I bought the t-shirt that reads "I too am strange and unusual", which was a line out of Beetlejuice. Winona Ryder's character Lydia Deetz proclaims this to be true about herself. I guess in some ways, I just have to relate. I don't have much of an option. I do things from time to time that certainly set me apart from the rest of the crowd. I'm not embarrassed by the fact that I don't match my socks. That's one way I suppose my friends can describe me to their other friends. I began not matching my socks in the 3rd grade, which was the same year I decided my name was Jude rather than Judy, and I changed it myself on every paper I turned in at school. I actually refused to respond to the name Judy for many years - - It is what it is. Possibly strange, possibly unusual.
Today I was sitting in my big chair with my dog as I do in the mornings, and I began wondering what it was that makes me do things that may seem odd or out of whack to others. It's not as if I wake up and decide intentionally to be odd - - I was born dead; maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I'm really supposed to be from another era, another time, another place, another world - - or it could just be that I get bored more quickly and don't really care if something is out of place. I don't have a single OCD bone in my body; a fact that actually upsets most of my friends. I have things misaligned, laying about out of place, and from time to time, just to really piss my good friends off, I'll move the corner of a framed painting on the wall, set a book really close to the edge of a shelf, or leave the vacuum cleaner plugged in and standing in the middle of the living room to see if anyone will fix it. I know, I'm really mean, huh?
Today I realized that I was cooking with a spoon I happened to have dropped on the floor at least twice when I tried to throw it up and spin it around to see if I could catch it. I did catch it a few times, but not every time, and there I was still using it to cook with - - OOPS. I didn't wash my strawberries before I ate them, and I used a dirty spoon from last night to stir my coffee this morning. I guess all those years of eating mud pies has actually paid off for me. My immune system must be working. I did, oh yeah, I did catch the spoon once with my knees! That was unintentional, but it was impressive and I did laugh right out loud - - good on me! What talent.
I turn books upside down to read them if I think they may be boring because I don't want to not read it just because it may be boring. If I turn it upside down I have to make my mind works a little harder and therefore I tend to remember what it is that I am reading. I do this with study guides mostly, and since I'm learning to speak (actually first to read) Scottish Gaelic, it had to be done. I can now complete my online lessons without too many mistakes, but I can't say the words the way a real live Scottish man or woman would say them. I can't roll my R's and I can't make the cough-hacking sound that I hear so often in both Scottish and also Hebrew. Sorry folks, this girl is Southern born and Southern bred. I suppose when I do attempt to actually speak Gaelic someday the locals will either get a real kick of it or they'll shake their heads and say something under their breath that I may or may not comprehend.
My dog thinks I'm weird when I pray because first I go into the closet with my rock in my hand, there's that, but I also make really strange guttural noises to exhale and express any breaths that may not be willing to speak with God. It's a way of cleaning out my spirit and getting myself ready to speak to God; I don't do it all the time, but when I really have something I need to get off my chest and into His heart I make sure there is nothing between us. I seek my soul for every last sin I may have known about and those I don't know about. My dog stares at me, but that's her fault for crawling into the closet with me. She can't stand being outside of it when I'm in it, and it's good for me to have another soul in the closet with me who I know would and will agree with my prayers; God is there when there are two! He never said it had to be another human. My dog is absolutely a follower of Jesus Christ.
Being odd has never been an issue for me. I think I thought it was normal that I was the way I am, and if anyone thought otherwise it was them who thought I was odd, not me. If I wasn't accepted by them or by the world at large I never really had a problem with it. That may have been an issue in middle school while growing up because I didn't have to wear the right things, say the right things, be seen with the right people, or do the things others did in order to fit in with the cool kids. I was the one doing gymnastics in the halls and trying to balance on the gutter system without falling off of it. I was the one watching the boys play football in the heat, in the rain, in the snow, in the sleet, in the anything because I liked to watch the boys play football. It didn't matter that no one else was in the stands at practice. I was in the stands and I was watching. I ate licorice for lunch sometimes. I still do. I make avocado smoothies and mix spinach with pineapple for a great powerful drink. Yeah, I'm not ordinary, I get it, but I'm smiling.
Being odd today is about the same. I don't do what the world says is the A-list thing to do. When Oprah said she wasn't going to promote my book after her production team had promised me that she would be doing so, I told her I wouldn't be on her show if she couldn't keep her promise. I let my daughters fly to Chicago instead; I keep my word and she should have kept hers. Why should I bend at the knee only to be slapped in the face? Not this girl - - my oddness is my oddness I suppose. I embrace it, and I accept who I am. I know this; I am not afraid to be alone. I like my own company, and if I were a guy I'd marry me. I really would - - I'd find me to be both a perfect friend and partner. I could trust myself. I could have fun with me. I could raise babies and work side by side with me. Come to think of it, I basically did do all those things after I divorced. I've been pretty loyal to me I suppose.
I don't really follow protocol either - come to think about it. I go straight to the source, and I ask too many questions. I find that this upsets some, makes some uncomfortable, and yes, it has even alienated a few, but for the most part I found out that the reason others get upset about me doing this is they don't have the kahunas to do it, or they never thought they could. I never thought I couldn't. Therein lies the difference(s) between me and most people. I don't have the fear factor I guess. I ask a question and I expect an answer. If I don't get one, I seek it. I will find my answer. Dogmatic? Pushy? Maybe, or maybe I'm really thorough and want the truth rather than settling for a sugar-coated explanation. I want a resolution not a statement. I want something to be corrected, not covered up or hidden. I won't go along with the agenda - - I prefer ethics. That's it...that's the nut, right there. I prefer the truth. This probably makes me a bit odd because I won't accept a lie.
Well, whatever it is about me, I am the only me I could ever be. I am the only one made that is me. I am the only one I know who would put up with me, and it's OK, I like me enough to do just that. I am going to be just fine -- and when Jesus comes back and I fly up to Heaven to greet Him I really hope somehow He will bring my rock with me; and my dog. Gotta have my dog. When I get to Heaven, I pray that I have every last dog I ever knew and every last dog I ever saw and wanted to get to know. That would be Heaven for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment