Earlier today I wrote a blog that came straight from my heart and onto the internet! I have since deleted it because it was a bit rushed and I didn't say what I really should have said. I said what I wanted to say. I said what I think needed to be said, but I didn't fully express myself and say what I should have said. There is a difference. Oh, I'm not upset with myself for calling the man a wanker, no, he's most assuredly a wanker, indeed! I think what I should have said is, when people, (mostly wankers) publish facts about themselves, and/or they DON'T publish things when they should, people are going to be curious and some of those people, (people with knowledge, working brain cells, and curiosity) are going to dig a little bit. We're going to shovel up what we can in order to find out all the hidden "treasure" and remember, one man's trash is in fact another man's treasure. I have a new shovel today. Let's dig, shall we?
I woke, minding my own business, but that changed rapidly the second I opened my email and found a toxic and snide little message from a person, the wanker, who seemingly has little else to do than to accuse me of spreading rumors (or rumours, if I'm properly quoting the email). My response to him was to say I was not going about spreading muck, I was in fact writing to others asking for prayer and support for him during a time he was absent from writing on the internet; a full 12-14 weeks absent, mind you, not a day or two. So yes, I will absolutely admit it, after a long stint of seeing more of nothing being posted about his well-being, as we all knew he was going through a bit of a crisis, I asked several people in the religious and spiritual communities to pray for him and his safety as well as his protection. Sue me. I'm the biggest bitch out there I suppose. I dared ask for prayer! If the man had taken 1 minute to write a quick note on his website(s) to say he'd be out for a while, he was going through some private issues, then there would have been NO action whatsoever from me. I would have, as we all would have been, in the know, that he was having a private moment. We all get that, but when someone disappears or isn't available, there are reasons to worry and ask. REASONS to ask for prayer.
Seems I have embarrassed the man. Well, OK, I will even admit to that, but the email he sent went on to say I was spreading rumors about his life, his lifestyle, his choices, etc. Was I? Is it rumor or innuendo if the evidence is there, right in front of your face through posts that both he and other men have posted about their relationship(s)? Is that rumor? I think that's called public awareness, and remember folks, the WORLD-WIDE WEB is, in fact, worldwide. Everyone sees it. You can't pick and choose who sees it; best to know your buddies have your back when maybe you don't post, but they did! Oops! That was your duck face I saw "Kissy-Kissy" Edin-Bae? Was it not? I merely asked questions. I wasn't the one slumping around town on the arm of a known - - well, you know. Rumors are statements, not questions. There is a LEGAL difference, just like there is a difference between an E shape and an A flat. I know the law; not music. I leave that up to the professionals. (Hint: the musicians should leave the law up to the professionals too) The first set of witnesses would be enough to send the case packing! No one is going to lie for anyone under oath if they have a brain!
The email he sent me was rough of course, but I could understand his frustrations. He asked me not to write again, so I wrote to say I wouldn't write. You don't just not write, then the man wouldn't know that I got the message. I wanted him to know he wasn't really worth much more of my time. I mean, I will continue to pray, but I don't need to be arsed with his nonsense. What does he do? Well, in true form, he writes me back! He just hadn't finished all he wanted to say, I guess. I think maybe we should both just sit down with each other or maybe put on some soft boxing gloves and just have it out FFS! I mean, I think he may like that, and I know I sure as hell would. At least now, today, when I dance with Bob the boxing dummy I'll have a new face in my mind! Bam! Bam!
He basically told me to go to therapy; apparently, that's what's been helping him through the last 20 years. I guess the first three times didn't stick, but I'm hoping this last time may have done the trick. I choose to air my worries with Christ, not someone who has been a human as long as I have been. I don't need someone telling me to center, breathe, think about my actions, write down my thoughts, and discuss my feelings. Hell, that's what this blog is for, right? Why spend $38,000.00 that I don't have, or in some other people's cases, $38,000.00 that other people may or may not have, in order to know what I should do when my feelings are hurt. What I should do is address it. I should acknowledge it. I should evaluate it, and determine if I had a contributory factor or if the entire thing was a nothing-burger because the other party, the other person, wasn't being malicious, they weren't being slanderous, they weren't trying to defame me (as if I had fame to begin with) what they may have been doing is trying to (albeit in their way) help me. Gosh darn, look, I just saved myself $38,000.00 and months and weeks of group therapy!
Listen, I'm not saying that people aren't naturally depressed. Some are. I'm not saying that people don't have anxiety or a level of anxiety. We'd be fearless and wreckless if we didn't respect some of the boundaries and know our own limits, but we all need to get outside of those comfort zones too! We can't allow our own souls to be crushed by the demons that could be, would be, or might be out there trying to drag us down. As Believers, we are given CHRIST and He died for that reason, for our salvation, for our healthy minds, bodies, and souls. We have an anchor in Him and if we don't use that anchor well, then maybe when we drift off to the sea we shouldn't question why that is! Maybe, just maybe, we can figure out that the only way to stop the madness is to put in the greatest STOP LOSS ever! Jesus! He really (really, no really) is the answer to literally every burdensome question we have. Oh, and here's a hint "friend", He can help you get rid of me too. Just follow Him, and do what He wants you to do; that way I don't have to pray that hard anymore. To be honest, you're quite a pain in my ass. I can't stop praying for you until HE releases me, not you. You're in more trouble now than you were before, so yeah, there will be more prayers going up, but that doesn't mean you need to talk to me about it. Talk to Him!
Public record is public record. You can go to www.scotlandspeople.gov.uk to see the records. They are there. Just like you can look up public records in my home town too. My divorce is a woot of a long record. If you do decide to dig your shovel into it bring a few extra hands, it's a long long ugly unruly case. More dirt than you can imagine! More miracles too. Just so you know, when you find yourself knee-deep in quicksand, remember who made the quicksand. Ask for help. While you're at the public record sites, investigate all the names (let me say that again, all of the names) you are associated with. You may find the dates don't add up the way you thought they would. Oh no, there's no mistake, those are the real dates. That is the real story. You were just too young to be told. You're a big boy now. If you want to dig and threaten me with legal action, know that I too have a shovel, and a keyboard. NOTHING is done in the dark that can't be shone in the light. The photos of others are still important and neither you nor I have dominion over what others post; do we?
Life isn't fair. No one on this green Earth ever said life would be fair for you, for me, for any of us. We have choices, we make choices. We live with, deal with, cover-up, and lie all the time to protect our choices. Maybe we shouldn't do that. We get awfully embarrassed about the choices we made/make then we start to spiral out of control and blame others for bringing those things to the light even when, even if, the others were not trying to embarrass, but truly trying to unwrap the truth so she/he could be closer, pray more accurately, and bring about a very needed peace for someone she/he may have ONCE admired. Let me say that again too, ONCE admired. Ugly on the inside is so much more unattractive than on the outside. What could be considered beautiful to see or hear may in soul be decaying rapidly. I pray that isn't the case, but my prayers have been grossly reshaped today and I will only do the minimum at this point; because I won't stop pleasing God, He is my King. I don't have another king; I don't worship at the feet of those who could pay my way into a tea room. I make or buy my own, thank you.
Meditation is a good thing. We need that. I should have thought twice before hitting the publish button on the one blog I produced this morning, but it needed to be said, and I know the mark was hit. That's another thing about the World Wide Web, there are really cool apps to let me know who has read my blogs. Oops, maybe you didn't know that. Oh well, now you do. We are all in the same fish bowl. We are all under the same bright lights. Maybe we think we can hide our spots behind a water-waving seaweed plant now and again, but really, we can't. Even the Sun will shine and show us all our folly. Perhaps the best thing to do is to center, to think, to be aware of the actions before we made/make them. Maybe we should all remind Satan of his future when he tries to remind us of our past or present. We don't have to live with anxiety or depression; let it go to Hell where it belongs. We can have a joyful and meaningful today and tomorrow, because we KNOW who holds the future, and "Because HE lives, I can face tomorrow". It's not just a line from a song, it is reality. When Jesus is King, "everything glows" a little brighter....friend.
Photo Credit: Hubpages.com
No comments:
Post a Comment