Most people who grew up in an Italian neighborhood can tell you that cannolis are awesome! The time it actually takes to make a real batch of cannolis can vary of course, but it isn't a typically fast event - I know this from experience. I've been trying to perfect the art of cannoli form manufacturing for years - I finally broke down about a month ago and ordered a new set of 4 forms on Ebay. I had an old set from back in the 80's and like anything else made out of metal they started looking a little like I shouldn't be using them anymore - not if food was involved. You know what I'm getting at, you've seen the metal cookie sheets with rust and grime all over the surface in your kitchen. Throwing out something old and metal isn't as easy as throwing out something old and made out of soiled cloth or broken plastic. Metal is so....permanent!
So I bought the forms and within a day I lost them! My good friend Chef Eric Bauer decided my kitchen was too small to properly make cannolis and he's kidnapped my forms. I can visit them on weekends when I have the time - he's been kind enough to bring them out on special dress-up occasions too. When he painted his kitchen he took extra special care of my forms, placing a big plastic sack over them and laying them on top of the dryer in the mudroom so they wouldn't get splashed. That was nice. I thought that was going way over the top, but it was very nice of him to think of me. Still, I faced separation anxiety from time to time when I watched Rachel Ray or Emeril come up with something delicious or decorative - something unique and Italian. I wanted my damn cannoli forms! That's what I wanted!
What I did today, I have no remorse for. I have absolutely no bad feelings and if I admit to the reading public that I actually found my method of fast-acting-cannoli-habit solving to be less than traditional, well, forgive me. What I admit to you now is a true story:
I went to the store, a store not far from my house. There I found ready-made, already in a box, prefabricated cannoli forms from a company called "Alessi". They make dried breadsticks too, I found the cannoli forms on the same aisle as the breadsticks - I was looking for spaghetti. Oh, I did it - I bought the dang box of prefabricated, boxed, aged, preserved cannoli forms for $2.49. I went over to the dairy aisle - I picked up both ricotta cheese (full fat), and a block of cream cheese. I marched my happy butt over to the confectioner's sugar and I bought a little blue box of it. I even went SO FAR as to get a small bottle of the chocolate flavored (artificially flavored I might add) sprinkles - and a little bottle of the colored sprinkles because I know my children would want both.
All I remember after that was the oooohing and the awwwing coming from my mouth as I was mixing the cheeses and the sugar in a glass bowl - I blended and I blended. I didn't even drain the cheese really, just opened up the top of the carton and plopped it into the big empty bowl. The bowl that was screaming "You haven't used me in months, I forgot was it was like to be a baker's tool!" It was now or never! Eric Bauer - take this! Bruhaaaaaaaaaa (That's actually not how you spell out an evil laugh, but I'm not that good at one in real life either).
I took my box of cannoli forms - I opened them. I began stuffing the white mixture into the holes at both ends, allowing the goo to mingle in the middle. I poured out the chocolate sprinkles into one of those really cool specially designed bowls for little ingredients when you cook, because I really think it's fun to look the part sometimes - this was one of those times. I then dipped each end into the sprinkles without, I repeat, WITHOUT hesitation. Without remorse, without even thinking what the women at the neighborhood deli will say when I run in next week for bagels - they read this blog. I will hear about my bastardizing of their mothers' recipes. I know I will.
CANNOLIS in less than 2 minutes. BAM! (No, that wasn't me being Emeril - I can't even imagine trying to do his impersonation....that was me shouting out BAM! because it was just that fast!) I had SOOOOOOO much mix left over. I really did. There were only 6 forms in the box. Oh well, maybe this weekend I'll steal over to the Bauers' home/cafe and maybe make a little suggestion about cooking up a batch of fresh forms - I have the MIX.....maybe not the mix that wins awards and melts the hearts of the little old men on the side of the street who remember standing in line for a special treat during carnivals - but hey, this is 2007 and like Eric said; my kitchen is too small to be too professional about it. The desire overtook me. My senses were corrupted - however, in the end - my senses were just.....fine!
Monday, August 13, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Oh Sparticus!
Most of you already know that my son Reuben is serving in the U.S. Army as a Tanker. He's officially driving a tank-like vehicle called the Stryker, which has wheels rather than chains to move around on, but nevertheless, he's out there protecting you and me from - himself mostly I think.
The boy calls me at all hours of the night and he tells me things that for the most part could easily wait, however, if he waited I would be getting ready for work, and he'd be in formation. So, it stands to reason (reason?) that he would call me at 2:15 a.m. to tell me that he has successfully broken barricades, alluded the good guys, and that he made it into the barracks, which for him (because his role yesterday was that of the bad guy) was a coup! Sad for the U.S. Army perhaps because they allowed the "enemy" to infiltrate - he pretended to set bombs (water balloons) and he wired the place before successfully escaping as well. Such a bad boy! Or in his case, a good enemy. He achieved his goal - and he was rewarded for it. He gets to watch an NFL game sometime in the fall. He's storing these prizes in a journal, making the C.O. sign each of them so he can prove it when the time comes. (The boy essentially became a traitor to see the Green Bay Packers!)
Because my son has studied the ways of the Spartans for years, because he has trained himself to be a tough and immovable soldier, because he has memorized every last word and deed of the movie "300" - he was able to not only take out 8 American soldiers who were forced to go through a small tunnel to find him, he was also able to sneak into the barracks and set off his water balloons. He told me he was nice and didn't blow up anything worthwhile like papers, or things that would be ruined. (Such a nice terrorist)
So, when the REAL U.S. Army soldiers came back from their defeat at the tunnel to find that their barracks had been destroyed by enemy fire - they were sad - however, they agreed that having Reuben on the U.S. side was a good thing and they're going to let him stay a little longer. In fact, he's going to get to explain Spartacus to everyone that will pay attention. I asked him last night to put the Spartans in a line up - to compare them with the football team positions that I know he has created for them on his PS2 - where are they? They are, as he told me, every lineman, every safety, every offensive guard - because they don't really need defense as well as they do offense - however, he placed 4 on the defensive side just in case a good soldier from another group did make it through - you have to be covered at all times.
For about 44 minutes I listened to the excited panting and hooting of the boy - telling me how he's going to be able to watch 3 NFL games so far, and with the "kill" he was able to perform yesterday, he'll be able to get into the sate lite room and see OU play Texas. It was worth it to him to become a terrorist - for the day - just for play. I asked him what he used to kill everyone, and he said a cycle! Gotta love that technology! At least it wasn't the jawbone of an ass....which I haven't told him about, because I fear what he may do to a local burro. (Just kidding)
Congrats on the war my boy! (By the way, he wasn't alone, he had a few other Spartans with him, and that begs the question: Did they call their mothers at 2:15 and explain Greek warfare to them in detail, or was that just mine?) :O
The boy calls me at all hours of the night and he tells me things that for the most part could easily wait, however, if he waited I would be getting ready for work, and he'd be in formation. So, it stands to reason (reason?) that he would call me at 2:15 a.m. to tell me that he has successfully broken barricades, alluded the good guys, and that he made it into the barracks, which for him (because his role yesterday was that of the bad guy) was a coup! Sad for the U.S. Army perhaps because they allowed the "enemy" to infiltrate - he pretended to set bombs (water balloons) and he wired the place before successfully escaping as well. Such a bad boy! Or in his case, a good enemy. He achieved his goal - and he was rewarded for it. He gets to watch an NFL game sometime in the fall. He's storing these prizes in a journal, making the C.O. sign each of them so he can prove it when the time comes. (The boy essentially became a traitor to see the Green Bay Packers!)
Because my son has studied the ways of the Spartans for years, because he has trained himself to be a tough and immovable soldier, because he has memorized every last word and deed of the movie "300" - he was able to not only take out 8 American soldiers who were forced to go through a small tunnel to find him, he was also able to sneak into the barracks and set off his water balloons. He told me he was nice and didn't blow up anything worthwhile like papers, or things that would be ruined. (Such a nice terrorist)
So, when the REAL U.S. Army soldiers came back from their defeat at the tunnel to find that their barracks had been destroyed by enemy fire - they were sad - however, they agreed that having Reuben on the U.S. side was a good thing and they're going to let him stay a little longer. In fact, he's going to get to explain Spartacus to everyone that will pay attention. I asked him last night to put the Spartans in a line up - to compare them with the football team positions that I know he has created for them on his PS2 - where are they? They are, as he told me, every lineman, every safety, every offensive guard - because they don't really need defense as well as they do offense - however, he placed 4 on the defensive side just in case a good soldier from another group did make it through - you have to be covered at all times.
For about 44 minutes I listened to the excited panting and hooting of the boy - telling me how he's going to be able to watch 3 NFL games so far, and with the "kill" he was able to perform yesterday, he'll be able to get into the sate lite room and see OU play Texas. It was worth it to him to become a terrorist - for the day - just for play. I asked him what he used to kill everyone, and he said a cycle! Gotta love that technology! At least it wasn't the jawbone of an ass....which I haven't told him about, because I fear what he may do to a local burro. (Just kidding)
Congrats on the war my boy! (By the way, he wasn't alone, he had a few other Spartans with him, and that begs the question: Did they call their mothers at 2:15 and explain Greek warfare to them in detail, or was that just mine?) :O
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Brothers Grim Side Show!
After deciding that I simply could not force myself to take off work for the summer and travel with a bus full of twisted, entertaining, intelligent, run-about carnival performers - I decided to let my dog and my daughter travel with them instead. Actually, truth be known, Bryce Graves, the manager of the Bros. Grim Side Show wasn't actually asking me to tour with them. He was more interested in Faith my dog, I was just collateral I suppose, more or less the trainer if you will - although, I don't believe Faith has actually been trained to do much of anything - she's a true diva at times.
For the month of July and just barely into August, Laura and Faith traveled through about 13 states and performed in about 8 shows. I could stop and count: Seattle, Mountain View, Sacramento, DeVore, Phoenix, (would have been Denver), Albuquerque, Kansas City, and finally Dallas. How many is that? Yep - 8. Each show begins with great music, mysterious barkers (but Dylan calls himself a talker, claiming Barker tells people to "Come on down", where he tells people to "Step right up!" I liked that - except it's not actually BARKER that tells people to come down now is it, it's Johnny Eubanks I think. Nevertheless - back on track - Bro. Grim Side Show is a real live 1920's style carnival type side show with fantastic performers, music, misty fog, lights, illusions, magicians, dancers, snakes and well this year it included: Jack Ringca the elite and very very talented yo-yo master, William Darke - fire eater, illusionist, caller, and I think he did a gig where he may have used blades to cut a woman in half - he does that from time to time. It included Zamora the Torture King (Google that man!), Lady Diablo, she nearly sets herself on fire lighting a cigarette with a couple of power tools - she also swallows swords, coat hangers, and gets herself cut in half six times a day - on stage was Jackie, a multi-talented woman who from birth has been disabled, but that doesn't stop her from performing martial arts, standing on one hand, walking on her hands, and creating fun and havoc!
Also on the line up was a gorgeous burlesque dancer named Amy. She took the breath away from both men and women alike as she did her routine - colorful plumes, tiny outfits, big smiles on every member of the audience during her gig, let me tell you. But the act that stole my heart and got my attention every time was that of my little girl Laura. I don't think she was on stage more than a minute and a 1/2 each show, and she didn't do more than walk around with Faith and throw doggie biscuits at her pooch, allowing her walking and balance skills to be seen - however, you gotta know my little girl was doing something she had never been able to do before the tour, and that was to get up in front of people and just have fun. She's performed for years as a singer, and she's been in concert bands and such. She's been a cheerleader, in gymnastics, so it's not like she hasn't been seen - she's been seen. This time she was having a blast just fooling around with Faith and showing off the talents of a little dog that just happens to have two legs and a wagging smiling tongue. By far my favorite part of the show.
Of course, there were side shows to the side show. The barkers Ken and Dylan were handsome in their vests and dress clothes, dapper and keen wearing derbys. Crystal Firefly Lockhart was there just being as adorable as she always is. I didn't get to see her perform this show, as I think she was taking tickets. She and Faith are EXACTLY the same height, and Faith followed her around like - well, like a puppy! When Crystal would turn around suddenly she'd be faced with a nose in her mouth! I wish I had snapped the picture fast enough - it was just too adorable. Nichole with her 20 pound headdress and tiny corsetted outfit - made me believe a woman can do anything she wants in 5 inch heels! Stitch was there too. What the heck is a Stitch? I'm not sure - but she's gorgeous! I think she usually performs with the side show as a dancer, she has strategic holes and piercings placed around and on her beautiful body where she can be lifted by hooks - yes, I said hooks. I had to laugh when a woman asked me what William was doing in a picture she took from the internet - she pointed up at him on the stage and she said "Is this the same guy that puts a drill up his nose?" and she showed me a picture.
I sell insurance. I told Alex, the sparking power-tool woman that from the point of view of an insurance sales agent - she scared me. They all scare me. Zamora scares me the most. He puts spikes through his mouth and throat, he eats glass - so give me a little girl throwing dog biscuits at a two-legged dog...please!
On the bus, which was Jenevieve Cosner's bus (tourtransport@aol.com) people were huddled around each other talking about their lives, not their acts - amazing lives these people lead - and from all over the country too. Literally coming together from every corner of our nation to be on this tour - I found that remarkable. They do this from time to time, and if it isn't this particular group, they'll find others - for instance, Laura and Faith, who are from Oklahoma, have left the tour, but Bryce is picking up another animal act in Missouri. Jackie hails from Idaho, Stitch from New Mexico, William from Florida, I think Crystal lives in Denver. I don't know where Jack is from - he's the most interesting man really, appearing shy and introverted - but he's actually quite capable of holding his own both in conversation and deed. They all are. I have to say of all the people in the world I've been blessed in meeting - side show performers (and that includes Stigmata - a very tattooed and body-barbed man of diverse talents and insights) have the ability to bend their minds over most matters - creating a circle of strength for themselves as well as they compadres - protection, as well as standing or belief. They simply are a different and beautiful people - - sometimes as fearless as their faces are tattooed to make you believe at times (Stigmata); and at times as vulnerable, open, honest, intellectual, and graceful to a fault.
It was both a pleasure and an honor to meet and speak with everyone on that tour - I know Laura loved each person as a true honorary member of the family. I thank you all for finding the time and the energy to love her as well. I do hope we can continue to be a part of the side show when we can - but if not, Laura (and Faith I'm sure) will have dreams and stories to last a lifetime. Laura rolls up in the passenger seat on the way home from Dallas last night, she drew in a deep solid breath and said "Mommy, I'm glad to be going home, but you know what, I learned about five years of life lessons in about four weeks' time - I can't be the same as I was before." The tour had its great ups and its great downs, but you know what - like any other great show, it went on.
Step right up!
For the month of July and just barely into August, Laura and Faith traveled through about 13 states and performed in about 8 shows. I could stop and count: Seattle, Mountain View, Sacramento, DeVore, Phoenix, (would have been Denver), Albuquerque, Kansas City, and finally Dallas. How many is that? Yep - 8. Each show begins with great music, mysterious barkers (but Dylan calls himself a talker, claiming Barker tells people to "Come on down", where he tells people to "Step right up!" I liked that - except it's not actually BARKER that tells people to come down now is it, it's Johnny Eubanks I think. Nevertheless - back on track - Bro. Grim Side Show is a real live 1920's style carnival type side show with fantastic performers, music, misty fog, lights, illusions, magicians, dancers, snakes and well this year it included: Jack Ringca the elite and very very talented yo-yo master, William Darke - fire eater, illusionist, caller, and I think he did a gig where he may have used blades to cut a woman in half - he does that from time to time. It included Zamora the Torture King (Google that man!), Lady Diablo, she nearly sets herself on fire lighting a cigarette with a couple of power tools - she also swallows swords, coat hangers, and gets herself cut in half six times a day - on stage was Jackie, a multi-talented woman who from birth has been disabled, but that doesn't stop her from performing martial arts, standing on one hand, walking on her hands, and creating fun and havoc!
Also on the line up was a gorgeous burlesque dancer named Amy. She took the breath away from both men and women alike as she did her routine - colorful plumes, tiny outfits, big smiles on every member of the audience during her gig, let me tell you. But the act that stole my heart and got my attention every time was that of my little girl Laura. I don't think she was on stage more than a minute and a 1/2 each show, and she didn't do more than walk around with Faith and throw doggie biscuits at her pooch, allowing her walking and balance skills to be seen - however, you gotta know my little girl was doing something she had never been able to do before the tour, and that was to get up in front of people and just have fun. She's performed for years as a singer, and she's been in concert bands and such. She's been a cheerleader, in gymnastics, so it's not like she hasn't been seen - she's been seen. This time she was having a blast just fooling around with Faith and showing off the talents of a little dog that just happens to have two legs and a wagging smiling tongue. By far my favorite part of the show.
Of course, there were side shows to the side show. The barkers Ken and Dylan were handsome in their vests and dress clothes, dapper and keen wearing derbys. Crystal Firefly Lockhart was there just being as adorable as she always is. I didn't get to see her perform this show, as I think she was taking tickets. She and Faith are EXACTLY the same height, and Faith followed her around like - well, like a puppy! When Crystal would turn around suddenly she'd be faced with a nose in her mouth! I wish I had snapped the picture fast enough - it was just too adorable. Nichole with her 20 pound headdress and tiny corsetted outfit - made me believe a woman can do anything she wants in 5 inch heels! Stitch was there too. What the heck is a Stitch? I'm not sure - but she's gorgeous! I think she usually performs with the side show as a dancer, she has strategic holes and piercings placed around and on her beautiful body where she can be lifted by hooks - yes, I said hooks. I had to laugh when a woman asked me what William was doing in a picture she took from the internet - she pointed up at him on the stage and she said "Is this the same guy that puts a drill up his nose?" and she showed me a picture.
I sell insurance. I told Alex, the sparking power-tool woman that from the point of view of an insurance sales agent - she scared me. They all scare me. Zamora scares me the most. He puts spikes through his mouth and throat, he eats glass - so give me a little girl throwing dog biscuits at a two-legged dog...please!
On the bus, which was Jenevieve Cosner's bus (tourtransport@aol.com) people were huddled around each other talking about their lives, not their acts - amazing lives these people lead - and from all over the country too. Literally coming together from every corner of our nation to be on this tour - I found that remarkable. They do this from time to time, and if it isn't this particular group, they'll find others - for instance, Laura and Faith, who are from Oklahoma, have left the tour, but Bryce is picking up another animal act in Missouri. Jackie hails from Idaho, Stitch from New Mexico, William from Florida, I think Crystal lives in Denver. I don't know where Jack is from - he's the most interesting man really, appearing shy and introverted - but he's actually quite capable of holding his own both in conversation and deed. They all are. I have to say of all the people in the world I've been blessed in meeting - side show performers (and that includes Stigmata - a very tattooed and body-barbed man of diverse talents and insights) have the ability to bend their minds over most matters - creating a circle of strength for themselves as well as they compadres - protection, as well as standing or belief. They simply are a different and beautiful people - - sometimes as fearless as their faces are tattooed to make you believe at times (Stigmata); and at times as vulnerable, open, honest, intellectual, and graceful to a fault.
It was both a pleasure and an honor to meet and speak with everyone on that tour - I know Laura loved each person as a true honorary member of the family. I thank you all for finding the time and the energy to love her as well. I do hope we can continue to be a part of the side show when we can - but if not, Laura (and Faith I'm sure) will have dreams and stories to last a lifetime. Laura rolls up in the passenger seat on the way home from Dallas last night, she drew in a deep solid breath and said "Mommy, I'm glad to be going home, but you know what, I learned about five years of life lessons in about four weeks' time - I can't be the same as I was before." The tour had its great ups and its great downs, but you know what - like any other great show, it went on.
Step right up!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Dreaming of Cinnamon Rolls Being Late Again
There I was again - in my dream, and knowing I was dreaming. This was this morning, August 1, about 1:15 a.m. I know the time because I was not quite asleep and I could just barely make out the digital clock on the nightstand next to me. My clock isn't actually digital, so the fact that I thought I was staring at a digital clock made me realize I was in a dream state - so I opened my eyes long enough to see the real clock - it was 1:15. Livid and vivid dreaming again. This time I was dreaming about cinnamon rolls being late for work. They were being made so that they could be bought, so that the could "perform" and be with us when we worked. That was a strange enough concept in an of itself, but they were intentionally being made late - late, so that we would be late to work, and we would be in trouble - we as in the people who were in line to buy and/or take the cinnamon rolls as performance enhancing breakfast substances. (It was one of those techy-sort of informative dreams where you really don't learn anything.)
I was late, and of course I blamed the cinnamon roll - but beside the roll I was also late because my car, which is often a box, was actually my car - and I took the wrong turn going to work. I took an exit that clearly read "Chicago" and I don't live there. I want to live there, but I don't - so the wrong turn thing was probably a right or correct turn, but it made me later than I would have been if I had only taken in the roll - are you following me? The car was taken from me, it was parked, and I was forced to walk the rest of the way to work, but I wasn't upset about it. It was just going to take some time. I had to go through buildings, homes, and even a gate or two to get to the street I should have turned on. My car was waiting for me there, and I got into it. I finally made it to work - and here' s what I did.
I took a basket full of used shoes to the hotel, it was unnamed. I took the basket to the supermarket section of the hotel, and I gave the shoes to the clerk. On the way in I passed a famous actress who was outside with her parents who all but snubbed me for being generous with the used shoes. I skipped, and then did flips, as I often do in dreams - gymnastics, past the couple, past the actress, and into the grand hall of the hotel which was now the parking lot of where I worked. My car was just up in front, so I got into it, and I drove back to the bridge where I first made the wrong turn. I got out of the car - and walked over the bridge, but you know I didn't miss out on an opportunity to do one last backflip, and I hovered in the air for like a minute because I could - and then I saw the clock - the digital one, not the real one. I guess it made me think - and that's when I woke up and saw the actual blue lit clock reading the time at 1:15 - what do you think it all means? I'd sure like to know - I think I understand most of it.
The giving of the shoes was a nice gesture - don't you think? I never did get to taste any of the cinnamon rolls, and maybe that's a good thing. I'm really pretty and thin in my dreams - so maybe there's something to no eating cinnamon rolls, and doing backflips to work.
I was late, and of course I blamed the cinnamon roll - but beside the roll I was also late because my car, which is often a box, was actually my car - and I took the wrong turn going to work. I took an exit that clearly read "Chicago" and I don't live there. I want to live there, but I don't - so the wrong turn thing was probably a right or correct turn, but it made me later than I would have been if I had only taken in the roll - are you following me? The car was taken from me, it was parked, and I was forced to walk the rest of the way to work, but I wasn't upset about it. It was just going to take some time. I had to go through buildings, homes, and even a gate or two to get to the street I should have turned on. My car was waiting for me there, and I got into it. I finally made it to work - and here' s what I did.
I took a basket full of used shoes to the hotel, it was unnamed. I took the basket to the supermarket section of the hotel, and I gave the shoes to the clerk. On the way in I passed a famous actress who was outside with her parents who all but snubbed me for being generous with the used shoes. I skipped, and then did flips, as I often do in dreams - gymnastics, past the couple, past the actress, and into the grand hall of the hotel which was now the parking lot of where I worked. My car was just up in front, so I got into it, and I drove back to the bridge where I first made the wrong turn. I got out of the car - and walked over the bridge, but you know I didn't miss out on an opportunity to do one last backflip, and I hovered in the air for like a minute because I could - and then I saw the clock - the digital one, not the real one. I guess it made me think - and that's when I woke up and saw the actual blue lit clock reading the time at 1:15 - what do you think it all means? I'd sure like to know - I think I understand most of it.
The giving of the shoes was a nice gesture - don't you think? I never did get to taste any of the cinnamon rolls, and maybe that's a good thing. I'm really pretty and thin in my dreams - so maybe there's something to no eating cinnamon rolls, and doing backflips to work.
Cayenne Pepper Has Kicked My Gut!
I was thinking - which was my first major boo-boo, that taking cayenne pepper in pill form would be the end all to my weight loss problems because it was tauted as being the best metabolizer known to mankind. It may be....but the problem began just shortly after I took one of the 40,000 heating unit dusty red pills with only a few ounces of water. I didn't' have enough time to go to the refrigerator and get a new bottle of water to wash it down. Now, who in the world is so damn busy that they can't walk 25-40 feet to the refrigerator? Me, I guess.
About an hour after I took the energizing capsule there was a lot more going on than just the stomach acids waking up! Let me tell you - I had taken several of these pills in the past with food, one pill per meal, that sort of thing - but just using a water chaser was my 2nd big mistake. It didn't burn like cayenne pepper in your throat, your eyes, or in your mouth - it was the heat from the pill that sent me over the edge to the bathroom, pulling up my dress to expose my belly to lay on the cold cement floor! I was THAT hot! (I love saying I was hot, makes me feel all sexy, but really, I was BURNING UP).
So, after about 30 minutes of death, and the time regulated light having gone out in the office bathroom maybe 13 minutes into the heaving and breathing event, I was getting over it. I only got over it when I decided that against my strength, against my knowledge of what would happen, I took a leap of faith and drown myself in the sink - literally drinking from my hand like a lapping fool - because I was at that time, a lapping fool. I was drinking from both hands, in the dark, wondering if I was even with the living, but realizing that I was when I didn't hear any harps behind me. I heard the toilet system making a little knocking noise, but I didn't think it really measured up to harps. I was definitely living.
Well, to let you know, just so you know, I am giving the pills to my good friend who I have amply warned, and I fully assured that she will NEVER make the mistakes I have. She's a woman of greater wisdom - or maybe, just maybe, she's been an idiot like me and decided a free bottle of pills would be worth paying a bit of good health attention to! Whatever the case - good riddens to the pills, hello to downing more vinegar and water, and just doing the walking and the stretching on a daily. I would rather lose it this way than that!
Hope I can save you some heat on this one.
About an hour after I took the energizing capsule there was a lot more going on than just the stomach acids waking up! Let me tell you - I had taken several of these pills in the past with food, one pill per meal, that sort of thing - but just using a water chaser was my 2nd big mistake. It didn't burn like cayenne pepper in your throat, your eyes, or in your mouth - it was the heat from the pill that sent me over the edge to the bathroom, pulling up my dress to expose my belly to lay on the cold cement floor! I was THAT hot! (I love saying I was hot, makes me feel all sexy, but really, I was BURNING UP).
So, after about 30 minutes of death, and the time regulated light having gone out in the office bathroom maybe 13 minutes into the heaving and breathing event, I was getting over it. I only got over it when I decided that against my strength, against my knowledge of what would happen, I took a leap of faith and drown myself in the sink - literally drinking from my hand like a lapping fool - because I was at that time, a lapping fool. I was drinking from both hands, in the dark, wondering if I was even with the living, but realizing that I was when I didn't hear any harps behind me. I heard the toilet system making a little knocking noise, but I didn't think it really measured up to harps. I was definitely living.
Well, to let you know, just so you know, I am giving the pills to my good friend who I have amply warned, and I fully assured that she will NEVER make the mistakes I have. She's a woman of greater wisdom - or maybe, just maybe, she's been an idiot like me and decided a free bottle of pills would be worth paying a bit of good health attention to! Whatever the case - good riddens to the pills, hello to downing more vinegar and water, and just doing the walking and the stretching on a daily. I would rather lose it this way than that!
Hope I can save you some heat on this one.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Pulling Beer Bottles Out of My Forehead!
You have to admit, when you see yourself dreaming that you have an open skull and there are literally cans of beer inside your head, you have reason to be concerned. As I dreamed last night I realized that I was dreaming - so I went with it. I looked into the top of my forehead, my skull top really, and I noticed the cans of beer. They were light beer, they were in cans, and they were so close together that I couldn't really get a hold of one to pull it out of head without hurting myself. (I actually thought about crushing the cans first but it wasn't necessary.)
As I reached with my forefinger to get a grip from inside the top of the first can, hoping I wouldn't cut my finger tip, I realized that the cans had turned to bottles, shorter than regular beer bottles, and they weren't light anymore. It was out and out real 100% loaded beer. I don't drink beer - so naturally I thought it was odd. Not that housing bottles of any type isn't odd, when one is housing them inside their head - but beer was odd for me.
The dream backed up a bit and I saw myself feeling the front of my forehead, like it had a bump of something silver sticking out of it. It felt like a little rock, or a pebble. It turned out to be a ball or a pellet first, then it was 3 or 4, then that hole led to the discovery of the cans of beer that were the star attraction to my frightfully strange and inexplicable dream. When I got out of bed and stopped laughing at myself, I went to the computer, this very computer, and I looked up what I could under every site I could possibly find - and - nothing. Nothing about bottles in a person's head. My, why am I not really all that surprised?
The forehead thing was easy - intellect. I get that. I even get the pebbles and/or balls of steel coming out of it - I'm explaining something solid to myself, I'm allowing something to be exposed. BEER? I'm exposing beer? What could the cans mean? What could the bottles mean? What could the drink mean? Why am I asking you? You're probably still laughing anyway - I know I am. My boss drinks a lot of beer - he should be pulling bottles out of HIS head - and I should be pulling pens, paper, ink bottles maybe - but not beer. Maybe vinegar...I could have accepted that, I'm on a new vinegar and honey kick for health reasons.
So, I drift back to sleep after writing down NOTHING in my dream journal, and I dreamed again. This time I was in a car - driving myself, and I was going up a hill, a very high hill. The car was made of cardboard, as it often is in my dream. I stood up, picked up my boxy transport and walked the rest of the way. That one made so much more sense - I'm unpacking, and it's all uphill - I get it! Maybe tonight I can float past a sea of deviled eggs or use a piece of toast for a surfboard. I don't know - seems to me that the more I think about it the more my head itches. If I get to the bathroom and see a silver ball sticking out of my head - I'm done!
As I reached with my forefinger to get a grip from inside the top of the first can, hoping I wouldn't cut my finger tip, I realized that the cans had turned to bottles, shorter than regular beer bottles, and they weren't light anymore. It was out and out real 100% loaded beer. I don't drink beer - so naturally I thought it was odd. Not that housing bottles of any type isn't odd, when one is housing them inside their head - but beer was odd for me.
The dream backed up a bit and I saw myself feeling the front of my forehead, like it had a bump of something silver sticking out of it. It felt like a little rock, or a pebble. It turned out to be a ball or a pellet first, then it was 3 or 4, then that hole led to the discovery of the cans of beer that were the star attraction to my frightfully strange and inexplicable dream. When I got out of bed and stopped laughing at myself, I went to the computer, this very computer, and I looked up what I could under every site I could possibly find - and - nothing. Nothing about bottles in a person's head. My, why am I not really all that surprised?
The forehead thing was easy - intellect. I get that. I even get the pebbles and/or balls of steel coming out of it - I'm explaining something solid to myself, I'm allowing something to be exposed. BEER? I'm exposing beer? What could the cans mean? What could the bottles mean? What could the drink mean? Why am I asking you? You're probably still laughing anyway - I know I am. My boss drinks a lot of beer - he should be pulling bottles out of HIS head - and I should be pulling pens, paper, ink bottles maybe - but not beer. Maybe vinegar...I could have accepted that, I'm on a new vinegar and honey kick for health reasons.
So, I drift back to sleep after writing down NOTHING in my dream journal, and I dreamed again. This time I was in a car - driving myself, and I was going up a hill, a very high hill. The car was made of cardboard, as it often is in my dream. I stood up, picked up my boxy transport and walked the rest of the way. That one made so much more sense - I'm unpacking, and it's all uphill - I get it! Maybe tonight I can float past a sea of deviled eggs or use a piece of toast for a surfboard. I don't know - seems to me that the more I think about it the more my head itches. If I get to the bathroom and see a silver ball sticking out of my head - I'm done!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Student Loans - Paid in Full! WOW!
You don't expect to ever really pay off your student loans. You really don't. I have over (or had over) $120,000 in student loans because I had/have so many different loans taken out to cover each and every semester of all three of my degrees. That PhD. alone has been more than 10 semesters - it's not easy becoming educated you understand. So, when I get the inevitable phone call from the counseling firms, the banks and collectors all wanting to discuss the status my student loans. When I had my EXIT interview at Capella and they asked me how I was going to pay off my loans - I told them I was waiting on the Rapture! (Good plan!)
Now, I'm a pro at this - someone calls and I answer the phone. If they begin their conversation with "This is an attempt to collect a debt", I am usually the first to sigh, take a deep breath, and think really hard about what I'm going to say when I'm asked why I have let whatever bill it is get so far behind in payment - this happens SO often, that I'm really almost prepared for each event - I've almost gotten to the point that I can call the collector by his or her first name, talk about their student loans, and ask them what excuses they gave to their personal collectors. Sometimes I think these crazy antics just might work. Well, what happened to me Friday was incredibly different.
I answered the phone, I recognized the number - one of my favorite guys, a consolidator. He puts my loans in order, lets me off the hook for a while, then he calls me back to either offer me a deferment (again) based on a hardship, or he just out and out tells me where to sign the forbearance papers he's about to send me. This time, he said something that I will never forget! He said "Jude, I have to tell you this, it's the law, I'm forced to inform you about the status of your student loans." I answered "I know, but there's really nothing I can do right now, I'm working, but you know, I have bills....and .." he stopped me. "Jude, your loans, well, about 1/2 of them, were paid in full. Someone paid them off Jude." WHAT?
That is exactly what he told me. He said that during the process of locating all the loans, there are a great number of them, that he was going through each one's status and they kept popping up as being "paid in full", "paid in full". I wondered about it. I thought he was either off by a few digits and had someone else's account, or he was off by a lot, and had someone else's account - he was laughing. He was really happy for me. He said "Jude, they were paid off. This was an anonymous thing". He went on to add that someone, someone really really cool - said "to do so in Faith's honor!" WHAT? WHAT AGAIN? WHAT THREE TIMES? You're kidding me, you have got to be kidding me. But it was true. It was very true.
He said he didn't know who it was, and he didn't know if he could find out. He said he wouldn't be able to give me a name if they didn't want me to know - but he could get a thank you to them. Could he take a hug and a kiss to them too? Oh, I wanted to jump and dance, so I just stood up and danced, and I did a little squealing thing too. My boss stared at me, so I put the phone on speaker and had the guy repeat what he had just thrilled me with - he repeated it. My boss was shaking his head - NO WAY, he couldn't believe it either! No way!! But it was real. My point in telling you?
YOU COULD be the person I'm wanting to thank! So, if you are...thank you thank you! How do you really thank someone for such a wonderful gift? Faith opens so many doors, doesn't she? She's a wonderful dog in so many many ways - and she must have touched the heart of someone in a way like no other. Again, no really - I mean it!! THANK YOU! WOW!
Now, I'm a pro at this - someone calls and I answer the phone. If they begin their conversation with "This is an attempt to collect a debt", I am usually the first to sigh, take a deep breath, and think really hard about what I'm going to say when I'm asked why I have let whatever bill it is get so far behind in payment - this happens SO often, that I'm really almost prepared for each event - I've almost gotten to the point that I can call the collector by his or her first name, talk about their student loans, and ask them what excuses they gave to their personal collectors. Sometimes I think these crazy antics just might work. Well, what happened to me Friday was incredibly different.
I answered the phone, I recognized the number - one of my favorite guys, a consolidator. He puts my loans in order, lets me off the hook for a while, then he calls me back to either offer me a deferment (again) based on a hardship, or he just out and out tells me where to sign the forbearance papers he's about to send me. This time, he said something that I will never forget! He said "Jude, I have to tell you this, it's the law, I'm forced to inform you about the status of your student loans." I answered "I know, but there's really nothing I can do right now, I'm working, but you know, I have bills....and .." he stopped me. "Jude, your loans, well, about 1/2 of them, were paid in full. Someone paid them off Jude." WHAT?
That is exactly what he told me. He said that during the process of locating all the loans, there are a great number of them, that he was going through each one's status and they kept popping up as being "paid in full", "paid in full". I wondered about it. I thought he was either off by a few digits and had someone else's account, or he was off by a lot, and had someone else's account - he was laughing. He was really happy for me. He said "Jude, they were paid off. This was an anonymous thing". He went on to add that someone, someone really really cool - said "to do so in Faith's honor!" WHAT? WHAT AGAIN? WHAT THREE TIMES? You're kidding me, you have got to be kidding me. But it was true. It was very true.
He said he didn't know who it was, and he didn't know if he could find out. He said he wouldn't be able to give me a name if they didn't want me to know - but he could get a thank you to them. Could he take a hug and a kiss to them too? Oh, I wanted to jump and dance, so I just stood up and danced, and I did a little squealing thing too. My boss stared at me, so I put the phone on speaker and had the guy repeat what he had just thrilled me with - he repeated it. My boss was shaking his head - NO WAY, he couldn't believe it either! No way!! But it was real. My point in telling you?
YOU COULD be the person I'm wanting to thank! So, if you are...thank you thank you! How do you really thank someone for such a wonderful gift? Faith opens so many doors, doesn't she? She's a wonderful dog in so many many ways - and she must have touched the heart of someone in a way like no other. Again, no really - I mean it!! THANK YOU! WOW!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
OK - You Got Me! Harry Marries Ginny!
No, I didn't read the book any sooner than you did, but if I had I would have had an historic reason to do so - I'm a...well, I'm an Oklahoma Sooner to the core. You may or may not know how that works, but it involves a time-scheduled event, one that couldn't be broken, if it were broken it would be .... well, bad ... and the Sooners did that! We, THEY, got to their land SOONER than they were suppose to. I am not one of them this time - but it was fun to play with the big bad spoiler fiends and throw out a few predictions of my own. All of my predictions were wrong of course, with the exception of one, Harry doesn't die - it's been a day, you could have found that out without me being your spoiler this time.
So, Harry marries Ginny. Snogging, lots of hand holding, some touching even - this book got sort of intimate, what is she 15? JK - is this appropriate behavior in the Weasley's own home? Krum must have wanted in the action too this time around, we see him - I want to be the old batty aunt Auntie Muriel in the 7th movie! I want to be her, or the professor that was found hanging upside down in the beginning - over the table of at the meeting of the Death Eaters. I could so do that part - and then I could even brag to everyone that I really was a professor at Hogwarts ... until I was eaten by a snake, which in itself is ironic since I own big snakes and keep any rats that I end up socializing with because I can't live-feed them if I know the rat personally! I'm just kind-hearted, I suppose.
Oh, and did you die when you read the names of the kids? Hermie and Ronny have two children, OK, Rose is not that bad - I have a student I love with that name, she is one of the best young poets out there - HUGO? I understand Harry and Ginny naming their children what they named their children, and I loved the way the older one really gave the younger brother hell this first year - but I will say this, I was baffled beyond compare to come to the realization that Neville Longbottom was a girl, and that he/she .....OK, I'm kidding, just teasing you to see if you had read the books or not - you have, I'm sorry - I love Neville. I actually wanted him to become the boy-wonder wizard and have it all be a mistake. I wanted Voldemort to accidentally reveal his identity as Dumbledore's son, I wanted Rita Skeeter to end up in the arms of Percy in a really good scandal for Luna to break in her dad's paper - that didn't happen...but it would have turned a few heads - don't you think?
While I was at the Barnes & Noble party (Memorial and May) I found a man sitting on the floor in front of the stack of my own books (With a Little Faith 2nd Ed.) and I asked him to either move so that people could see the books, or he had to hawk them. I was kidding. He knew I was kidding, but he was adorable! He said he read my blog every day and he knew exactly who I was. He was actually driving to Phoenix to see Ozzfest because he had relatives there and it was a reunion, and I gave him the numbers of the managers so he could get a couple of passes and see my daughter and Faith. By the end of the night the 12 books that B/N had on their shelves were all sold - I even autographed a couple when he led the buyers to me! I was face-painting a kid once and had to wash my hands first, but it was cool! Faith couldn't make it, it would have been her 3rd HP book party, but she had a great time where she was in San Bernadino!!
In the end JK pulled it off, but the epilogue could have been 14-16 pages longer, a bit more, just a bit more. We needed more - Oh, there's a sequel? Fine, I can do that. So, no more Harry Potter OK? I said ... No more Harry Potter, can you not hear me? Was your ear cursed off too? (hahaha, just a little inside joke) Great job JK...rest for a while.
So, Harry marries Ginny. Snogging, lots of hand holding, some touching even - this book got sort of intimate, what is she 15? JK - is this appropriate behavior in the Weasley's own home? Krum must have wanted in the action too this time around, we see him - I want to be the old batty aunt Auntie Muriel in the 7th movie! I want to be her, or the professor that was found hanging upside down in the beginning - over the table of at the meeting of the Death Eaters. I could so do that part - and then I could even brag to everyone that I really was a professor at Hogwarts ... until I was eaten by a snake, which in itself is ironic since I own big snakes and keep any rats that I end up socializing with because I can't live-feed them if I know the rat personally! I'm just kind-hearted, I suppose.
Oh, and did you die when you read the names of the kids? Hermie and Ronny have two children, OK, Rose is not that bad - I have a student I love with that name, she is one of the best young poets out there - HUGO? I understand Harry and Ginny naming their children what they named their children, and I loved the way the older one really gave the younger brother hell this first year - but I will say this, I was baffled beyond compare to come to the realization that Neville Longbottom was a girl, and that he/she .....OK, I'm kidding, just teasing you to see if you had read the books or not - you have, I'm sorry - I love Neville. I actually wanted him to become the boy-wonder wizard and have it all be a mistake. I wanted Voldemort to accidentally reveal his identity as Dumbledore's son, I wanted Rita Skeeter to end up in the arms of Percy in a really good scandal for Luna to break in her dad's paper - that didn't happen...but it would have turned a few heads - don't you think?
While I was at the Barnes & Noble party (Memorial and May) I found a man sitting on the floor in front of the stack of my own books (With a Little Faith 2nd Ed.) and I asked him to either move so that people could see the books, or he had to hawk them. I was kidding. He knew I was kidding, but he was adorable! He said he read my blog every day and he knew exactly who I was. He was actually driving to Phoenix to see Ozzfest because he had relatives there and it was a reunion, and I gave him the numbers of the managers so he could get a couple of passes and see my daughter and Faith. By the end of the night the 12 books that B/N had on their shelves were all sold - I even autographed a couple when he led the buyers to me! I was face-painting a kid once and had to wash my hands first, but it was cool! Faith couldn't make it, it would have been her 3rd HP book party, but she had a great time where she was in San Bernadino!!
In the end JK pulled it off, but the epilogue could have been 14-16 pages longer, a bit more, just a bit more. We needed more - Oh, there's a sequel? Fine, I can do that. So, no more Harry Potter OK? I said ... No more Harry Potter, can you not hear me? Was your ear cursed off too? (hahaha, just a little inside joke) Great job JK...rest for a while.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Manager Mike and Brown Gravy Bryce!
Have I told you about the two very fascinating men in my life? Well, there's Lenny too, but he's not a manager really - more of an upline partner in the PetLane business, and I'll have to save an entire week of blogs to explain Lenny anyway!
Mike and Bryce are my managers. Apparently I need two. It would be great if I could pay either one of them and make everyone smile, but as it is these guys work their real jobs for real paying clients and then they find time (miraculously) to help me too, and I just wanted to shout out and give them both a little credit. I haven't physically seen or met Mike, but he was there for me last night when the creepy service guy wouldn't leave my apartment and wouldn't fix the technical problem he was hired to do in the first place. I resorted to calling Mike and asking him to pretend he was in my area, that we had a meeting at Starbucks, and he was great - more than willing to help. I called him after the guy left and we talked for a long time. He really said the right things to settle me down - told me about a woman that nearly attacked him in a hotel room! Thanks Mike! I slept well. hahaha
Mike works with athletes of every walk of sport. His email address, because I know you'll need an manager for your sporting celebrity friend, is: sportsagent82@yahoo.com You'll want to write to the man and make him rich, because I'm not doing such a great job at that. He's repping 128 great players from baseball, basketball, football, you name it - and Faith the dog! There has to be a connection somewhere. Mike, thanks!
Then there's Bryce. I have met Bryce. He's hot! He's really super duper cute, and if I were just (oh, I don't know, younger, thinner) able to make a move, sure - I'd do it. He's a real fun man to be around except those moments when the side show and entertainment personalities that he represents piss him off - then you want to be on the other side of the big white tent pretending to be working, or otherwise engrossed in something where you can't hear or see him frothing at the mouth! (I love you Bryce.)
To be honest, both Bryce and Mike have been so good at finding me work for Faith that I'm at home right now while she's working and Laura is having to travel, tour, sing, and dance without me. She's good at that sort of thing, so thanks to Bryce and his crew - Lukas and others, for watching over the girl and Faith for this Ozzfest thing. Mike is taking us to Spain when that's over then it's Bryce with the Santa Monica pier thing, and then it's Mike again in a couple or three expos, then it's Bryce again for another spring tour, then it's Mike again for an Australian event....wow....gotta love these men of mine! They're talented, working hard, and just getting it done for me. You'd think I'd be rich - well, I am, I just don't have any real money. I'm very very rich!
Bryce is the owner/operator/CEO of Brown Gravy Entertainment and can be reached at his e-mail address of: bryce@browngravy.com I don't want to give out phone numbers at this point, but if you're in the entertainment world and need a manager - try this, maybe you'll be as surprised as I was last year when he called me to fill in for a couple of acts that cancelled on his at the last minute - circus thing - and make a friend. Or, if you're an athlete and need a manager, take Mike out for coffee after e-mailing him. But, be sure and tell these guys that I sent you so I can make them happy that way - maybe something good can come of it all.
Great men!
Yes Lenny, I'll blog about you next time! I promise!! (kisses)
Mike and Bryce are my managers. Apparently I need two. It would be great if I could pay either one of them and make everyone smile, but as it is these guys work their real jobs for real paying clients and then they find time (miraculously) to help me too, and I just wanted to shout out and give them both a little credit. I haven't physically seen or met Mike, but he was there for me last night when the creepy service guy wouldn't leave my apartment and wouldn't fix the technical problem he was hired to do in the first place. I resorted to calling Mike and asking him to pretend he was in my area, that we had a meeting at Starbucks, and he was great - more than willing to help. I called him after the guy left and we talked for a long time. He really said the right things to settle me down - told me about a woman that nearly attacked him in a hotel room! Thanks Mike! I slept well. hahaha
Mike works with athletes of every walk of sport. His email address, because I know you'll need an manager for your sporting celebrity friend, is: sportsagent82@yahoo.com You'll want to write to the man and make him rich, because I'm not doing such a great job at that. He's repping 128 great players from baseball, basketball, football, you name it - and Faith the dog! There has to be a connection somewhere. Mike, thanks!
Then there's Bryce. I have met Bryce. He's hot! He's really super duper cute, and if I were just (oh, I don't know, younger, thinner) able to make a move, sure - I'd do it. He's a real fun man to be around except those moments when the side show and entertainment personalities that he represents piss him off - then you want to be on the other side of the big white tent pretending to be working, or otherwise engrossed in something where you can't hear or see him frothing at the mouth! (I love you Bryce.)
To be honest, both Bryce and Mike have been so good at finding me work for Faith that I'm at home right now while she's working and Laura is having to travel, tour, sing, and dance without me. She's good at that sort of thing, so thanks to Bryce and his crew - Lukas and others, for watching over the girl and Faith for this Ozzfest thing. Mike is taking us to Spain when that's over then it's Bryce with the Santa Monica pier thing, and then it's Mike again in a couple or three expos, then it's Bryce again for another spring tour, then it's Mike again for an Australian event....wow....gotta love these men of mine! They're talented, working hard, and just getting it done for me. You'd think I'd be rich - well, I am, I just don't have any real money. I'm very very rich!
Bryce is the owner/operator/CEO of Brown Gravy Entertainment and can be reached at his e-mail address of: bryce@browngravy.com I don't want to give out phone numbers at this point, but if you're in the entertainment world and need a manager - try this, maybe you'll be as surprised as I was last year when he called me to fill in for a couple of acts that cancelled on his at the last minute - circus thing - and make a friend. Or, if you're an athlete and need a manager, take Mike out for coffee after e-mailing him. But, be sure and tell these guys that I sent you so I can make them happy that way - maybe something good can come of it all.
Great men!
Yes Lenny, I'll blog about you next time! I promise!! (kisses)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I Am ABD
Sounds so funny when you say it out loud. "Hello, I'm Dr. Stringfellow (and then you whisper under your breath 'All But Dissertation') so everyone will know that you actually have an education - that you've made something of yourself. Funny, I have had this graduation problem since high school really.
When I attended high school in the late 1970's I was the last of the last to be allowed to graduate from the Putnam City School District a year early. One authoritarian was opposed to me doing so, and he would not recognize my Senior status, calling me a Junior graduate at the commencement, as if it made a world of difference to anyone - I was free! I got out by completing a summer course with enough credits my SENIOR year to become a true Senior at the end of the year, thus allowing me to graduate with everyone else wearing their caps and gowns right along beside me.
When I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts from Oklahoma City University, a private Methodist school in the center of our state - I was not allowed to consider my somewhat elite status of Cum Laud because the college I was processed through demanded a variance in credit hours, something that the state boards and national boards did not require, but nevertheless - it was left off my diploma and not announced with my name. Four years following my graduation I was still battling the school over it, and finally surrendered.
When I graduated with my Masters degree from the same school, this time in Writing - the boards and heads of the departments had problems with my contract/plan of completion and chose to call my degree a Masters Degree in General Education rather than in Writing even though the 18 requisite hours of Writing were met, as well as the requisite hours of supporting courses - something had to give, and I declined to attend the ceremony since they were not going to announce my membership with the Honors Society of Alpha Sigma Lambda, nor would they concede to printing my name with the degree I had first agreed to. I will simply not say I have a Masters degree in General Education when I have a Masters degree, 36 hours in fact in English and Writing - equally sharing the 36 hours with 18 a piece. (I'm stubborn that way)
Now that I'm 90 hours plus into my Ph.D., which is from Capella University, and is in Administration of Higher Education with a minor of sorts (18 hours) in Leadership, I am being put through it again - this time the contract has been amended to include a research course (4 credits) and more work than was originally planned. I don't have the access or the funds to continue at this time, my dissertation prepared, was submitted, accepted by one committee, turned down by another review panel, claiming this or that, and again - I am stuck in the middle. I am always stuck in the middle - but at least now I have the foremost education from one of our nation's greatest colleges - and can fully understand who and what is behind my sticking - money! I am, and I will remain for a little while - A.B.D. All But Dissertation. Except now I guess I'm A.B.D. and a little research kicker that has to be complete according to one panel of would be experts.
Just as soon as the college financial departments clear me of their boo-boo, claiming I owe something I don't believe I do, I will be able to continue my last course, get that paper, be the PhD. proper that I thought I was when I published my first book, and stop having to explain it to the freaking world. It's been a year now - I have a better grip on what I am, who I am, where I am, what I know, what I don't know, what I must figure out, and if it even makes a difference. All I know is I have had a glorious time in colleges that many students beg to enter and I can't be completely angry at any one person for this delay - considering rather to consider myself one very very lucky woman for having gone through this particular fire - it may provide the last exam thesis for my research course - I'll call it "How to Escape Higher Educational Facilities in America on Their Terms".
Saying I'm ABD just sounds like I have some irrevocable disease or something....I hope not. I hope I'm given the proper title of Dr. Educator soon enough! I have people to teach!
When I attended high school in the late 1970's I was the last of the last to be allowed to graduate from the Putnam City School District a year early. One authoritarian was opposed to me doing so, and he would not recognize my Senior status, calling me a Junior graduate at the commencement, as if it made a world of difference to anyone - I was free! I got out by completing a summer course with enough credits my SENIOR year to become a true Senior at the end of the year, thus allowing me to graduate with everyone else wearing their caps and gowns right along beside me.
When I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts from Oklahoma City University, a private Methodist school in the center of our state - I was not allowed to consider my somewhat elite status of Cum Laud because the college I was processed through demanded a variance in credit hours, something that the state boards and national boards did not require, but nevertheless - it was left off my diploma and not announced with my name. Four years following my graduation I was still battling the school over it, and finally surrendered.
When I graduated with my Masters degree from the same school, this time in Writing - the boards and heads of the departments had problems with my contract/plan of completion and chose to call my degree a Masters Degree in General Education rather than in Writing even though the 18 requisite hours of Writing were met, as well as the requisite hours of supporting courses - something had to give, and I declined to attend the ceremony since they were not going to announce my membership with the Honors Society of Alpha Sigma Lambda, nor would they concede to printing my name with the degree I had first agreed to. I will simply not say I have a Masters degree in General Education when I have a Masters degree, 36 hours in fact in English and Writing - equally sharing the 36 hours with 18 a piece. (I'm stubborn that way)
Now that I'm 90 hours plus into my Ph.D., which is from Capella University, and is in Administration of Higher Education with a minor of sorts (18 hours) in Leadership, I am being put through it again - this time the contract has been amended to include a research course (4 credits) and more work than was originally planned. I don't have the access or the funds to continue at this time, my dissertation prepared, was submitted, accepted by one committee, turned down by another review panel, claiming this or that, and again - I am stuck in the middle. I am always stuck in the middle - but at least now I have the foremost education from one of our nation's greatest colleges - and can fully understand who and what is behind my sticking - money! I am, and I will remain for a little while - A.B.D. All But Dissertation. Except now I guess I'm A.B.D. and a little research kicker that has to be complete according to one panel of would be experts.
Just as soon as the college financial departments clear me of their boo-boo, claiming I owe something I don't believe I do, I will be able to continue my last course, get that paper, be the PhD. proper that I thought I was when I published my first book, and stop having to explain it to the freaking world. It's been a year now - I have a better grip on what I am, who I am, where I am, what I know, what I don't know, what I must figure out, and if it even makes a difference. All I know is I have had a glorious time in colleges that many students beg to enter and I can't be completely angry at any one person for this delay - considering rather to consider myself one very very lucky woman for having gone through this particular fire - it may provide the last exam thesis for my research course - I'll call it "How to Escape Higher Educational Facilities in America on Their Terms".
Saying I'm ABD just sounds like I have some irrevocable disease or something....I hope not. I hope I'm given the proper title of Dr. Educator soon enough! I have people to teach!
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