As I do, and as I like to do, I went online and pretended to buy a month's worth of groceries at www.tesco.co.uk. Tesco can be compared to Costco in some ways, they have clothes, lawn and garden things, food, and of course, they have grits. No, no, they don't have grits. not real ones anyway. They have instant. No, thank you. This was something I found out today, and let me tell you, it's just a really good thing I found out now instead of when I moved to Scotland, because if I had stepped on that plane and landed in the land of Heather only to find out after I'd arrived that they don't sell actual grits in Scotland (or the UK in general) I may have had a heart attack! I mean, I don't eat grits all that often, less than once a week really, but to NOT be able to buy them was just sort of odd to me - - no, let's be honest, it smacked me upside the head with utter confusion.
No grits for the Brits it seems, and no grits for the Scots. I wonder if the Irish have any better luck finding grits on sale in their bonny stores? I will just have to keep right on wondering I suppose, I have no plans to visit the Emerald Island for a bit; possibly upwards of an entire year after I land in Scotland. I'll be a wee bit busy traveling and touring the Lowlands and the Highlands. I think the first few days will be spent on the Isle of Lewis and I'll stay there until I'm kicked off the island for asking too many questions. I'm looking forward to listening to everyone speaking Gaelic. I'm absolutely sure that because I've been studying it for the past year, I'll be able to pick out one out of every 50 words - - that's my goal anyway. One word I'm darn sure I won't hear is the word "grits" and I'm just dumbfounded, absolutely gobsmacked over that one.
My daughter assured me this afternoon that I could carry a small 20 oz canister of grits with me onto the plane as long as it's not open. I can do that. I will do that. Oh, and then here's the other thing that just floored me about shopping online and pretending to buy food in Scotland. I had to set my coffee down before I spilled it all over my keyboard when I tried to find ground coffee for drip coffee makers that would be compared to Caribou Coffee, Kicking Horse Coffee, or Black Rifle Coffee. No, I know, I should stop trying to compare anything to Black Rifle, it can't be done, but Caribou comes really really close. I did find to my shock and horror that the Scots drink a great deal of instant ... wait, let me breathe in clean air really deeply before I say that; they drink instant....coff....instant coff...OMG, say it! They drink a lot of instant coffee. Damn, got it out, there!
I really hope my new friends don't expect me to have that in my house. It's a lot like asking me to fly the Texas flag or to agree that the Marines are the same thing as the Army. No....no, it really is not the same, and there will be no Texas flags flying anywhere near my house at any time, and that goes for my good friend who I affectionately call "Tex" too; if he comes over, as I suspect he will, he'll have to leave his little orange cup at home; I'll go all Boomer Sooner on him in nothing flat -- he'll understand I'm sure. He may even try it once just for fun; just to see how crazy my eyes can get. I hate to say it like this, but I'd drink instant coffee before I flew the Texas flag.
That's about it. I spent about 240 GBP on my pretend food pantry to get my pretend life started in Scotland. If you do the math at 240 x 1.37 (exchange) you'll see I spent about $328.00 of pretend (air) money for the whole shebang - - but I spent about $70 on spices and I won't buy them every month. I spent about what I expected, and keeping up with the pantry will be about $220 a month or so, not including the dining out - - which will be limited since I can't actually drive myself to Chick-Fil-A or Bruam's Ice Cream & Dairy Store. There is a Kentucky Fried Chicken near where I think I'm going to live, but I don't eat at KFC here, why would I do it there? I mainly eat at actual restaurants if I go out to dinner, but I will stop at Braum's once a week for salad and ice cream. (OK, shut it, I do buy the chicken sandwich once a month)
I may end up opening up a Sonic Drive-In somewhere near the Edinburgh Airport just to bring some Oklahoma blood to the area -- and because I think the good folks in Scotland could use a cheap corn dog, no, they don't sell corn dogs in Scotland either - - I looked. (I don't eat them, but I would sell them) I'm going to be OK, I really am. The bacon is soooooo much bigger, better, and meatier in Scotland than it is here, and they have Double Cream, which is sort of like whipping cream, but yes, better. I'm also a big fan of digestive biscuits. The rest of us call them flat little sweet cookies, but I am a fan. Yes, I am a fan; oh, and I found that the tea I drink is actually cheaper there too, which makes all kinds of sense.
So, between taking the bus, riding the rail, walking my legs off, and calling a taxi to take me home from the store (I can walk there) I will have a good full pantry - whether I bring food home or order it and have it delivered. I didn't buy any paper products in my pretending, but I did shop it, and it's about the same there as it is here. Now, if I had said you can't buy toilet paper in Scotland, you would not have seen me moving to Scotland. I don't care how many roundabouts they have, if there wasn't any toilet paper there would be no Jude --- First World issues, I know.
No grits? No problem. I have to go back to the U.S. now and again, I'll just make it a habit to bring it back with me on the plane. It will happen.
Photo credit: Palmetto Farms.
1 comment:
I can't tell you why the text is smaller at one point. I tried to fix it.
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