today is the last day of April, and tomorrow is not only a great new day, it's the start of a new week and a new month! I have this in the bag.  I can do it.  Tomorrow starts the new eating portion of Spring Fitness 2022; and it will be a really goodly planned out season, that's for sure. I plan very well, and when I take the time to plan things out I usually sink my heart and soul into it, and I make it happen. I rarely fail myself when I plan something.  I'll set the goal to an attainable and more reasonable number and I'll make it.  I think 10 pounds a month is doable if I can eat properly, work out, walk, box, dance, and jump rope. I just have to explain all this to my right knee so it's ready to join in with all the festivities. I forgot to mention the battle rope!! I have that too. I need to dig it out and do that tomorrow. It's in the truck of my car so I can easily get it, hook it to a fence post outside and work it for three to four minutes.

      The battle rope is amazing, and if you haven't ever done it, you may consider it. It is a full body work out and in only three to four minutes you really do feel it.  I know the extra hanging skin under my arms is tighter now and I have more of a core resistance line because of it. You may want to think about them. I think I paid $40 for mine which is really not bad at all. It was on Amazon, and it's covered in a light material; the grips are wrapped in red electrical type tape.  It is 30 feet long and 1-1/2 inches in diameter. Great work out. I bought a little anchor for it too and a D-hook thing to secure it to the fence post. You'll find picture of it on YouTube and when you order it. Make sure you buy the anchor too.

  It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose one pound of fat.  You can do that by eating less calories of course, and by working out and burning calories too.  It's best to do both so that you are balanced. It is really hard to just stop eating and think it's going to be healthy for you. You can lose weight that way, sure, but it's not good on the overall system(s) in the body. They can actually shut down, close off, do funky things if they think you're starving yourself. Moderation! Moderation!  Walking briskly (around 3.5 mph) for 1 hour burns about 450-500 calories depending on your size; I wear two-pound wrist weights to add another 100 calories to that. It helps. Everything helps. It's all about the numbers.

    Basically, the plan is simple. Throughout May and June I want to lose 10 pounds each month. Then in July and August I want to really work on the toning and specific body shaping so that when I do have my surgery to remove excess skin around my belly in the fall, I will have as much tone and muscle as possible which can assist in the healing process. I'm probably going to have a breast reduction and lift at the same time so that I can be in a better overall shape,  feel better about myself, bring more confidence to the picture, and basically feel that all this hard work has been for a good result. I'm not trying to look 22 again, though that would be really fun, but I would like to have a really shapely body that is stronger than it's really ever been and the way to do that is to start with the right mental picture of what that should look like.  Dieting and exercise should be replaced with a healthy lifestyle, not a fad or something you do for a few weeks to get into a particular part of jeans.

    Another form of Spring Fitness 2022 took place today when I went through all of my clothes and gave away anything and everything that I don't wear. I had 87 tee-shirts and admittedly I do wear about 1/2 of them, but I still managed to give away 51 and keep only 36.  I went through the bookshelves too, and next week I'll find other things to free myself of so that I can streamline and clear out unnecessary junk in my life. I won't ever put anything in storage. If I don't use it I don't need it. I just really don't want to drag that sort of baggage around with me. It collects dust in reality and in my head. I deserve to be free and I'm going to make that happen. 

    That is. The numbers for today were 4.1m of walking, 22.8 inch strides, 3.4 mph (but I actually walked almost exactly 1 hour to the minute and walked 4.1 miles, so that's odd to me) and I ate well today, not over doing it with calories. I also bought a bag of grapes, eggs, cheese, sausage, strawberries, tuna, and carrots for the start of this week's menu planning.  It's all in the planning!!  Happy trails.

Photo Credit: Cymax  (mine is 30 feet with red handles)

Forex Again....and Again.

 I won't actually apologize for being excited about something that makes me really happy. For years I've wanted to trade on the stock markets, but there was always something getting in the way. For years also, that which was getting in the way was money! I didn't have it. I couldn't really trade or buy because I never had enough to feel as if I was able to either make a dollar back, or be "in it" as they say. I watched it, I watched it all the time. I worked it in my head. I followed it in my mind and online when I got the chance. I will say this, I am too excited now about it. Sometimes  I have to stop myself because I will end up discussing pips and zones with people I've never met. These people probably never expected to be drawn into such a diverse conversation when they simply asked for directions to the mall!  In some ways I pity anyone looking for advice because if I run across those people I may actually feel obligated to give them good advice!  (Disclaimer: Because I am not a licensed Broker I will not give out advice. Anything I say will and should be used as information and for the purpose of learning, not being advised.) There, I covered my assets with that one. 

    When I was in the 9th grade my Civics teacher introduced me to the stock exchange through the 18 weeks we were expected to follow three separate trades. We were to keep a journal on them. This was a full grade and worth a great deal of our overall class evaluation.  We were to pick one company stock that was fast and furious, frivolous if we could find it, and we were to follow it every single day.  We had to pick a company stock that was steady and barely ever changed, and we were to pick a company that represented who we were as people; something we liked.  I chose the following companies:  Pan America Airlines as a steady Eddie, Pepsi-Cola as a stock that would flux, and Western Union because my Daddy worked there. 

    Over the course of the next 18 weeks of class we kept records, detailed records of our stocks. We were  only allowed to "Sell" if our stocks were way below market or if they closed or something drastic like that. In my case, Pan American did eventually close shop, but not when I was following it. I profited in that I made money on both Pan Am and Pepsi. Western Union was a wash to be sure. There was so little movement in that particular stock that I grew to think of my dad's employer as being perhaps the most boring place ever - - little did I know that Western Union was part of Western Electric, which is basically AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) which would be so very vital and play a major role in all of our lives! See, as kids we really do need to step back and see the bigger picture at times.

    That was my introduction into stocks. I still believed only rich people could play that game. I never got into it, but really wanted to.  Now, because I am a bit wiser than I was at 14, and I do see things in a better light regarding what may or may not be viable, I think I will be entering into the world of money changing - - well, to be more specific, currency trading, better known as FOREX or the Foreign Exchange. When a person travels and takes their currency to another country they must exchange their money in order to purchase anything in the country they are visiting. That's the basic and most honest level of foreign exchange out there. The thing is, a bank used to be able to use their own discretion when making the exchanges and they weren't always on the up-and-up about it. They literally chose what their exchange rate would be, and other banks and merchants were in stark competition with those banks, allowing tourists and others to get a better exchange. That has changed. Thank you, Jesus.

    Now, because of the multi-faceted and ever-so-public markets being online and running 24/7 for six days a week, no one would dare short a visitor now if they had with them their handy-dandy exchange app that literally told the clerk at the window exactly what they are expecting to receive. It's not done nearly as much, and that's a good thing. The really good thing is, you don't need a license to trade on the online market if you're using your own money. WOW!  Let me just say that again....WOW!! This is a giant step in the right direction for anyone who can be disciplined enough to work the markets. Note that I didn't say "play the game" because trading is not a game, it is a major business, churning and trading over $5,000,000,000,000....that's TRILLION dollars every single day! EVERY single day! Let that soak in for a minute. I'll take my cut, thank you.

    Currently, as of end of April 2022, I am at the very beginning stages of my training. I am loving it, and I am taking it very seriously. I have a mentor of sorts, a coach online, who has been training and teaching would-be investors for about 5 years of the past 10 years that he's been successfully trading. He's a mild mannered man of sorts, but also an aggressive trader at times. I like his style, I absolutely love his planning, research, patience, and methods as well. He is disciplined, won't jump into a trade easily, and forces himself to obey by the set rules he's come up with which work for him and they work for dozens of others he's trained. I watch. I watch his moves. I watch their moves. I learn.  

    My personal journey can be seen as I'll blog about it. You can follow me, and you can learn too. If you want to get into the Forex market I have two bits of good advice to give you; the first thing is to know what you can lose, and not to trade or gamble really with an amount you can't afford to lose. If you think the market is your friend, you're crazy.  The second bit of advice I would lend to you, to my kids, to anyone, would be to research first, practice with demo type accounts through a brokerage, it's free, and just learn everything you can...BEFORE you trade. BEFORE you spend real money. 

    For me, and maybe for you, Forex is the way to go. I think I'll end up getting into SPY which is equity stock, and I'll do more long positions, or holding the positions longer with that. I'll be rather day-traderish on one trade account, likely a penny or junk account,  and keep a more steady as she goes approach to the actual account I'll be using to make an actual living. I'll be able to save and spend with the penny-stocks and SPY accounts.  One of the reasons I want to have such as diverse portfolio is to be able to really act aggressively and get the sting out of my emotions with something small enough I can control. I won't be so flippant with the way I approach the money or currency trading. I will be more reserved and do my research. I won't say that I won't do day trading from time to time, but for the most part my plan is to make a plan, and to keep the plan. If there is one thing I do well, it is to plan for the plan. I can do that.

    There you have it. First of the month is tomorrow, I'll start a journal and keep notes about all the videos I watch, the courses I do, and the money I invest into my investing. Before long I'll be in a demo account and keep you posted on what is happening, and then I'll gradually start open trading on the actual exchange(s).  I will start very low, very slow, very methodically, and in fact be rather boring intentionally. I want to be able to know my footing. It will happen. This will happen. I have set the goals, and I have set my mind. That means it's going to come to pass. I kick my own butt to make things happen. I don't need a cheering squad or any sort of motivator - - just me. Let's do this. Forex, Baby!

Photo Credit: Tetonpinefinancial.com

(not an endorsement)

Get Serious About Getting Naked.

 You and I both know that any given day, usually every single day, we all get naked at some point during said day.  If we're honest with ourselves we should be getting naked so we can take a shower and/or take a bath and it's that bath time that I'm about to talk to you about. I just needed to get your attention long enough to drag your eyes over here to read what it is that I'm rambling on about today. I've been on a writing streak lately, and if you're gonna streak, you should be naked. If you don't get that you don't get that, but if you do, it was hilarious! 

   You may or may not care to know this, but I am one of those wild and crazy women who take a bath every single day of the week. I don't care if I end up taking a shower too; that's OK, I'm good with getting naked a couple times a day, nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but it is going to happen at least once, because I refuse to wear my clothes in the bathtub. That's just silly talk right there. Nope, this girl is buck naked when she bathes. Let it be written, so let it be done. 

    When I do take that daily bath I fill the tub with not just the hottest water I can stand (girls are so weird) but I also put in over a cup full of white vinegar, about an ounce of sweet almond oil (I say an ounce, I've very rarely measured anything in my life) and I empty about a 1/3 of a regular box of baking soda into the tub as well. But wait, I'm not finished, I also use a good amount of Dr. Teal's Lavender foaming bath Epsom salt as well - - to say I spoil myself is beyond an understatement. I am the worst and the very best to myself. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, party, or collect things, so my baths can be a bit expensive, it's OK.

    I think the manager at Big Lots had to laugh at me today when I replenished my bath supplies. I took a big orange basket and filled it with 8 gallons of white vinegar, 16 boxes of baking soda, 4 bottles of Dr. Teal's Lavender foaming bath, and yeah, I bought a bag of shortbread cookies too; a girl's gotta eat something. The cashier asked me if it was a party at my house tonight! LOL...I told her I'd ask the dogs and cats if they had something planned because I don't. I just get myself naked and soak out all the heavy metals, stress and anxiety out of my entire system over and over again day after day. I swear, I have no worries at this point, and the last time I remember stressing I was still young enough and able to make children. I haven't been stressed in a minute or two.

    I don't even know when it was that I began filling up the bathtub in such a strange and unusual way, but nearly every time I get hugged at church or touched by someone who hasn't touched me before (that came out completely wrong) I am always complimented on how soft and smooth my skin is, and I've even had people lean into me and ask me what perfume I'm wearing because they can smell the light cast of vinegar and almonds I suppose. I usually say it's something I picked up at the store a while back. I'm not lying. If they licked me they'd probably taste the baking soda and give me a stare or two. So far I've not had anyone do that; which could in and of itself be a sad thing. I'll have to blog about my feelings concerning not being licked in another blog...not today.  (You can't see me on the floor trying to make it back into my chair from falling out of it laughing at myself.)

    Who knew getting naked could be so fun? Who knew getting naked could be so good for you, and it feels really good too. I mean after you've eliminated all the yucky toxins in your body from just walking around in polluted air every day, you need to get the smoke out of you, as well as the smudge and smog, the stuff falling into the air from being sprayed on plants, crops, in the clouds.  You can't be in the urban areas without literally being exposed to so many dangerous chemicals at the micro levels. I'm not kidding you when I say that this works. It works. I said it again, and I wasn't kidding then either. This bath concoction works.  You don't have to make your water hot as Hades, I just do that because I like to do that; most people (including me) will add cooler water to temp it down a bit at times. Does it work in cooler water? Sure. I've just never ever been a cold water fan. Even when it's really hot outside I don't do the whole icy water therapy thing - - I'm more of a Tropical Temp fan when it comes to water. Think Sea Turtle, not Polar Bear.

    There you have it. You have the best idea now for what to do with yourself next time you get naked. I mean, I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do when you are, but at least now you know what can be done. Don't forget, and this is sooooo very important, don't forget to wipe the tub out when the water is fully drained. You don't want to slip on the oil the next day when you shower. I guess I do usually get naked twice a day; I use a big fat cup to pour the bath water all over my head about 100 times so yeah, my hair gets rather oily and I let it stay that way during the night and wash it in the morning. I don't do that if I'm not going anywhere but I do most days. You may or may not care to know this, but I don't blow dry my hair. No need. I let it dry on its own.  Now that you have that tidbit of information you'll understand why it is that I look like I've just slicked my hair back on an off day if you catch me walking the dog. Just smile. No need to ask now.

    Go ahead. You can do it. Get naked! Take time to defret yourself. The Bible says you shouldn't fret. I say you can only fret when you're playing your guitar - - otherwise, there is no need. Soak  it out. 

Photo Credit:  www.mashed.com 

    

    

DNA. What's in a Cell?

 Because I wanted to one-up my sister, and prove to her that we really were more Scottish than her Ancestry.com DNA proved us to be in 2010, I decided to take a more up to date and state of the art type DNA test through another company in 2021 - surely 11 years of technology and research in the field of DNA would prove something had changed.  What happens with the DNA results from so many years ago, is that we haven't changed, our parents and our ancestors haven't changed, but the amount of subjects and gene pool entries has changed and it has allowed for more accurate records to be pulled and pushed into the machines that eventually spit out what it is we are, who it is we are, where we came from, and more importantly, whether or not we are truly more English than we are Scottish!

    I mean, you can't force your ancestors to stop what they've already done so you can hand pick your great grands up the line! If you did that, if you could do that, you would probably not even be born at all! So where it is true that we are stuck with our DNA, we can at least hope against all odds that the tartan kilted clansmen would fight to the finish and win out over their stuff shirt English cousins! It's no wonder I fight with myself over and over and over again. There simply isn't room enough inside these cells to accommodate the two sides of my family when they begin to feud at the microscopic level. 

    My Scottish (pure Scottish you understand) friends will all but laugh out loud at me when I mention that I'm about 44% Scottish. Ha! They say, "I'm 100% Scottish" oh, but that's not necessarily true. They'd be shocked to find out how the Irish creep in, how the English maneuver, and how the Welsh hide so intricately among the folds in the nucleuses and they scream "I AM ALIVE IN YOU!" when they get the chance. The thing is though, when the Welsh scream it, it sounds differently, and all the letters are squished together so you really have no idea what they just said, but you have a clue really that they're pretty excited to be able to say you're not as pure as you thought you were. Remember, the Scots didn't drop onto the isles from Heaven! They came in big ships from Scandinavia and from up the coast on either side! There are very very few Scots who can actually say they are 100% Scots. They just don't want to take the DNA tests to prove it. They like bragging about their family trees. That's nice, my family trees can be and have been researched as far back as the 13th Century - - it's just those Stringfellow/Strengfelauge and other ways to spell it, came from Jolly Ol' England! DAMMIT!

    I did the MyHeritage kit and it came back that I was 30% Scandinavian, 28% English, 24% Scottish, 12% Iberian, and 5% Italian. No Irish, no Welsh. No Native American, but I sort of knew that. The whole thing with the fight for my blood however, is still up in the air because of the 30% Scandinavia thing. I wrote to the lab people at MyHeritage and was told that though they can't really pinpoint it at this time, but as time goes on there will be a more accurate telling since more and more people with the same markers that I have will have ancestors that are from identifiable places where pockets of that particular DNA match(es) are found.  Maybe in 10 years I'll be more Scottish than I am English. The way I was instructed to address the Celt/Viking issue is to find out from which grouping I am from and they had another test for that. Turns out, and this excites me, we are far far far more Celt than anything else, and yes, that means that more of my Scandinavian family and/or peeps landed, stayed, and cultivated in the Scottish isles before moving southward. YEA!

    My mother's maiden name is Edwards. Go figure. (don't get excited, I don't use my mother's maiden name for any passwords) My mother's mother is a Free and her mom's mom is a Hague.  Mom's father was an Edwards,  his mother was something English as well. The most and best I can find that leads to the Scottish sides are the Stringfellows on my dad's side and there was (and is) a great grandmother on mom's side who is from Edinburgh, so I'll cling to that. Dad's side has the most promising show of Celts who remained in what became Scotland and Northern England, a border area that was Scottish for hundreds if not thousands of years, but it wasn't Scottish most of the time as there were no Scots then, it belonged to the Celts.  I'm not happy that the Celts were not Christian, but that's another blog for another time. I'd rather say I'm a Celt than a Saxon. Actually, I'm Celt, then Viking, then Saxon; to be more specific. I may have more English in me, but damn it I have more Celt!

    The way the MyHeritage people put it was that I can divide the Scandinavian 30% into parts that correlate to the people who came down the west or east side of Scotland; that would make me more Celt and more "Scottish" by about another 65% of the 30% Scandinavians...so let's see, 65% of 30% is 19.5.  That means I can add 19.5 (round it to 20) to my 24% Scottish and I'm 44% Scottish. That leaves 35% of 30% which is 10.5, so round it up to 11, and I'm 39% English. YES! YES! YES!  I will take that. I'm not messing with the 12% Iberian or the 5% Italian. I'll accept them both since they have pigment to their skin and this would explain why only 17% of my body actually tans in the summer's sun! There had to be a reason, and now I know.  Thank you, DNA. 

    Bottom line? I'm happy to be Celtic. I really don't believe what they believed, as I am a born again believer and follower of Christ, but eventually they too became converted because of the ministers and priests in Ireland. Someone somewhere decided to follow Jesus and for generations we Stringfellows and Edwards have been packing the pews ever since. I'm simply fascinated by the science behind all of the tests.  A person could submit a test and not fill out any forms so the lab would be doing a blind testing and the lab would come back with exactly what that person's genealogy research had shown. In my family's case, my sister did the genealogy stuff for years. She was stumped for a minute and I picked it back up. She basically stopped at Plymouth Rock. We were here before that. We landed in the colonies in 1660 from Edinburgh (Stringfellows) and in the late 1600's with the Edwards side. I'm pretty sure we were some of the first to make mud pies in Virginia.  

    It's fun to know where you came from, and it's fun to realize where you're going next.  For me, I can't have the latter without the former. I need to know where my soul is leading me and why every time I hear a bagpipe my heart skips a beat....and now I know. I guess I've always known. It's the same thing I feel when I see a mossy moor or close my eyes to know I am surrounded by love and warm wishes of those who have lived before me. We will meet again, "when it's my turn to fly", I can't wait.

Photo Credit: Wikipedia.com

    

Outlander - My Thoughts.

 I'm not completely alone, but I think I'm among the minority of those who hadn't really heard of nor watched the Starz series "Outlander" several years ago. Nope, I literally just heard of it last summer, that would be 2021; and I think I binge watched every episode from Season 1 through Season 5 in just under two weeks time. I even went back and watched the entire thing again only because I had paid for a three month subscription to Starz and besides the more than well-worth-it-ness of it all, I found myself listening to the Scottish accents, drinking in the scenery, and trying my hardest to learn as much authentic history as one can assume is mixed up inside a fictional time traveling wonderlust series as possible. I loved every episode, but no, I didn't love every second of it. I'll explain.

    I'm not much of a Jamie Frazer groupie, not in the sense that I think he's the best looking, most attractive, or sexiest male character in the series. I like Jamie because he's a strong and lovely man with a heart for his wife and a good sense of loyalty both to Scotland and to his personal ideals; far be it from me to say whether I agree with his politics or religious views.  I appreciate the strong character. Personally, if I was to pick one or the other of the men to fancy it would be Roger MacKenzie or Rupert MacKenzie. Rupert wasn't married, and my morals would have gotten in the way a bit if I had been time-trapped on The Ridge and given a chance to chase Roger.  Nope, I would have needed to be transported just before April 16, 1745 near Culloden in the Highlands and maybe found ol' Rupert by the fire.  Maybe I would have been able to coax him away from the battle - - tricked him somehow; saved him. Maybe not.

    Many people won't say this, but I'm actually glad the series is almost ended. I have great fondness for so many of the characters and going on and on with the plots and seemingly endless twists have almost brought me to the point of boredom! If Claire got raped one more time I think I would have had to throw something at the screen before I fast-forwarded to a better scene! Enough is enough! I think the producers felt the same as I did. Not to be too callous about it, but the last couple of episodes in Season 6 have been equally boring as far as Claire Frazer is concerned. I was pissed, as everyone was perhaps, that Marva was allowed to cut off Claire's hair, but it did shake up the monotony of seeing Claire dose herself over and over again with her homemade ether potion. Nothing could have kept my attention when I saw the ghost or mind-trick of Lionel Brown again and again in the surgery room, the place he was murdered.  I will say he deserved it, and sorry, I think Marva got what she deserved as well.  The baby didn't need to die; that was sad. 

   Bree and Roger's mention of Perry Mason and the fact that he could have easily solved Marva's murder was in fact, my favorite moment of the entire series I think. OK...that's not true. Staring at Roger and Rupert was excitable and enjoyable; but I do wish the travelers could have let on a bit more to the audience regarding their origins.  I liked every mention of their future selves. I would have really loved it if Ian could have been transported into 1944 to see a dermatologist to possibly remove his facial tats if he wanted to do that; who knows?  I know we can't wrap up every loose end, but Jamie's sister Jenny and her husband Ian should have had the opportunity to see their son growing up and even though they would not have quite appreciated his choices they may have understood that they helped him to be the stronger person he eventually became.  I like Ian a great deal.

    So, my finale thoughts? All in all I'm giving the series a strong and solid 8 out of 10 for entertainment and maybe a 7 out of 10 for authenticity. To be able to think that much of it was true was good enough, and to know there is obviously going to be conflicting stories and creative license(s) used is evident. I loved it. I liked it. I respected it. I admired it, but I am glad it's coming to an end. I can only take so much of the over crudeness and harshness of the ignorant folk. I know it must have been that way, but I don't like to think of my ancestors as being completely brutish. My personal ancestors had been in Virginia about 173 years before the Revolutionary War. I know where their loyalties were; I myself am not in need of a time-machine-rock to know what must have happened to the Stringfellows when it came time to enlist with the Rebels to fight the King's Men.  I have history on my side for that.

    The books are no doubt as good if not better than the movies could ever be, but I wonder if Roger could be any more handsome in the pages written about him. I doubt it. At least now if I do ever have time to sit and read the innovative and imaginative tales of the people of my people I will be able to put faces with names and images with fanciful visions as I bury myself ever so deeply into the folds of fantastical witness through inkened colloguy!  Oh, to be in the Highlands with tartaned kilted men of mind and muscle -- knowing what I know now, I would have to bring a few rolls of toilet paper with me through the rocks. That much I know. 

Photo Credit: The Quiz Bliss  (Roger MacKenzie)

Forex For Me!

 I can't remember the first time I remember being fascinated with other people's money and the money of other countries. I know I was really small, because I was less than 8.  We moved churches when I was about 8 or 9, and I remember being in the first church I ever attended (I was born on a Wednesday and in the church nursery at 40th Street Baptist in Oklahoma City that same Sunday morning!) I know that someone in our church had traveled to Israel and other parts of the Middle East. They brought back coins and currency that  I had never before seen.  I remember the coin was about the same size as our American nickel but it was a different shade of silver and it felt different between my teeth. Yes, I really did use my teeth to test the metals. Maybe I'm weird, or more likely I saw my Grandpa Edwards doing that and it looked like he knew what he was doing; so I did it too!

    Money, not the love of it, has always been such an interest to me. I learned about trading in my 9th grade Civics class.  To think that people including my parents would work for money, collect it, trade it, spend it, exchange it, and even give it away for nothing! I saw both my parents and my grandparents literally putting money in the church collection plates; most weeks someone gave a coin or two to learn how to give and give freely. I was told by my Granny that I could either keep it for myself or give it to the Lord by virtue of dropping the coins into the plate. My Aunt Wilma and probably my mom as well, told me later that God didn't need my money, He just wanted to see what choice I would make. It felt odd to me knowing that God knew me and He'd already know what I would do no matter which choice I made! Money was strange to me.

    The Stock Exchange, and by that I mean the New York Stock Exchange, was something that only RICH people talked about. It wasn't talked about in our house, that's for sure. It was only mentioned now and again by some adult here and there, and then my dad would say something about never being interested enough to find out more about it. That was it. We weren't interested. I couldn't imagine ever becoming interested because if Daddy didn't do it, we didn't do it. So, what happened? Why was it that only a few years out of my high school years did I decide that I wanted to learn more about being a stock broker? I knew it would somehow involve Math, and being allergic to Math I wasn't sure I could even handle the trade if I got a break and went into it. I had to think about this one.

    When I was in Hollywood, and living in a huge roomy 11 bedroom mansion that belonged to none other than the commodities giant Bernie Cornfield, I became VERY VERY interested in money and how it all worked. He wasn't necessarily aware that he was teaching me, but he was the best tutor ever in that I learned exactly how to lie, steal, and cheat my way into the business without being in the business. I remember thinking I could do the exact polar opposite of whatever it is that this guy and his wicked henchmen were doing and I could be on the right side of the equation! That was my thought process anyway.

    Time was just not on my side. I left Hollywood, went to work selling insurance, fell in love, made a baby, married another guy, made two more babies, and in between selling insurance, divorcing, raising kids, being fired at least a dozen times, and getting my education -- somewhere in there, I lost the drive I had to learn how to trade stocks and bonds. I never even REALIZED you could sell and trade MONEY! That wasn't something I thought could even be possible. Maybe if I had realized that money could be openly traded, I would have tried a bit harder, but yeah, like I said, it would have involved Math!  I think I had to wait for the internet to be created before ever thinking about trying something like figuring figures in my own mind. Nope! 

    FOREX, or the Foreign Exchange, is the largest trading market in the world. It literally trades more than Five Trillion (with a T) Dollars on a daily basis. I think that should spark anyone's attention. Anyone with a brain would want to know more about it, and since I actually do have a pretty good brain, I know I knew I wanted to know more about getting involved.  The year 2020 was a crusher for some but for me, being locked up and unable to do more than surf the net made it a bit easier for me to find videos on YouTube and books online about currency trading. I've been hooked on the training and the studying of it now for over two years. I'm just about ready to start putting all I know into actual practice. I've told people I will pretend and pretend well using Monopoly money before I put my own real money into it. I am Scottish at heart you know....I don't give up a penny when or if I don't have to.

    I've looked at the entire process from top to bottom and I've decided that for me, for my personal personality, I would and am considered a Bull Trader. I am an optimist, and will do better (I think) when the markets go up!  The Bear is a bit of a brute at times, but he serves his purpose. You can't expect the markets to climb all the time - - there must be a flux, there much be a balance, and there must be a downside; a time to sell.  You know the adage "Buy low, sell high".  Well, you have to learn it to earn it, and you can't do either if you're just sitting on the sidelines watching! There comes a time when all the watching won't do; that time has come.

    I'm looking at a Summer of Forex!  I'm hoping the Summer of 2022 will be full of fun times, good times, high times, Bull times, and even with the most fabulous of trade strategy inventions, the Stop Loss, I am hoping to love the little bears now and again as well. Maybe I can burn the "candles" at both ends and control my emotions when I can't control the pips!  If I've learned ANYTHING from the videos and the books, it is to never trade when excited or heated, but do so only when my mind is steady, thinking, clearly thinking, and know when to end the position. I'm hoping there will be a gentle learning curve for me; I don't mind losing as long as I'm learning. Dropping 1% of my investment is a good and fair price to take home a greater lesson on how to do it differently next time. The thing is, the next time may turn out differently even if it was exactly the same! The market is not a friend but a flowing river with ebbs and lows all day every day - - the raft is the most important part not the water; bring your oars and know when to slow down or even when to pull off to the side and wait.

    If you don't know about FOREX and you've never heard of it, I would greatly recommend you watch a few videos from The Trading Channel and Trading 212.  There are hundreds of idiots on YouTube trying to get you to buy their Bitcoin and selling lies about wealth happening overnight. Please, think, and ignore that type of hype. You have a brain - use it.  If you've been in the same boat I've been in, and you're thinking about it, looking into it, maybe reading up on it, and learning what you can, I suggest you watch the videos 2 or 3 times and begin to think about what your plan may look like. It will certainly be a bit different than mine. Everyone trades differently. That's another really really cool thing about it. You can trade your way! (You don't need any license either, not if you're only trading your own money.)

    Because I'm rather optimistic and a fan of the Bull, I have taken to buying a few cute t-shirts that reflect my new hobby or interest. I think my favorite one is a t-shirt with the question "Is it Monday yet?"  No one really likes Mondays - - but people who trade in and on the FOREX do!  Monday is the day it all begins and you can trade 24/7 around the clock if you wanted to all the way through Friday afternoon. Keep in mind, Monday comes earlier than the Mondays of the Central Time Zone - - Monday comes on Sunday! How did that happen? Well, it's a good thing.  I'd say wish me luck, but as I mentioned earlier, I'm Scottish by heart; luck is for the Irish.

Photo Credit: Full Stack

Looking For a House!

 OMG, it's been almost a full week since I last blogged - - but, just so you know, it hasn't been all that long since I talked to people and really, that's what matters. I know the title of the blog is "Jude's Almost Daily Blog", but there are just some times (years) I don't write that much online. I mean, its shouldn't be that way. I should keep anyone and everyone in the loop, right? I think I have 55 follows!! Two of you may actually care what's happening, and I think you deserve to know.  Thank you for sticking with me in the thick and in the thin of it. I truly do value anyone who takes the time to read my rantings.

    As the title says, I'm looking for a new house!  I've actually not purchased a house since 1997.  I've been in real estate hell a couple of times. I've tried to buy and couldn't. I've tried to buy and was successful until the boss thought I needed to part ways with the company. That never fares well with the lenders.  I've purchased horses, cars, and other expensive things in the past couple of decades, but not a house. I've been living in a rented apartment most of my adult life because I really don't do lawns. I am not a gardener, I am not going to plant a bunch of flowers and keep them going. I will repair the fences only because I don't want my dogs to escape.  When it comes to yard work there just isn't anything interesting about it to me, so I just don't put myself in that situation. 

    When we lived in Indiana I leased a house with land, 25 acres of land, and we were lucky enough to have enough livestock to keep it trimmed enough to remain in good standing with the city council.  It's amazing what one goat will do to a front garden! The goat was more upset that I wasn't into plants; but he got over it. When it comes to owning a house I think I would rather actually own a condominium so that I'm not doing anything whatsoever outside other than going to the mailbox to pick up my junk mail and petting a stray animal who will soon join the flock.  Maybe you're shaking your head thinking it's fun to dig in the dirt and mow the grass - - good on you! I don't mind making mud pies or throwing horse manure at you, but I don't want to worry about whether or not I need to pluck this or that weed and/or should I think about whether the sprinkler needs to be out overnight. God can decide if the grass needs to be watered. 

    Keeping in mind that I'm looking for a permanent place to roost, it should be noted that I have decided to live in America for the time being, and give up my hopes of retiring in Scotland. One, I'm not retiring, and two, with the way things are going I could be with this company for the long haul (or until Jesus returns) and if they keep their word about me being able to work from anywhere I suppose I could consider splitting my time between just outside Edinburgh and Oklahoma.  I may, I may not. I have a while to consider it. For now, I'm thinking I'll end up in the Greater Oklahoma City Metropolitan area somewhere; probably closer to the University of Oklahoma rather than the University of Central Oklahoma - - if I had to be honest. I love both schools, but yeah, Sooner born. I was (sadly) not Sooner bred. The parents were up in Denver at the time of my conception; God, I'm so happy they moved here!

    For me, and not, not everyone else, a house with only two bedrooms is sufficient. I'm more of a cave-dog than a big-house type. Like I said, a condo would be just fine. I need two bedrooms and one bath, one kitchen, one living area. I don't really need a dining area, so it should not be hard to find a place with a good price. I'm so not picky, if the place needed a few fixes that would be OK too. I'm going to have to insist on a good toilet, a deep bathtub and washer and dryer hook ups, but that's about all I really need. I mean, most houses here have central heating and air, so that's a given. I'd love a storm shelter or basement. The average house in the area I'm looking at now is higher than it was a year ago. It's about $135,000.00 for a 1150 square foot home with 3 bedrooms and 1.5 baths, and with a one car garage.  In Oklahoma we pay down 3.5% and the interest rate is what it is, but the average payment will be about $725-740.00. I can do that. Craig will be happy wherever we end up, I'm sure.

    I'm so freaking spoiled, I will buy the warranty of course, and any extensions they can offer on the existing appliances and central air system. I would melt if I had to sit in front of a window unit all day. Not sure how my grandparents even survived, but they did. I'm proof of that I suppose.  For the most part I'll be creating a new space just for myself, my animals, and of course Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson. They travel with me wherever I go. I'm thinking Mr. Remington may have to make an appearance as well, I'm actually much more confident with a long gun than I am a pistol. I'm really good with the dogs and cats! I'll just throw one or two at the bad guy and head for the next exit if I need to.  The only thing I may actually worry about is that if I live by myself I may not remind myself to blow out my candles. I should practice that now. Laura won't be there to do that. She may still text me to remind me. I can ask her to do that. It's the least she can do for her mom.

    I'll keep you posted as time goes by.  I have to save for the down payment and the closing, but if we can talk the sellers into taking more of a purchase price in lieu of me paying for the closing, I could be looking at a June closing! That makes me happy!  I won't post my address of course, but I don't mind saying in what general vicinity I've landed - - I think I'll probably be close enough to walk to Campus Corner if I was dead honest about it. The prices are great in Norman Town and you can smell and taste victory around every corner! No joke, most people wear the same colors nearly every day, and no one ever gets tired of seeing it - - nope! Boomer Sooner!

Photo Credit: Unknown (Pinterest)

Naked Bearded Man Has a Name!

 He has been given a name.  For over 30 years I have been pretend "married" to a fictitious man (albeit very sexy and handsome, around 50 I think, but ageless really) whom I never actually got around to naming. I mean, I figured his fictitious mum would have named him, but he really never speaks of her and when he does he's speaking in his native tongue of Scots Gaelic; I really can't understand much of what he says. He smiles a lot, and that's good enough.  Naked Bearded Man, or NBM, has been in my dreams, in my mind, in my heart and in my writings for so long now that whenever anyone asks me who I'm in love with I usually say "My husband" because when I say "Naked Bearded Man" it tends to cause a little confusion. 

    Really, who I am in love with, or whether I am in love at all, is no one's damn business. I can be absolutely head over heels with someone and the only people who would really know are my three closest friends, my kids, my dog, and maybe those who read my blogs. I do tend to let most of my secrets out of the bag and into the Blogdom that is Jude's Almost Daily Blog. Today, and it really was just today, I have decided to give the man I've shared my bed with for the past 30 years a real name. Funny story, I was actually married 25 years ago, so for about five of the last years I was married the bed was a bit crowded with NBM being placed quite nicely between myself and my then husband. To say I preferred an imaginary friend is rather revealing; wouldn't you agree?  Our relationship has lasted the test of time; the actual husband, not so much. 

    When I first conjured the man I wasn't sure what to do with him. I talked to him, took him with me on those long walks you take to get away from life. I held his hand. He remained silent for the most part, and just listened to my every complaint. He was there, just being there, and he was smiling. If he has done anything well, it is that he smiled throughout these many many years of our knowing one another. I don't smile anywhere near as often as he does. (Just so you know, his teeth are a little spaced; they're not perfect. There's even a chip on one of his bottom front teeth, but I've never asked him about it. I may do that.)  His mouth is hidden in his whiskers and when he even slightly moves it I am melted. He holds a very strong grip and yet, he is tenderhearted, easy going, and always a gentle soul.

    I needed to ask him questions, but I wasn't sure if I could accept his answers if they disagreed with my own. I gave him the language of my ancestors. He could say anything and I would fall deeper in love with him; the Scottish brogue is an amazing lullaby in an of itself. I'm actually learning the language now through an online program just so I can understand the man when he whispers to me at night; don't judge me. He's quite beautiful and he has not really aged that much come to think of it. I think he has a bit of grey showing in the beard these days.  The fact that he is naked most of the time could be why I called him Naked Bearded Man for all these years, but giving him a good look over this morning, I can tell you, he hasn't aged much anywhere on his firm strong and ever so muscled body. He has needed to buy a larger kilt. I'll say that. He has become a bit rounded as time has passed. 

    Today I decided that enough was enough. He has been my go to, my best friend of the evening. He is never far from my side, always willing to carry on a conversation or just listen to me as I rant about the goings and comings of the day. He has never once asked me to name him. He has never once asked me to call him by his name. As I said earlier, I'm sure he has one, but I don't know it if he does. I created him to be my friend and sound board; over time he has become my invisible journal.  I tell him everything and I think about what he would actually say to me if he were actually visual. He needs a name. I want to call him something other than "NBM" or my husband. 

    I thought about putting several folded up pieces of paper into a hat and literally drawing out a first and last name, but then again, he would need a middle name  too.  I didn't want to leave his name, which is something so dear and so intricate a part of who he is, up to chance. I looked at him. I held his hands and I stared into his deep grey eyes; eyes that both send me to the heavens and call me back to Earth.  I asked him to whisper to me and to tell me what I should call him.  He returned my stare with those amazingly soft and subtle eyes of his and so barely opened his mouth and said "My  name is Craig Allan MacKenzie. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."  I nearly died. What a perfect name for such a genuinely perfect man. He even said it in a clear enough tone that I fully understood him. That was a plus. He's been so patient.

    So there you have it. Craig Allan MacKenzie, a Highlander who was born sometime after 1701, and fought with the Jacobites at Culloden in 1745.  He's never told me exactly how it is that he's living now and in my time, but I suspect that it has something to do with a glitch in the system. He has had many opportunities to leave me, to return to the wilderness just north of Iverness, Scotland, but he has always been so very content to keep me company.  I am absolutely grateful for his worthy companionship. I honestly don't know what I would have done many many times if he hadn't been there to calm me down and to assure me that the world is never what we think it is. It's so much grander on the other side. We'll find out some day I'm sure.  Until that day, Craig and I have things to talk about.  After 30+ years we are still very much together and really, it's been nice to not have to worry about sharing my life with anyone else. I'm good.

    Bha thu ann nuair a bha feum agam ort, agus tha thu air fuireach còmhla rium, fìor charaid.Tha gràdh agam ort.

Something like this - - something very very close to this. 

Cheeky? Maybe.

 When people (and by "people" he knows who I'm talking about) decided to block other people...well, me, actually, they only detour the inevitable. Shall we play a game? I may not be the techiest person on the planet, God knows I am not, but I can wheel my way around making new and creative websites, users, etc., so that I may continue to observe when and who I damn well feel like observing.  I think the term is "Watch me!"  I love a good challenge and as I grow older, oh yes, say it, so very very old, I have become keenly aware of the experiences that I have yet to master. No worries. Until Jesus returns I have plenty of internet time. 

    I remember being around five or six years old; I know I couldn't fully read yet, but I was in school and it was hot outside, so that could have been November (if we're honest). I live in Oklahoma, always have really, for the most part, so the fact that it was hot outside only means it wasn't January or February. I was about five I suppose, long legged, and apt to go just about anywhere my feet would take me. I didn't own a bike of my own, so getting around took a bit of effort on my part.  I climbed over a wired fence. It was barbed wired, and it had a big orange diamond-shaped sign with words painted right in the middle of the sign. The sign was nailed of course, to the posts that had the wires wrapped around them. I guess I could have crawled under the wires too, but I didn't. At five I couldn't have weighed much, and the orange sign gave me some good leverage as I hoisted myself right up over the fence.  The sign, by the way, was placed there by the government. I found out later it bore the words "No Trespassing"

    Later that afternoon I found a big bone sticking out of the ground. I thought it must be a horse bone or something, so I used an old tree branch to dig it out of the ground. I took that bone right back home with me and showed it to my mom. Her face lit up all sorts of colors and my tail end would have ended up many shades of red had I not negotiated with my mother over the intel I had regarding the bone and where it came from. I flat told her if she whooped me I wouldn't tell her anything. She knew me. She knew I was stubborn and serious about not talking if I set my mind to it. I could take a paddling, but if I decide to shut my mouth nothing is going to get me talking - - except maybe Grandpa.

    She kept her promise and she didn't spank me.  I told her and I even showed her where I found the bone. That's when she read the sign to me and told me what it meant. That was all a bunch of nonsense as far as this girl was concerned. Trespassing, as far as she described it meant being somewhere that you didn't have a right to be. Who tells kids they can't be in fields, creek beds, tree orchards or such? That's not right.  I promised her I wouldn't climb over the fence again. I didn't promise her I wouldn't go back to where the bone was found. I just crawled under the wires from then on and no one was the wiser. I didn't dig up anymore bones; which by the way, that one was a thigh bone of a Native American who had possibly been buried there over a 100 years beforehand.  Mom had to turn it over to the police and they had a talk with me about that word again. Trespassing.  Whatever.

    I think my point is that I've always been one to do what I want to do. I really can't see why I shouldn't be allowed to do so if I'm not hurting anyone. That's why I became an investigator. I have a license now to go places others can't go. I have a license to sneak in and observe if I want to, or I can walk through the door. If the door is locked I can get in another way. Let me say that in INSTAGRAM terms; if you block me, I will go through another door. I'm not the best at it, but I am consistent. I'm also persistent, and I'm rather insistent as well. Some say I'm "uncomfortable" and/or "cheeky". I could be. But there is a reason behind the perseverance. If I don't know what I'm praying for I am not able to pray as effectively as I may need to. I am, if nothing else, a very keen prayer warrior. I insist on having God's ear when He and I speak, and I return the same. I listen. I always listen. I never NOT listen. 

    One more thing before I go; just because someone is not your cup of tea doesn't mean that person isn't the best damn cup of tea in the cafe!  Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean they are wrong. When a command is given the soldiers comply. When a soldier doesn't comply the Commanding Officer has a bone to pick with them -- doesn't He? I am a very good soldier. I will never not comply. If I seem a bit over the top it's because I am over the top. It's always worked for me. You don't see all of the corners of the rooms they rope off when you go into a museum, castle, or showcase, but I do.  

    There was a time, and I'll leave the blog link here, that I actually spent the night in a museum in order to create, organize, and display an amazing exhibit that needed to be built but no one had the time to do it -- so I did it. Did they ask me to? No.  Did they give me permission? Hell no.  Were they pleased beyond measure that I did it? Yes, yes they were. Was it right? I don't know.  It needed to be done.  I suspect when I get to Heaven Jesus may giggle, shake His head a bit and swat me on the backside as He lets me in -- I'd deserve it, but I will be let in; that much I know.

    Not gonna lie. I am not gonna change. I am who I am. I am the only me I could ever be. Be that as it may, I may very well be the lunatic you're looking for. 

The link is also here:  CONFESSIONS of a WRITER:  https://judestringfellow.blogspot.com/2017/01/confessions-of-writer.html

Me in 1981 after writing my name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

"Hey, Jealousy!"

 Oh, the Gin Blossoms! I absolutely love that band. I tend to forget them when someone asks me what or who my favorite band(s) is/are. I say the Bee Gees, Boston, Kansas, Journey, and Nickelback for the secular stuff, and Celtic Worship, Mercy Me, and Casting Crowns for the gospel tunes. I do love me some individuals too, mind you. I can't go without Elton, Phil Collins, Stevie Nicks, Steph Macleod, or Daughtry. OMG,  I just realized I left out .38 Special and Creed. Who am I? I've done lost my mind!

    So, the blog is about jealousy, right? I thought of the Gin Blossoms because of their song "Hey, Jealousy".  What people need to realize, and some do, is that the word "jealousy" is not to be confused with or interchanged with the word "envy". I was absolutely upset with the www.thesaurus.com site when I queried the word intentionally, so that I could prove that my longstanding knowledge of the differences between the words is nearly polar opposite.  To be jealous, as God Himself is jealous at times, is to defend wholly what is yours already. YOU own it, it belongs to you, and someone else wants it, but you say NO. That is jealousy. Jealousy is not wanting what others have, or wishing we were what they are, etc.  It is simply NOT what people try and make it out to be, and that's when it hit me! Satan is behind that confusion.

    Satan is the master liar, the confederate of confederates. You'll never see a confederate or fake $4.00 bill because there isn't a REAL or genuine $4.00 bill. In the U.S. we have $1.00 bills, $5.00 bills, $10.00 bills, and so forth, but we don't have a $4.00 bill, therefore, you'll never see a fake one out there being used. We actually do have a $2.00 bill in circulation, I'm not sure if it is still being minted. It shouldn't be. Satan wants to ruin, and have you ruin, your life. He throws lies at us and he tells us to be envious of this or that, but he sort of put it into our heads that the word should be "jealous" or "jealousy" because that way we can then later say "Oh, but God is jealous at times, so it's OK if we are."  NOTHING could be further from the truth!  We should be jealous, yes, but we should NEVER be envious of someone or what someone else has. That is also known as coveting and it's one of the Top 10!  Do not do that. Be JEALOUS if it is yours. You have that right.

    The Bible tells us that God is a jealous God. (He's the only God, too) It also says that what is His no one can take from Him. It didn't say no man, no woman, it says NO ONE, because God is including Satan in that equation. What is God's is God's. He has sealed it. He has placed the Holy Spirit over it, and it will never be taken from God. Now, we do not do ourselves any favors when we walk away from God, or when we turn our backs on Him, but trust me, and you can trust the Word even more of course, that God has sealed us. We are not going to be able to strip His hand from us even if we tried, not after we have been sealed. Not going to happen. Don't do it, that's stupid.

    What is mine? What can I lay claim to? Well, that's an interesting thought isn't it? My dog is mine. It wouldn't matter how many days you spent with her, the second I walked back into the room she would abandon you and follow me. I don't have to worry about it. It is what it is. I am not even jealous of it. Now, if I thought she were apt to run away and cling to another, I may become jealous of that fact. She is mine, I am good to her.  She should realize this fact, shouldn't she? Why would she want to seek attention from someone else? This is (on a much smaller scale) how God must see it when we venture into and onto internet sites about other religions, gods, cultures, etc. When we put into our minds that a little spell here or there can't hurt, it's for love! WHAT ARE WE THINKIING? The God of all, the King of Kings is our only refuge and when we venture, wander, stray, you call it what you want, when we even explore or become curious about something - - this is when He is jealous. He has that perfect right!

    Can you imagine the peace in our souls we would have if we just stopped being so mindless, so thick? We could have nothing but goodness, nothing but glory, only tranquility if we would just stop seeking that which is less. We have it all already! We don't need riches and fame to be complete. We don't need material possessions to know the truth. These things are distractions. We do want them. I want things too. I'm not going to stand here and lie about that. I want to be more or the best I can be. I think what we need (I need) to focus on is how we make that happen, and what lengths we will go to or what we may compromise to get the goals we think we just have to have. Putting first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness comes with a HUGE promise. He said if we do that He will give us the rest. I'm good with that. 

    So, next time someone asks you if you're jealous of this or that, remember the true definition of the word. Maybe you are. Maybe you're not. Maybe you couldn't be jealous if it (whatever it is) wasn't or isn't yours. Maybe you could be if it was. It's just something to think about. Be blessed.

Photo Credit:  www.recapo.com

Raku (A Poem)

 Raku 

 

Choosing to love him was not my choice 

The fire broke everything I believed I controlled 

The air that surrounded me disappeared 

I was left to smother in the coals 

 

Formed, I was. Treated as mere thick clay 

Never giving my consent, only shown the end 

Told, more than asked. I was led, I was worked 

Milled and shaped, pounded even, hardened 

 

Why me God? I beg to know Your mind 

Why should I continue rolling in searing flame 

To become the pot, the vase, the urn? 

Will You use me then? Will I hold? Embrace? 

 

You are the Potter. I am your clay. I know this 

You choose, I listen. You will, I bow 

The prayers, the time, the years, the faith 

I understand You’ve planned, I follow 

 

Until the last pyre I remain incomplete 

Knowing there will be blessings, I agree 

Knowing he needs me to continue  

To lift his soul through the pain of my own firing 

 

You are the Potter. I am your clay. 

My destined colors will forge with time 

Your strength is given in my making  

I am who You have decided to create  

 

If my mission is to pray, I bow my head 

Your command is well within my power 

Power given by the One and accepted in whole 

Raku me. To be the vessel You desire 

 

Jude Stringfellow 

April 9 2022 

Photo Credit: Rbfinearts.com