Story Time!

 Everyone loves a good story, right? I am no exception, but what I am (as far as exceptions go) is someone who will openly (and honestly, thank you) admit to being that person you know who talks to themselves. I do. I am the one who will not shy from it. I will not make excuses and I will not deny it. I am forever and constantly talking to myself, telling myself sometimes the best damn stories out in this big green world. I can come up with some real doosies. Dang...I can entertain myself from the moment my eyes open to the second I fall asleep praying. I don't mind being blunt about this because I am just so damn good at it. George used to love it when I'd pretend with him being the hero.  Dachshunds are like that you know. They are super heroes in disguise. 

    Most of the time when I reach outside someone else's comfort zone, I'll quickly stir the pot by asking them if they talk to themselves and if they do, if they answer themselves as well.  It's not something the average bear asks, and it's not something the other average bear admits to (readily) anyway. Nine times out of 9.5 times they say no. I think I see them shift just a little, and they either cross their arms across their chest in an attempt to somehow protect themselves should I pursue the matter (I generally do) and they may sort of walk away from me. That's when I know the truth. That's when I know I have them....on the hook!

    Everyone loves to hear a story, and most of us have one to tell. I just like to make up new ones as often as possible, and let the day's events add to the fiction. I pretend (mostly silently in my head) and I create reasons to open my eyes a bit wider, my ears may prick a bit, and I could see something inside of something that wasn't there to begin with, but if it had been there it would sure add a bit of welcomed flavor to the overall tale of the day! I might start off with pretending I found a baby in the dumpster; cute little thing, and then start trying to sort out where he came from, who dropped him off rather than taking him to the hospital, it's just right there! I live about 1000 feet from a very large hospital complex. Was the baby born there? Was the mom OK, was the baby stolen? Too many questions. I need answers. The day begins and as it unfolds I create something really awesome with at least six or seven villains and super hero types along the way. If a speeding car goes down the street I imagine the person who stole the baby is driving that car, where are they going? 

    Anyway, that's the truth of it, and the fact that I can keep myself fully occupied is really a good thing because it adds to the events of what could have been a mundane Monday or a weak little Wednesday afternoon without a single breeze to carry my imagination into the stratosphere. I need the lift. I need the air! I want to fly and my brain has no limits with either how that happens or where I can end up after a few minutes of pondering. To be honest, I think I take creative license a bit far at times but whose to say if that's illegal or not; I'm the one footin' the bill on this one. I make it, or I burn it. I don't have to keep the wheels turning I can stop them at most anytime if I wanted to....but do I want to? Why would I want to? Oh, I remember...I have to pay my bills! LOL  I can't always be a writer. Sometimes I have to spin straw into gold.

    Anyway, that's my thing today. I thought I would answer that one burning question that you may or may not be wondering about me. Am I nutters? Nope. Just creative and fancy free. I don't have to be grounded in reality too long. I can pop off into a really great fantasy at any moment, and if I feel like I need someone to go along with me, you know I'm asking my husband and lover Naked Bearded Man to join me. Sometimes I even wonder if he'll be put that kilt on or just continue to swing it around while laughing and saying something in his deep and ever so breathtakingly sexy Gaelic; that man can bring me to my knees - - he's just so wonderfully Scottish. I mean, he's so damn Scottish the Scottish wish they could be him - - he's both rough and tumble as well as sensitive and protective. I'd love to take him more places, but without a stitch of clothes he could end up thrilling someone! He'd just bust a gut laughing if he did. There are moments I wish I could understand him, but he speaks so quickly and uses words I know aren't really even supposed to sound as if they are part of the Queen's English; rebel that one. 

    What about you? Can you admit you keep yourself company? Will you allow your inner speak to come out and play? I bet you could wield a pretty interesting story if you thought about it. Most can. I hope you'll not be like so many and shy from the challenge -- whenever I'm caught talking to myself I don't play it off as some do. I don't pretend to be singing under my breath, nope, I just look the asker in the eyes and continue my conversation as if I were never interrupted -- why lie? I giggle, and I move forward - - always forward. Always smiling. 

Photo Credit: WTWP.com

Muscle Schumscle. I Don't Want to see THAT!

 Like a dummy, like a big ol' dummy, I decided to stand on the scale. My thought process was that it had been a long time since I had done that, and since I've been eating better, walking, running, boxing, and lifting weights, I should be OK. I know my jeans were loose this morning when I put them on to go to the store. I really never wear jeans anymore. I would have said I rarely wear pants anymore, but my friends in the UK may giggle at me and call me "Cheeky".  The word "pants" actually means your underwear in the UK. Found that out after saying it a few too many times without realizing why my friends were blowing their cheeks out at me and spitting out their coffee. 

    So this morning, I decided I would stand on the scale and get a ball park figure as to what's been going on weight wise, you know, have a place to start. Nope! NOPE! I am NOT writing that number down damn it. It is NOT happening. I was so mad. I was so so so very mad. I literally stomped on the thing. I came so close to picking it up and heaving it across the room, and if I didn't think I would upset the neighbors or broken a window, I would have chunked it! I do NOT weigh what it said I did! I nearly said a bad word, let's just put it that way. I nearly said a very bad word.

    My daughter came running into the room to see what was going on, why her mom was literally pitching a fit and screaming before she'd had her morning coffee. I mean, I don't usually scream after I've had my coffee, but it is more unusual for me to be screaming before I  have had at least the first cup! I told her what had happened. She immediately took my side, she's smart like that. She blamed the sun in my eyes, she blamed the uneven flooring, she even blamed the scale itself saying it was in need of being calibrated. I love my daughter - - but she would be wrong. No, it was me. I weighted THAT much. WHAT happened? Well, turns out that I was to blame. Me. I was working out, lifting weights, and BAM....muscle happened. I put on a bunch of it apparently since the jeans are loose and the weighted bars are actually a great deal easier to pick up and maneuver.  It's me.

    You talk about hitting the internet and doing a much needed research! I had an interview to do in about an hour, and I wanted to get to the store before that, but I also wasn't going to rest until I got the facts straight in my head as to why I was teetering on being HUGE again!  Turns out that (according to www.healthline.com) a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat (this is true) but the pound of fat will make you look softer and rounder, while the muscle makes you thinner and leaner. Again, we all know this, but why was it that I could have lost 48 pounds and then suddenly put 12 back on without looking like it? I have muscles. I have biceps now. I have thigh muscles. My butt is a rock. I like saying that. My butt is a rock. The butt is the biggest muscle you have folks!  It makes sense. I mean, I still have soft spots, I still need to get rid of my lower belly, some spots around my back and chest. If truth be told, I would rather be as flat as a 12 year old boy than to be carrying these huge boobs around all the time, but if they want to become as hard as my butt and they promise to stand up all day I'll let them stay.

    The most difficult thing about working out, dieting, exercising, and lifting those endless weights, is that you really think you're going to go down in size and weight. I'm toning I guess.  I don't think I'm finished losing weight, but I'm packing on muscles at the same time and negating the whole weight lose victory dance! At least now when I do dance I can do it without toppling over or hurting myself.  I can also dance with an 8 pound ball in my hands. I wouldn't want to try that with my 12 pound ball yet...not yet. Baby steps!!  Speaking of steps, I bought an inexpensive (can't say cheap) treadmill to use at home since I'm not going to the YMCA. I have weights, a heavy jump rope, and I have the boxing bag. I can do this. The treadmill is inexpensive so it only has a few controls.  It's set to a higher incline and I can't undo it. I don't know how to adjust it properly, and I'm just sort of forced to put up with it. So I put up with it.

    I ran about four (4) miles on it today at a really steep incline and my calories burned was over 500 I think. I ran and/or walked a total of 5.29 miles for a total calorie burn of 685. Gotta love that. I'm dying over here and the dog is licking my sweat. I'm not sure if she loves me, or if the salt is just too much of a temptation. Either way, it's Valentine's Day so I'll take it. She loves me. I'm good with that.  Forge on folks, make things happen. I guess what this means is that I'll keep the scales but they have to go back into the bathroom cabinet. I'm not going to put myself through that again. I'll go buy a pair of jeans that I think I want to wear, and when I can wear them comfortably I'll pull the scales out and do the dance maybe -- at least I'll look good trying.  

Photo Credit: Me, but I took it from www.thecalculatorsite.com

Recycle, Repurpose, Restore!

 Yesterday I was in the local Aldi (OMG, I love that store) and as I was standing in line to check out the woman who was in front of me was literally buying every single package of bologna that the store offered to its customers. Now, to be honest, there was a part of me that thought inwardly, "Really, you have to take every last package?"  We do that, don't we. We judge.  Then another thought quickly replaced the original thought, "Maybe she's feeding the homeless and that's what she can afford."  I decided to ask. That's me. I do that. If you're with me when it happens, you may have to either just accept that I do that, or maybe turn around so no one will assume you're with me. I do ask. I open my big mouth, and I ask questions that some would think I have absolutely no reason or right to ask about. That's me.

    She looked at me. She in fact, took a half step back and turned to face me. She said in her very sweet and curious voice, "I am feeding the homeless. You wanna help?"  Oh my goodness!! The inner Spirit in me was doing the dance! Did she just offer me an opportunity?!! WHAT?  Yes, I want to help! Let me help!  I didn't let her see the inner joy immediately, I wanted to be sure she was going to let me actually help before I got too excited.  I answered, "Of course, what do you need?"  She said she could use more bread because she knows there's about 100 "souls", her word, and she only had enough to give each of them a couple of slices of bologna and 1 slice of bread. I asked her to hold my place in line. The man behind me didn't mind.

    I quickly ran over to the bread aisle and grabbed up what I could that would go with what she already had. I didn't want there to be a battle between men/women who may have received something a bit better than the other. While I was there I rocked over to the cheese aisle and picked up 8 packages of just plain ol' American yellow cheese, and three bottles of mustard and one bottle of ketchup. Some people put ketchup on their bologna, right?  I raced back to the check out and asked her if she could use chips.  She laughed. "Of course, we can use whatever you got" was her answer. I asked the man behind me if it was OK if I got some chips. He handed me a $20 bill and said he'd go ahead of me but he wanted to help too. WHAT A MAN! WHAT A WOMAN! I am so excited to be living near and among wonderful people.

    So yeah, I picked up 10 bags of chips too.  We checked out, we packed it up, and I asked her if she needed me to help make the sandwiches or pass them out. She said she would actually be doing that tomorrow, (which is today) and her grandkids helped her. It was a Sunday thing. Oh, a Sunday thing? So maybe next Sunday I can help again? She nodded and agreed to let me do that. Woot!  As she was leaving I asked her if she could use soap. I told her I made a lot of soap for sale, but there were dozens of bars I can't really sell for any profit really. She said she could use anything and everything, so I decided to go home, pack up the dozens of bars that I don't think will sell for this or that reason. I decided to cut them in half so they could be distributed to more people. I ended up with 58 bars. It's not 100, but it will work. If I need to I can actually just make more for them and not sell them. God doesn't mind if I give my tithe or offerings away this way. He makes it all.

    I can't tell you how awesome it is to be loud-mouthed, open, up front, blunt, honest, and out going. You can only imagine how many great rewarding opportunities are missed out on every single day by introverted people who either want to help, or wish they could muster up the courage to ask if they can. God was so very keen when He decided I needed vocal cords. I use them. I may not always be pleasant, and I may not always fit in the boxes that society has created for us to fit into, I sort of create my own moments of contingency. I don't wait for others to ask. I rarely ask for permission, it's just not in my Spirit to do that. I know when there's work to be done. Why ask if I can do it if no one is stepping up to do so? I do usually ask, but I don't take no for an answer if the person is overwhelmed or underassisted. I'm going to be there and I'm going to put my two hands out to help. 

    I am not a rich or wealthy person. No, I am not. I am not able to open up my check book and just cover any and all needs that may need to be covered. What I am is available. What I am is willing. What I am is hopeful that God will recycle me. That He will repurpose me. That He will restore me. The way(s) He does that is to let me serve. If I'm serving I'm smiling. If I'm smiling I'm making something happen. If I'm making something happen I am doing what needs to be done. I am no miracle maker, but I am trying to be like the Miracle Maker in my heart.  If I can see Him smiling you know my day is complete.

    I guess what I'm saying is there are opportunities all around us. We can see if we have eyes to see. We can hear if we have ears to hear. We can sing if we have the voice to sing. Remember God didn't say it had to be pretty. When I praise Him it usually has to be solo so I don't mess up the sounds of what others are producing. The joyful noise thing applies to me, and really, I'm OK with it. I don't have to be good at it, that wasn't the mission's goal. I just want it to be joyful and directed as worship. What I'm saying is, listen, look, watch, be there, be open, be available. You may be the one who needs the help one day, and really, there's that song again...I sing it in my head over and over again. "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on.  For, it won't be long, til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."   Just be there. 

Photo Credit: Bar-S.com

Prayer / Meditation

 Most of us don't take the time to fully appreciate or to fully complete a true meditation through either properly breathing (and trying to count or pay attention to the method) or maybe through prayer. We don't take the time because we tell ourselves we don't have time. Well, turns out we have more time to do this than we really may have thought.  We need to be really honest with ourselves and just say it; we choose not to do it.  We choose not to do it, and when we make that decision what we're actually doing is robbing ourselves of the healing process that takes place both during prayer and during meditation. There are key differences of course; let's go over a few of those differences, then we'll hit on the similarities.

    When we pray we have a different mindset than when we're about to meditate. Prayer is more often than not, a time to both thank God for things, but you know, and I know, that we pray for things as if we need to petition God for something.  We do. We petition Him, ask Him to be with this or that, to make this or that come about, to stop this or that, and we do it without really even giving any (or much) concern as to how it may make Him feel that we're asking in the first place. Do we not know that He knows what we need and want before we ask? He does. Nevertheless, it's still a good thing to ask for it as it makes the thing real to us. We put the effort in, and we feel that we have been communing and really that's what prayer is; it's a way to speak with and listen to God when He speaks to us. 

    Most of the time when we ask God for things we're the one talking. The times we listen, think, wait, and try to hear or feel God is more or less the time we spend in meditation. We're on the opposite side of the aisle now; we're the one being still and maybe breathing, thinking, hoping, wanting, or relaxing, and we're trying to figure out if the answer is going to be yes, no, or wait.  God doesn't say wait if He's going to ultimately tell you no. You need to know that. A wait answer is a yes answer, but it's just not time for it happen....hence the wait.  There's no way God is going to do a "psych" on you, tell you to wait, and then say something like "Just kidding!"  No, a wait answer is a yes answer, but it is not ready yet - - we aren't ready, it's not ready, something isn't ready yet, and God's time is always perfect. EVERY time.

    It takes about 10 minutes to actively run a mile. It takes me longer as I don't actually run, I jog-walk and trip into it for about 13 or 14 minutes, but I do finally get the mile in, which I usually count as the start to the workout. I don't feel like I've done anything until the first mile is finished. Saying that it takes about 10 minutes is important because I personally feel that if don't spend at least 10 full minutes in prayer during the day, I don't feel that I've started my walk with Christ that day. I guess I feel that I've put Him off, or I'm made other things more important. I used to use the time it took to drive to work to pray, and no, I didn't close my eyes when I did that. If I had to close my eyes to pray I may end up falling asleep.  Ten minutes is a good start, that's all I'm saying. If it's 10 minutes of praying or 10 minutes of meditation where I have a thought to think out, or just asking Him to guide my mind, I think it's a good start to the whole event taking place.

    I have to be honest, I've stopped watching television (I catch a few shows online) so that I can take more time in the closet to pray and talk to God about things. I do turn out the lights, and I do snuggle with my dog, pillow and rock, but I end up staying in the closet for an hour sometimes just talking and asking things, pondering, questioning, even challenging God to show me things. I've done that. I think for me, prayer is more of a two-way thing and meditation is too, but it's more me listening and waiting. If I spend 10 minutes praying I'll end up spending about the same time meditating just waiting and thinking about the prayer. I don't always ask for things, most of the time I'm talking about things and why they are the way they are; or why they can't be another way!

    Again, if I had to be honest, I'd say that lately (for about 2 and 1/2 years) I've spent much more than 10 minutes each day praying and about the same in meditation over the same topic and the same subject matter. I'm praying for someone, a specific, and particular someone, a someone that I didn't choose to pray for, but God asked me to so I do.  I didn't start out praying anymore than a quick reminder prayer. I have to say that, I wasn't going through the gambit with God, asking questions, answering questions, thinking of new ways that this particular person could find himself closer to God, but that's what it's turned out to be. God led me to know that no one was actually praying for him and God told me he needed prayer.  Though I didn't know the man, I knew he was married. Why wasn't she praying for him? I knew he had parents, why weren't they praying for him? Did he have a granny? Grannies pray! God pierced my heart with a thought; the man's granny was no longer able to pray for him, and that's why I was picked. It was her time to go home. 

    We know God's plan is God's plan, and no matter what He wants it will happen. This man needed prayer, and I was available I suppose, but we all know that God's timing and His planning aren't willy-nilly, there was a reason God picked me. I just couldn't have known it then; not sure I really understand it now. That's part of my time spent - - I keep asking over and over WHY GOD, WHY? The answer is always "Because I asked you to."  It's not a yes, it's not a no, but it is a clear WAIT.  So I wait...and I wait....

    When I'm in the closet praying I find that I end up singing something too; usually an old old hymn that I learned by memory as a kid.  I end up half breathing it and half singing it, sometimes I end up crying through it, and most of the time, because I'm such a good Baptist, I don't sing the third stanza. If you don't know you don't know, but it is true. I end up singing words like "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."  If I ever think I'm too busy to be in that closet I remember that He hung on a cross longer than 10 minutes and before He did that He endured hours of torture; I can give Him whatever time I have. He made that time.

    Meditation for me is not trying to cause my mind to be blank, a blank mind can be filled with demonic thoughts. I try to fill my mind instead. I fill it with words of praise, worship, or just psalms I've quoted a 100,000 times. I think of new third stanzas for songs I've sung all of my life. I even asked myself if that was allowed since there really is a third stanza and I really should go look it up. I do actually own a copy of the Baptist Hymnal.  Some people stole copies, I did the right thing you know, I bought it on Ebay! I was so proud of my little blue hymnal until one day my mother found it and took it home with her claiming she taught me to read it in the first place! I had to replace it of course, and all Ebay had was a METHODIST hymnal and it was red. Fine. Most of the songs are the same, but the page numbers are off.  HOW did I get on this tangent? Talk about rabbit holes!

    Ten minutes. That's my challenge to you. If you are on a treadmill, if you are walking or jogging outside. If you are doing something that requires you to be active and you need something to keep your mind occupied, try prayer.  Give it to God and let Him show you that you have a source of power to turn to when you thought the last strides would never be possible. If you're going for a longer walk or run, try prayer and meditation but keep your eyes open so you don't trip over a tree root or something. Give yourself the OK to turn off the television, to go offline, put down the cell phone.  You probably spend at least an hour a day on social media - - why not using Knee-Mail or Heart-Mail instead? Well, you may not agree with me, and I'm not asking you to agree with me. This is my blog, my thoughts, my opinion; it works for me and I wanted to share it with you.  You're welcome.

Ten.  Just try it.

Photo Credit:  Pure Gym 

Lights Out!

 It's right after 9:30 p.m. on a Thursday, and due to Winter Storm Landon our electricity went out completely. Not just our electricity, but all of the electricity on the entire city block.  One of the more interesting neighbors sharing my city hood is a large hospital complex with several offices and of course, an intensive care unit, heart and lung transplant patients, and so many others who are desperately in need of having the lights on a all times; 24/7, please and thank you!  When the lights do go out, and it's happened a handful of times since I've lived here, there are emergency back up generators for those folks, and for that I'm eternally thankful. I do tend, however, to say a prayer for them anyway, just in case something were to happen and they would actually be without power.

    I live in a complex, where, if you've followed my blog for any time whatsoever, you'd know that I have lived here just under a 100 years, and there are neighbors who were here long before me, and may be here longer than me actually. It does seem like we're all a bunch of Highlanders! Some of the folks are well into their 80s and I fear for them as well when the power shakes, rattles or rolls. Then again, it's the younger generations who can't live without a charged phone, hot coffee, or internet access. God forbid we have a real emergency come our way -- the older I get the more prepared I am mentally, and I do have a thing or two packed away for use in these types of cases. I have a battery operated hot plate. I own any number of flashlights, which for some reason I only use to find the matches so I can light the candles. You know I have a few more candles than most; I mean, I do make them to sell them, so yeah, I'm good on the candle end of it.

    My neighbor and his dog were walking outside in the two-foot snow drifts while the lights were out and I asked him if he needed anything. He smiled, waved, and said "Oh, you know, electricity if you've got any of that to spare!"  Love him. He's in his mid 70's and I think his phone is truly a flip phone, not sure if he even pulls it out to check to see if anyone's called. He still has a landline, so if I want him I do the old-fashioned thing and leave a message for him on his answering machine that's literally plugged into the wall! He said he had plenty of blankets; asked if I needed any, I let him know Quinn and I were just fine. Now, he thinks I have someone named Quinn living with me. I'm sure he'll get around to asking about that tomorrow. (Quinn is my comforter. He/she/it is big enough, thick enough, and tough enough to be given its/his/her own name.) My dog and I love Quinn.  Quinn loves us. It's all good.

    My daughter's geckos were my main concern, after making sure all the old folks were hunkered down sufficiently.  One of the things geckos are not is cold-natured. They require heating lamps, heating pads, basking areas, and the like, so Laura was wrapping each tank with clothes and duct tape to be sure they remained as warm as possible. When the lights came back on the interior temperature had dropped from 70 to 56 in about two hours. I'm not sure what we would do with the little lizards if we had been without heat much longer. We're going to find ways to fix that.  I'm thinking transferring them into smaller tanks that can be heated with battery operated lamps. That's my plan. It's a good plan, and if I think of a better one I'll let myself know. For now that's the ticket! Dogs and cats don't require such hoity-toity care....give me a dog any day!

    I was literally in the middle of listening to a podcast about mental health and the things that can cause someone to stress when the electricity went out -- talk about irony!  I'm not one to usually stress, but I do like to keep up with podcasts, articles and such about mental health awareness so I can better assist people when they have to freak out for a minute. I'm rather patient and able to defuse most situations with a hug, a talk, a hand-holding, and a prayer. When the lights came back on we had spent just over a couple of hours without heat, without lights, without television, without internet, without the ability to charge our phones, so charging them throughout the day really is a good thing to practice.  I think now that I have this sort of mind exercise going through my head, I think what I'll start doing is every week or so I'll just shut off the lights and reflect, pray, thank God for things, and just get back to the reality of what it would be like if  -- you just never know.

    God's grace is enough. I need to remember that. 

MY gecko:  Robert the Bruce!  I call him Bob