Friday, May 25, 2007

I May Be Scotish, But I Do Not Golf.

Until I saw this picture I did not know the difference between a hook and a slice. I sort of had the straight shot figured out in my head, but getting it done on the green is a completely different story.
No, if I had a man (just go with me on this one) that wanted to go out and golf - he could SOOO do so. He wouldn't have to worry about me tagging long. He wouldn't have to worry about me asking questions about the game, or how he did, or what he spent at the 19th hole - I just don't golf. On the flip side of that, I don't have a man - so, he can STILL go golf and not expect me to tag along, or to ask him (them) how the game went, or what they drank, smoked, or ate along the way. Not going to happen.
The game to me seems pointless - but I know it takes an extraordinary amount of skill, talent, and patience - maybe that has something to do with it. I can hit things with clubs - don't get me wrong - I can truly wield the thing properly; even scary, but if I were to try and aim the end of it at the little white ball expecting it to take flight - not so much. My son combines his golfing game with a bout of baseball - throwing the ball into the air and then hitting it with the golf club as it descends - that takes an eye! I can't do that either. Come to think of it, Reuben plays full contact basketball too - for the church! I do occasionally watch that. I get that.
Golf is neither interesting on the field or watching it on television - and if I can't jump up and scream at the opponent for foul play, what good is it? Golfers don't have teams with mascots, they don't have playbooks, protective gear, they don't even have cheerleaders, marching bands, or fans wearing THEIR colors, because they don't have official colors. I guess what I'm saying is that since I can't possibly be good at this particular sport I'm not really interested in watching it or being around it - but I will say this...some of the men I've seen playing the game are hot. I could sit on the sidelines and watch them for a while - pass a little time, too quiet. The game is too freakin' one's tackling another player, no one's slapping each other on the butt, no one's pounding their chest in pride and leaping into the audience - not yet, just give a few more generations...someday even golf will become a contact sport worthy of watching.
But I still won't play.

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