I really have to watch myself because I can become rather heated about this particular subject matter. I've been so vague and so round-aboutish about some of the (main) reasons I don't go to the gym to work out, and I need to stop that. I need to be honest. I need to tell the full truth, not just part of it. I need to just be blunt and on point. I will be equally honest and say that a bit down the road Laura and I may end up joining again, but it's OK because I'll have her to stand with and to work out with, so that some of the things that happen to me when I go solo, don't and/or won't happen. I say don't and/or won't because some don't happen if she's there, and some things won't, or would never happen since she is there. I'll explain.
My gym, the YMCA, is right across the street from where I live. I can literally walk right there, and work out from 5:30 a.m. to about 8:00 p.m. on most days. The problem is that they close at noon on Saturday and they're not open on Sunday. I usually use this as an excuse to stop working out at that particular gym, and heaven itself knows I'm far too spoiled to be inconvenienced to get in my car and drive to another location. It's not going to happen as long as I have what I need at home. (If that sounds cheeky, I'm actually being cheeky.)
Laura being with me will not change the operation hours of the YMCA, but what it will change is (are) some of the other excuses that I typically don't talk about. One excuse and I have mentioned it, is that some of the equipment that I use is often down or broken, sometimes they just replace it with something I won't use, but that others will possibly use. I hate that. So, Laura being with me won't have an effect on that either. What she can do for me is ward off the would-be flirtmasters who tend to creep up and wait for me to get off a machine, but they aren't really waiting to use it, they watch me. They don't even hide it. They just stand there and stare. Some even smile and wave. It's annoying and I don't care how fun I must be to someone trying to strike up a friendship, I am NOT THERE to chat, talk, converse, flirt, date, or otherwise be interested in any part of a conversation with anyone. I'm there to work out and that's it. So, Laura being there provides another line of defense. You have never laughed so hard as you will or would to see my 33-year-old daughter turn into an imaginary hulk-woman and seemingly stalk toward someone who she deems to be a bother to me. She'll even begin to growl. I love it. I'm sorry, I should be utterly humiliated and embarrassed but instead, I'm just so entertained.
Aside from the creepers who approach me, I am also approached by trainers. This really upsets me because I'm there working out on my own, and it's VERY VERY clear that I have an earbud (or two) in my ears. I'm usually talking to my personal trainer on the phone while working out, but here they come, thinking I need assistance because my form or my method isn't what they are used to; it's not the way THEY instruct. Go fish! I would say something else, but hey, let's try to remain calm. I hate it because I'm not paying for their advice. I've not asked for it either. I'm not holding up a sign that reads "I need help". I am literally there working out and not talking to anyone, you'd think they'd get the hint when I see them, nod my head to acknowledge them, and then quietly walk away from them. NOPE. They take that as a challenge to hunt me down and give me their PROFESSIONAL opinion. STUFF THAT, please, right up where the Sun don't shine! I have my trainer on speed dial and I listen to HIM, and that's not going to change.
Laura is not my personal trainer, but my personal trainer is also her personal trainer, and often times he gives her the instructions and she'll pass them on to me when we're working side by side. Also, if she and I are working out together she's the one on the phone with our trainer because he's her brother, and she can cuss at him, call him names, and make him crazy, and it's more fun for everyone. I know exactly what I'm doing because I'm doing exactly what I'm told to do. Laura is good for something else too. She stops people from coming up to us and asking us if we're going to be using this or that machine. She gives them the hiss and I don't have to. She starts to sway back and forth and as she raises her arms into the air that's typically when they realize she's not really approachable. LOVE MY GIRL!
We were members of an all women's club at one point and that was a HUGE mistake. Both of us were hit on nearly every damn time we walked through the doors. We complained about it, threatened legal action, and it was only when we actually did call our attorney to ask the firm to send a letter of cease and desist did the manager finally do something about the personal harassment. The men are nowhere near as rude, nowhere near as bold, and nowhere near as gross about their approach as those women were (are). You'd think in 2022 people would be TOLERANT enough to understand that not everyone is into that sort of thing. No, I won't walk around in my birthday suit for you in the spa, stop asking! Don't pull on my towel, it wasn't funny the first 10 times, and it's not funny now!
About a year ago I bought a vibration plate to use at home and it really helps to loosen up the hips and joints before you stretch. This is something every gym needs but not one gym actually has. I found it at my chiropractor's office. Amazing is just too tame of a word to use to describe it. I have hand weights, bell weights, bar weights, elastic bands, weighted balls, jump ropes, battle ropes, and a few other things I can use to get myself into shape at home, so that's the reason(s) I don't really want to go across the street. I will add that the machines can't be replaced really. I love them. I wish I had a few. They are incredibly necessary to tone and get the true results I want. I can try to mimic them, but the truth is the gym has what I need and I will probably end up going back once I can talk Laura into body-guarding for me again. She may do it if I pay her membership!! (Hint, hint, if she's reading.)
I know the gym can be a place to socially gather and talk. I get that and I would never once ever never stop someone from having that as a means to communicate with their buddy; no way. I, however, have just as much right (and freedom) to go and NOT communicate with anyone. I'm not a shrew. It's not like I go in with a sourpuss face and refuse to speak to anyone, but I'm just the type to go in, work out, and listen to my Celtic rock a bit too loudly in my ears until my son calls me to do the drill, and when he does I'm all about doing what he's commanding; not into social butterflying at that point. NO, I don't want to join you for a spin class. No, I don't want to join you for hot yoga. No, I don't want to hang out in the hot tub and talk about drinking and whatever. I am just there to torture my glutes! Thank you.
Wow, I really went off on that rant, huh? I did. I did because I'm fed up with it. I tried to make it happen about six different times. I keep thinking "Oh, OK, it will be different this time" but NOPE, it never is. The hours suck, and the staff is FANTASTIC except for their persistence in trying to train me when I have no interest. The place couldn't be cleaner, it really is awesome. I love the heck out of the facility, but they do have to find a balance between using older equipment that is more suited for the aged and finding newer and more effective equipment for people who are wanting to actually build muscle. I was told recently that they have undergone a bit of a face-lift and I need to revisit. I'll try it; but not if I can't bring my bulldog! (Laura)
If for no other reason, I need Laura there to cheer me on when I suck at whatever it that I'm doing. She's not any better at it than I am, but together we make a great cheerleading squad! We could motivate each other to the Moon and back! Woo Hoo!! OK, I'll be nice and say goodnight, but you know what? I feel better now that I've blown off a little steam. It needed to be said.
Photo Credit: Bleedingcool.com
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