Entreated (A Poem)

 Entreated 

  

What colors do I see 

When I think of you? 

Could there be a shade 

Sweet enough to be expressed? 

 

Am I bound by a veil so lovely 

At the very sight of you? 

Are you captured by my  

Heart’s eyes – unimaginable? 

 

What sound is it that I hear 

As your voice dances on air? 

As your presence leans upon 

My soul to rest. 

 

How I am lured by the melody 

By the symphony, by the lyrics 

By the chords played evenly 

By our hands. 

 

What anchors my very being 

To the thought of you each time? 

Each time I am drawn without force 

Held captive by music, by love. 

 

Jude Stringfellow – March 26, 2022 

 

Photo credit: Travel Earth

Well, Apparently, I Suck.

 To be honest, the Series 66 is a really tough test, but that's no excuse as to why I didn't pass it. I didn't completely bomb it either, but I didn't pass it. I missed it by about 5 or 6 questions. I'm not a math wiz, but I can do simple math.  I needed 80 questions out of 110 to get a 73% and I think I got 74 correct.  Now, if I got 74 correct when they were only testing the 100 and not the extra 10 they claim they aren't scoring, then I passed.  I don't think I actually passed. I think I missed a few of the 74 that I think I got right. If I had to lay money on it, that would be a good bet. I only THINK I got 74 correct. It was probably something closer to 68-70.  Oh well, the fact is...I suck!

    I didn't want to fail, and maybe not for the reasons that most people don't want to fail. I didn't want to fail so that I could (a) stay out of the stats of those that don't pass the first time (b) be in the stats of those who pass the first time (c) not waste my $$$ that I've already sunk into this, and finally (d) I really really don't want to have to take the damn thing again, but it looks like I will have to do so.  I didn't need the Series 66 for a job. I will be hired without it.  I didn't need it to trade on the FOREX because I can trade all day and night on it without a license. I am only trading my money, not trading anyone else's money. I don't need the Series 66 to do anything other than have it. It's a step in the direction I am going, and it would have been (will be later) useful.

    As I sat at the desk with the two sheets of laminated paper and dry eraser pens that they give you, I created what I thought would be a useful cheat sheet. You can't take one in with you, but you have all the time you want to draw one up and create it from memory when you get into the testing center. I spent about 10 minutes making one, and really, I seriously thought I was doing the right thing. NOT ONE question on that test required me to look at the cheat sheet. Whatever was on the test was NOT what I thought was going to be tested. I really missed the ball on that one. I mean, striking out is one thing, but throwing the bat over your head and into the stands is what I think I did (by comparison). I sat there staring at the monitor, reading the questions, shaking my head, and saying to myself "Hell, I don't know!" more often than I care to admit. 

    To say that there were questions I had no way of answering is adequate. I would say 10-12 questions were flat out not covered on the study material, and they tell you there will be 10 unscored questions, so OK, that means there were at least a couple that I KNOW were not covered. There were another 20 that were covered, but we were led to believe they really didn't go into it that deeply, but they do. Some of the questions were worded strangely, and you didn't know if they meant to confuse you or if they just like using poor grammar. The answers were always polar opposite at that point and you had a 50% chance of getting it correct. Obviously, I didn't do as well on those odds.

    I'll give you an example of a question I got on the test.  This is one that I know the answer to, but the way the question was worded it could be one or the other.  The question is: Which policy could best utilize a Transfer on Death (TOD) benefit?  (a) Joint Tenacy with Rights of Survivorship  (b) Life Insurance Contracts (c) IRAs or (d) Individual Account.   The answer is (a) if you think it could use it, because it needs one.  The answer is (d) if you think it already has one and therefore utilizes it.  This is the sort of thing that occurred at least 10-15 times and unless you can decipher what they really want, you can't really answer the way you're really supposed to answer.  It was frustrating. I'm sure the monitor captured my cringing facial expressions and maybe even saw me threaten to pound the screen a couple of times.

    The really good news is, I can keep studying. I can read more. I can do the Quizlets online. I can do the flashcards. I can purposely go look up Cash Flow Analysis, Fundamental Analysis, Technical Analysis, Tactical Analysis, and Spread Analysis.  We were told there were only 2 questions about anything related to analysis....not true. There were 6-10 questions relating to it, I just can't remember the details. I just remember thinking there were so many more questions about it than we were told. I would have and should have studied more about that; and didn't. That's ON ME, not them. I can study that more and then take the test again, but you know what I fear? I think they'll give me a test with more questions on something else. It works that way.

    There was one question on ERISA...and I got it right. They told us there would be one. They were right. Oh, and they said there would be a question about UTMA or UGMA, and there was not. I was so ready.  I know the fine differences between a 529 and Coverdell, but that wasn't asked. It's good though, I'm OK. I'll just keep my nose to the grind but this time I'll let my employer pay for the test taking. I've done that twice (because I had to cancel one) and at $177 a pop, I'd rather not do that again. Nope, not if I can help it. I don't need the Series 66, but if a boss wants me to have it, they can pay.

Photo Credit: Red Bubble

The Things We Do For Fun.

 I'm sitting at my computer desk, and trying to scoot my chair up closer to the keyboard so I can type but I have my feet planted inside a big black plastic trash can filled 1/4 of the way up with hot water, baking soda, Epsom salt and apple cider vinegar. You know, if you know me, I'm laughing my fool head off at this point. My arms are stretched out because I can't get the chair to roll any closer on the plastic thingy that sits under the chair. I'm thinking I got the water too hot, but like any other girl, I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before it gets cooler -- I can take it.  What we do for beauty!!

    Yesterday I was just milling about the internet trying to find things on Pinterest and other places that could give me hints and hacks about this or that sort of timeless beauty aid to have fun with so I can tease my best friend about it. She and I are always looking for ways to one-up each other, or include one another in the crazy things we come up with. Today's adventure was supposed to be me strapping onions to the bottom of my feet with cling wrap (not too tight) and then placing a sock over my feet to hold the onions in place while I slept. The problem is I don't really eat onions so I had them on my list of things to get at the grocery store, but dang it if I didn't totally forget to pick them up so now I'm doing the other approach. I saw it on Facebook I think, but the lady had a vibrating sort of foot washer and I don't have anything that fancy. I'm not about to ask the cat to do whatever he can to splash around and make the water giggle.

    The onion on the feet affair was supposed to draw out all the toxic toxins in my entire body; you know, all the things that have been accumulating for literally years upon years. Supposedly, people swear by it and even do it on a regular basis - - if it worked, I'd do it.  I'm not sure if it does, and I can't know until maybe after tomorrow when I revisit the local grocery store and this time not forget the onions! I also forgot the green tea, dishwashing detergent, and Dr. Teal's liquid foaming bath! Am I just nutters? I mean, I go to the store, I have my list, and yep, the chocolate stopped me dead in my tracks, and there I was just forgetting when I should have been remembering. Happens a lot. It happens more often than most of us want to admit, but I do admit. I think it's a way of reaching out and asking for help -- at least I was smart enough to pick up the chocolate!

    According to the science behind the detox (the onion on the feet thing) you're supposed to do this sort of thing on a weekly basis for at least a month to get as much of the goop out of your body, but it's supposed to free up your blood flow, allow oxygen to flow better in those renewed blood cells, and it's even supposed to help your mind think more clearly and without fog brain. I don't know how that all happens, but I have no problems stinking the dog out of the bottom of the bed to find out. She'll have to sleep up top for a minute and/or get used to the smell down around the footboard. My feet are a good five feet and three and a half inches from my nose so I'm good. She, the dog, on the other hand, is usually curled up between my feet which doesn't really allow me much opportunity to move about at night. We have a rule in our house; we don't disturb the dog if its sleeping or even if its just next to you. You just don't upset the dog. Cats don't count.

    What else do I do for fun and to make myself beautiful? Well, I drink a cup of cucumber juice with either apples or pears every night. Some nights I put a half a lemon in the juicer too and live on the edge! I take Sea Buckthorn, papaya root, ginger, Maca, and chlorella every day too. I guess you can say I'm a walking experiment to see if any of these anti-aging gimmicks really work. I eat correctly, exercise, do the battle ropes, and oh yeah, I box! I love boxing. You know I don't do it correctly, I'm not out there trying to compete, but my neighbors are too afraid to come up the stairs to see what's going on. One of them asked my daughter once because she thought I was beating my kid! LOL

    OMG, the water is getting so much cooler, and it's been 24 minutes. I have 6 more to go. I can't wait to see if the water in the bucket is black as tar...wouldn't that be really scary and exciting at the same time? I would scream. I don't think I could take photos of it because to get the water out of the bucket I need both hands and really, who wants to see dirty water? I'll just tell you about it, and you can either choose to believe me or not. OK...gonna rest here for 5 minutes and then pour out the water, come back and give you a full report. Be back!!  Take this time to listen to a great song or two from one of your favorite singers and remember to thank Jesus for the great day He's provided. 

OK! OK! No more stretching to reach the keyboard! I'm back up closer to the desk now, and yes, my feet are the cleanest they have ever been probably.  Thirty minutes in water with baking soda, apple cider vinegar, and Epsom salt will do that!  So, I poured the water out into the tub fully expecting to see some discoloration from the apple cider vinegar as you know it's a bit dingy in color; not quite brown, but getting there.  The water was a solid brown.  There was a consistent even distribution of the same murky brown, not a really ugly ungodly mess, but dirt brown if you will. There had to be a slight gray hue to it to make it that dull. I would think maybe there really is something to this "hack" or "trick" and after doing the onion thing maybe tomorrow or Friday, I'll make it a weekly thing to do one or the other and see if I can get the blood pumping even better. Woot!

    So if you're out on the Net and you're searching for cheap and easy things to do to make yourself gloriously wonderfully youthful, try the detoxing stuff first. It's all about the poop friends, and it's all about getting the nasty right out of you. Can you imagine how wonderful our world would be if everyone was just wasting the waste and kicking the crud out of our bodies? We'd all be so much nicer to one another. I for one, think it's worth the effort!  

Photo Credit: Check The Sethings

You are Known.

 God explains to us more than a dozen times, in various parts of the Word, that we are known even before we are born. He shows us, guides us, even commands us to read and study the Word so that we will not be uninformed about the matter. We are literally made in an amazing way for an equally amazing reason. Each of us, without exception, if we have breath, are made for a unique and wonderful purpose. I know that for some people it's really difficult to grasp that a God who is so far away and seemingly unapproachable would even give a damn, but that's just it; He's everywhere, close by, and He cared enough to do more than we can imagine.  God gave us His only Son! You and I would never do that. We could not, would not, and should not be giving up our children to save others. Romans 5:8 tells us that "God commended His love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  This is part of the Roman Road, and I'll leave a link to that at the bottom.

    We are known by men when we are famous for something; or infamous, I suppose.  Billy the Kid is well known, but not for passing out free popcorn at the theatre.  He was a murderer and a gangster, a loner too, but he was a rebel.  He was well known at the time he was living and he's well known now, over a hundred years since his passing.  Donald J. Trump is well known. He's even famous.  He's infamous to some, and famous to all; you can't take away his celebrity status just because you may not like him. I tell people that he's not the man I'd want to marry. He's not the man I'd want to invite over to a BBQ, but he does know how to run a business, and by golly, he did know how to run our country for a minute too.  He was and is well know.  God knows DJT as well. He knows Billy the Kid.  He made both.  Whether or not you and/or I agree, God sent Jesus to die for both men; and for you and me. The very same.

    God knows you. He knows every single itty bitty thing you think and hope for. He understands your frustrations and your confusion. He may not act as fast as you want Him to act, but He always answers every last prayer if you'll be in tune with His Spirit and listen.  He either says "Yes" or He may say "No", but I find that a lot of the time God asks us to "Wait" because whatever it is that we're asking for may not fit in just yet with what He's got planned. Believe me, if He doesn't have whatever we want planned, you're going to get that "NO" answer and it may be rather abrupt at times. You can usually test your request with the Word and see if it lines up. It won't ever change; believe me, I've tried. If God said "No" to something in the Bible and you're trying to make it happen in your life -- yeah, not gonna happen. We need to figure that out right now. God isn't a magic genie for us to conjure up and ask wishes of.  He is absolutely sovereign and fully God; not a puppet to play with.

    Some people suffer from a multitude of issues including anxiety and depression. I know I have really close friends who suffer from both. The hard part about that is, that depression means you don't really care about anything and anxiety can mean you put too much emphasis or care into it. To have both these emotions running rampant at the same time must truly be agonizing!  That's when you KNOW you have to be really grateful that God commended His love for us.  He's there! He's waiting for you to talk and ask. He's willing to reach and help.  I can't tell you how to do it, how to actually let go, but I did it. I can honestly say that I'm not worried about really anything. I've detached myself from needing to be so attached to the world that I don't mind if it sort of falls apart around me. God promised He'd protect and care for me, and I believe He will. It's literally the most freeing feeling EVER.

    Because we are already known we don't have to beg God to figure out who we are. We don't have to question Him about what we need. He knows what we need. We just have to accept what He says is what is good for us and be willing to do what He commands and makes ready for us. You can think of it as if you're at the school cafeteria and holding out your empty plate! The cafeteria ladies (and sometimes guys) give you what is there, what is available, what they made for you, and since it's regulated and supervised by a contract, you know it won't hurt you. God is the supervisor, God is the regulator, God is the Judge, the Jury, and the Father. (You thought I was going to say Executioner...Ha!) God knows you. He will and does provide. In fact, He's already supplied whatever it is you need, but if you haven't received it that's on you for not asking. We have not because....that's right, we ask not. (Another good verse)

    So, if you have time today, and if you don't, pray.  Get somewhere quiet, take a dog or cat with you for support. Talk openly and really get into the conversation with God because just like any other Father, He's there to listen, and to guide. He's willing and He's really really excited about being there when you ask to include Him.  He wants to help.  In Revelation Jesus said "Behold (Look!) I am standing at your door knocking. If you'll let Me in I will dine with you."  You have to open the door! He has already made the invitation.  It's OK, let Him in, He knows you. He loves you.

Photo Credit: Bridge Bolton

Love is as Love Does

 I don't know that I coined the phrase "Love is as love does", but I do say it a lot. I also say "God makes more" when someone asks if they can have the last cookie, or take the last this or  that. My first and usual response is, "No worries, God makes more" because I know I can go here or there and pick up another whatever it was. I don't like to think I'm bound by limits; if something runs out, I go get more. If that becomes impossible to do at some point, I may have to start being less giving and really, I don't want that to ever happen. I pray that never actually happens. 

    It's the same with "Love is as Love Does" because people do things, and whether they do it out of love or duty, they end up holding another person hostage by obligation at times. I don't like that. I don't want to be that way. I wouldn't want to feel like I need to be paid back, and I wouldn't want to feel that I had to pay something back if it was given to me. You know what I mean. There are those who say they love you, and then do something for you so they can get something from you. It happens. It has happened to me too, and it never really set well with me. I always felt that when I felt obligated I didn't feel loved. Not really. I didn't feel that way with my parents when they gave to me. I didn't ever feel that way when my grandpa gave me something or showed me how much he cared for me. It's with other relationships I suppose; the romantic type, the friend type, the colleague type, even the church going friend or associate type. At work you can usually expect to be obligated but that's not really love. It's duty.

    Love is as love does is something I try to keep close to my soul. I think out loud about it, I think silently about it. I try to ask myself if what I'm doing or planning to do (or wish I could do) is out of selfishness, thoughtfulness, duty, or what?  I want to know. I want to act ONLY if it is out of love. I don't ever want to say those words "I love you" and then do something expecting to be paid back.  Never. I just really really don't want that. I hope that I can say "I love you" and out of my pocket or heart give willingly, openly, and genuinely, so that whatever the person needs, the person I said I love you to, whatever they need - - they can have whatever I can offer. If I can't offer it, and I do love them, I will try to find a way. I won't simply say, "I love you, but I can't help".  I will say (even if I don't use the words) "I love you, let's see what we can come up with to make a difference."  It doesn't always work, but I do want that for my soul. 

    You know those people who "wish you the best" and then say "Love you", or "I really love you brother/sister, you mean so much to me" but if you were in need (real need) they would find a reason not to help you because it would take time, it would possibly take money, and God forbid they give up comfort! No, love is as love does. If someone really does love you, and their spirit is humbled before God in their devotion to you, they will find a way. It may hurt, and it may be really hard on them too, but they will do what they know to do; and that's ask Jesus for the peace only He can bring. Does that sound really "churchy"?  Well, where do you think LOVE came from, folks? We didn't create it. 

    Love is as love does.  God gave us His only Son out of LOVE.  Jesus laid down His very life, for love. Love, I may add, for all souls, not just the ones we like and think deserve it. No, He died for Vladimir Putin the very same as He died for Billy Graham! Ol' Vlad may not say so, but you know Billy would be the first to give a nod.  Jesus literally commended His love for us, in that while we were dead and living in our sins, died for us. (Romans 5:8). If you are suffering, and you've reached out, but no one is willing to help you - - even so called friends, family, fans, or church members who wave and blow empty kisses to you; well, that's not love. It's a kind of love maybe, but not love. It's a liking perhaps, but it's not love. It's not something you can count on, and it's certainly not something you can trust.  We all do that to others; I'm not innocent of it either. I want that to change.

    I don't want to use the words too generously. I don't want to throw those words out as if they blanket everything and everyone. I am not God. I can't give that much. I can't care that much. I can't begin to understand His ability to genuinely love me and the rest of the world as much as He does. I can do what I can do. I can love who(m) I can love. I can give what I can give, and I can pray for the help I know He is willing to supply if I can't find it myself.  Do I love? I do.  The ones I love know I do love them. They know I will literally give my last for them if I had to. I am faithful to know I am not alone in my giving, I have the Father and I have Christ. It's not always easy, and from time to time it has cost me far more than I ever imagined it would, but it hasn't lessened my love for them...not one bit. Love is as love does.

    "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Matt: 7:12)

Photo Credit: Ma Daily Life

I'm Good. Thank you.

 I feel like posting or pinning a statement on my Instagram that reads "Yeah, no, I'm fine. I don't need or want to date you. I realize you're just phishing for someone out there who will listen to your bullsh*t, but that someone isn't me!  Have a great and blessed day. I'm not only out of the market, I never stepped into it. Not shopping for a man! THANKS!"  Lately, maybe the past 2 years really, almost on a daily basis, I receive a request to chat from some lonely man online (Instagram). First, they're asking me to move over to WhatsApp so we can chat. I typically block or ignore the man, but it does make me question their abilities to both read and comprehend what part of "NO" was so damned confusing.

    I'm good. Thank you. I don't need or want to date.  I have my own place, my own car, my bank account is positive. I have a dog that loves me. If I want to go out and celebrate or just hang out I have three really adorable children, and two of them have plus-ones that can join in on the whole fun thing. I have friends I chillax with. Since I don't drink I don't go to bars. Since I don't want to hang out with anyone who may have future plans with me; I don't respond. I'm really not being rude, mean, nasty, or purposely aloof. I've stated it a number of times, and if anyone who REALLY wanted to "get to know me" could be so kind as to read the 3000+ Instagram posts, they may realize pretty soon that I'm probably (most likely anyway) not the type of gal they want to call their own. I'm absolutely stubborn, opinionated, strong-willed, thick-skulled, and independent.  I'm an intelligent and educated woman, and sometimes I speak (no wait, I always speak) my mind. I'm not even going to apologize for it. It was what I thought. Why lie?

    Recently, a man who I have been speaking with because we're friends in real life, told me that he can see why I'm not married. He had advice for me. I thought about blocking him but he was sitting in front of me. I thought about walking away but I drove, and that would leave him stranded. I don't do that. I thought about simply saying "No, really, I'm good. Thank you. I don't care why you think I'm single. I'm single because I don't want to be otherwise."  He ignored my silence and my stare. He went on to tell me, as if I was interested or would be interested, that he believed I was single because I am one of the most hard-headed, obstinate, blunt women who seemingly doesn't need a man for anything other than to open a jar now and again. OK, he may actually be onto something, so I listened. "Go on", I urged him. "I'm listening".  You see, it's not that I think I'm all-that, or so great that all these single dads (usually military or surgeons on Instagram) would want me. I just know a scam when I see it. 

    He said I was a good woman. I was both a Christian and I had my head in the game when it came to knowing what I needed financially. These are things that attract people he told me. He told me that because I was trying to stay in shape and eating correctly, taking the right supplements, talking about better health online and showing photos of my food intake that I was literally begging men to write to me so I would in fact feed them as well, and maybe work out with them, go for a jog, or a walk on that long stretch of beach that people are so apt to talk about when they describe their perfect dating scenarios.  I gushed..."Oh, OK, thanks...I guess", was my answer. Note to self: men want a woman who can bend over without falling and they want her to cook. Check. 

    I asked him why he was still hanging out with me since he knew I wasn't ever going to take him up on going out on a "real date" or allow him to buy my dinner.  He said I was an interesting subject to observe, and to watch and listen to. He said he could absolutely count on me to tell the truth, not to sugar-coat anything, and if I wanted to pay for his dinner he knew all he had to do was ask.  Such a guy!  I let him know I needed to get back to my studying of the Series 66, so we should probably head back to the parking lot where he left his car.  He smiled. 

       It's not that I'm anti-men, no, not at all. I love men. Some men are so amazingly brilliant and captivating that I could literally stare and watch them all day. I read about men, research them, study them, observe them, I even dream and fantasize about them, but I just don't want one at this time. Maybe that will change, but there's no chance in Hell or Hades that I'll change a tittle of my personality or who I am, so that guy better damn well be the ONE; and I'll know he is if and when God says so, not me. I won't make that mistake again. I learn from my past. I don't make the same mistake twice. I'll remain happily and forever single before I settle, compromise, put up with, or deal with someone who just isn't the ONE. Tall order? Well, maybe, six-feet or so is fine.  LOL...sorry, couldn't resist.

    When do we know there's a ONE? We don't. We hope, we think, we plan, we imagine, but we can't know. That's where God comes in and makes the choice. If God doesn't tell him and me that he's the ONE...he's not the ONE. If God tells him and not me, you can bet your ass that man is being blocked, ignored, shunned, and never addressed again as long as there is a Sunday on the calendar. If he is the ONE, God will let him know, and God will let me know.  The same goes for God telling me. If God tells me that this guy is the ONE then He will also tell the guy  -- I won't approach. I won't tell him what I think. I won't tell him what I think I think. I won't even hint at it, because if he's the ONE he'll tell me and I will have already been told. I will follow him. WHY? Why would I just do that? Because a woman is supposed to do that for the ONE; but only the ONE. 

    I'm good. Thank you. I don't need one right now, but if there is ONE God will dress him all up and present him in such a way that I will have no doubt and when or if he approaches me to let me know he's the ONE...I will have already been told. That hasn't happened; but my heart and soul are open to God should HE decide I need to respond. Don't hold your breath. I'm likely to be single a bit longer, and really, that's OK. I can keep myself busy with all the plans, dreams, schemes and decisions I make. In some ways I feel sorry for the guy who God pulls aside and says "There's your wife, you're welcome."  He's either really screwed up to the point that God is cursing him, or he's been really deeply in need of a loving, kind hearted, gentle natured woman who loves unconditionally and whole-heartedly. We'll see. For now, I'm good. 

Photo Credit: Lady with a Truck

No Regrets.

 My best friend came over this evening to make sure that I wasn't growing an extra foot out of my skull because I decided to finally (break down) and get the first of two jabs of the stupid crummy idiotic, non-working-anyway vaccine.  She's the type who was OK with standing in line the first week they rolled the vaccines out; I'm the type who went in kicking and screaming only after losing my third or fourth really exceptionally good job offer due to the fact that I hadn't been vaccinated. I won't go into the whole rant because I did that in another recent blog. This blog is about having no regrets. I'm trying to talk myself into that right now. I'm trying to convince myself that what I do and what I did are for the greater good and I should have no true regrets. We'll wait a minute and see if I really feel that way or not. Right now I'm in the infant stages of compressed confusion mixed in with pissy attitude. (Mine, not anyone else)

    My friend (we'll call her "Jeannie") said to me, "You know, I've noticed that you will write whatever you want to, you'll say whatever you think you need to say, and you really don't have any regrets about it." She went on to add, "I mean, you've been fired over it. You've been terminated, let go, thrown to the wolves really."  I stopped her to let her know that yes, she spoke the truth, and no I wasn't really concerned about being the odd one out; I'm usually the odd one out because many others (including her) don't have the gonads to say what they need to say, want to say, or must say. People don't want to offend and they don't want to get in trouble so they shut their mouths. That can lead to just as much if not more trouble in the long run! I've learned that the hard way, and that's when I do regret. If I don't say something and I don't do something and it ends up hurting me or someone else because I was being politically correct or obedient...yeah, that is regrettable for sure! 

    Last month I wrote to a man who I truly have a heart for. I can't say I love him because I don't know him. I have a love for him. I have a Christian based, God-given, human type of love for him, and I saw and understood him to be compromising not only his own reputation by the way he was behaving, but also saw that he was mocking OUR Jesus by what he was posting. This is a good man. This is a good solid Christian brother, and I wasn't about to just sit over on this side of the world and let him get away with it. I let him have it with both barrels. I wasn't nice. I wasn't kind. I wasn't gentle or soft. No, I just told the man straight out how it was that he was acting and the damage he was doing to his soul and witness.  When I told (and showed) Jeannie what it was that I said to the man (email) she was dumbfounded. She struck a stare at me and gasped...."You sent that? I mean, you really sent that to him?" I said I did. She said, "Oh, and you know girl, I know you don't have any regrets about it because you believe you're right, but you may have really hurt him."  I think I answered something like "I don't have any regrets and my words would have been easier for him in writing than what I would have said to his face."  No, I don't regret what I said, but maybe how he may have taken it. I do think about that.

    I'm not always right. I know this. I was however right this time. I won't back down.  I don't have the right to tell him how to live his life, but when a brother in Christ did what he did, God Himself gives us a command to rebuke him in Jesus' name, and that's what I did. I know it sounds really weird, but I hope that someone would do the same or more to me (for me) if I ever do something similar. I do, I do, I do....because you talk about regret! I would REGRET it if I dragged the name of our Lord or the work of our Father through the mud just to impress another man, woman, friend, co-worker, you can't begin to know my pain or sorrow if I was allowed to get away with that. PLEASE stop me if you see me do it. No, I don't regret having scolded my friend in Jesus, I don't. He blocked me from Instagram, and that's understandable, I survived -- and opened another account. C'mon, it's 2022 -- I giggled but yeah, no regrets.

    Then, about a day or so later one of his friends contacted me. I won't say who it was; don't ask. The man told me that my words had struck a chord so deep as to send my friend into the stratosphere with anger over me thinking I had any right whatsoever to judge him - - his words. Well, the mutual friend then said when he (the mutual friend) confirmed my actions were both Biblical and within my Christian commanded rights to do, the man I scolded gave his friend the same stare my friend Jeannie gave me. Disbelief, even confusion. When our mutual friend explained it, to the point that he both understood and accepted it, I was told that he is still not going to allow me on Instagram, but he can see where his actions were actually rather foolish.  He took down the posts. He took down the comments. He didn't exactly apologize to everyone or to God, but he did say he was having a moment and was going to need a minute to regroup and rethink a few things. He may not post for a while so he could meditate and think about his reasons for having been so Earthly rather than Heavenly. It's hard folks. It's hard to keep our eyes on the prize constantly. We all fall short - - every one of us. That's why we're called upon to uplift one another, keep tabs on one another, encourage one another. We can't let fear of not being "Facebook Friends" or "Liked" be an issue. We're called by GOD. We're given commands. We're shown the right way - - no regrets.  Lift, encourage, strengthen. 

    How does that song go? "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."  True words for sure, and I can't very well be weak in the words and then turn around and expect to be strong in the heart. I must be who God made me, and that's a voice to cry out for Him when addressed or told to do so. If I shutter or stumble on that I am not a good steward. I have failed the one person I was supposed to correct. Again, I beg you to correct me. I want to be corrected. How regrettable it would be if we stayed in our sin, or if we continued in our folly only to make a mockery of our lives and witness.  No, I don't have regrets when I speak, it's when I am silent that I begin to question myself. I guarantee you a number of my students would say they regret me getting onto them, but I can assure you I probably didn't discipline or correct the ones I didn't care about - - only the ones worth shaping. 

Love is strong. Deceit is sweet.  If you are my friend, if I love you, I will help you. 

PHOTO CREDIT:  Just Love Pictures

    

    

My Body My Choice - Bullsh*t!

 It's absolutely no secret to anyone who knows me that I am not a proponent of the COVID-19 vaccine. I don't care which manufacturer puts it out, I am not  fan. I am not a fan because it is not a vaccine. It dilutes the true essence of trust in our medical community, in our research teams, when they put out a liquid that they purport to be a true and genuine vaccine, when it is not.  First of all, are they all the same? No. They are not. The recipe, if you will, for the different companies vary and why is that? Do they challenge one another to say their vaccine will last longer, work better, have less side effects? No. They were just set free to develop the "cure" and came up with their own potions (they used to call that "snake oil") and they were quick to make it happen so they would receive the almighty coveted support through governmental contracts. Follow the money. We aren't stupid.

    What happened to the liberals chant "My body my choice" when it came to their position on abortion? Can't the other side (or anyone) claim the same for the jab? Apparently not.  With over 350,000,000 people in the United States it's hard to narrow down a reason or a justification really; everyone has their own opinion. You have those people who openly trust whatever they're told on the news or whatever their doctors say, even if they KNOW the doctor is being paid a substantial kickback for pumping the poison. These people do not care, and they'll flat out say they don't. If the doctor says to do it, they're going to do it. I suppose I'd like to meet these types when it comes to financial planning. I could tell each one of them what I wanted them to invest in, that way I was paid what I thought I needed, right? No, it's unethical, and it's not the least bit prudent! Where is the accountability? No one cares about that.

    There are others who will question the word of any and all authority; believing in conspiracy theories, or just simply not being ready to adhere. Maybe these types want to sit back and watch to see what if anything could or would happen to another person they know if they took the jab...then the next one, then the next one, then...you get the picture.  We should be able to stand our ground and say "My body my choice" in this matter too; but recently it has become increasingly difficult for me personally, to even be interviewed for a good financial planning position because I'm not vaccinated. Most of the positions SAY they have the policy in place which accepts exemptions for religious reasons (which is my personal reason) but they refuse to actually adhere to that policy.  I will get the form letter in my inbox stating that I was not chosen; they are not moving forward with my candidacy, and you KNOW they don't give a reason. I know the reason.

    Today, after having been interviewed four times by one company, and having moved up the candidacy ladder to the point of being offered the position, I was offered the position IF and ONLY IF I could prove my vaccination status. When I mentioned the exemption, (federal law, mind you) I was told I would not be allowed into the office without verification of the actual vaccine. What if I couldn't have the vaccine due to medical condition(s) and/or a disability? I asked. I was told "At this time we are not accepting new employees without verification of full vaccination."  I asked again, I specifically asked "WHAT ABOUT THE FEDERAL LAW prohibiting you from even SAYING THAT?"  The Human Resource manager (yes, I have her name) simply repeated the stagnant phrase. She did so without emotion, and she did so knowing I would be upset.  She followed up with, "If you take opposition to the policy of our company you will need to contact our legal department in our home office."

       What I want to know is, why should I be forced to be jabbed when the laws protect me? Why am I the one who has to foot the bill for a lawsuit when the company is huge and has corporate attorneys who I know I can't fight?  Why can't people have a choice? Why can't we agree to disagree and move forward? It's wrong, it's manipulative, it's unethical, and it's illegal, but here I am having to go get a jab and then again get the 2nd one in a few weeks so I can get hired and work, earn money, pay my bills, be a responsible community member, and uphold my end of the right to pursue happiness and justice.  (Was that a question or a statement?) I think the thing is, there's no way to prove the issue to all of us. We are either against it or for it, and no manner of "science" will be believed on either side unless and until there are blind-blind testing done by those who have NO AGENDA.  We need that. We need actual proof! What we have is a politically charged fight and a huge ugly mess, and frankly, I'm just sick of it.

    The issue has torn too many families apart. The issue has created hostility in our communities, within employer/employee relations, even with other employees. I was literally released from another job in 2021 because I refused to be vaccinated, and then the bastards tried to ask me to come back for less pay. To them a non-vaccinated person was worth less money! Did I somehow lose my educational status, or my experience? This is just too out there - - no accountability. Whatever the boss says, whatever the owners say, whatever the one paying the salary says, that's their mentality. Forget that it could literally kill someone who was not supposed to have the vaccine! If a person can choose to have one medical procedure they should be allowed to voice their objection to another if there is not true true true evidence to the contrary; and there is not.

    Well, I'll blog and I'll voice my opinion, and my opinion is this: if you want the vaccine, get the vaccine. If you don't want it, don't get it. No one has the right to ask if you have had a chicken pox vaccine, or a flu shot? More people die of the flu than C19 anyway! It's just gotten out of hand and I'm too damn tired of the fighting. I need to pay my bills too, and I'm not worth less because I feel the way I feel. Yes, this is a rant, but you know what? You have the right to rant too if you want to. I just don't think the Golden Rule states that "Those who have the gold make the rules"  It doesn't work that way. Jesus knows. This too is Biblical. In the last days the entire world would be (is now) fixated and deceived by a "pharmakia"  yeah, we are. Glory to God, and Maranatha. 

    Now for the funny part; the part that proves that everything I said is true.  I went to CVS, Walgreens, Target, and an independent pharmacy to ask the same questions. I asked (1) because I had Covid 19 in 2019, my doctors say I shouldn't get the vaccine, it could harm me. What should I do? I also asked (2) is there one vaccine preferred over the other? Does one have less side effects? My third question was (3) have you been vaccinated and be honest, do you think it works?  The answers were about the same; which surprised me. There were four different pharmacists at these four different stores.  They all say the Pfizer vaccine is both less effective and has less side effects. They all said they were vaccinated by force, or they would have lost their jobs. They all said if they had a choice they would have said no, but one did say she had a doctor's exemption and it wasn't accepted, so she was obligated to get it. Then here's the one that loved the most; one said it doesn't work at all. Two said it could work but there is no evidence, and the last said (and I quote) "I'm told it does, and I'm told to say it does."  There you go.

PHOTO CREDIT:  www.wibc.com

Reset.

 Sometimes you just need to reset.  I do wish I had a download or upload capacity so that I could just plug into the Matrix and learn what it is that I have (or need) to learn. Then again, I'm perfectly happy with doing the whole student-study thing too. If I could make a living off of studying you'd see me doing exactly that. I love, I mean LOVE, to learn. I'm 100% behind supporting all sorts of educational programs and just stuff that really couldn't be less useful, but if someone (me) wants to learn it (Gaelic) I think I should have the right to do so; and I do. Thank you Jesus, I have that right. (Don't ask me to speak Scottish Gaelic, I really suck at it. I am having a great time learning it though.)

    So here I was, as I usually am, just minding my own business, and I was studying for the FINRA Series 66 test, which is actually a NASAA test.  NASAA is short for North American Securities Administrators Association. Each state in the country, and in some parts of Canada, have an Administrator who tells all of us what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and if we'll even end up doing it. We are quite literally at the mercy of the state Administrator in many respects.  The test I'm studying for is called the Series 66 test, and it is a dominant test really, comprised of the equivalent of two other tests; the Series 63 and the Series 65. If you have the Series 66 under your belt, you can do far more than you could with either the 63 or 65. I'm super excited about it, but here's the deal: I was studying, thinking I was at the end of the material so I could take my exam this weekend and I just realized (through absolute accident) that I had only completed 48% of the material. WHAT? How is that even possible?

    I put hours and hours, weeks into this study program. I woke up, walked the dog, had my coffee, wrote in my journal and then like clockwork, I headed off to the computer and studied. I went through the PassPerfect material. I did the online tests. I watched YouTubes with Dean Tinney (Thank you, Dean) and I did so many Quizlet flashcards on the subject, that my eyeballs are crossed. I dream about Securities! I thought I was READY!  I passed the mock exams with at least a 75% and  you only have to have a 73% on the real exam. Since I had consistently marked 75-78% (and yes, I made a 90 on one) I thought OK, I'm good! NO...NO...I am not good. I hit the NEXT button on PassPerfect to get my final results and they told me I had completed the first half of the material. I WAS GOBSMACKED and then I was upset, then I was confused, then I was nervous, then I was just plain pissed off. (for my UK friends that means I was mad, not drunk)

    Since my test was actually scheduled for Saturday, and this is Thursday, I decided to reschedule. You know, reset, and start the process over to a degree. NOPE. That didn't happen. The rules for the FINRA tests are different from others, I wasn't allowed to reschedule. I could either take the test and blow it and not be allowed to take it again for 30 days, or I could cancel the test, lose the $177, and repay the $177, and schedule it for 3 weeks down the road. You may ask what's the difference? The difference is if you pass it you pass it, but if you fail it you have that hanging over your head and you can't say you passed it the first go. You can't say you passed it if you failed it. I don't like failing. I would rather lose the money and reschedule on my terms! (Besides, 3 weeks sounds better than 30 days, and I was able to schedule it on my son's birthday. I feel pretty good about that.)

    If you fail the exam you can take it again in 30 days. But, you have to schedule it after the 30 days so it could be 45-60 days. I didn't want to wait that long, and as I said, I don't want to say I failed. I can retreat and/or regroup, that's inside me, but to say I failed just rips my soul.  I am a rather stubborn and proud woman, I suppose.  So the bottom line is that I did not read the full set of instructions (then again, I didn't know I had longer instructions to read) and I wasn't ready for the exam.  I did this the first time I sat for the SIE as well, but having no other option, I took the test and failed it beyond failure. I was just a mess and really hated myself when I got to the test and realized I did not know the answer to at least half of the 85 questions. The Series 66 has 110 questions. You have to have a 73 and I want that 73! I refuse to fail again; not if I can help it. I can reset. That is not a problem.

    Tonight I breathe. I take a hot bath, I meditate, I may even sit in the prayer closet and just let Jesus know that I'm OK and He's OK, and we're going to make this a good next few weeks so that I can attack this exam from a true position of preparedness. I owe it to myself to be the best I can be, and when I fail I fail myself. I can't live with myself when I do that. If you can, more power to you, but I need to be more in control of my own destiny. I hated to find out the way I found out. I would loved to have known a few days ago, but it is what it is. Money is money, and I don't like to use it, but God saw to it this week that I earned a bit more than I do normally - - and now I know why. It's always amazing to me to see and know that God has it all under His plan and His control. I learned something, and I was able to withstand the blow due to the fact that He had my back! 

    Reset. Redo. Rewind. Relax.  

Photo Credit: Grace Life International