I think (I know) I did myself a huge favor when my kids were really little, and I didn't spend more than just "enough" on their individual presents to present to them on Christmas morning. Like most moms, I lied to my kids about Santa, and we had a really good angle on that story for sure. My brother Mike used to hang around wherever I was living at the time, and he'd jingle the sleighbells outside the house, apartment, trailer, (caravan) or sometimes we spent Christmas Eve with my parents. There he was, Uncle Mike, outside at about 10:30 p.m. just after we had told the kids that the news crews were tracking Santa's sleigh over and/or around our roof! The kids even asked to call Santa and Mrs. Claus one year as the weather was exceptionally poor. I was really impressed by their caring.
As they grew up, the most important message about Christmas of course, was that we celebrated the birth of Christ on December 25, no matter what day He was actually born on; I personally believe it was around the 2nd week of September. Another strong message, and one that stuck, was that we buy for others first, then ourselves. We start the gift-giving season off by buying a gift for a kid whose name appears on the Angel Tree at the local shops. I had three kids, and we picked out three names. It was and has been the best thing ever. My grandkids are now picking up on that tradition. I can't tell you how proud that makes me.
Next, and this is HUGE; we don't spend much on each other because we realize that if we do then the others feel obligated to do the same. We don't exactly set limits, but we do. You know what I mean. Smaller, more meaningful gifts are the way we exchange. Most families "buy for the kids", and we do that of course, but we do still exchange gifts for the adults in our lives, but not everyone...just us. I think it's more personal that way. We don't draw names. We just exchange sweet and meaningful, thoughtful gifts, and we sit around talking. That's so much more important. We don't even do the big dinner thing. My house is the last house or the first house that my kids show up at on their way or as they return from other houses. I have never been one to obligate or force anyone to be with me at a certain time on a certain day. If December 25 is a busy day for them, it's OK if we meet on December 14, 19, or 28, you name it.
The dinner thing went out the door after Daddy went to see Jesus back in 2017. I just couldn't see myself driving so far out to have dinner with folks I barely speak to or even get along with. Why do that? Sorry if that's not traditional or "proper", but it is what I call "better" and what I have come to cherish about the holiday. I don't hate it now. I can actually enjoy myself and not feel pressured or stressed. I do not stress for anyone. On Christmas morning it's a sleep competition between my daughter and me to see who can stay in bed the longest. The first one up has to start the cooking prep! I usually give in, but not until after 10 a.m. We don't have a set time. We don't have a must-have menu. We don't demand this or that from one another. We just love on animals, eat when we want to, and when we do get around to opening presents we wait on the others who may or may not show up for days. We don't care.
When I go into the grocery stores this time of year and I see that they tell us what to buy it makes me sort of sad. We're literally encouraged to have (or make) the same dishes every year, and though they typically place those food items on sale, it just doesn't make sense to me that we're coaxed into a rut year after year after year with the staples of what would be considered the right things to eat! Screw that. Sorry, I don't mean to sound mean, but I'll eat what I want when I want. Sure, I love yams. I love green bean casserole. I love mashed potatoes. I love smoked ham and turkey with dressing. I love gravy. I love pecan and pumpkin pie, and yes, I love cranberry jello "salad" with little marshmallows. I do. I just don't want to be told when to eat these things. I'll buy the items because they're on sale. I'm not stupid. I make what we want to eat, and that's what we eat. Last year, I kid you not, it was a very traditional Christmas with the exception of eating chicken breast rather than turkey, but it was all pretty Americana if you ask me! I even had the little tartan napkins and table runner! See, I can be reasonable. Sometimes.
My coworkers are just a mix of really cool folks. I love them, and I laugh at (and with) them all week long. I listen to their stress stories and I shake my head. They know me well enough now, after experiencing Thanksgiving tales, that I'm not going to go out of my way to bother. I don't bother. They bother. They all bother. One of them doesn't want to bother, she's the kid in the whole scenario. She'd rather just not, but she "has" to show up "or else". Or else what? Can people just not be so rigid? Can people just not be so thick? Let others join you if they WANT to join you, that way you know who wants to be there. Obviously, I don't want to be anywhere but home. I wonder how many tears I've saved myself, and how many arguments, how many headaches, and how many miles on my car! Isn't Christmas about celebrating Christ? Besides a staged prayer over dinner is there really any of that worshipping going on at these reunions? Asking for a friend because I know the answer.
When I lived in Indianapolis from 2010-2014 I relished the fact that I didn't have to be at the family reunions. We had our own of course, as we all lived under one roof for a while; but we weren't forced to smile, pretending we care, and we didn't have to answer uncomfortable questions about our life, our finances, our choices....nope. We were just a tiny unit eating food, and talking! Love that. We could dote on babies. Which to me is the best part of the holidays anyway. Babies. So there you have it. I'm not a humbug; I promise. I am actually rather liberated and free from any past, present, or future chains to hold me to any traditional rut and/or routines that others find cringe but still conduct. Not me! I mean yeah, I still buy myself a new pair of jammies for Christmas morning. I'm not that far gone! Please. It's just that I think my smiles are real now. Much more real.
Merry Christmas.....and I mean that.
No comments:
Post a Comment