I've kept this particular story a bit private only because it is so very close and personal to my soul. It is one of those stories you tell at a party maybe, no one really believes you, so you have the freedom to tell the full truth, or at least what you perceive as being the truth. You can tell every detail and get the thing off of your mind and chest so that it's no longer haunting you, but you don't have to worry about it being taken as non-fiction. You have the laughter, your friends saying "That's a good one", and you (I) have the peace of knowing that what really happened -- really happened.
I sense that the truth lies somewhere beyond that which I can express. I feel that the truth is there but I can't actually reach it, I can't grasp it fully. I know the sensation of the core of the story feels real. I know the perception of it in my mind feels genuine; I just can't find a date or time that it could have been taking place because it took place just before time, space, and accountability began for me. It took place before I was born; somewhere in Heaven. If I could pinpoint the time I could pinpoint the jubilation in my spirit when I think about it (and I do think about it). I could finally nail down once and for all, the event(s) that keep my heart pumping and skipping when I think I've seen the boy again - - he's no longer a boy.
We were ageless but by Earthly standards, I suppose someone would say I was around 6 and he was around 4. I know I was slightly bigger than he was, but we didn't know a thing about birthdays, age, or anything like that. We did know that we had the sunshine to keep us company, and we played literally all day as there was no night. Sometimes the Sun or the light, it wasn't a Sun, would dim and we could have a bit of evening to walk the paths that weren't quite cut into the ground, but more or less a guideline of trees and flowers; flowers that would grow over our heads as we passed them, and they would blow us kisses too. We held hands, we ran, we jumped, we climbed rocks, and swam in crystal pools of water that never got us wet. The fish played a form of "patty-cake" with us, and there were animals I haven't seen here on Earth; just watching us. Just watching the boy and me.
He was blond, maybe dirty blond. He was rounder than I was, as I was basically a stick with flailing arms and legs that seemed to move in all four directions at once. He was stubbier and more balanced but I was the one that liked to dance. He was serious-minded, more likely to question something while I was the "let's go over there and see what happens" type. He would always go with me, never fighting me, but he would question everything that could possibly happen before we got there, nothing was ever harmful and we didn't think about that, just questions about it. The answers only came when we arrived, but by the time we did he wasn't asking, he was playing and he was too happy to wonder (never really worried, just wondered).
As it does, things ended for us, there was a "time" limit about to take place, but neither of us knew it was going to happen. We found a new path a new journey and we took it. I didn't ask what could happen I don't remember if he did, but I do remember the colors. There were so many colors. It was the rainbow; the real rainbow. The one God puts out and when someone on Earth sees it they stop for a minute to look at it, just to look. We stopped too. We decided to play inside of it, what could happen? We didn't know. The boy, who I don't remember calling by name, called me "Pia". I don't know why I remember that. My name isn't Pia, but he called me that. We played for a very long time together in the rainbow and the two things I remember most are that he really enjoyed the broad colors of blue and I really enjoyed the broad spectrum of yellows to gold. He had to be blue! He rode the colors, twisted them in his arms, jumped through them, and more or less swam in them, but mainly the blue. I would pop up into different shades too, but always seem to return to the golden shades. I had to be gold.
That's the last I saw my friend - - I just remember his eyes watching me and his smile so sweet as I announced that my hair was gold like his now; I was pretty. He agreed with me, and then he was gone, or maybe I was gone. I'm not sure. That's the last I saw him in Heaven - - my mind has conjured his would-be adult image so many times. I think I pretend to keep him with me now in the form of who I call "Naked Bearded Man", my pretend "husband" who I resort to claiming when someone I don't want to associate with asks me on a date or if I would like to "get to know each other". To be honest with you, I really don't want to get to know anyone at this point. I'm done with Earth. Give me Heaven! Give me the peace, give me the paths, give me the kissing flowers and the Rainbow.
I may never find the boy again here, but I know I'll find him soon. We may be older, I don't know how that will work, but he will be my blue again, and I will be his gold. Some things just can't ever truly end. I have to be honest and say one of the reasons I'm going to move to Scotland is to be closer to this memory. I think Heaven must look a great deal like Scotland, or to be equitable, Scotland may look a lot like the part of Heaven we played in the most. At least that's what I remember.
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