August 3, 2020, I woke up and had a really hard time going through the daily routine I had found myself in, but I was determined to go through the routine anyway. I wasn't working, I was on unemployment just sort of waiting to be called back to teach, but after the 1st of August you sort of think maybe you're not going to get the call to show up to teach anywhere. I wasn't surprised, not after the last time I was terminated as a teacher - - it wasn't my first time, but to be honest with you, again, it wasn't my fault. These facts don't seem to matter much to employers or administrators at various school districts when they go through the resumes to determine if they want to bring someone onto their roster who has a history of being terminated over and over again for being (get this) too ethical. Truth is so much stranger than fiction.
A year ago I woke up, I was having so much difficulty just walking around my apartment, getting around to taking the dog out to do her business, and going back up the stairs to make coffee and settle in for an hour or so to write in my journal, read my Bible, and just commune with God. Why was it so hard for me I wondered? Well, as it turns out, and the answer may not really surprise you, I was fat. No, no, there's no need to sugar coat it, I was just simply fat. I'm not body-shaming myself, I am simply stating a fact. My BMI was out the roof - - I was 5'7" (give or take) and weighed 216 pounds.
Not only was my weight higher than it should be, I hadn't been exercising or even swimming due to the COVID restrictions and just plain laziness on my part. There's no reason to try and make excuses for me, I was just out of shape, overweight, and in a mess of trouble when it came to doing what should have and was a fairly easy set of daily tasks. This day, August 3, 2020, was the day I realized something had to give, and it was absolutely going to be me to do the giving.
I have always been disciplined with myself and able to take orders from my head to my heart. I'm not a shy person, I'm not introverted, and I have never been accused of being weak-minded. I didn't pussyfoot around it, I looked at myself, made an evaluation based on facts, and then I sat myself down and told myself there would be changes. I began planning to plan, and when I say that I mean it. My plans don't come about on a whim even if they may appear that way to some. I am more if not always more effective when I make a detailed plan to follow. My plans have the standard Plan A model, but I always include a Plan B, Plan C, and usually even a Plan D. In this case there was no alternative plan. I was just going to make myself obey my every demand and command - - and I did.
Diet and exercise are part of a good program, but I know from experience that losing weight and getting in shape is far more emotional and mental than it is physical. I began where I always begin, inside the closet where I pray so I could ask Jesus to make me stick to my plans, and to remind me daily of His will in this matter so that I didn't overdo it, so that I didn't push myself too hard, so that I wasn't overly judgemental of others who I knew would continue to tell me that I didn't need to lose "that" much weight, maybe just tone a little. NO. I was fat. I was about 70 pounds overweight, to be honest, and that's before the toning. That's just weight. A normal or good-sized woman at 5'7" should (according to the Mayo Clinic and other medical sources) weigh between 140-155 pounds. I was 216 pounds, so that's literally 61 pounds over the standard high-end. I could lose 70 and be in the middle of the acceptable weight table. The goal became 70.
As the old saying goes, the wheels turned ever so slowly for me. Yes, at first I dropped water weight and I dropped the weight rather quickly as I was engaging in exercises that my body was not accustomed to doing. I was fasting, eating less calories, cutting out carbs, cutting out sugars, and doing what I knew to do without going full-Keto. I didn't want to do a specialized diet program. I wanted to do something I could handle, stick with, and feel good about supporting it mentally and emotionally. I had to allow cheat days. I needed to have those times when I just had a burger at Braum's Ice Cream Store and know that would be OK. I wasn't the bad guy for wanting to be normal. It worked.
Well, I say it worked. I am now one year from the day I woke up in such a state of mind and shape. I have lost 44 pounds, but I'm not where I want to be yet. Sure, I'm wearing clothes that are a great deal smaller than I was wearing last year and in fact, I haven't been down this low in several (maybe hundreds) of years, but I am not where I want to be and that mental stage of this existence is hard to deal with at times. I look in the mirror and I am not quite happy. I am happier, sure, but I'm not there yet. I have a goal, I will work and meet that goal. I'm not overbearing, just realistic and I refuse to compromise. I think it's best to stay focused and do what needs to be done without accepting compromise or defeat. I'm getting there. It's happening, and I'm so very grateful to God for keeping me on track and not letting me give up during the dreaded plateaus....which, by the way, are WAY too often. Let me just say that right now.
Do I have another plan to make the last bit of weight drop? Sure I do. Of course, I do. I am the Queen of planning and implementing said plans. I am my own best soldier. This will happen, and in fact, it is happening today. I'm asking God for direction, I'm following that direction. I'm fasting intermittently and I'm eating correctly. I am exercising, working out, swimming, lifting weights, boxing, punching the daylights out of my weight bag, and I'm walking every day. I walk over 6000 steps combined with a workout and/or swim, and yes, I do still have the occasional cheat day. It's just too important to do that for yourself. You can't just go full steam and not burn out - - it's impossible. So yeah, maybe in 3 months or so I'll hit the goal weight I want, begin my maintenance plan, and work on the next phase of my life, which is to be really strong, look 20, and be a full-time author. (giggles)
Believe me when I say I will make it happen, but it's not really me. It's God. I could not, would not, will not, and shall not, do anything without His help - - "because He lives, I can face tomorrow." For that, I am literally eternally grateful.
Now.
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