The Benefits of Living Alone

 There have been only a few times in my life when I have actually lived on my own without having someone in the next room to either pester or be pestered by, and it looks like I'm about to come up to the next time!  (I'm giggling with glee because I thought I had this taken care of over 6 years ago.)  Years back I was living on my own here in Oklahoma, but Laura, my daughter who was up in Indiana, just HAD to have me move back up with her so she could make ends meet. Well, instead of getting our own place, we were sort of forced to finish her lease with her then boyfriend, and after that was up she decided to move back to Oklahoma and live with her dad for a minute until she could get her own place. This left me with a choice between living with the ex-boyfriend or my son (also in Indiana) and without a job that paid enough for me to move back to Oklahoma immediately, I moved in with my son.  

    Soon after that I found a good paying job in Oklahoma, worked a month in Indiana to get the funds to make the move and there I was....free!!  Free to live in my own place! YEA!!  So I did that, right? I had a little two bedroom house on a really cozy cute street. It was close to everything and it was affordable, adorable, and just mine. It was mine for less than a month before the kid (my 2nd) decided that her dad wasn't the best choice, and yeah, she wanted to move back in with her mom. I am a mom. I am a good mom. Scratch that, I am a DAMN good mom. I let her move in with me and I really thought I was looking at a year tops, but nope. It's been over six years now. Kinda glad to see this chapter of our lives move forward, just too many pages to flip to get to the next phase! 

    We currently live in a really nice apartment complex that I have lived in over five separate times in my life and she's lived in a few times as well with me.  She and her sister had their first independent apartment here as well, and there aren't enough sentences to describe how horribly awful/awesome that was. It was a living and creatively strange way of life for the both of them. Let's just say I won't be able to put into print all the things that happened just 100 feet from my back door. The clean up when they were asked to leave cost me a little over $2000.00.  Did I mention I was a DAMN good mom? Since Caity was then living with me, and Laura had an offer to move in with her cousin 100 miles away, I decided to move to Texas into another two bedroom house on another really cool street because I was working on a feature film about my dog, and needed to move -- being with a kid wasn't a problem until it was a real problem. Laura came back. I think I may be a kid magnet, but I'm not sure.

    THIS IS IT!  I have made up my mind, and Laura has even given her approval. I'll be moving out in about two months to an apartment in the same complex and probably only 50-100 feet away from my little one (who is now 32 years old).  We went over the various good and great reasons why this would be the best decision for both of us. I'll let her keep the two bedroom unit and I'll take the one bedroom unit because this way I can say NO to anyone who asks to move in with me - - not that I would say no, but I can at least have a valid argument if I chose to.  My kids are OLD now. They are really really old, and two of them are married, they have their own houses, they are all three working. They are suitable, sustainable, responsible adults...let's see if we can keep it that way! Leave MOM ALONE!!

    Here are some of the benefits on both sides of the coin dealing with being on my own. I'll start with what Laura gets out of the deal.

• She can make all the messes she wants to in the kitchen without the fear of me coming in behind her to clean them up.
• She can leave her towels and clothes on the floor without the fear of me coming in behind her to clean it up.
• She can have her rescues, her dogs,  her cats, her damn unicorns if she wants, but I don't have to step over their toys, beds, food bowls, pens, or anything regarding or relating to tack!
• She can keep her curtains drawn and her doors closed. 
• She can stay on her computer 24/7 if she wants to without me bothering her about it.
• She can eat PopTarts for breakfast and ramen for dinner without me trying to force her to eat better.
• She can play her X-box without me having her switch it back so I can see the weather that she thinks I can watch on my phone, but I can't because I didn't download the app.
• She can dance and sing without me videoing and telling all my friends (and the world) how great she is.
• She wants my bedroom! It's the bigger one and it has a bathroom in the room so she won't have to travel through the clutter in her room to get to the toilet at night. I've heard her trip and fall a few times. 

    What do I get out this? Oh, you thought she had it good. No.....you have no idea how freeing and how gloriously wonderful this is.  I don't know if I have enough space or bullet points to do this justice, but here we go.

• I can listen to my music loudly, and by loudly I mean loudly. I won't have to put up with her coming into my room and using hand gestures to silence me.
• I can eat my food without it being gone because now when I buy food I can only hope it's there when I go for it.
• I can come into an apartment and smell the latest incense I had burning earlier or on the warming plate and not ode de cat litter.
• I won't be stumbling over cat boxes, litter boxes, tack boxes, dog bowls, pet beds that seem to find their way in the middle of the hall, and sometimes I have strange new animals in my bed expecting me to share my comforters with them. I always share my comforters with them. I'm not about to turn a sweet fuzzy face down, there's no way. 
• I will have 3 large closets to store my things, and nothing will be out of place now. NOTHING.
• I can have a full dining area room sized area to exercise in and not have to retract when I stretch or push the couch back to have more room. I'll have more room.
• I'll buy new furniture that won't be torn up by dogs and cats.
• I can dance in the living room, kitchen, dining room, my room, the bathroom, outside. I can dance and not embarrass my kid. 
• I can burn SANDALWOOD (and cedar, teakwood, and patchouli) again!!
• My place, my entire place, will be clean and free of tiny cat litter pellets that get in my socks and bug the crap out of me all day.
• I'll have a patio with a fence and my dog can be outside when she wants to be.
• I can open the windows and the curtains to let in light.
• I can do my laundry and know that my socks will be in my drawer and not carried off under the couch.
• I can smoke my little cigar.
• I don't have to look at that Texas Longhorn sweatshirt I bought for a friend and ended up giving it to Laura so it wouldn't be thrown out.

    Honestly, there's just so many things to be thankful for. I'm so very happy I have my daughter so close, and we can go out to dinner, we can go to the store together, we can hang out, go to the lake, but you know what, at the end of the day (unless there is a tornado) we will be sleeping in our own places and waving good night to each other through the window while we're talking to each other on the phone. The cord stretches across the breezeway apparently, but at least it's longer than it is right now. Many people told me they would feel so sad for Laura if I decided to move. She is the one who was hoping I would make the suggestion. I could have done this a year ago! She's not only ready for me to leave, she's agreed to help me pack my bags, boxes, and stuff and carry it over to the new place! What a doll. This is going to be good for the both of us. If she really got lonely she could pull her curtains open and watch me dance.

    

    When I was thinking and planning on moving to Scotland she wasn't thrilled because she wouldn't have someone to hang with, shop with, go to the barn with, and all that, but now she's OK with me being out from under her feet, and she's more than OK with not having to eat everything I force on her to eat. I cook and I don't like cooking for one so I cook for two and guilt her into eating it when I don't want to save it for the next day. It's a mom thing. I'm good at it.  Say a few prayers for us! We'll be OK, but at least we'll be independent and happy enough to do our own thing again -- I hope it lasts a long time for both of us. Woot! 

Mental Balance - Responsibility and Recovery

 Let me start off by saying I am not a medical doctor. My Ph.D. is in Administration. Throughout my educational journey, which if you know anything about the process, I was privileged to have taken and passed many hours or credit hours in subjects dealing with human nature.  Depression and anxiety were covered in at least 18 hours of my tracts, and though I didn't choose to go into counseling, I do have a good mind and heart full of compassion for those who are suffering these mental illnesses.  I can't say I have always been so compassionate or even caring, because that wasn't the case.  For many years (and I do mean years) I was the one standing on the sidelines when I found or saw someone who just couldn't pull their own weight, or get it together, and I was complaining openly and to them personally, to pull up their bootstraps and make it happen!  Wow, what a jerk! No lies. That was me. I was that person!

    I've always been a tough nut really. Not much has been able to strip me of my bravado or my I-Can-Do-This attitude. I've been a warrior for myself since I was a kid, and because I have always made my own way I just assumed everyone else was able and willing, even capable of doing the same thing for themselves. It wasn't until more recently, maybe in the past two years or so, that I have realized that my ineptness to show empathy was even a problem.  I have had friends (really good friends) tell me that all through the years of them knowing me they could always count on me bringing them out of their funk, or I'd have the tough-love approach they needed to get back on track. I suppose I counted that as a blessing and thought I had all the answers. I wasn't depressed. I wasn't anxious, and I didn't want them, my good friends, to be suffering, so I tried what I thought was the best approach. I wasn't very nice. 

    About two years ago I ran across a man who suffered both depression and anxiety.  He is a musician and an artist so I immediately had that really rude and under the breath bias in my mind thinking something like, "of course he's depressed, he doesn't have a real job and thinks he can make it as a musician. It's a good thing he's married. At least she can pay the bills."   I listened to all of his music videos. I bought his LPs. I saw that he was in a band actually, not only a solo artist, and I listened to the band's work as well. I was really impressed with his ability to sing, and he seemed absolutely genuine in his love for Christ as well as for his stand on trying to help those with alcohol, drug, and other addictions which can lead to mental illness. I had another thought of, "It takes one to know one, and maybe he can do more good there than I can. He' understands what they're going through, so he can be more open to their excuses when they say they can't work because they're just not ready to go into work and face the people."  I had this mindset for about another year while I continued to watch him and listen to his podcasts about mental health awareness.

    Over the course of time I realized I had been unfair to people with anxiety. I mean, no, I didn't have it, so I didn't understand it, but that didn't mean I needed to toss it to the wind and claim anyone with anxiety is just too weak to matter. I looked back over my own path and realized that I had Jesus with me, and I was supported by friends and some family, I didn't have the best family support. I wouldn't have and couldn't have leaned on a one of them really, but at least I had people praying for me. This guy really didn't have that. Even his own wife wasn't really praying for him. She was really too busy working, and making the ends meet. She really did pay the bills, and he stayed home to watch the kids and keep the house. There's no reason to think roles can't be reversed. I'm not that stone-hearted. 

    I enrolled in college in 1997, I was almost 36 years old. I divorced the same semester in November, and I was suddenly a single parent with 15 hours of college to handle as well as a full time job. I needed to move out of my three bedroom house into a one bedroom apartment with the kids, it had a little den that we called a 2nd bedroom.  For years I worked 40 hours a week, studied, went to class, wrote essays, did research, mothered the kids, drove them to school, made arrangements for them to be kept after school, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, shopped, set and made appointments, and no, I didn't have a single penny in child support.  I didn't have time to be depressed. I didn't have the luxury of being anxious, and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to play the victim card. I was a mother and I had a job to do! Getting my education was part of that process, and there I was in 2001, graduating with a Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts Pre Law, hoping to go on to Law School and be the best provider possible. That didn't happen.

    My divorce court judge went beyond the scope of her job and authority, and she told me I could have the kids or go to Law School but not both.  She said she knew the challenges. Not that I had just successfully worked a full time job, graduated with Honors and raised the kids on a shoestring budget; but hey, OK, I'll take the kids!  If there was a time for depression and anxiety this was it. I had to make decisions about my life, not worry about what comes next or if I can handle it. I don't have to handle it. I have Jesus.  I know that sounds incredibly trite to some who don't have Jesus, but if you do have Jesus you understand completely. I know the end has already been met, so I don't have to worry about it. That was and is still, my attitude about depression and anxiety, it's just that I don't bark at people now, and I don't throw those facts in their face with fervor. I try to lure and coax.

    Getting a Ph.D. (though 90 hours) was a bit easier actually, the Masters is only 36 hours, not 124 like the Bachelors. I was able to do most if not all of the main courses at night, and my oldest was old enough by that time to watch the two younger kids.  The Ph.D. was 100% online and both degrees were met on time and with higher grades than I expected. Again, I had to maintain a full time job, which by that time was teaching, and I owned an insurance company LLC and sold insurance online to make the bills! This is about the time my son brought home a disabled two-legged dog and I decided to leave my full time job and care for the dog, selling insurance was the only option at that time. For more about Faith, you can Google her; Faith the Two-Legged Dog.  It's a thing, but not part of this blog really. I'm only including it to say that I had a lot on my plate and didn't even dream of thinking about it. I just put it in gear and made things happen. 

    Mental illness didn't hit me. Meanness hit me, rudeness hit me, but mental illness stayed away for the most part. I began noticing that my friends weren't as apt to come by, and my long time acquaintances weren't calling or sending cards at Christmas.  Was it me?  Could it be me? What did I do to piss them off to the point that they don't want to communicate?  Another few (many) years went by before I realized how deep my harshness really was.  It was 2019 when I woke up and found out that I needed to be a LOT more open to the way people feel and the way they handle or don't handle situations. I began really listening to the singer and his story. I began praying for him and following his recovery through his podcasts and interviews.  He was really making a difference in the lives of so many and so many people really appreciated his help and understanding. I loved that. I wanted to be a better tool for Jesus and decided I would be. 

    Today, that very man, that singer, is taking a leave of absence from performing and even posting because he needs time for himself and his own health.  He's suffering and he's in a great deal of mental anguish over what all is happening, what has happened, and in his mind, he can't seem to figure out what will happen, but he knows that he needs to take a few steps back and let Jesus have not only the reins, but the entire carriage.  This is the type of balance I believe is meant for everyone. We have eyes on the inside too, and we need to open them to realize that we can't always be who everyone else thinks we should be. We need to be who we are, and try our best to better that person. We can't be strong for others if we're not first confident and strong for ourselves. We can get there with Jesus. It's next to impossible, no matter what anyone else says, to do it without Jesus. No, you don't have to be RELIGIOUS to have Christ. In fact, religion is often the problem!  Be open, be honest, be willing, and ask Jesus to help you. He will.

    We all have our own lives to live. I can't expect another person to do what I expect myself to do. I can't expect myself to do what I know is impossible. We need to know our limits. That goes without saying when we talk about addictions, but in recovery, we have to set limits too. Being responsible is just as important as being aware.  Taking full responsibility for our own actions, good and bad, is the very least (and first thing) we can do.  I choose to pray and I choose to let God help me. I know there are many many paths to take - - the journey is never smooth.  Take a friend, and be kind to yourself and others. We really don't know what lies behind the eyes of a wounded soul. Even if their face is smiling. 

Photo Credit: Vertigodetective.com 

Photo Credit: Atort Photography 

A New Place

 Today was a great day for study, and a great day for reflections.  As many of you know, I have lived in the same apartment complex for over 100 years and I've lived in about 5 different units over the course of time. I leave, I come back, I stay, I leave again, I over think it, and I move back. This pattern began when  I was just out of high school and I've basically been living the life of a homing pigeon with this same complex for over the long haul.  Well, today I decided to move out of my two-bedroom (basically two-bath) house with my daughter, and I'm going to get my own place - - again.  I laugh when I say that, and the landlord laughed right along with me. Leaving Laura? What the hell?  She's 32 years old, how will she ever survive without her mom?  You can't see me laughing, but I'm on the floor.

    About six years ago Laura called me from her roost in Tulsa saying she believed I needed a roommate. I couldn't possibly be happy living on my own, and she knew the perfect roommate for me. Though I argued with her, telling her I was fine, there was no reason to split rent, share space, or put up with her endless menagerie  of animals, she moved in anyway. I think she may have waited for me to go to the store before employing her older brother to do the dirty work. I know that since that day I've put up with geese being hatched in my bathroom more often than I care to recall.  I have to say MY bathroom, because it's the one without the tub and when I INSISTED that the goose eggs be wrapped in towels and placed in a box with the proper lighting, I also insisted that they not be in the bathroom with the tub! I have priorities. 

    Laura has rescued horses and tied them to the trees downstairs. She has rescued dogs and we sleep with most of them until she can find them homes. We rarely rescue cats, we just pick them up and let them know they'll be fed and cared for until they decide to leave. You don't force a cat to stay if it wants to leave. We have seen ducks, birds of all species, and even a baby goat come through the place, but no more friends. No more cycle of Laura's Resident Farmhouse for me. I'm taking my one dog, Ginger, and I'm heading all the way across the breezeway from my 2nd child.  I have to tell the truth, I am glad I won't be on the other side of the complex. I plan on using her kitchen and dining room to pour the soaps and candles. She doesn't need the dining room and she is rarely in her kitchen. She's more of a pop-it-in-the-microwave type; you know those people. I'm the chef who has no one to cook for. She's a minimalist when it comes to food. (Pop Tart for dinner? Sure.)

    I took a tour of the new place today. I'm not sure when it will be ready, I may wait another month or so in order to give the maintenance guys time to really do it right. Usually when someone moves out they replace all the carpet, appliances, blinds, paint, you name it. This time around if I wait a minute they can go one better and get me new countertops and shelves in my kitchen that I don't have in the current unit. I won't get my requested washer and dryer, that's asking too much, but I'll buy my own. I won't get the new door bell I requested either. The manager took the door bells out about 2 years ago and I now have to listen for Ginger to sound off to let me know Amazon is downstairs backing up their big truck! Ginger has saved me from countless delivery drivers, postal people, the occasional visitor to another tenant, and the dog from the apartment below us. That Chihuahua could be the death of any of us, but with Ginger around, I am alerted the first time a butterfly lands on the bush outside the window! Such a great dog.

    I walked the new place today though, and it was wonderful. I live in a complex that from time to time I can come home and see the maintenance men/man sitting on my couch testing out my television and internet connection to be sure they still work while they hide from the manager. They also test my milk, bread, cheese, cereal, toaster, or cookies I may have out waiting for Laura. (Yes, I'm that mom even if she is 32 years old.) The maintenance men are like family - - hell, they've been here longer than we have been, and we were born here I think. It was so long ago I don't remember. I know the other tenants, I know their families, I know their lifestyles, their secrets, their habits, and they know mine. So many of my old timer neighbors were plotting against me when I was planning to move to Scotland. They were concocting ways to trap me and hide me under the stairs in the little boiler room thing. No one wanted me to leave. I make them brownies, soaps, candles, and any cookies Laura doesn't eat goes out to anyone who happens to be walking by the window. If I see them, I call out, they come by, and they get a cookie - - we have such a tight group and we like it that way. 

    The new place has one big bedroom that is 15 feet by 13 feet. The living room is 15 by 21 feet. The kitchen is around 15 x 12 and the the dining is around the same.  The bathroom is big enough to dance around in really, and I have 3 clothes closets, two in my room and one in the hall. There is another closet when you first come into the apartment and a long thin pantry closet in the dining room. Out on the patio, which is fenced and has a "yard" or garden of about 30 feet by 30 feet, I have another storage closet, another walk in, and it is about 6 feet by 4 feet I guess. It's a good size.  We don't have garages or covered parking, but our neighbors watch out for each other, we don't let anyone who doesn't live here or know someone who lives here come into the parking lot for soliciting. We have block parties that go on for hours in the summertime, with cook outs, swimming, and those stupid silly games that I suck at! Laura's good at them, she's got the wrists for it (being a roper). I suck at all things competitive really.

    I LOVE and I do mean LOVE the new place.  Though I've been in and out of this type of unit a million times I wanted to measure and take photos and get things ready in my mind for it. It may be February before I take possession since I'm going to probably wait for the new countertops. I will hit up Home Depot soon to pretend shop. I love that. I buy a 1000 things in my head and then end up going on Pintrest to be sure it's Jeannie-Approved. (My bestie)  Can't wait, can't wait. I'll be able to listen to my music as long and as loudly as I want to. I won't have to figure out how to change the TV from the X-Box back to normal. I'll be able to kick box and dance since it's on the ground level. I'll be able to let Ginger out to bark at all the passersby and they can't wait to be able to feed her treats and come in the back door for coffee in the mornings. We do have a great set of neighbors....but after 100 years one would think that I should know a few of them pretty well, right?

    I'm OK not moving to Scotland. This is home, and these are my people.

Ginger 

Laura with the Unicorn she rescued. 

    

Comparison: Apples to Apples

 Yesterday I wrote a blog post where I literally gave reasons from my personal experience and my personal opinion as to why I would not be moving to Scotland, but staying here in Oklahoma City. I called it a comparison because that is exactly what it was. I was comparing what I have now to what I would have had. I wasn't saying Edinburgh was this or that, or that Oklahoma City was better because this or that. I was saying I live here in Oklahoma City, and this is what I pay, this is where I live, the type of housing, etc. Literally, because I called it a house once and an apartment once, I was called out for being a liar. What? Well, there you go, still another reason not to move to Scotland. Not if the people who I would be engaging with most of the time can't expand their brain cells to include two words meaning the same thing. I say "pants" for trousers too. They call underwear "pants" so does that mean I'm a LIAR if I say I am wearing new pants today, but they can't see them because I was talking about my trousers? It went downhill fast.

    Here is basically what I tried to say, and it was not accepted.  It was not only not accepted, it was never challenged. They just called me names, told me I was wrong, and accused me of lying and being an idiot. I was the only sober one I think. That's another reason not to make a permanent move to Scotland. The size of the country is 1/2 the size of my own average to small state, and they have twice as many folks, many of which are on disability for being too drunk to work; I'm sorry, but it's true. I know we have the same thing here, so why would I go from a place that has less people in a much larger area who have issues to a place that has so many more people in a much smaller area with more addictions? I want to help not add to the problem.  If I was there I would be a volunteer at a homeless shelter, but according to their visa rules and laws I can't even do that more than a few hours a week, and I'm not allowed to work at all for the entire time I'm on the visit visa. I would have to have a work visa and that means I would have to have a job offer, and that means I would have to be hired but I can't be hired because employers there can't hire me if I am not a citizen!  It's just a mess.  

    I live in an apartment (I will call it a house from time to time, get over it) that is upstairs and on the 2nd floor in America.  They call that the 1st floor, as the ground level is the ground floor. So when I said I went up a flight of stairs but lived on the 2nd floor I was called out for that too! I tried to say why, but I was called an idiot. I was literally put down for having a different word for the same thing. We don't say drink-driving here, we say drunk-driving.  I was corrected.  I call this time of year Fall, but I was corrected, it's Autumn only.  I was corrected constantly, and as a professor of English looking at their atrocious spelling and misuse of words, I had enough of it and I left the group. NO ONE can tell me I had another experience than what I had. It was in fact MY EXPERIENCE!  

    Apples to apples.  What may appear to be a green apple vs. a red apple, may be evident, but it is nevertheless apples to apples.  In Oklahoma I pay $680 a month for a 2 bed 2 bath apartment that is upstairs and in the city about 5 miles from the downtown hub.  I pay no water, garbage, or sewage. I have electric heating and I pay for my own electricity, about $125 USD a month. My cable is connected with the internet and a landline phone for $125 USD. I pay about $40 in insurance each month, but I do have a car and pay a payment of $330 as well as $100 for insurance and maybe $50-60 for gasoline. I pay about $7 to go to a burger joint to eat, and about $13 to go to a restaurant.  I pay $350 for pasture board on my horse, my horse that only cost me $125 USD by the way, and the U.S. Government literally paid me $1000 to keep!  (www.blm.gov/whb but watch them all think BLM stands for something else and say we can't use those initials.) He's an American Mustang.  I live in a conservative state, one that still votes for pro-life, and we are basically divided 70-30 against taking the vaccine, not that we are anti-vax, no, we just don't like this one.  This is the RED apple.

    The GREEN apple is Edinburgh, Scotland. I did my homework. I took an AVERAGE not a specific detail for housing, cost(s) of living, parking, transport, etc. I priced nearby boarding facilities and I considered their Christian values and politics to see if I would be happy living there.  An apartment about the same distance from downtown would be about $1000 a month, all bills would be paid through a council tax of about $200-340 depending on what BAND your house/apartment was considered. I was told to only go with BAND D so that's about $300-340 for bills except for your internet, cable, phone, and insurance.  Internet was $80 which included the cable, no phone line, but you can buy your cell service for around $40 and more if you want unlimited. The other costs were the transport costs. I would not have a car, so a monthly rail pass was $230 and a pass to ride the bus was $75.  So far it's not that big of a deal really, except I would have to give up going to the store when I wanted to, and I would possibly have to walk in weather to get to a bus stop, and then stand at it, wait on a bus, ride to the store, get what I want, and not be able to get much.  Boarding was out of the question!  A horse facility with 80 acres  will not be found near Edinburgh.  There were private stables but I was told the price was $800 a month for pasture and I had to provide the feed.  The religious views are about the same as mine if I attended a church, but the average person considered themselves to not be religious or spiritual, most would in fact embrace pagan ideals.  Not a fan. (Pretty! But not Biblical)

    The healthcare there has our healthcare beat by a 1000x, but I couldn't use it. I would have to have a private insurance contract, and I would not be allowed to even go to a hospital without it. They accept you sure, they don't turn you away, but they insist on you being vaccinated and even to get into the country you have to be vaccinated and that just doesn't set well with my American beliefs or my personal beliefs about the vaccine.  Sorry, but I know too many folks who have been diagnosed with the C19 after being given the vax and even after being boosted. So, it doesn't work, why are they forcing it on us? Why can't we make our own minds up about it? They want to "Save the people" but are OK with abortion? Aren't babies people?  It would just not be a good fit.  They like to say they dogged a bullet by me not going - - so I went ahead and corrected that to "dodged" and called it fair.

    Apples to apples and yes, I do love apples. I both love Scotland and pray for her. I want the country to be the best it could ever dream of being. I want people to visit it, I want them to have a great time. I want there to be peace, love, harmony, and good times for every single person there and here, but to be called out to explaining myself just felt like I was talking to a room full of teenagers with angst and piss wanting to be one-up, better, bigger, badder, braver, whatever.  It was all "look at me" and showing off how big their ass really was online. I know we have those idiots here too, but it just reiterated in my mind that I can just Google map my way through the Highlands and I can visit anywhere and anyplace I want online. I don't have to spend $$$$ going to a place where my idea of it would be ruined the second I was asked to prove what I just said to a person who lives in a place where I am a GUEST.  No thank you. The BIGGEST comparison I can show you is this; if any one of those online morons would come to Oklahoma and want to be shown what we have to offer I would not have treated them the way they treated me, and that includes anyone who has a different opinion, religious view, outlook, world view, or political view. I am not going to spit on someone for being different and think it's OK to brag about the spitting.  

    That being said, I have many friends (about 70) who are from Scotland who I believe would never treat another soul the way I was treated on the Facebook ancestor sites by native Scots. The people I know and have grown to love over the years are caring, kind, giving, and then again, they are born again Christians, every last one of them. THAT must be the difference, right there. You can't expect an unbeliever to act like a believer. You can't, and to do so is futile. I learned that the hard way.  I left the group, and I deleted the blog. I decided to rewrite it in a different way.  I should include links so the less than intelligent who like to call people liars can go and read for themselves.  I should, but I don't have to. I can (because they can't) get into my car and drive to Braum's Ice Cream store and get a sundae. They may have ice cream, but they do not, and will not ever have Braum's. That's only for those of us lucky enough to live in this part of the big wonderful U.S.A.  Oh, and my best friend wouldn't be there, and she wanted me to bring that fact up as well. She said to mention that we have actual football here too - - that's a point I'll give to Edinburgh, as American football is much more fun I think, but it should not be called "football".  

    OK, well, there you go. There is ONE more thing that I would have to give up if I moved to Scotland and that would be my firearms.  I don't mind not taking my firearms to the UK. I get that, I do. I really do understand their reasoning, but a person can't even have a stun gun, a good knife for protection, or a can of mace. Seriously, a officer will take your three-inch blade from you if it is locked. It can be three inches if it is not locked. That's all you can have, and you can't have that knife out ready to protect yourself, you have to have it in your pocket until you need it. Oh, but the bad guy can have one right? Well, there you go, another reason to love the place from afar and just be the happy little Okie that I am. Boomer Sooner.

Photo Credit: Healthfeed.org

Empyrean (a Poem)

 Empyrean  

 

One, two, three, four, 

One, two, three – fly 

I chase the illusion 

Dream – fantasize 

 

Drawn to the velvet 

Thick the motions scroll 

Clear floating breezes 

Line my heart’s soul 

 

Oh, do I see him 

Is he here – just there 

Dance for me kind king 

Spin your servant fair 

 

Long I’ve dreamt to find you 

Entice, come near I pray 

Take my hand, my every breath 

Give your strong command 

 

Drawn to this, my trance 

An escape to be with you 

If only in my visions 

Until a day so new 

 

So new with its beginning 

Unearthed and set above 

Heaven holds my waiting 

How dare I mention love 

 

- Jude Stringfellow, November 29, 2021 

 

Photo Credit: Tattoos Love to Know