The Things We Do for Fat Part Two

Hey, looky there - - it only took 14 hours for my belly to decide to cooperate and do what everyone's belly does in 1. YEA me.

I finally went to the bathroom and was able to "eliminate", I love that word. I was surprised that I didn't have an upset tummy or any wild gurgling notices beforehand. Just an urge to go and I answered the call. Not that I was able to withstand the urge because I wasn't. Had I been in a public place I would have been at the mercy of anyone who may have been in the stall beforehand. It was a good thing that I was home, and give me reason to encourage anyone doing the Salt Water Flush (SWF) to stay home until you have had at least one good movement - - they say it will continue and you will "eliminate" several times in a few hours. We'll see.

Wouldn't it be great if we could wake up, go to the toilet, alleviate all of our fat and unwanted food substances naturally? We could have a nice little party every day with the scale. We could feel healthy and happy without wondering if we're going to add an oz or two today. I always say to myself that I won't worry about it; but I do. My friend the great web designer up in NJ (Randall Goya) added a comment to my last blog about dieting claiming that his doctor told him to eat less but more times a day. I've done that, I do that. I'm one of those that don't eat processed foods very often at all. I eat next to no dairy products, I eat next to no meat products, maybe a little chicken. It's just that MY body refuses to cooperate with MY ideas that I have for it. I even show my body pictures of what it would look like if it would cooperate, but it won't listen. (and yes, I even tried holding the pictures closer to my ears so it would)

I'm not going to accept Randall's obviously correct statement that some of us were born to be rounder or more substantially built. To heck with that notion! LOL I say a person should be able to communicate with ones own body and come to an agreement....that's just my mind's opinion, but my heart agrees. I think it does, I like to pretend it does anyway.

Good luck with your SWF if you decide to do it. I'm told (by reading) that you can do it as often as you like, but to be aware as usual that any change to your routine could cause problems and you should consult a doctor first - - it's just smart to do that.

The Things We Do For Fat

This is a good one. I still have a fatter belly than I want; for some reason, even though I diet correctly, exercise and do all the things I'm suppose to do I have this big fat round gut sticking out in front of my would-be-otherwise-toned body. So, I've declared war (again) on it and this time I'm bringing in the heavy hitters - - salt and water.

I read about the salt water flush over a year ago and never really understood what it could do for me because I couldn't get past the fact that people would put a tablespoon of sea salt (NOT iodized table salt) into a quart of water and drink it. Are you kidding me? No one would do that - - unless they do it the way I do it. It just makes more sense. I just put a tablespoon of sea salt into a glass of 3 oz of water, not a quart, and let it dissolve, THEN I drank that down, more like a shot. After I did that I was more than happy to follow it with a quart of fresh filtered water as a chaser! I couldn't get a quart of salty water down but I can shoot a tablespoon of it fast enough. It took 2 shots, but I got it.

So, now I'm sitting here waiting on the "results", which I'm told are nasty and I don't want to be in public when they do come. I'm told I'll be in the bathroom all evening, and that's OK - - I've got the shower prepared JUST in case things get really messy. Oh, you didn't want to hear that did you; my bad. I'm also timing it to see what sort of effects MY body has as opposed to the people on line. I'm feeling a bit full but not disgusting yet. I'm also wondering if the slight headache that is approaching has something to do with it, or if the stress of the day itself could be bringing it on. We'll have to test the theory again at a later date.

I don't know how often you're suppose to do the salt water flush (SWF) so I'll start with today and see what happens. If it's a daily thing - - I'm pretty sure I could do it, but I'd need to see dramatic results before I agreed to do it. I also need to remind you that I am NOT suggesting that you follow in my footsteps, and before you do anything like this or any other regimen please consult a doctor. You just never know.

The website I went to is: http://www.colonzone.org/salt-water-flush.php just in case you want to do this - - after you consult your doctor. It says the sea salt is NOT absorbed into your digestive system, as the weight of the salt pushes it through to the intestines and then it goes on to report that you'll release it through your anus, now there's a bit of news that no one expected...LOL of course it is, it's a flush! OK, it's been 15 minutes and the only change is my head still feels a bit light. So I'll hang on for a few more minutes before retreating to the bathroom just to wait. I'll let you know what happens. If I need to I'll put up a warning sign.

OK - - it's been one full hour and NOTHING. Not a belly rumble or anything. I'll come back tomorrow and update you on everything - - Part Two...on Number 2. Had to go there.

Cayenne!! That's Hot!

OK, you know me, I hear something can help me lose weight and I jump on it if it's natural and doesn't cost much. Well, enter Cayenne Pepper Oil. I've known for years that Cayenne can help your metabolism, it increases blood flow, works wonders on your circulation and does fantastic things for ones prostate. Since I don't actually have a prostate I imagine that the other benefits will be good enough - - and when you compare it to many other health food supplements cayenne beats the pants off them price wise. It's REALLY cheap, I think my 1 oz dropper bottle was $7.95 - - which makes it very popular with me; right up there with wild cherry juice!

Some of the natural benefits of cayenne pepper oil are outstanding, but believe me the bottle needs to come with its own warning pamphlet. When you think of cayenne sauce or Louisiana hot sauce, you think of the natural hot spicy taste associated with it. We put it in our stews, on our cornbread -- it's good right? Well, when you take cayenne straight from the bottle you need to be standing really close to a 44 oz cup of ice and if that's not enough, if your tongue and cheeks melt through that too quickly, you'll want to be close to a spray nozzle at the sink! OMG - - Paris Hilton would say it, you would say, I said it, THAT'S HOT! OMG THAT'S HOT. Hot enough to make you NEVER want to do it again, but you know you have to...if you want the millions of benefits it brings your body...and I do.

I've been reading up on it; Niki Bauer would be really proud of me. She's my English teacher friend that loves to try new foods that her husband Eric whips up Speaking of Big Eric (We call him that to differentiate between himself and his taller than he is son Little Eric), speaking of Big Eric, I'm having dinner with him tonight and I'll take my cayenne to the restaurant with me and tell him how stupid I was to take 30 drops of the magic liquid lava earlier today -- at least I took it with a good suspension liquid in 100% blue agave! I didn't just drop it in my mouth, but something tells me I wasn't too far off from just dropping it, damn, I think my lips look like they've been given a collagen treatment...puffy and tender to touch...seriously, it's DAMN HOT. Let me say it just one more time - HOT.

Now I'm reading that I can put it in tea. I knew I could put it in stew, so why not tea. Tea is hot, you drink it, it works wonders and maybe it will diffuse the scorching searing feeling I had in my mouth from the last time. I was funny though, I made Reuben try it first to see how he would do -- that's why I used the blue agave....poor kid. He's a great guinea pig. I did the same thing to him with oil of oregano; that's another herb (oil) you don't want to abuse. I had to blog about that too. His sinuses were cleared up immediately and stayed that way for days!

So, I have to run, but I wanted to post another blog first. May as well be this one, you may be thinking "what can I do to speed up my metabolism and make myself unbearably uncomfortable for 30 minutes?" Hey, I know the answer, take 30 drops of cayenne oil with a little honey or agave - - you'll feel pain in NO TIME!! Oh, but according to all the experts, your circulation, digestion, and if you're a man your prostate, will all thank you! Your tongue, your cheeks, your head - - no so much! LOL

I Kill People All The Time - In My Mind.

As a writer, I'm constantly thinking. I play games with myself -- putting my mind and sometimes my body into a film, a book, a thought, a story. I'm pretending nearly every minute of my life when I'm not actively engaged in reality. I prefer pretending, it's prettier, bigger, better, I have more money - - I have absolutely NO fat whatsoever in my dreams and I kill people - LEGALLY. 

 Writing is just that - - writing. It's a process of putting what you think onto paper, into a database, you put it somewhere so you can say you did it, it was your idea, and no one else can muscle in on it and call it theirs. Of course, muscling into someone elses haven and stealing their hard-thought out ideas is part of the writers fantasy, but we don't do it. Good writers don't do it, we respect the others and we kick ourselves for not thinking of it first....or at least not registering it first. 

 I was riding home from a botched arrangement the other day; a day I was suppose to drive my own car home but ended up in the jump seat of a stranger's van and believe me that gave me ample time to plan a murder...even my own. Imagine this: You're in a van, a stranger's van, a van of a man you've never met and wouldn't have met if you hadn't met him. He was just there when HE needed to be. He's the murderer -- he has to be, it was meant to be. SO, is he going to kill me, is he going to kill Laura (she was with us) or are we going to stop off somewhere between here and there and kill someone completely ignorant of our plan? PERFECT - - we kill someone together, I never see Mr. Van again, he doesn't know who I am, and the only connection we have at all is the repair shop where we met -- may I add, a repair shop that could be where he hides HIS bodies. I hide mine in the woods - - different woods. I tend to bring them to a hidden place, chop them up with wood choppers, put them on ice, mail the pieces to myself at different post office locations and then feed them to pigs all around the county. ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? LOL - - my bad.

 The drive home - some 38 miles - was epic for the mind. Laura helped; she was in the back of the van. Pitch black, thumping around with electrical cords, a boom box, a tool box or two, loose tools and this van guy's bloody work clothes - - I mean, greasy work clothes. I just said bloody because I slipped right back into the plot. I burn my clothes, I walk out of the woods naked, completely naked - - so you can see where being wonderfully built physically without additional body fat makes me the ideal killer. Besides, I'm a former English teacher; unless the victim is a student or an administrator no one suspects me. No one. 

 Laura and I got home and she opened the back door of the van -- because she could. In my mind she was trapped, her hands were taped together, and she was trying to get out of the situation - - She looked me squarely in the eyes and said "Oh my GOSH mom, I totally killed three people! I was awesome. I was the lost little school girl right, well, they didn't know it, but I only look 12, I'm 21, I lured them into the van, I strangled them with the cord in the dark and then pushed them out on the side of the road when he slowed down!" I was laughing - - I told her I know. I know because I was behind her in another van, I stopped, picked the bodies up, threw them in the back of my van and we had to dispose of the bodies now....we laughed. We went to Starbucks and decided to leave the bodies, the van, the man, everyone back in the world of imagination. For now.

Tow - - Two For One. Not Really.

They charged us for two tows, but that's OK. We have AAA Road Assistance. (Thank you Reuben) and for the record, the Broadway Towing Company of Ardmore did a really good job towing our two vehicles today to our favorite mechanic in Texas, Russell over at Rapid Repair of Gainesville, TX. RUSSELL is probably sorry he ever said yes to helping us about a year ago, but he agreed!! He's been our constant friend.

Getting to Gainesville wasn't the problem, and to be honest, there wasn't really a problem - - except Russell couldn't get to either of my cars today and I was stranded in Gainesville, about 38 miles away from home. Once the towing service truck pulled away and Russell informed me that he couldn't get to my car today I immediately called the trucker back - - to no avail. You never get HIM, nice as he was, you get his parents, who own the company. First his mom was befuddled by what I was asking - - simple enough; I wanted her son to turn around and come back to pick us up. He was going back anyway - - shouldn't be hard to get him to take us back. Well, that's what you would think. EXCEPT..it must have been a newly thought out concept too much for her brain, as she stumbled around the issue for a few minutes with me on the phone, all the while her son (and my potential ride) drove further and further from me. HELLO LADY -- call your son! Ask him to come back! How hard is that? Apparently so hard she had to put her husband on the line - - the owner of the tow service.

When I asked him to call his son back and tell him we needed to go back to town - - his answer was, and no, I can't make this up: "We don't do that." WHAT? WE DON'T DO THAT? We don't do what, turn around, help out folks, what part of it don't they do? He explained to me that his son was already on his way back - - I knew this, but he wasn't far and I offered to pay for the gas for returning. "No, we don't do that, we don't take folks back. We drop them off is all." Not lying, that's what he said - - do you think that's going on my report to AAA and to the newspapers in the area; because it is. The pen, and in this case, the keyboard, can be a very convincing tool for those of us who like to call ourselves CONSUMERS!

There I was -- stranded in Gainesville...it could be worse.

Russell is an adorable man, all gruffy and grumpy acting, but that's just an act. He quickly came up with a solution. After I called a few good friends and got no where - - he suggested that a local handyman "John" take us back. Of course I offered to pay for gas, and I did, but here's the fun part: John, of www.handyman-john.com drove a big white cargo van JUST like you'd think he would. Laura had to ride in the back with the boombox, the tool boxes, the electrical cords, and standing loose tools. I gave her the option of sitting on my lap up front with the big American flag stretched across the backdrop cage that separates the driver/passenger from all the dangerous flying metal should there be a sudden stop. She declined. She ..Laura became the flying not-so-metal that hit the backdrop cage when John had to come to a forceful stop...twice. OUCH.

All the way home John and I talked about his two daughters and their adventures. He's a young young man, but has a 12 and 11 year old daughters who are into everything. Now living near Chicago he rarely sees them, but never a more proud father could there be. It was indeed an adventure coming home in the pouring rain, in a van speeding down the highway at 80 mph apt to make sudden stops - - my heart and my prayers stayed in the back with Laura Cakes. Her occasional thuds quickened my heart constantly. When we approached our fair city I was brazen and bold enough to assume correctly, that our host wouldn't mind stopping first at Starbucks before taking me all the way home - - HEY, I paid him!! LOL

Thanks John -- told you I would blog. I hope the world calls you up and puts you to work now. Just incase you need a great handyman in the Southern part of Oklahoma and/or the Northern part of Texas, call John at 940-632-7489 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 940-632-7489 end_of_the_skype_highlighting (Yes, I got his permission to add his cell) Fun times for all - - except Laura.

OH -- and the minute, I mean the minute I got home Russell called to say the car didn't take as long as he first thought. It's ready now. OF COURSE it is. Hahahaha...I'll pick it up Saturday when I have a ride. No sense hiring John again, but you never know, he was fun and full of talk-talk. Get this: his daughter has a singing contract at age 11. You just can't hope for more. Thanks John, thanks Russell - - thanks GOD - - we learned alot on this two-for-one towing day. I'm happy, the sun is taking a nap and letting the skies weep for a minute. It's a great day to be alive and know that the sound of your kid hitting the backdrop cage can actually mean that she's happy to be alive too. (Sorry Laura, I did offer you to sit in my lap!) LOL

Oil of Oregano - - NOT to be Abused

Nope, this is ONE herb you just don't want to mess with. Reuben (I call him "Baby Boy") found that out the hard way today -- and JUST like the time he put his hand into his Grandma's pepper jar I couldn't stop him, Reuben dosed himself under the nose as was suggested! OUCHHHH - and what a noise, very loud noise came out of my darling 24 year old son. REALLY very reminiscent of the day he was about 2 and popped his first jalapeno! A boy has to learn, right? Sometimes moms do need to be listened to before taking action. He won't be doing that again. My ears are still ringing, but probably not as loudly or as painfully as his nostrils. (He now says he can smell it, taste it, feel it, and he's not really all that happy with himself for not reading the instructions on the bottle.)

Boys are boys until they become men, then there's really not much hope for them now is there? Not when it comes to listening to mom, and not when it comes to reading the labels or following diagrammed instructions. They just have to find out for themselves how to sink or swim - - and in this case how to do the dancing thing when you've burned out the inside of your nose with an extremely potent herb designed to kill off bacteria. Noses have bacteria in spades. The herb was JUST doing its job, son.

We went to the FedEx store to send off a media pack to the Zippy Production Co. in Japan. That's when the lady behind the counter, who was wearing her "I Support the Troops" shirt noticed that Baby Boy was sneezing a bit, and sniffling. He was born in Oklahoma but has never gotten use to or immune to the pollens from the cottonwoods, pecans, dandelions, you name it my son is allergic to it just enough to make his sinuses rage a bit in the spring and summer heat. Angelina, the woman, quickly told him to try a little oil of oregano and then she said to put it under his nose, just a drop. She swore it would work - - she may be right, but the bottle is clear about NOT putting the oil directly on the skin without mixing it very well with olive oil first. Infact, its so strong (oil of, or extract of oregano) that it takes a full teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil mixed with just one tiny drop of oregano oil to make the right mix. NO ONE wants to put that much oil under their nose, so I'm thinking under the tongue would make a lot more sense.

I was right -- and as much as I like to admit that I'm right, I don't like to admit that my son who can stand in Iraq for a year holding a gun to protect me and who can drive a tank on two wheels when called to do so, can't or won't listen when I tell him what I know to be true about herbs. HELLO, I'm Celtic! I think I'm more Celtic than he is because he is actually 1/16 Chinese -- but then again, the Chinese are masters with various herbs and remedies -- suffice it to say my son didn't really inherit the herb gene. He did however steal all of the bravado and macho genes from whatever pool his DNA was swimming in. He's brave to a fault at times and even when he afflicted himself with the oil of oregano he immediately (after initially screaming and rubbing his face into the couch) went on the defence and crammed dry tissue up his snout to get all that he could -- but membranes being membranes the damage was pretty much done. Poor baby. He did learn from it, but still. It hurts a mother to laugh that much at her son.

OK, so the effects of oil of oregano can be very very beneficial to anyone using it correctly. It works to eliminate inflammation, it helps acne, or actually kills the bacteria that causes it. It works to aid stomach aches, indigestion, gas and so much more...and sinus issues too. But please, before you try anything new - - especially if someone from a store just mentioned it on the fly, please consult a doctor or pharmacist -- herbalist, someone! And, if you're not to manly to do so, please try reading the bottle for instructions. If you are too manly to read it, ask your mom!

Puppy Faith (10 inch plush toy) is HERE

Welcome to the FAITH the Dog's Official Product Site!

Everyone needs a little "PUPPY FAITH"

Item Number: 3929394
Description: Reserve Your Inspirational and Hug-able "Puppy Faith" Plush Toy TODAY!

Custom made by the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company & Distributed by Cher Marketing for only 14.99ea. (a portion of proceeds will go to help the Michigan Animal Rescue League & Community Animal Rescue Effort in Strawn Texas)

Soft and Cuddly "Puppy Faith" is 10" tall, golden color with an inspiring removable heart shaped message tag attached to her ear.

Contact: www.chermarketing.com or call: (248) 674-9339 to orer yours.

Ordering instructions: Please indicate the color golden and size small to complete form.

International Shipping, will be invoiced at $12.75

A 10% profit of Jude Stringfellow's PORTION OF PROCEEDS WILL BE DONATED TO HELP ANIMALS IN NEED!
Namely Animal Rescue groups.
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Quantity: 1
Price (each): $14.99




WE ALL NEED A LITTLE "FAITH"





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At Home on the Range! 2010

When your kid is qualified to be in Special Forces and has real skills, you listen to them when they say “C’mon Mom, we’re going to the range to shoot a few.” It happens more often than one may think.   Reuben has trained me in hand-to-hand combat, how to deliver a sweet kidney jab and cut throat move all in just two seconds. He’s rather handy that one. He takes great pleasure in sneaking up behind me and killing me, then explaining to me just how easy it was, before showing and demonstrating to me what I could have done to prevent him from doing so.  

 Reuben took me to the shooting range close to where we currently live, only about 20 miles away.  Had it been in Texas, I would have said "just up the road a bit" to describe how far we drove so I could kill paper targets. Everything is relative in Texas when it comes to distance. It was fun, it’s always fun when we go shooting, but more importantly, it was a life lesson for me, as to why I gave birth in the first place. The #1 reason I gave birth to my son apparently, was so that on this day, he would rule supreme over me and thoroughly school me on self-defense, self-preservation, self-protection, and why I should never join any elite shooting teams any time soon (Hint: because I suck at shooting a gun.) You have to understand that even though I was raised in a Southwestern state (Oklahoma) and have been out in the woods I have not been hunting. I have only been target-practicing with hand guns.  Before my son, I had only shot a hand gun a few times and I think I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger with both hands most of the time. I missed then too. It was determined long ago that I'm far better at shooting a rifle than I am a hand gun.  

I've been known to shy from a pistol; even dropping it, and then screaming because I thought it was going to go off in my hands or when it hit the ground for sure. Yep, I'm far better and more comfortable holding a longer barreled weapon and when I do I have a bit more confidence -- at least I can fake my non-nervousness and I don't shake or sweat where the bad guy can see me. Choosing the right weapon is so important. I told the guy at the front desk of the gun range that I wanted something without a recoil and he showed me the door. At first, I thought he kept guns outside where we had just come in from, but soon realized he was directing me to go home -- I laughed, but apparently, he's not much of a joker. See why I don't date? Men are mean.  

Reuben gave the guy the ol’ man head nod without saying anything, and he was escorted to the back office where all the rifles and pistols are kept. The guy finally cottoned up to me after Reuben explained my ignorance; thank you son -- and I was handed a something or other deer rifle with the number .243 at the end, which I think shoots 30x30 ammo - - but that makes no sense to me. It should shoot 243 sized bullets, right? Anyway, I didn't argue, I just listened to my son explain how to load it, how to lock it, how to cock it, how to aim it, and how to shoot it correctly; and he did this in one long sentence and only 1/2 of a breath. Done! I had to ask him to do it again of course, but this time to slow it down a bit -- the gun master left the room before he became angry enough to use one of his guns on me in front of my son. 

 We were the only shooters on the deer range. I was given a deer rifle for two reasons: 1. It's easier to explain to law enforcement, I'm told. You have a deer rifle you may never be questioned as to why you own one. It's used to shoot deer. the 2nd reason is, you guessed it, it doesn't have as much of a recoil. Well, it does, but it's supposed to be easier for women and/or men who aren't used to shooting. I don't like to lie to law enforcement - - but I will never ever in my life, as long as I live, shoot at a deer. It's not going to happen. Not in this life time and not in any other life times that I am a participant of. I'm getting the rifle to protect myself and Laura from bad men, not good deer. So, Mr. Law Enforcer - - I'm getting a MAN rifle, not a deer rifle. There, I said it.  

OK, so you don't think I'm a total buffoon, I will address the issue of aiming first. I did a very good job at shooting the rifle once I understood the concept of closing one eye and aiming with the open one. It only works when you use the open eye to gauge the shot, and no one, not even my son got a chuckle when I tried to aim the rifle with the closed eye -- it was a joke! He was not laughing, I swear, these sour-faced people can be annoying.  No one is funny at a gun range. I practiced a few times and then began shooting. We paid for 30 minutes and in that time, I shot at and murdered over 40 paper deer. I nearly cried thinking about their little paper friends, families, baby deer back in the storage cabinet, and thought long and hard about asking for paper man targets since I wouldn't be aiming low enough to shoot a deer in the head or a man in the ---- oooooh, yes, I guess I might be aiming low enough to shoot a man there, now, wouldn’t I?  At least he would stop his approach if I did, wouldn't he?  

So, I shot 10 more deer after that...all dead. All the deer that came after me as they grazed unwittingly in their gun range field of air were called "Mr. Bad Guy" and I killed every last one of them. No mercy for their paper friends and relatives after that - - they had to die. Well, the rifle was OK, it hurt a bit and I realized that I can actually shoot right and left eyed -- or right and left-handed. I'm equally good on both shoulders, and because of that I'm equally sore tonight from the not-suppose-to-have-much-of-a-recoil recoil.... the .243 has a good recoil folks, it does. yes, it does. I can handle it because I have "shooter's shoulders" I'm told.  

How funny, when the assistant gun range man told me I had shooter shoulders, I told him I also had child-bearing hips. He said he had noticed my hips when I first came into the office. I blushed and said thank you, but my son wasn't the least bit impressed - - he got in the man's face and asked if the rifle was on sale or if he could pay some now and pick it up in a month or so. It was on sale, but we decided to wait - - I decided to wait. I want to be sure I'm moving to the country before plopping down $550 for a rifle I'm buying to protect myself in said country - - for the city, more urban, "Mr.Bad Guy",  I have my dogs, my daughter, and my Kaybar knife to protect me. (I'm not really bragging, but I'm fairly feisty with a blade) Reuben gave me a crash course on grappling as well.  

See, giving birth to this kid has just been so beneficial. There you go - - settled. Once I hear the words "We're doing the movie, Jude" and I find myself moving to the no-where zone of Northern Central Texas, where all roads lead somewhere cool, I’m told, I'll buy the rifle. I'm told the 30x30 ammo is cheap and that if I hang a couple of the paper targets outside the house, I could actually detour a would-be intruder. He may see that I missed the deer's head - - worry that I may not miss his head – OR, if I aim the same way I did to put a hole in the center of the animal Mr. Bad Guy may want to keep his bad balls where they currently hang. Just sayin’.