Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Taurus is Too Slow - - I Prefer Aries!

When it comes to my body being compared to the zodiac I really would prefer a more spiced up, fiery, more ambitious character rather than the one my lumbering body is taking after. I don't know if it's because I was born under the CHINESE symbol of the OX - - but my body is NOT responding to the dieting, the exercise, or even that much to the prayers that I say in order to cast off this extra weight which has been taken up residency and space for years right in the middle section.

If you're like me and you're over 40 and you're over weight -- you'll probably also like me and the thought of doing something about it is not only agonizing, but it is also a chore. I don't mind hard work. I don't mind thinking outside the box - - but what I do mind is the mud-stuck mindset of my belly thinking that it doesn't have to leave it's comfy home when it clearly is not welcome. I have been dieting, I do actually eat correctly. I eat so correctly that my diet master has told me over and over again that my condition "stumps" her. REALLY? Well, it pisses me off! I'm over here depriving myself of fat and calories, I'm working out and doing strength exercises, I'm walking, riding, jumping up and down and pouring herbal tea and healthy non-fat, low-fat, low-gluten, low everything food into my throat and still having this gushy, mushy, mushroom top in spite of it, what do I do?

Well, I guess it's just time to keep doing it. That's right, no changes unless they are changes that would actually get the job done. I do mix up the strength exercises doing legs and butt one day and arms and chest the other. I do walk one day and ride the next. I do actually do push ups but you'd laugh at me, I'm not the best at it. I try! Oh, but the kicker is this - - my diet is so close to perfect for someone who should be losing weight that now I'm thinking of actually changing it so my body thinks I'm cheating...just for day! I have to do something, I have to trick it, I think what I may do is throw a party and tell my stomach that it's we're eating cake when really it's just beets, carrots, and a few almonds! C'MON!!! LEAVE already! Think Hathoway, think Knightly, oh, I don't care think Kim K, but go away please!

My daughter Laura (and my dad) are Tauruses. They don't change, they don't move, they don't budge. I don't want that - -my stomach acts like a freakin' Taurus - - plodding along, going in circles, being the belly it's been for years! I want the ARIES belly! I want the warrior! I want the abs to show! I want the fighter. I want the knock-it-out-of-the-park rock hard muscles...I KNOW they're in there! Don't make me cut you out - - I will do it (Well, I won't do it, someone with a medical degree and years of experience will do it, but I will have it done!) I want this belly to know I mean business and if I want it, I get it, why - - why? Oh, I don't know maybe I'm just spoiled that way. It's not FAIR....I should have been born in the year of the HORSE and just been gorgeous and flowing, running with my mane behind me, but an OX. At least I have the heart of one too.

Lotta good that does when I'm thinking I'd like to put on a belly shirt once in my life! LOL

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