Friday, February 1, 2008

In Between Drugs at the Moment

How are you? I would love to show you a picture of my new airy-inflated belly - the one with the six inch slightly curved scar running North Northwest across my chest, however, I'm not sure you would be a fan.

I was laying on the gurney last Monday, minding my own business. That's what I do you know, I mind my business. I had signed all the signatures, initialled all the boxes so there was very little to do other than to lay down, smell the oxygen and have my body invaded by steel. That was me then. Today I am a completely new woman, by that I mean I look like I could star in a really scary pirate movie. I could be the battle-axed crazy-haired femme on board that shows no mercy - has the crippling scars to prove her determination to make it to the top of her game! Arrhhh! (I so totally misspelled that.)

The decision to do an open gall bladder incision and go in after the fiend, came only after the great doctor (Dr. Jay Cannon of Oklahoma City) had first attempted to do the surgery as minimally as possible. I would have three very tiny incisions (one in the belly button) and they would be pulling my ugly, old, nasty, stoned-up gall bladder through said belly button. We always believed the belly button had a purpose, now we know what it can do. Upon poking a little camera and a great deal of air into my belly, it was determined that NO...the gall bladder was not to be cut and brought through my body after all, it had something drastically wrong with it. Stones aside, the gall bladder itself was highly infected. I didn't get to see it, I could have possibly described it for you, so since I can't do a perfect job I'll go on and say it had green rolly-polly looking characters on it, and that it was the consistency of apple pie...I'm probably lying, but I don't care. I'm on drugs today.

I woke up from the gases and found myself in a hospital room rather than my own room at home. I'm not surprised. I have to have all the attention when I do anything at all that requires needing attention. I may act coy and shy about it, but I love having people swarm around me and make me who I am, what I am, what I will be. I think it started in Kindergarten when I announced that I had a secret. BAM! 14 friends in a nano-second. I made something up I'm sure. Jeanie still believes the lies I told her in high school, she's still hanging around. Does that make her vunerlable, stupid, or just a really cool person? I like to think she's awesome. She's only corrected my lies once when it was misquoted a few years later and could have come back to bite her I think. She's good at the game.

I'm not kidding when I say I have a six inch valley carved into the horizon of my curves just so, and it has real live rail-road tracks...I guess when you're private pay they send in the carpenters to staple you rather than the doctors having to sew you up. No, they tell me it's a normal thing, but it does creep me out when I'm pretending to pull on them just to piss off the kids. (Which is actually quite fun because I don't do scary movies, and they do.)

I will be more able to write and chat a little later in the day perhaps. This being Feb. 1, we need to make our plans for the ground hog coming up tomorrow. I have no idea if that requires a presence but I will simply call in with my prediction this year. I'm thinking longer winter, harder weather, bigger storms, more snow, and maybe just a little power outage to top it off. This is Oklahoma - she feels my pain. Speaking of pain, the nurses at the hospital were unable to give me another dosage of Perciocet because it hadn't quite been four hours since my last. However, she could see that I was in a lot of stress. Rather than give me my regular dosage she gave me a higher dosage because it was a different medicine - does that make sense to you? I didn't argue. I simply thanked her.

Good night I say at noon. I must return to the world of the slumbering ones. I will be alive soon and we will dance.

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