I decided to talk a bit about weight gain, weight loss, the connection between gaining weight and stress as well as both anxiety and depression. I'm going to be 100000% honest with you, and let you know that I know of only a couple of times in my entire adult life that I could say with any definitive narrative, that I was in fact depressed or anxious. If I was either it would be anxious, but not in "anxiety" but more pissed off and didn't know which direction I was going to go in order to solve the matter. (I have to solve things. I can't let them lie still and fester.) I am a doer. I do things. I plan my attack, I plan well, then I put forth the most amazing and magnificent attack possible - - it will be solved. It's who I am.
I don't have time for anxiety. I don't have time to be depressed. I don't have time to be stressed. It would appear to anyone reading this post that I value my time and I am in fact quite jealous of it. I won't share my time with emotions that ultimately hurt me or could cause me to hurt myself or others. I just won't do it. Now, that's not to say that it doesn't exist. I would never be so cold or uncaring to say that people don't experience real depression or real nervousness about a matter; they do. I know quite a few people who just can't seem to work out their issues emotionally, and it always, without exception, manifests itself through weight loss, weight gain, inappropriate behavior, rudeness, crudeness in some cases, but always results in harming the person who finds themselves unable to beat their depression or anxiety. I pray for them; I really do. I know it must be devastating, but I have simply (or by divine intervention) never really had much of it to speak of. Like I said, I have been sad enough to say I was depressed for a while; and I have been anxious about a court ruling or what was going to happen with the kids and the custody battle(s) I went through, but ultimately (LISTEN) I found that Jesus really is bigger than any of my problems.
I can say I had an underlying current of depression or something closely related to depression for many years, but it wasn't out and out sorrow. It was more or less a defeated feeling that I wasn't going to be any healthier than I was, I was getting older, I should just let life happen and time can consume what's left of me; that attitude was exactly what I faced last summer (2020) and I decided to not only destroy that current but to blast it to Hell where it came from. There is NO reason to believe less in yourself than what God believes in you. You just can't out believe God, and you just can't go around pretending that what He created is not worth giving your last breath to in order to make it, and to keep it in shape if for NO OTHER reason than to honor and glorify God.
Our bodies are a temple according to the Bible. We are responsible for them. We are literally held accountable for what we put into them, what we do with them, where we take them, and who we share them with. God is there. God is with us. God is in us in the form of the Holy Spirit, and those who will make fun and jest saying "Oh well, I have a bigger temple than I used to have" are sinning with the same sin-stick that Satan uses to strike us with when we openly hate, because treating yourself with the level of disrespect that you do (I did) when you don't eat right, exercise, sleep well, and drink water to hydrate, is flat out wrong. It is sin, and when we realize that rather than ignoring it, we'll do much better for ourselves obviously, but we will also honor our Heavenly Father who loved us enough to make us in the first place.
Before I get too upsetting to some, I will say that I am absolutely aware that some people who are grossly overweight have issues that are chemical in nature, hereditary, and perhaps medical (to the point of not being able to do much) but I also know that most of our excuses are just that; excuses. We put off what we know we can do, and we stuff our faces with sugar, carbs, alcohol (which is sugar), and other things that cake on (word use intended) the pounds, and over time we just accept that it's normal, but it is NOT right. It is positively the most negative thing you can do to yourself. PLEASE STOP.
For me, it was that final moment when I realized I was no longer able to ride my horse without pain and without being so unbalanced that I came off more than I saddled up. I was falling to the side almost every time the horse turned because I was riding as if I was a thin woman, but my big, fat, ugly, in-the-way gut told a different story. The weight of my girth pulled my body from the horse's back and onto terra firma more times than I want to admit, and certainly more times than my daughter Laura knew about because if she had seen it she would have forced me to eat salads and give up frappucinos long before I did the right thing for myself. She would have encouraged me to look in the mirror and to stop fooling myself; which is exactly what it is that we do. We aren't fooling the other guy - - they see us exactly how we really look. It's our own eyes that deceive us. It was ME.
Depression can come from being in the wrong relationship. It can come from staying in the wrong relationship. It can come from the fear that you can't leave that relationship for financial reasons, emotional reasons, maybe kids are involved, maybe parents are involved, maybe church family is involved, but we cannot let that/those things stop what must be done. CUT BAIT already! Take care of YOU before you can see clear enough to care for others.
Depression can come from loss. It can come from being lied to, betrayal. It can come from years of doing the same things over and over expecting different outcomes. Whatever the reason for depression the answer is (usually) not medication. You don't need drugs to make you feel better - - you need to stop eating stupid foods you know will harm you, you need to work out, you need to work out more than just 10 minutes. You need to pump iron, you need to do yoga, jog, run, walk, jump, kick, punch, dance and by all means and all things Holy, you need to pray! You need to ask God (your Creator) to help you on your new journey, the steps you're taking to glorify and honor HIM. He really will help you.
God told Peter to put his shoes and coat on, but it was the angel who opened the prison door. You can use this analogy to put down the ice cream, put down the candy bar, put down the soda, even the alcohol, and to pick up the dumbbells, pick up the bottle(s) of water, and pick up the pace. You have a lot of work to do - - it will NOT happen in a few days. It will need to be a lifestyle change, and by change, I do mean CHANGE IT ALL. You can't just give up the food and expect things to work out for you. You also have to sever ties with negative people, negative situations, negative employments, negative family members, anything and everything that would be between your soul and God's heart so that you can go to Him and ask directly for the help you need. If you're hiding things from God you aren't hiding them at all. He sees it. I know, I did that for too long.
It was August 3, 2020, when I woke up and decided to make the plan to change my life for good. I have lost over 42 pounds, but I'm not finished. I have gone from a size 18 (tight) to a loose 14 and even a tight 12 in most cases, but again, I am not finished. I don't count my success by the size of my body, but by the strength of my spirit. I believe in myself so much more than I did; and yes, the weight was a massive (pun) part of that; it helps to be able to face a mirror now instead of walking quickly past one. I don't stop and stare yet, but I'm looking forward to the day I can say I achieved the final goal. The goal will not actually be final though - I have to, and I want to, maintain a healthy lifestyle.
One of the reasons I post my food, my breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc, online is to show people that it is a day to day to day struggle and achievement. I allow cheat days, I do carb cycling, I do (and did) so many things to force this body into the groove to keep it moving in the direction I need it to be going. It is NOT easy when you get older, it is not easy when you're heavy, it is NOT easy at all, and we know this, but you know what else - - SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP, you are better than the person you let yourself turn into. Make the decision to be the most you can be and then do it, damn it. DO IT. If you need help, find help. There are so many things and people online willing and waiting to help you -- for free. You don't need a bunch of money to eat well. Cutting out the crap in your life gives you the money you need to buy the good stuff.
Bottom line it: Get good sleep, over 8 hours. Drink 100+ ounces of water (I put lemon in mine) every day, eat far fewer calories than you used to; I eat about 1200-1500 on an average day. Exercise more than you used to and not only sweat, but stretch, move, keep moving, and rest too. Weigh every day and take poopy pills or fiber, lots and lots of fiber. Then take more fiber. Eat fibrous foods, drink fiber, pop fiber tablets. Get a great deal of it in your body, but take a bunch of water with it, because it will pack you up if you don't. You don't want that.
Friend, I love you. I don't even know you, but I love you. God has allowed me to love and has allowed me to pray for you. I am doing that right now. You need this. You need strength, you need hope, you need someone to tell you it's really going to be OK. You've got this. God's got this. Together you can do so much more than you thought possible - - you once thought it, but someone took that joy from you, and over time you allowed them to - - it has cost you. You're depressed and you're anxious - - but the good news is, God is bigger - - so much bigger. Don't fret. Not unless you have a guitar in your hands. You know what I mean. I'm going to the closet now to pray. I'll include you in those prayers. Be blessed.
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