I must be on some kind of writing roll - - I'm finding myself clicking away at the keyboard these past few days. I don't mind. I have a lot of extra time on my hands. You'd have to know the situation, and I'll explain it soon enough, but for now, let it suffice to know that I am at home, studying for the Securities Industry Series tests, and when I'm finished with them I'll be a real live Swing Trader. Day Traders trade multiple times in a day, hence the name, and Swing Traders trade fewer times with a bit more research and time behind each trade. It typically works out to being about 3x a week; give or take. HOWEVER, studying common stocks, puts, calls, and debentures have little or nothing to do with my newest passion, the battle rope! Yes, you heard me, (read me) correctly, I'm picking up the heavy ropes and tossing them around.
Heavy ropes, Naval ropes, battle ropes, you can call them whatever you want, but you've seen them and passed by them a 1000 times at the gym. You either thought to yourself that you just couldn't get into it, or maybe you knew what they were for and thought it was just not worth it to give it a go - - but you now know, because I'm here to tell you, they are so very very worth it. Pick them up and give them a swing. You can't really get anything out of them if you just tug on them, you have to lift your arms way above your head and throw them down either using one arm at at time or both at the same time. There are about 10-12 different exercises you can do for a full body workout when you're grasping tightly to a pair of old battle ropes. You want the old ropes too, by the way, they've been broken in and move better than the newer stiffer ropes. I mean, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, but there are times when looser is better; just sayin'.
What you want to do is, (do I sound like my son yet?) you want to grab ahold of each end of the ropes, one in each hand. The end of these ropes should have a mass of tape around them to give you a good grip to hold onto. You want to grab them, pull yourself out to the length of the ropes, they should be at least 15 feet long, and you want to start lightly shaking the ropes in a "hump a second" motion so that you're creating a hump each second. You can do this with one arm at a time, or you can do it with both of your arms at the same time. You want to keep the ropes going and about at chest level. Do this for about 45-60 seconds. Congratulations, you passed the first test. Move forward to the 2nd test.
The 2nd test is the over the head test. You raise both hands (still gripping the ropes, you don't really ever let go, so I'm going to stop telling you to hold on to them, you can figure that part out for yourself) and you throw the ropes down hard so that they smack the ground. You repeat this about a 100 times or as many times as you can in the next 45-60 seconds, and there you go, you passed the 2nd test. Good job! Let's make it three! One arm at a time do the hump a second movement, but squat with your butt as you do this, and you don't have to go all the way down, just a few inches, and you keep the motion going. You're going up and down, the ropes are humping every second, and there you go 45-60 seconds later, you're dead to the world but you realize that even though you're an animal, and you've passed the 3rd test, there are so many more to go. Suck it up buttercup! You have work to do.
The 4th variation is the side to side swing. Again, at chest level, move the left rope to the right and the right rope to the left, crossing each other, and then do it again and again and again, 45-60 seconds, and rest. Rest about 10 seconds between the tests and think about your strategy for the next round. If you're up to it, get back in there and try pulling both hands to the right, swing the rope upward into a bow, and over to the left. If you didn't hurt yourself, do it the other direction, keep doing that until you realize that you're about to fall over, and it may be best to try and bring the ropes down a few inches so as not to slam them into your face...never a good look.
I typically watch the guy at the gym do his routine before I attempt to do mine. There are a few reasons for this. One, he's a good looking bearded man and I like watching his muscles flex, two, he seemingly has this routine down to a science, and I can know he'll be off the ropes in a few minutes. Three, he's a good looking bearded man with muscles and ... wait, I already said that. Anyway, he can teach me a thing or two about rope training and I don't have to seem like a damsel in distress. I just sit by the rope stand, maybe do a few stretches to look like I'm not looking, and I look. He may or may not realize he's teaching me, he may or may not care, but it's a good mind workout before my arms, chest, back, thighs and butt decide to leave me on a permanent basis for having subjected them to another form of muscular torture. The mind is good, it can be worked over a few extra minutes, no worries there.
So there you have it, I mean, there's more to it, and more things you can do with the ropes. You can even climb the damn things if you're into that (knots help, I'm told.) I think I'll keep my ropes at arms length for now, and not try to be too charismatic about it. I'm at the beginning stages of this new self affliction mechanism; once I get the hang of it, I'll video - - maybe. Once I lose all the weight I want, have the thighs bulging just so, the boobs standing at attention, and the belly flatter than flat, I'll video. I promise you, the world will see it when it happens. Until that day, battle rope away. (don't forget to box, punch, dance, jump rope, stretch, ride your bike, walk, hike, climb, and do your yoga!!)
Boom! This is gonna be good.
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