Before you start laughing, please understand that the standard German-bred Dachshund has been around a few blocks and has many survival stories to prove it. If you've ever had the pleasure of owning a Dachshund, you'll understand exactly what I'm about to tell you, but first, let me say this isn't the first time I've taken an online test about such matters, and the answer was overwhelmingly "The Dachshund." The only difference this time is that it wasn't a test to determine what dog breed I was, no...I was answering questions regarding who or what my spirit animal was or is.
As a Christian, I don't necessarily believe in that kind of folklore, but I thought it would be fun to answer the questions anyway and see what it said. To be honest, I fully expected the dang thing to spit out either the elephant or the eagle. When it comes to bird breeds, I'm usually a bird of prey; it makes sense. The elephant shows up because it takes a bit to push me to the point of utterly destroying someone or something through my will or might, but it can happen. I don't forget. I never forget. I may forgive, but I will not forget.
Today, however, the computer AI's choice, then and now, was spot on. It was so close, so intimate, so exact, that I had to laugh. I even copied down some of the more important traits to share with you. If you know me, you'll agree - you'll likely still laugh, but then again, the Dachshund is usually considered a clown, right? (Or is that just a clever cover?)
- Fierce and Fearless: Dachshunds were bred in Germany to fight badgers, incredibly ferocious and territorial predators. They are not intimidated by the size or status of others.
- Never Backs Down: When hunting underground, a Dachshund goes face-to-face with its target in a dark tunnel with no room to retreat; the word dogmatic could have been created for this breed.
- Relentlessly Stubborn: They have an independent will and extreme tunnel vision, so once they set their mind to a task, they refuse to be managed or swayed by outside forces.
- Digs Deep for Truth: "Dachshund" literally translates to "Badger Dog"—their paddle-shaped paws are engineered to excavate deep into the earth to find what is hidden; they will dig as deep as they need to reach their target. Nothing stops them.
- Honest and Loyal: They are fully transparent about their boundaries and don't fake affection; they are exactly who they say they are, and they accept you for who you are.
The Dachshund is a no-nonsense breed, except for being a constant source of nonsense that makes anyone around them feel happier, healthier, and at ease. They are large lap dogs who double as foot warmers, choose their human immediately, and never change their minds. Once a Dachshund locks on to something, it belongs to the dog, whether someone else claimed it first or not. I'm not quite as bad, but if I want something and believe I need it in my life, it will happen. I won't take it from anyone, but I sure as heck will find a way to make it happen.
There's something else about the dog that, again, if you know me, you'll understand. The Dachshund can change his/her personality to suit whatever situation he/she finds himself/herself in. They adapt; they fit in immediately, then take over. That's me. I do that. In private, I operate as a fierce one-person shadow, switching easily and seamlessly to a bold center of attention when necessary. At home, I'm nearly a shut-in. I rarely leave the house unless I need to, but at work - I am the top dog nearly every damn time because being second place was never that much fun.
Dachshunds pick and choose. They decide who they will love. They decide who they will spend time with. They decide who they will remain loyal to, and if you ever cross one of these dogs, they don't forget you - ever. Their intense loyalty is absolute, but the fierceness doesn't stop with love; it extends to exacting revenge too. I'm not saying I'm looking to bury anything or anyone, but this badass hound and I share a few traits: we both have rather round bellies, and we're both very capable of giving someone the notorious side-eye.
They are a natural-born entertainer, for sure. You can't stop looking at them. They figure out pretty quickly what makes a person smile; I do that. I want you on my side. I need to decide whether you deserve to be with me. Because they, well, we lack the gene for fear; we don't hide under the couch when a storm hits suddenly. We're looking out the windows and up at the sky, staring into it for more information. They, we, strut into a room, expecting others to notice and acknowledge us. We typically do it to get a reaction.
So there you have it - the German-bred Standard Dachshund. I can't say I'd be miniature; not my style. I'm a big gal. I stand my ground, I demand things, I'm stubborn, in your face, and sometimes I don't apologize for it, but I'm also the one you want if things go bad, I think. I have plans. My plans have plans. If you are mine, you know it. If you are mine, I will die for you. It's just that simple. I think the AI made the best choice - it was that or the unicorn, but how cliché is that? I can honestly say I have been drawn to the breed since I was a baby. We had a dog that was mostly a Dachshund; he had a bit of Beagle in him, too. It could have a lot to do with how I turned out the way I did - he was with me for the first 15 years of my life.
Photo Credit: BuzzSharer.com
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