Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Attack of the Killer Chihuahua! (Caity's Fault)

You should have seen it before the great doctor had his go at it! Caity's face had a second mouth carved out of it. So big - so wide was the nasty, monstrous, gash that we teased her for over 6 hours while we sat around the trauma center at the Baptist Integris Hospital waiting to be seen. We almost became Catholics and moved it on over to Mercy, but they were full too. The Methodist hospital, the Presbyterians, even the great Oklahoma University Children's Hospital was full to the brim. Caity, being only 17, still qualifies as a child - she could have been seen at OU had it been a little less busy. Monday night, for whatever reason, was a madhouse in the city of Oklahoma City in terms of accidents, trauma, and physical ailments. Caity added to the mayhem by teasing Laura's little 3 month old Chihuahua named Sayuki to the point of disaster!

We did learn a few things though while waiting in the waiting rooms. We learned to move over when really sick people come in. Suddenly the hallways weren't as bad as they had seemed a few hours previous. We noticed antibacterial and anitillness wipes and liquids all over the ER - red flags being hoisted screaming "Sick People! Sick People!" We covered ourselves a few times, allowing the spearmenty antiseptic to take over and wash us thoroughly clean. Caity, because she's a moron at times, wiped her face with one of the little towelettes, which provided a few more minutes of really cheap entertainment for everyone within earshot of her shrieking in pain from the sting of it all - open wound + antiseptic towelette = dancing child! (Leaping, and hopping dancing child!)

There was that one moment when the fire alarm was pulled and I had to giggle because for once it wasn't my kid! Can you imagine; you're in a crowded ER, the people are waiting and have been waiting, sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently, and the fire alarm goes off - no one moved. You'd think we would rather die in a blazing fire than to lose our spot in line - which, if you're familiar with ER procedure means there is no real order, there is not real line that you wait in, and there is no guarantee - as in our case, that we would even be seen in time to do the actual stitching. I was funny though - I walked up to the nurse on call at the triage center and politely explained to her that a dog bite needed to be stitched within the first 8 hours - a bit of information I had been taught from watching Forensic Files and CSI. She smiled.

There was also that moment that my life was threatened because a woman decided to lie to her husband about me, claiming I had spoken rudely to her and their children when I attempted to call out of the hospital to another ER to see if they had room for a dog bite victim (giving them the same CSI informative). The security officer was called - the police after that, and I was asked to step behind the locked doors for the remainder of our wait for our own safety. I was still trying to figure out why I was removed from the regular ER when the doctor's assistant called Caity's name. Caity explained to me why the police were interrogating the man and woman behind me in the waiting room - I thought the man had threatened another man, NO, it was me. I guess I was too busy talking on the phone to hear his ranting. Good thing I'm protected by angels huh? (Step this way please, we don't need you dying in our waiting room tonight.) Being escorted to the back had NOTHING to do with Caity needing stitches but perhaps we could have created a situation hours beforehand! Just kidding.

When the doctor found us we were all huddled in the little room with assistants and nurses that Caity had met on previous occasions. Funny thing really, listening to her say to Jake "I think I met you when I broke my arm", and to Mike "No, I remember, that's when I was poisoned, remember?" That was strange - they all remembered her too. She has been in and out of that same hospital a number of times in the past 2 years; poisoning, a brawl, a broken arm, a sprained foot from dancing in the moshpit, and the busted mouth - same pit, different night. So, here she was with her dog bitten face - we told her the new mouth had it's own uvula - flapping and gory! She kicked me for that one. She decided that telling people the truth was just too embarrassing. She's going with a lie. She's telling people that Paris hit her when Caity stole her boyfriend, and the big fat diamond he bought Paris was driven into flesh, resulting in the gaping hole. Good story.

Morals abound throughout this one - here's the best: Don't tease little dogs with big teeth!

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