Don't get me started on vows. I made them. I didn't always keep them, and that bothers me. The one I didn't keep was the one about loving him forever, and the reason I couldn't keep that one was that I didn't love him to begin with. I was still in love with Reuben's father, and because actual love never fails, I suppose to a degree I am still able to say I love Richard. I can honestly say I do not love my former husband - - and that is a mark on my character, not his. He was as he still is, who he is. I take full blame for what I forced into reality (I should have walked away when the red flags, bells, whistles, and sirens were blaring, but I didn't. I live with that.) I will say this: God is great. He alone turned something so terrifically tragic into something beautiful in that my two daughters are in fact healthy, wonderful, and for the most part they've overcome the many harsh and often horrific memories I personally caused them because I did not wait on the Lord to bring me the right man. That will NOT happen again, I assure you.
Taking this blog to another level, leaving my story behind, moving forward to another all too familiar story that I see happening all over the country, and in fact, all over the world. Roles are not set in stone, and there is no reason a man can't be the caregiver of the house while the woman works if this is the agreement and if this is what they both decide upon before they marry. Remember, you really should pray about it, asking God to reveal the right person for you, and if you don't do that you end up making the biggest mistake of not only your life, but it could and would affect your children, parents, friends, family members, co-workers, community, church members, literally EVERYONE. You MUST wait on God to bring you the right partner for the peace of everything or you'll end up chasing the chaos sometimes for years.
Let's say you marry a musician and you know that man/woman (I'll say man since I'm a woman) is a musician when you married him. You know he makes his money, if he makes money, as a musician, not an engineer, not a physician, not a clerk at the hardware store, but as a bonafide real-life guitar playing, piano plucking musician - - and if he sings well hey, he may make a few more dollars than you ever expected as long as he can get gigs, play at festivals, churches, on stage, or if he decides to he can go to a club or restaurant and earn his keep. What truly offends me as a potential partner, as a community leader, as a woman, as a decent human being, is when I see people who married a musician, artist, painter, sculptor, writer, author, singer, or some other type of artistic performer (who KNEW that they married a creative soul) expect said person to "pull their weight" financially when it is impossible to do so. Oh, you'll hear them say "You need to just get a real job" or worse, they tell them that their art and their craft is nothing more than a hobby - - it doesn't put "food on the table" or "pay the bills". With EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY, I want to scream at that wretched fool who KNEW they married a performer and say "YOU KNEW THIS...YOU KNEW THIS!" How can you expect a tiger to become a lion? How can you expect a bending willow to become an oak? It doesn't work that way.
Now, if the musician, artist, sculptor, painter, whatever has other skills and can swing a job while being the creative soul they are - - great. If they are unable to do so, and it would crush their existence to give up their pen, guitar, clay, or colors to work a 9-5 ... LET THEM PAINT! Be the breadwinner, be the one who is grounded so they can fly, be the one to make harder decisions about what can or can't be paid for. Don't make them feel guilty for being who they are by telling them that you can't make ends meet because they CHOOSE to be "lazy" and "play" or worse again, that they don't matter or can't be the man or woman they need to be. GOD MADE THEM as surely as He made YOU. If it sounds as if I am really trying to get through to someone then it's because I'm truly trying to get through to someone. I do know who needs to hear this. I hope she understands that this is the path SHE wanted, the path she promised to uphold. You either mean it, or you don't mean it. There was that line in those vows that said "for richer or poorer" and it didn't mean for a month or two. Covid sucks. Lockdowns suck. We get that, but you made a promise. You either keep it or you don't.
I've decided to stay single. I've not been intimate with a man in over 20 years. I'm not regretting this decision, it was in fact my decision. I've been true to myself in that matter - - if it changes it will be because God Himself literally drops one in my lap and writes in purple letters on some random wall "HEY JUDE, YOU'RE WELCOME, THIS ONE IS YOURS!" I don't foresee that happening, but if He does decide to do that I pray God has the grace and insight to bring me a musician because I've learned to make ends meet on my own, and would have no trouble or worries providing for someone whose joy it is and whose gifts it is to bring beauty into this world; and into my own life as my forever partner. He would not have to work if he couldn't hold down a "steady" job. He could write, dream, sing, play, share and be an ambassador of love to those unable to make it to concerts, shows, etc. Who in the hell ever said that earning money is the gauge by which we measure worth, success, or contribution? Fools. I could never contribute the way a songsmith contributes to the world. I pen my poems, but they are rarely shared. God in His mercy has kept the musicians and the artists with us. We are honored. We should start living like it.
That being said, partners do have real responsibilities to each other, and vows are given by both. Honor, trust, grace, faithfulness, peace, joy, patience, kindness, caring, and above all - - love must remain between the two. That is my soapbox for now. It was something that's been bothering me for years and it recently reared its ugly head again when I was made aware of it happening to a friend of mine - - I just wish I could have been born in another part of the world at another time for another reason. God knows - - God will provide. I am asked to pray, so I do. I pray but I also imagine. Dreamers dream. We each have our own path to walk with God - - I can honestly say it is well with my soul. If I didn't keep my promise to love my husband it is because I never loved him, God has always loved me and has never forsaken me. I can't forsake Him now, and I won't. He gives and He takes away. I hope He gives to me again. I think I would do a better job this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment