Men, are you listening? Do you have "ears to hear", as the Bible says. I am again, as I am often, reminded that men these days just simply don't have what it takes to be the stand-up sort of husband that my dad's generation was, or even better, one or two generations before my dad's time of being a husband. Any more I see men in stores who are either "whipped" as my daughters say, or they've just got that look on their faces that says there's nothing they can do to change their situation, so they may as well just surrender and give up; throw up their hands in defeat! Well, here's a thought - - BE A HUSBAND! (you probably figured it out by now that I'm not married, and the #1 reason I'm not married has so much less to do with me being a bitch and so much more to do with there not being a man (yet) worthy of me submitting to the way the Bible says a woman will or should submit. You (I) don't submit to a pansy or someone who doesn't follow the Word of God to the point of being an actual husband. Sorry, it had to be said.
Women are strong, yeah, I get it, we are. We can come across as being overbearing, rude, crude, contentious, controlling, and manipulative. We can be upfront, blunt, forward, aggressive, blatant, persistent, and demanding. We can also be passive, passive-aggressive, nasty, cutting, deceptive, and conceited. There are so many things a woman can be, but if a man wants to be a husband to a woman he must first (not only my opinion but the Word states) decide that he will follow God and do as God directs him to do in the household; which by the way, doesn't mean he is necessarily the breadwinner. He is in control of the funds, he is the decision-maker - - and OH WAIT, I just lost half of my audience right there. Women who think they should be in control of the money, women who think they should be making the decisions ESPECIALLY if they are the breadwinners -- they just dropped off like flies. OK, that's a good thing actually, because now I can talk directly to the men who are still brave enough or curious enough to see what it is that I'm going to say next. Good on you!
God commanded, not demanded, commanded, that a man be the husband and a woman be his wife. He did not make Adam for Eve, he made Eve for Adam. Think about that, we women really could be on our own and not even really need (or want) a man, but a man was not supposed to be alone. Most of them really don't do all that well without one of us to help; it just is what it is. So that being said, why on Earth would the seemingly more needed creature not be in charge? Simple answer: God said so. Since God said so, I'm just faithful (and in the world's eyes, crazy) enough to do what God says. I do believe that the reason I am not married is that there isn't (yet) a man who thinks he can actually be my husband. He would have to be pretty brave to even have such a thought, then to entertain it for any length of time would be a feat. I would pay attention of course if God led me to do so. I will laugh and walk away if God has not directed me to pay attention - - it is 100% up to God, not me, I make far too many mistakes to pick my next (last) husband.
The Bible is clear. The Bible is perfectly clear on the matters of who should be the leader in the house, but that doesn't stop her, the wife, from becoming upset or angry. In fact, the Bible says that her nagging or her contention is like a constant dripping. They didn't have faucets in those days, but you get the idea - - over and over and over she nags; when once or twice would have sufficed if she felt that he was listening to the point of responding. The problem is that his timeframe may not be her timeframe, and if he's following God the way he's supposed to be following God there will be so much less nagging going on in the first place; it's a vicious cycle, but it's true.
The book of Proverbs is said to have been written mostly by King Solomon, the man we believe was the wisest man in the world - - that being said, he wrote in at least 4 verses in that book that living with a contentious or cantankerous woman is not relished. He said, in fact, it was better to dwell or live on top of the roof of one's house than to live under the same roof with an upset woman; and he was so very spot on with that one. She will not relent, she will not let up, and that again is the man's problem. WHAT? Did I just say that? Yes, I did. If she's upset he is at fault. WHAT? How is that possible? It is possible because the man is to do everything possible to keep his woman unblemished, unrattled, under his control, and in good condition. He is to bear all the burden of the hardship; he is to turn it over to God and do what God says to do, and if he does - - IF HE DOES, the woman will fall into her place in that relationship. Don't believe me? Read your Bible.
It may very well be that you didn't (in the first place) seek or ask God for the one true partner that you were meant to have. I don't know your situation. I know mine. DAMN, I screwed up big time. I got out of it, but man oh man did it ever cost both of us! It cost everything, and it still, after more than 23 years, has been painful and hurtful to so many. I really mean it when I say I will never make that mistake again. LET GOD HAVE IT. If you let God have it, you may end up divorcing and starting your life and new life with a new wife over again. The one you have now may not be the one you're really supposed to be with. Sorry to bear the truth, but just because you have 10, 15, 20 years into it doesn't make it right - - it means you've wasted 10, 15, 20 years of God's time, and you could have been blessed a long time ago - - if you're living in a house with a cantankerous woman, and there is NOTHING you can do to bring her out of that funk, you need to cut bait.
If she won't listen to you, if she won't follow you, if she thinks you're an idiot, and she could never allow you to hold the reins to the finances, the decisions, or the family matters, then you friend, are not in a marriage, you are in a disaster. (PLEASE don't fall back on "I'm in it for the kids" they really would be better off without the two of you fighting constantly, or being crude and uncaring toward each other.) When I think about it, and I do, I think I have never met an adult who as a kid had parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids, tell me that they are better off because their parents stayed together for their sake. Without exception, every last one of them says the stress inside the house was just too much, and it would have been better to have them divorce for no other reason but to get out from under the pressure of their parents backstabbing, bad-mouthing, plotting, and literally hoping the other was injured or worse. It makes NO sense to stay in the same household if she is not following the man, and if the man is not following God. NO sense.
Can I really be advocating divorce right now as a Christian? Well, the Bible doesn't say if you're a Christian you can't divorce. It doesn't say you have to stay in a relationship where God isn't the center and one or the other is unwilling to do God's will. You can't be unequally yoked like an ox with a donkey. You just can't do it. Take the common plow with two horses of equal strength, if one horse is trained and the other isn't trained, there is a chance that the trained horse will train the untrained, but there is a chance also, that the untrained horse will lead the trained animal astray and the plow will be broken. If the man is not following God fully the woman can't follow the man and expect to be treated well. If the woman is following the man, but the man isn't following God, then there is no union, and she will soon find out that he is more selfish and she is not on his mind and heart as she should be. She's just spinning her wheels and yes, wasting her time. If the man is following God and the woman won't follow him, he can pray for a while, and he can try, but if she refuses, it is time to let it go. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. After a while, it can drive you insane.
Bottomline it. Young people or people who have been in relationships and want to get into another one; listen to God. Follow the will of God and do all that He asks of you EVEN if that asking seems crazy or out of whack with what you and your new partner had in mind. God is, God is, God is. If you get that through your thick skull the first time and leave it there, you'll be so much better off. If she doesn't follow you, you'll be so much better off than trying to force it. Let go, let God. If you really want to do it right, let HIM pick your partner - - let HIM make that decision. Anything less is just an investment in your remodeling the rooftop, maybe the attic if she'll be kind enough to let you live up there without nagging you to the point of sending you back outside.
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